Wow, it has been some time since I have had the time to write here! I have forgotten how much I enjoy opening my heart to the Holy Spirit and allowing him to minister to me as I write!

These last few months have been wonderful, enlightening, challenging and vacillating for all of us. Shouting for joy!!!!!!!!! I have survived to tell you that the last seven months I have home schooled both Joshua (grade 1) and Nicole (grade 4) and am living to write about it! I have survived the daily challenges that come with mentoring and loving a 10 year old! Amazing what God can accomplish through us when we submit to him!

I feel we have gone through so many changes in our lives these last few months. Every day my devotions have been drawn to 1 John morning after morning. I love to read it in the NIV version and also in the Message. Every morning I keep coming back to this book, searching, meditating, listening, struggling, and processing this wonderful writing by John. My heart keeps saying “go back”, “re read” there is so much more here for you to understand!!! . I feel as if I am missing something that John is trying to communicate to us. Something really important!

In the beginning of September, fresh and full of energy, I committed to help out with several programs at our church that I felt were important, Boys Club and Sparks (girls club). As the year has moved on, as my husband has pointed out, “you seem to have lost your SPARK for sparks”. He is so right! Both ministries seem to be so limiting and lacking the people who seem to truly need ministering to and loving! My energy, imagination, my peace is decreasing!

“Lord, show me your mission field for me”. “Where do you want me to be”? Since December I have really pulled back the amount of energy I have invested with the programs at church! Believe this…..as I decreased my energy at church, I started to see people that needed loving and helping right here in my own neighbourhood! Most significantly, my dear friend up the road, her Husband had a heart attack! What a shock not only for her but a realization for all of us! We plan, plan plan, plan, but the Lord says our days are numbered and do we really know if we will be here tomorrow to fulfill all our plans?

Conviction at its worst! I had not seen my dear friend in months…to busy, more important things to do, excuses, excuses, excuses!! How uncomfortable to approach her to offer help after not making the effort to remain connected with her over all these past months. Daily I search 1John looking for answers to my sadness and lack of spiritual fulfillment! Slowly, daily, the Holy Spirit shows me verse after verse of life changing information and applicable ways of live! Thank you Holy Spirit for not forgetting me in my time of need and sadness.

1John is so much about love, well, actually, all about love in my opinion. But what does that really mean? When we feel good about ourselves it is so easy to love our neighbours, provide support and lend some encouraging words. What about those days when things are going so wrong, we are behind, so much do do,do…….and then……you look out the window and your friend drives in. Oh no! , not now, I have so much to do! I don’t have time to talk right now! Oh, why now!!!!! ARGGGG!

I have come to realize that Love does not come from our own strength! That people do not need to be touched by the Lord’s light and love on OUR schedules and timings! That when the Lord brings people our way it is in HIS timing. It is then that we need to stop and pray……”Lord, fill me with YOUR love, compassion, understanding and wisdom”. “Lord, help me slow down and focus on what is really important”. Making supper, folding laundry, cleaning the bathroom does not really have much spiritual significants on the other side of life here on earth. It is God’s children that really matter and that will really make a true difference here on earth. Investing in God’s children is of true significance and is truly building the kingdom of God, not clean bathrooms, neatening rooms etc!

I think that is what John is really trying to say. Love, but not our broken, inconsistent love. Gods Love in us through Jesus! To share this love where the Holy Spirit leads us. We all have our own mission fields, it listening to that loving, light voice that will direct us, guide us, support us, encourage us, challenge us and mostly, LOVE us!

I feel like I have found some true spiritual significance in my life. I feel challenged and rewarded! It is in HIS STRENGTH no our own. It is then, when we truly submit to the Holy Spirit and realize we are powerless and empty without HIM that we are truly Blessed!

Blessing to you.

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Discombobulated Thursday thoughts!

I was thinking this morning about supporting friends, family, spouses…..but mostly in the context of fellow home schooling moms. How do we support and encourage each other without sounding like a resounding gong or clanging cymbal! What exactly does support, love and encouragement sound like that is genuine and Christ Like!

