A while back, maybe a year or so, I remember wondering which disciple I am most like. I remember pondering this over the course of about a week, then I felt “Peter” pressed upon me. Okay. Peter. The one whom denied Christ…yeah, not exactly the disciple I was going for, like John for example. Now I’d like to be likened to John! He was called “the Beloved” of Christ. He rested upon Christ’s shoulder/breast during the last supper. Yeah, John is nice, I’d go for John……But no, Peter was pressed upon me. Peter was always the first to pipe up and speak outwardly to Jesus about his enduring faith for him, and he was the first to jump out of the boat and walk on the waves towards him. He wasn’t really one of the silent disciples that was content to just listen and learn. Peter also thought it “inconceivable” that he would ever deny his faith for Christ, for those whom have seen the Passion of the Christ you remember how the actor portrayed so well the look of horror on Peter’s face when he realized he had indeed done, not once, but THREE times what he was sure he’d never do. When he was so sure he’d be strong for the Lord, he was weak and afraid. Can you just imagine the guilt and shame Peter must have felt? Don’t you know it was the most forward thought on Peter’s mind from that point on…how he had failed.

Later, after Christ arose in John 21:15-19 it tells of when Christ met Peter, John, and a few of the other disciples while they were coming off a long, unproductive night of fishing, He instructed them to drop their nets on the right side of the boat, and when they did their net was teaming with large fish, 153 of them. When they arrived on shore, after John has realized it was their Lord, and over breakfast Christ questioned Peter 3 times if he loved Him, and 3 times Peter replied (in a quiet, humbled voice I am sure) “Yes Lord, you know that I love you.” And again Christ asked, and again he replied, and again Christ asked, and a third time Peter replied the same answer.

Why did Christ question him 3 times? I believe Christ forgave Peter as the denial was still in his lips, so I don’t believe it was a form of penance….

but a form of redemption….3 times questioned for the 3 times he denied...

not for Christ to forgive Peter,

but for Peter to forgive himself.

Until Peter was able to let go of his past failings and understand that Christ still loved him, still believed in him, still trusted him, Peter would not have the self confidence to press forward and attain the things for the kingdom that God had preplanned for him.

Boy….now I can relate. Now I see so much of myself in Peter’s experiences. And even when I thought I was okay, apparently I really wasn’t. I love how God truly knows us better than we know ourselves…

(One of our gals, Mary, and her mother Luella who was here for a short visit from the states. Picture taken outside the Wembley Arena)

I just returned from the Hillsong Colour 2006 Women’s Conference held at the Wembley Arena in London. It was for 2 nights and 3 days spent with 7 of those most interesting, wise, and caring women I have ever met. The Conference was amazing. Hillsong’s whole goal is to let you realize the value God places among His women, how much He loves them, believes in them, values them, treasures them, and prepares them. You diffinetly leave feeling pampered, refreshed, believed in, and motivated. I did really well keeping the tears back for the first day. Even when some things hit me right away, like in the first 5 minutes sitting down and seeing the words pop up on the 3 large screens that said,

“Warrior….Princess….Daughter…Beautiful to the Core”

I had felt like a warrior, although more like one that had fled the battle than one accomplished. I didn’t identify with princess at all, even “knowing” I was “daughter” of the Most High King. And “beautiful to the core”….well, maybe beautiful at some point, but not to the core. I felt like I’d just been shown my core is weak, my core is faithless when the trials press, my core is downright ugly. I had been like Peter. I thought I was ready, I thought I could withstand whatever came my way…and now like Peter I knew better.

First 5 minutes, 7 words, and already I was suppressing the tears.

 “Geez,” I thought, “this is going to be a long two days.”

By the end of the first night I realized why God wanted me there. He was reaffirming what I had forgotten, and what I was really uncomfortable accepting,

He was reminding me Who I am, and Whose I am.

