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I look at this beautiful world around me and wonder why on earth I am here. I watch people live their lives like they know what they want and they have plans. I never had many plans because I was always too busy thinking. My life was and is laid out one day at a time. I never saw my future in my head, or imagined where I would be in ten years, and that has not changed about me. Unfortunately, my life isn't any easier because I'm busy thinking about what to do in the next few moments instead of the next few years. On the contrary, my brain is always a-buzz with some idea, and for a long time that idea has been extremely deep and unexplainable. If I were to try to talk about it, people would either be shocked, exasperated, or bored because I do not feel people really want to talk about it, or they just know I am wacko for even thinking about it? Why am I here? Why are you here? Why are we here? Maybe you never really thought about it before because you all believe you already know why you are here, but do you? See? I can already see people skipping past the rest of this post quickly, or reading on just to see how wacko I really am. For many months now I have been asking God to reveal the truth to me about this life, and Who He is, and What exactly it is that He is doing. Not just with me, but with everyone. Our lives are so short-a vapor the Bible proclaims-yet how many of us actually think about that. Of course when people turn fifty, sixty, and seventy, they think about it, I am sure. But I am thirty-two, and I think about it sometimes but not enough to make a difference in my life. Amidst my searching, I began to read the web. Different religions, even atheism, just to see where the world is coming from, because I honestly do not know much about the world. I found a site that made alot of sense to me, but goes against much of what I was taught all of my life growing up in a Baptist home-which is not saying much, really. I grabbed a Bible from the twenty or so that we already own, and I started to study it, seriously. I try to understand some of the Greek and Hebrew language as I read, and I am still on my quest to know for sure what the truth is. The question I now face, like looking up mount everest before my first climb, is how do I know in my heart that I know the truth? That is a loaded question that has been buzzing around in my head these past few weeks. Why am I here? Why are you here? What is God doing, and why is He doing it? I feel alone because I sit and watch everyone live their lives-some happily, others not so happily. People have plans or problems or both. Life skips merrily by, and some people seem to be fulfilled, others not so fulfilled. All the while I'm back here hiding in the bushes, wondering why in God's green earth did He create this place, me, you, and, well, everything. Am I the only one here? Am I alone in this? I wish I could say that I want to let it go and go on with my life, but I would be lying. I sincerely want to know what's going on here, don't you? Maybe not. It's just too complicated, or too much to think about, I wholeheartedly agree. It's just not that simple for me. Have you ever asked God why? Have you ever wanted to know more than what everyone else tells you is the truth? Have you ever wondered why there are so many religions, and then divisions within those religions, and divisions of divisions. I get a headache thinking about it. How do you know for sure you are right? How do I know I am right? How does anyone? I am at the point where I believe that most people do not care about any of this, and it's probably better that way-happier, less confusing, and mind numbing! But not for me! In the end, we will all know the whole of the matter. I guess I just don't want to wait that long! |
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Posted by Anonymous
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