I have a few minutes of 'down time' and thought I would try to start an entry about the upcoming big decisions. The question is, where to begin. I guess at the beginning.
Though this issue with Paul started in earnest about 2 months after he started his delivery driving job, which was about 11 months ago, it truly has been there for years. We've been married 13 years, and he's had it since before then. He had a hard time driving for long periods, usually days. It only came up the few times we went on vacation and such. Usually by the 2nd day of driving home, his eyes would get tired and his head 'filled up', something like that. Just this feeling of his, that's hard to explain, so I would drive. Since we never drove for days or miles, it only came up once and a while. Then, last October, he started this propane delivery driver job. About 2 months after he started, he got his first real 'dizziness' episode. We were together, so he pulled over and I drove, again just thinking cold, ear infection, whatever. About 2 months after that, he was taking some of the youth group at the church we were attending to the 'big' town, and while he was driving it happened again. This time, all he could do was slow down a lot. He made it there and back, but it was difficult for him. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with an ear infection. Then, it got so, whenever we went to the bigger towns, I would have to drive. This went on for about 4 or 5 months, then he had his next big dizziness episode in his work truck, that's when we started with all these doctors. All of that to let you know the history of what's been going on.
So, our decisions. First, if you want to know the update and our next step, you can go here. Once we know it's not MS, then we are back to an 'undiagnosed condition' and he'll have to keep up with the vestibular physical therapy. We have been talking and praying about this all weekend, and I spoke to the doctor today about it too, should he keep driving for a living? He is and was fine when he didn't drive for a living. But now he drives hours and sometimes hundreds of miles a day, and it seems that all that driving sets 'it' off. The doctor says he's not willing to put it down in his records that he can't drive, because truly he can, it's just this extended driving that gets him. So now we are trying to decide if he should stay at this job, which is looking more and more like he'll be leaving. For those of you who don't know, we live in the middle of no where. There are only about 5 jobs around here that we could live on, and all of them involve driving. So, not only is it a decision about whether to change careers, but also, that would involve moving. You know that I have talked about moving before, and yes, I would like to be closer to the bigger towns, but this isn't what I was thinking. It will be hard for it all to come together, and truly, it will be the Lord. To move to a new house, we need a job, to get a job, we need to move to a new house. The distance is so far, there is no easy way to job hunt, because he can't drive that far easy right now, he can't 'commute' to a new job while we look for a house. Please know I'm not exaggerating here. And, truly, unless you live in the country where it takes at least 45 minutes driving 65MPH to get to any kind of employment, shopping etc... it is hard to understand. I would never have understood this until we moved out here. Just know, to get a new job, we'll have to move, but to move, we need a new job. Plus, those of you up North can understand, the cold and snow will be coming soon, so if there is any moving that needs to be done, the sooner the better. So all in all, the Lord needs to guide us and show us exactly what He has for us. About the only thing that will change or slow this down, is the doctor's appointment tomorrow. If the doctor thinks MS is starting or needs some more tests, which I'm really praying he doesn't, that of course will change things. I truly want the chasing part of this done, then it will be onto the next decisions.
So, since I'm trying to truly seek the Lord in all of this, and know that He's in control, I'm ending this with the blessings I've seen through all of this. This has been an on again, off again issue for a while, and we are finally getting some answers. We would never have truly known about this unless he had started driving for a career, so I'm blessed he is driving. Also, through all these years that the Lord could have shown us this, it was at a time when we've had the best insurance and some of the best and easiest doctors. I am truly blessed by that.
Again, thank you all for your continued prayers. I will try to update tomorrow sometime after we get home. I am so blessed by how all of you keep checking in on us, and praying for us. You are a blessing to us. Thank you.
I'm so sorry you have all that on you right now. I know it seems like an impossible situation, but I also know that God's plan for you is perfect. He will make the way. I will pray that He will reveal it all to you in His perfect timing and that you will have peace in the meantime.
Too bad we don't all live closer to one another, because I know all your blogging friends would love to be bringing you meals and encouragement right now. Just know our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Is it possible for you to take one of the driving jobs and have your spouse be a stay-at-home dad?
I know that seems like a strange suggestion, but maybe it could help get you all through the winter?
I'm praying for you all. The Lord will show you a way through all this soon.
I really glad he does not have a tumor. I will pray about the MS. I will also pray about your job/ move situation. I truly understand about the distance. Even though I live in a fairly good size city sandwiched between two even larger cities (Cincinnati and Columbus), my parents grew up in rural Indiana. I still have a lot of family over there. You have to drive a lot to get anywhere. I guess that is how I know I would never want to live in a rural area since I have experienced it first hand and know it is not me. I still chuckle over the time Hubby and I were going to my Grandmother's funeral. I warned him that we needed to stop around Louisville to get food but he wanted to get passed the city before we stopped. He thought we could jump off the interstate at pretty much any exit and find a McDonalds. Boy, was he in for a rude awakening. Luckily, we finally found a Subway in one of the little towns, but since he had only been there like one other time, he just couldn't believe there were places in the country that you just couldn't find a McDonalds!!! I really hope everything falls into place for you. Honestly, to me it seems like that desire to move was placed there for a reason.
Hi;
Just wanted to say "hang in there". God really does provide right at the time of need. I was reminded, when reading your entry, about the Israelites at the Red Sea after leaving Egypt, I think the bible says it was when the Priests put their toe into the river is when the sea parted.
Life is like a roller coaster ride, our job is to pack and get ready to go ;)
hugs
Denise
aka Curiouscat
Edited by HeartnSoul on Tuesday, September 18, 2007 at 8:32 PM
I have you on my "friends" list, so I'll remember to pray for you everytime I go to your blog. When life is so uncertain, it helps me to remember that God already has a plan laid out in front of Him. I take comfort in knowing that at least HE knows what's going on, even when I haven't a clue.
Joann, know that I am praying for you in the waiting and the decisions. Sometimes it is easiest to pray away the scary parts of life, but again, you are an example of faithfulness by giving thanks in a tough time!
Tammy
Oh JoAnn, I can't imagine having to deal with all of this. I will definitely be praying for the decisions that you all have to make regarding employment and moving. The Lord's will.
Hi Joann. Sorry I haven't commented lately. I haven't been on the computer very much. However, during my prayer time, the Lord has brought you and other blogging friends to mind. I think that this is a part of blogging that I didn't anticipate - the sharing of burdens and prayer for one another. The Lord will go before you and prepare for your future. I appreciate how you sound uncertain but not anxious. I know that you and Paul are leaning on our heavenly Father in all things.
Anissa
JoAnn,
First of all, Praise the Lord it's not tumors!!! What a blessing!
As for the possible MS...I've been there. If the doctor does want him to have further tests done or whatever, please feel free to ask me any questions you may have. Even if you just need to talk about it, you can send me an email or private message. I would be very happy to help in any way I can.
Right now I'll just praying that it isn't MS. I'll keep checking back...
I am a wife and mother of two. I started this blog to share the things the Lord shows me in my journey as a wife, mother, homeschool mom and His daughter. And in it all to "grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
II Peter 3:18