I *thought* I “got it”…and I did, I “understood” with my head, but I didn’t realize I hadn’t accepted it with my heart until the very last night.  As I’d said, Hillsong does really great at reaching their goal of making you feel pampered, if the free massages, or chocolate fountains don’t do it, (These are some adorable pictures of Mary's mother, Luella demonstrating the chocolate fountains.)

then maybe the free gift of a Christopher Vine Design coffee mug made with fine bone china and decorated with princess crowns will do it. All with an attached note that says,

 “Hey beautiful, thank you for sharing our 10^th Colour. Here is our gift to you. Every time you use this, may you be reminded of whose Daughter you are and His tender heart towards humanity, Love Bobbie and your Colour friends.” (the emphasis is mine)

If you didn’t feel pampered then, (or like me, if you “get” God’s message towards you, but refuse to accept it because you just feel so darn unworthy) then wait until the last night after the last speaker when they play a slideshow with pictures of YOU (well, all the guests) over the last two days of conference, with a live band in the background singing about how special and beautiful you are and THEN send out hundreds of guys in tuxedos carrying beautiful, partially opened red roses handing them out to the ladies in the crowd.

 (Have I mentioned there were almost 3 thousand ladies scanning 42 countries attending?) It was so very sweet. I, at first, didn’t receive a rose. And I was okay with that. I felt whomever had received them were supposed to have them, and I’m pulling out my camera to take pics of the ladies in our group with their roses, when one of the ladies turns to me, hands me her rose and bear with me on this, I only remember a few words of what she said because once I read the little note that was attached to the roses the dam broke loose, “Kristy, I think this rose should go to you because…..” and that was when I read the attached note and could no longer pay attention to what she was saying…

 The note read:

 *Risen * Empowered * Beautiful to the Core *

  as though God had finished the sentence she had begun,

"...becauseYou are Risen, empowered, and Beautiful to the Core"

The whole two days we’d had this conversation going on, God and I, and that night at that action it had all come together. Like He’d come over, sat next to me in the dirt, a dusty crown in his hands that used to be mine:

And I say, “I don’t want it.”

God replies, “But it’s yours.”

I reply, “I don’t deserve it.”

He says, “no…but it is who you are.”

I replied, “no, it’s not. I’m not worthy of it. I will fail you again.”

Softly He says, “But you never earned it to begin with…you don’t have to earn it to keep it.”

He continues, “I am the Most High God…”

My eyes filled with tears as he tips my chin to meet my eyes with His and continues,

“…and YOU are MY daughter,…”

then *whispers* 

“…and So precious to me.”

Then places the crown on my head, shined and polished...

* Warrior * Princess * Daughter *

~

* Fashioned for Greatness *

* Fashioned to Rise Up and Overcome *

~

* Her dignity *

* Her stance *

* Her authority on life *

 * is ever unfolding *

~

* She smiles at the future *

* Lives Life Magnificiently *

* Executes justice on the Earth *

* And places value on Humanity *

~

* Risen * Empowered * Beautiful to the Core *

 I am still more of a Weeping Willow with a crown of daisies than one deserving of gold and jewels. Why He treasures me, why He believes in me, why He continues to love me I truly don’t know, and don’t know if I ever will know, for it is an un-human love, a love like no other. But I am humbled…and ever so grateful...

~*~*~

... This weekend a part of wholeness was restored,

a dusty little girl was crowned a Princess.

~*~*~

***If you are interested in learning more about Hillsong church, please visit thier website: www.hillsong.com (They have churches in Syndey, Paris, London, and Kiev Ukraine)

***For more information on next year's conference, Colour Imagine 2007 visit Here

***If you are interested in purchasing materials, cd's/dvd's/books  from thier conferences click this link. (They also have a wide variety of other resources avaliable, besides the conference materials, all on the left tool bar of that page, so do look around, especially if there is specific need on your heart you are looking to address. I also have a cd set called "She is Superwomen in the Making" preached by Bobbie Houston that i LOVE...and the book, "I'll Have What She's Having" By Bobbie Houston (her and her hubby pastor Hilssong Australia)

A few pictures of the Journey:

Mary, myself, and Luella in front of one of the Colour banners.

Here is The Gang,

Kay (in front in white) Debbie, Meredith (hey roomie!),

Luella, Mary, Sondra (in stripes), and Donna.

All 8 of us. (Be gentle with my love handles and remember I'M PREGNANT!! lol)