Our Miscarraige, last and final, Part 3...."Spoken For" Current mood: numb   Although I think it may be many months before the fog of the grieving period begins to lift, I have decided to go ahead and "sum" up this topic now. I would like to ask those of you whom pray and care enough, to please keep us in your prayers as we continue to work through this grieving process. We truly hope to try again very soon, so keep that in your prayers as well. That whenever the Lord wills, hopefully and *prayerfully* the next baby will arrive at it's expected time, perfect, pink, wrinkled, and wailing!  A child's very first breathes and cries are a sweet music to a new parent...especially after a loss.   I have decided upon a middle name. One I have thought about for quite some time, "Israel." yes, in some sense it is for my brother whom I very dearly love. For years I have wanted to name a child after him, and I reserve every right to "use" the name again provided we are given a healthy live child and the name is again placed upon our hearts.   Aside from desiring to honor my brother, the meaning to the name "Israel" also seems very fitting. It means "wrestles with God." I have wrestled with God about when this child should come for two years. I have pleaded, begged, demanded, and debated with Him during that time. I wrestled with God when we knew we *might* have been expecting but it was too early to tell, (still didn't want to give it up even then), and I wrestled with Him violently when we began to bleed that night. Yes, this name is quite fitting.....   Isaiah = "The Lord Saves"...given to him by God Israel = "Wrestles with God"...given to him by his earthly parents   "Isaiah Israel"    I want to leave the final thought of all this praising God whom I know works all things together, and to quietly thank Him for holding me to His chest during this time, for calming my fears and wild emotions, and for sending people to offer comfort to me. He has been so gracious with me during this time, surrounding me with Himself and His Word....I have come across so many verses in the last week re-affirming His continuing love for me, and His reassurance... He is still on His throne and very much in control of everything, even when I *feel* very much out of control.   Finding this verse today is just one of many that have warmed my heart and brought reassurance and comfort:   "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." 1 Samuel 1:27-28   It hadn't even occured to me before that Isaiah was a gift I was able to give back to bless the Lord..... (although don't credit nobility to me lol, if I'd had a choice I quite selfishly would have kept him for myself! lol).... But for his whole life he will worship the Lord continiously. He will never know pain or sorrow, but only praises and dancing. I miss him so very much, and it is painful to know come this September my arms will be very much empty....but it is reassuring to know he is okay, and some *blessed* day we will met again.   "Covered by your love divine, Child of the Risen Lord. To hear you say, "This one's mine!" My heart is spoken for. And now I have a peace, That I've never known before. I find myself complete My heart is spoken for." ~ "Spoken For" by Mercy Me