I am a nursing instructor and had a wonderful experience this week with one of the students. This girl received some feedback, which will be included into her permanent record that was not very positive or relevant. A staff member chose to fill out a feedback form on this student after only working with her a very short period of time. The student was quite devastated and confused. Her beautiful brown eyes were clouded with pain, disappointment and hurt. I looked in her eyes and felt the pain and confusion she did and fully understood that confusing feeling. I attempted to comfort and appease her hurt with empty words and old clichés………yes the old clanging cymbal!

Driving back to work the following day I had this wonderful vision of this student and how the situation really is evident in all of our lives almost daily! How often do people give us unwanted advice, little “suggestions” or down right criticism that wounds us deeply. I know I struggle daily with truly believing who I am in Christ Jesus. I am not who “they” say I am but rather who He says I am according to His word”

The opportunity to really show support and love. I approached this student again with the dreaded feedback form and put in on the table in front of us. “Read this again and tell me what you think” I said to her. She skimmed it over and remarked on all the negative areas that the staff member had pointed out. Then I took the paper away and asked her to tell me how she felt the day had gone. “Well, I know I made mistakes………..I know I am new at this………..I am trying my best………. Exactly!!! In your heart you know you are trying your best. “Could you have done any better yesterday?” I asked her. “Well, no, I was trying my hardest”. So, who are you then, what this piece of paper says you are or who you know in your heart you are? Does one piece of paper change everything about who you are?

I know I struggle with this exact situation almost daily. The comments and “helpful” criticism dished out daily by well meaning friends and family affect me so deeply. The comments scream in my head louder then life……”have you thought about changing”……..”did you know that”…….” I don’t mean to be rude but”………..”I don’t know how to say this but” ……..blah, blah, blah…….

Today I will really attempt to meditate and find comfort in who I really am! I am who “HE” says I am according to his word. Yes, a sinner but also a forgiven and loved sinner. Someone who will make very silly mistakes and say the wrong thing. But ultimately, He chose me and He knows my name!

My thought is that true support is support that points us back to the word of God and who He says we are. Assisting others to send the message from our jumbled up brains down 5 inches to our hearts where we learn to feel it and love who we REALLY are………..the righteousness of Go in Christ.

Hello,

I am a first time blogger; hopefully it won’t be that noticeable! To begin, I am a first year/time home schooler, currently using A Beka DVD with our 5 year old son Joshua. In September I will also begin Nicole, our 9 year old, on A Beka DVD grade 4. Andrew our 3 year old will cheer them on.

My life in the last 2 years has been totally spiralling in a very different but exciting and wonderful direction. Should you have asked me about home schooling 2 years ago I may have laughed or made some rather insensitive comment with no real knowledge or understanding of this very high calling. In two years we have gone from living in the suburbs and cramped housing to a hobby farm and 7 acres! I have gone from believing in the school system and wanting to continue my career to a complete flip flop. Wanting to be a bigger part of my children’s education and not feeling that in the long term holding onto my career is really that important, I feel my life changing and it is at times both exciting and scary!

My faith is my guide, or at least I am trying to listen to the Holy Spirit. Currently I feel led to let go of all that holds me back from being a Proverbs 31 woman. ! Thessalonians 2:4-6 has really spoken to my heart. I know that I enjoy work because of the many rewards that it does bring……pay cheque, praise and thanks, appreciation, adult socialization, control, and much more. These of course in my opinion are severely lacking in my life and I assume many other full time/ stay at home moms! Self esteem boosted by the praise of man in not what we are to seek or rely on. My new challenge that I feel is set before me is to embark on the path of full time motherhood and teacher of my own children. Assuming the responsibility for their education- spiritual and formal.

The biggest challenge will be to send the thoughts of a good job from my head down 5 inches to my heart and really feel and believe it! There is no higher calling than raising your children as were are called to, with love, understanding, patience, and enduring self sacrifice!

I have a new friend; actually the first time in my adult life I have had a true friend. She is a mentor and source of great encouragement and support. She has such high standards that when I am feeling rather lazy and tolerant her many ideas and words come back to me. She talked about how at some point you loose part of who you were in sacrifice for you children. I don’t see this as a negative, especially when you look at her. We have gained 100 fold more than what we have lost in the love and respect of our children. I guess a good pruning does allow more fruit to grow.

I have enjoyed my first experience “blogging” and look forward to reading and learning from you.