During my devotional time yesterday the Lord showed me something really awesome and yet hard. I'm sure you've all had those times. You're glad at what the Lord has shown you, but yet it's hard and sometimes hurts. I don't know why I feel the need to put a disclaimer out there, but I do. This is what the Lord has shown me in my personal life. This is my blog and in a way my journal, and I want to write it down. Please do not think I am passing judgment or saying that everyone should be like 'this'. I am always blessed by what the Lord shows me, and I like to share, to give Him the glory. So now on to what the Lord showed me.
Sunday's devotional was about having provisions to share. One of the main points was that the Lord gives us blessings, enough for ourselves and for others. We are never to hoard God's blessings in our lives. He gives them for us to use and for us to give away. As I'm reading it, my first thought, of course, was on finances. But they had some questions at the end and one of the questions asked simply, "What blessings from God am I hoarding?" The Lord spoke to me at this point about the blessing He's given me of more leisure time. Yes, as spoiled as I may sound, I do have lots of leisure time, especially compared to how my life was. As I have explained a little here and there, at our old church in Illinois, I was following what 'man' wanted me to do, and not the Lord. I was constantly running, constantly 'doing' and I was exhausted. I had a few years of physical rest, because truly that's what my soul and body needed. But the past few years, I've had lots of extra time. I do keep busy, I do have things I have to do, but I will be the first to admit I have extra time. So anyway, back to my point. The Lord showed me that I had been hoarding His blessing to me of extra time. I had so much, and all I wanted was more. I had so many hobbies I could do, and yet all I ever wanted was time 'away' from my husband and kids because I 'needed' the break. I was never satisfied, I hoarded, and truly I made my soul sick doing that. I won't go into how it was sick, but believe me, it was. The past few months the Lord has been bringing me through a lot, and some of what He started to show me, was that it was o.k. and good to spend time with your family. I had gotten into this mentality that I needed time 'away' all the time. I truly believe it's a worldly mentality that I allowed in. I have had at times, so many people around me that all they ever wanted was time away, time by themselves, time to de-stress from the day. And, truly, I had become just like them. Feeling that's what I needed too or else I would 'loose' it. But the Lord started showing me how wrong that was. True biblical love has nothing to do with self. And I think part of the issue for me was the thought that has and continues to be portrayed in the world, that kids are burdens. Do whatever you can to get through this time with them, and then go on with your life. And I started to believe that lie. That my life wasn't 'complete' until I finished this season of my life. How sad. And the saddest part, is my family suffered for it. So as I started to enjoy my family, giving them the extra time the Lord blessed me with. As I stopped hoarding it all, I started feeling better. I use to think I needed all this extra time by myself so I wouldn't be so stressed, frustrated and anxious. But by me hoarding it, that's what I became, stressed, frustrated and anxious. As I started giving my blessing away, I started feeling better. Like a friend told me, it's like the Dead Sea. There are lots of great things in there, but with no outlet, they are not useful. I needed to have an outlet for my blessings. Then, like I said, moving the computer into the living room was a huge step. And its been a glorious one. I was so worried that I would start to feel overwhelmed with everyone together all the time, but truly I haven't. Not to say that we are with each other 24/7. The kids do have times in their rooms or outside. Paul does have things to do and so do I, but the heart issue is different. I do still get this 'worldly' feeling sometime that this can't be right. That I shouldn't love to spend so much time with my family. That I'm going to start stressing soon if I'm not careful. But that is just a lie from the enemy. The Lord has made me and blessed me with my family, and I should enjoy them. I read so many blogs from women who's children have grown and gone, and they always say cherish this time it goes fast. And deep down I would think, that's fine, I want to get 'past' this time and go on with my life. Like somehow this time of my life isn't worth as much. I'm so sad that I've allowed myself to be so influenced by the world in this area, but I am blessed that the Lord has brought me out of it. I'm thankful that the Lord showed me how much I was hoarding.
So, will I never spend time by myself again, no I won't say that. I will spend time by myself once and a while, I will go out with girlfriends, just me and them. I will go to women's bible studies, and I will enjoy myself. But my heart attitude will be different. And, truthfully, right now I don't have girlfriends close by that are available to go out with, and I don't have a woman's bible study to go to. But the point is my heart in this matter. I have given it to the Lord. I am not and will never be perfect, but I strive to live for the Lord. The Lord has been showing me lately how much my life is influenced by worldly thoughts, not biblical ones. And I am trying to constantly give it to the Lord and ask for Him to guide me in His will and His way, not the world's way.
Lord, thank You for never giving up on me. I can't believe how much You love me. I am sorry for allowing such worldly thinking into my life, and I ask that You would continue to show me areas that need to be changed. I also pray for your strength, because those changes can be so hard, I can never make them without You. You are my Lord and Savior, and I love You.
JoAnn, Thank you so much for being a wonderful example of being the clay that the potter can mold. I wish we lived closer together! It would be wonderful to get to know you and hang out together-although I do "know" you from your blog, but I hope you know what I mean! Thanks, Tammy
P.S. I meant to tell you that I love your new look! They page is pretty. That is the kind of stuff I am not sure about how to do. Perhaps we could"chat" about how to change the template! see ya:)
I went through this process a few years ago when we started homeschooling. I had been looking forward for years to getting them all in school so I could have some alone time. Homeschooling was such a big change from that mindset that everyone who knew thought I had gone off the deep end. It is amazing how God works to change our hearts, isn't it? I'm so grateful for the work he has done in me. I'm especially grateful I learned to see my children as a blessing before they were grown and gone!
