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There are so many thoughts I want to pull out of my head. I have been contemplating many ideas: God's plan, people, sin, friendships, raising kids, homeschooling, living by the Bible, and changing, to name a few. It's alot, I know. The biggest topic on my mind though, is what God wants with me. What's He doing with me? What does He want from me? I am not living the greatest life right now. When a person wakes up to the alarm at seven, slaps the off button, rolls over and goes back to sleep until nine, and repeats this process every day, what exactly is that called? Laziness? Depression? Indifference? I don't think I have a handle on much these days. I continue to ask God where exactly it is that I am headed and how can I be any different. If I change, it's going to take a miracle. I now have some friends who have decided, with me, to be accountable to one another. I have yet to see if it will in fact work. So far(three days at least) it hasn't. I believe eventually it will, when I let it. I don't want to change, if the truth be told. I like staying up and studying, then sleeping in the next day. The quiet I enjoy after the kids are all sleeping is like a long cold drink after walking hours in the desert. My husband says that I could do that in the morning, to which I reply, "Yeah, except my eyes would keep closing and my head would nod so much I'd get whiplash!" I don't do mornings very well, and I never have. But, for others, though I am perfectly happy the way I am, I must seek change. Admittedly, my late hours affect everything and everyone around me, and so, I must change. Not wanting to change makes the process much harder than if I truly desired to go to bed early and get up early. Why does this one thing have to cause so much trouble? If it weren't for my exhaustion, my husbands irritation, my children's crankiness, our messy house, and my accident prone dog, I'd be perfectly happy with the hours I keep. And now I am silently chuckling to myself! Hopefully, I can win this one. I think I need to. I am getting beat up pretty good by life and I am a little bit tired of being the underdog. Farewell to late nights and the snooze button. Well, maybe not entirely at first. Okay my friends, I am going to need you here more than you need me!! Am I going to have to start taking a midday nap now? Just curious. By the way, I have not forgotten about our trip-it was wonderful and I want to post some pictures once I get them downloaded. Ah, but not today, sorry. Stay tuned! It's good to be back. |
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Posted by Anonymous
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Posted by