Things are going good here, busy, but good. We are settling into our new place quite nicely. The Lord has been blessing us left and right. Our washing machine broke in the middle of the week, and the Lord provided a machine that night, for the exact amount we had. Plus we didn't have the money until Friday, and the people we bought it from was o.k. with that too. The Lord is just so awesome. He has been showing me to remember His amount is Just the Right Amount. I always a little 'more'. You know, that breathing room, that little extra for a 'just in case'. I mean, the world tells us we are 'suppose' to have that, right? It's funny how much the world has molded my thinking. I truly have always thought of myself as a very independent, free thinker. Making up my own mind, not following anyone. But, the Lord has been showing me how much I've fooled myself. I have followed the world's mindset my whole life, including during my walk with the Lord. I have followed the logical, what is 'best', and well if it's something you really want, you've worked hard, you deserve it. Those kinds of thoughts are just detrimental to my walk with the Lord. And I am personally dealing with the fallout in my life from having those thoughts. I am trying to learn how to truly base my whole life on the Lord and His Word. Not on what 'seems' like the thing to do, but on what the Lord says IS the thing to do. It is so very hard at times, but the Lord has always been faithful. Which brings me back to the beginning of this entry, Just the Right Amount. That is what the Lord is showing me, I need to trust Him and His amount, not mine. I am linking to a devotional I read a few years back, about this. It was such an encouragement to me back then and it still is now. It's what I need to remember as I learn that God's amounts are Just the Right Amounts.
During my devotional time yesterday the Lord showed me something really awesome and yet hard. I'm sure you've all had those times. You're glad at what the Lord has shown you, but yet it's hard and sometimes hurts. I don't know why I feel the need to put a disclaimer out there, but I do. This is what the Lord has shown me in my personal life. This is my blog and in a way my journal, and I want to write it down. Please do not think I am passing judgment or saying that everyone should be like 'this'. I am always blessed by what the Lord shows me, and I like to share, to give Him the glory. So now on to what the Lord showed me.
Sunday's devotional was about having provisions to share. One of the main points was that the Lord gives us blessings, enough for ourselves and for others. We are never to hoard God's blessings in our lives. He gives them for us to use and for us to give away. As I'm reading it, my first thought, of course, was on finances. But they had some questions at the end and one of the questions asked simply, "What blessings from God am I hoarding?" The Lord spoke to me at this point about the blessing He's given me of more leisure time. Yes, as spoiled as I may sound, I do have lots of leisure time, especially compared to how my life was. As I have explained a little here and there, at our old church in Illinois, I was following what 'man' wanted me to do, and not the Lord. I was constantly running, constantly 'doing' and I was exhausted. I had a few years of physical rest, because truly that's what my soul and body needed. But the past few years, I've had lots of extra time. I do keep busy, I do have things I have to do, but I will be the first to admit I have extra time. So anyway, back to my point. The Lord showed me that I had been hoarding His blessing to me of extra time. I had so much, and all I wanted was more. I had so many hobbies I could do, and yet all I ever wanted was time 'away' from my husband and kids because I 'needed' the break. I was never satisfied, I hoarded, and truly I made my soul sick doing that. I won't go into how it was sick, but believe me, it was. The past few months the Lord has been bringing me through a lot, and some of what He started to show me, was that it was o.k. and good to spend time with your family. I had gotten into this mentality that I needed time 'away' all the time. I truly believe it's a worldly mentality that I allowed in. I have had at times, so many people around me that all they ever wanted was time away, time by themselves, time to de-stress from the day. And, truly, I had become just like them. Feeling that's what I needed too or else I would 'loose' it. But the Lord started showing me how wrong that was. True biblical love has nothing to do with self. And I think part of the issue for me was the thought that has and continues to be portrayed in the world, that kids are burdens. Do whatever you can to get through this time with them, and then go on with your life. And I started to believe that lie. That my life wasn't 'complete' until I finished this season of my life. How sad. And the saddest part, is my family suffered for it. So as I started to enjoy my family, giving them the extra time the Lord blessed me with. As I stopped hoarding it all, I started feeling better. I use to think I needed all this extra time by myself so I wouldn't be so stressed, frustrated and anxious. But by me hoarding it, that's what I became, stressed, frustrated and anxious. As I started giving my blessing away, I started feeling better. Like a friend told me, it's like the Dead Sea. There are lots of great things in there, but with no outlet, they are not useful. I needed to have an outlet for my blessings. Then, like I said, moving the computer into the living room was a huge step. And its been a glorious one. I was so worried that I would start to feel overwhelmed with everyone together all the time, but truly I haven't. Not to say that we are with each other 24/7. The kids do have times in their rooms or outside. Paul does have things to do and so do I, but the heart issue is different. I do still get this 'worldly' feeling sometime that this can't be right. That I shouldn't love to spend so much time with my family. That I'm going to start stressing soon if I'm not careful. But that is just a lie from the enemy. The Lord has made me and blessed me with my family, and I should enjoy them. I read so many blogs from women who's children have grown and gone, and they always say cherish this time it goes fast. And deep down I would think, that's fine, I want to get 'past' this time and go on with my life. Like somehow this time of my life isn't worth as much. I'm so sad that I've allowed myself to be so influenced by the world in this area, but I am blessed that the Lord has brought me out of it. I'm thankful that the Lord showed me how much I was hoarding.
So, will I never spend time by myself again, no I won't say that. I will spend time by myself once and a while, I will go out with girlfriends, just me and them. I will go to women's bible studies, and I will enjoy myself. But my heart attitude will be different. And, truthfully, right now I don't have girlfriends close by that are available to go out with, and I don't have a woman's bible study to go to. But the point is my heart in this matter. I have given it to the Lord. I am not and will never be perfect, but I strive to live for the Lord. The Lord has been showing me lately how much my life is influenced by worldly thoughts, not biblical ones. And I am trying to constantly give it to the Lord and ask for Him to guide me in His will and His way, not the world's way.
Lord, thank You for never giving up on me. I can't believe how much You love me. I am sorry for allowing such worldly thinking into my life, and I ask that You would continue to show me areas that need to be changed. I also pray for your strength, because those changes can be so hard, I can never make them without You. You are my Lord and Savior, and I love You.
I am a wife and mother of two. I started this blog to share the things the Lord shows me in my journey as a wife, mother, homeschool mom and His daughter. And in it all to "grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."
II Peter 3:18
The Lord is just so awesome. He has been showing me to remember His amount is Just the Right Amount. I always a little 'more'. You know, that breathing room, that little extra for a 'just in case'. I mean, the world tells us we are 'suppose' to have that, right? It's funny how much the world has molded my thinking. I truly have always thought of myself as a very independent, free thinker. Making up my own mind, not following anyone. But, the Lord has been showing me how much I've fooled myself. I have followed the world's mindset my whole life, including during my walk with the Lord. I have followed the logical, what is 'best', and well if it's something you really want, you've worked hard, you deserve it. Those kinds of thoughts are just detrimental to my walk with the Lord. And I am personally dealing with the fallout in my life from having those thoughts. I am trying to learn how to truly base my whole life on the Lord and His Word. Not on what 'seems' like the thing to do, but on what the Lord says IS the thing to do. It is so very hard at times, but the Lord has always been faithful. Which brings me back to the beginning of this entry, Just the Right Amount. That is what the Lord is showing me, I need to trust Him and His amount, not mine. I am linking to a 
I'm so sad that I've allowed myself to be so influenced by the world in this area, but I am blessed that the Lord has brought me out of it. I'm thankful that the Lord showed me how much I was hoarding.