Thank you for sharing. This post was well written and I very much enjoyed reading it.
Thank you for sharing. It's so funny that as we die to our self (completely opposite of the world's view) we have peace. I know so many times for me it's when I realize I wasn't dieing to my rights, desires, agendas, and ways I am most upset. I am so thankful for your post it reminds me how selfish I can be at times. God is so good to show us these things and then walk through it with us. I try to remember my kids won't look back with fond memories of how clean and organized the house was, they will remember the memories we made as a family. I will say a little prayer for you and praise God he is following us all the days of our lives with His goodness and love. Ps 23
:>Michelle
I do knit. I just learned earlier this year. I think it was in the spring. So, scarves are the furthest I have gotten yet. However, I am wanting to make a baby's hat for a woman I clean for who is having a girl. Also I thought it would be nice to knit my grandmother a lap blanket for Christmas.
I too can relate to your post. Sometimes the things He asks us to do are extremely hard. I have a "situation" that He is just simply asking me to trust Him. It is not hard to trust Him but hard to do some things He asks of us. I know this is very fleshly of me. But it is honest. Blessings to you and your family and Praise God for speaking to you in that way.
Thank you for sharing this with us. I think it all comes down to finding a good balance. Of course everyone needs time by themselves. This is especially true when children are young. It's kinda hard to listen to God when you have screaming in the background! But family needs to be first before self. I know for me a lot of my down time is when Hubby and I are sharing a television show we both enjoy. It's almost like have a mini date almost every night (we even have popcorn sometimes!). We record the show we want to see and then watch it after the children are asleep. That way we have uninterupted time and the children don't feel they are being excluded because we don't have to shoo them away from our parents only tv. I don't have my computer in the family room, but we have our computers in what is suppose to be the dining room, which is real close to the family room so I can keep an eye on the children as they play and if they need me, I am close by. I love the arrangement. It does get LOUD sometimes, but it's just boys making noise. The only time it's a real problem is when I try to talk to doctors on the phone. Then I have to shush them for sure. I really hope you find your balance and can be satified with it. It is nice to be alone at times, but it's equally nice to be around people who love you and that you love in return. I'm glad God showed you this before you lost anymore time. Because someday, you will really want to be back to these days.
Thanks, again, for sharing your heart. I also love being with my family. I have never felt great urges to get away by myself but have occasionally been known to throw tantrums on how overworked and under appreciated I am. This is when my selfish side rears its ugly head. Have a great day with the family.
Anissa
I love when you share your heart and blessings. I will be one to say that time with your family is short. I only have 4 more years till my youngest will be 18. I live to hold my children close to my heart. I cherish our prayer time together in the evenings as I individually pray with each of them. God is so good to us, isn't He?
You can really tell that you are in your right and perfect place. You are where God is teaching into your heart and is revealing the lies of the world. PTL my SSiC [0= I loved reading this and it confirms and reminds us where we need to be in mind and soul. Thank you for sharing what is in your heart ! If we are not careful we can slip back into the stinking thinking and reread this when ever you start to question. It will remind you where God is leading you.
I glad you could come to this conclusion..I have a friend I recently encouraged to enjoy the blessings she has and to not spend so much time worrying she had lost herself and she was defined by her children..I told her of course she was defined by her children that was Gods attention for her or she would have never been chosen to be a MOTHER..God will make all her hope and dreams come to light if she just follows him and does it in his timing..Unfortantly she was unappreciative of my advice but the holy spirit convicted me to share my view's with her..so I know he will turn around the situation and teach us both something..
Oh JoAnn! What a dear post. You are such a sweet person. No one would ever get from your blog that you don't enjoy your family! You are always doing things together, playing games, baking things. I am proud to be on your list of friends.
Jenn
I've been guilty of me-centeredness too. I think we all have, at some point. Lots and lots of work to do in that department. Good for you to take the time to reflect on it!
Wonderful post, specially since it's from the heart. Yes, we live in a generation where women still believe the lies that came out of the garden...... Thank you for posting this!
((((brazilian hugs))))
HI JoAnn,
Moving the computer into your living room was a great idea! The Lord has blessed you with a wonderful message to share. Thank you for posting it.
Blessings, Mama Karen
Hi JoAnn,
Love your post.
You know, we all need time to ourselves, unless we're one of those extroverts who thrive on the company of others!
Your daughter, and soon, son, too, are getting to point that they will become close friends with you. I'd guess that within the next 10 years they will be on your "short list" of close friends. That will be too cool.
bethanyrae
I think most women today never learn this lesson that you are learning. It is one that the Lord began to work in me about five years ago. I have had so much more peace in accepting this season of my life and making the most of it rather than just trying to "survive" this stage. It is easy to slip back into the old verbage when around certain others, though, like it is just not cool or acceptable to "want" to be with your kids all the time. That's one of the reasons we began seeking a different church awhile back.
Thanks for sharing from your heart. It is precious.
Edited by sahmto4orMore on Friday, September 14, 2007 at 11:54 AM
I am a wife and mother of two. I started this blog to share the things the Lord shows me in my journey as a wife, mother, homeschool mom and His daughter. And in it all to "grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
II Peter 3:18
I'm so sad that I've allowed myself to be so influenced by the world in this area, but I am blessed that the Lord has brought me out of it. I'm thankful that the Lord showed me how much I was hoarding.
