Just thought you guys might get a kick out of this particular Ebay listing.  Stay tuned for MORE Mother-In-Law items -- I'm cleanin' house!

The Ugly Purse My Mother-In-Law Gave Me

Enjoy!

There, I've gone and looked up the spelling!  And, to soothe the curious mind, I offer the following tidbit:

Definition of God bless you

God bless you:  Interjection used especially when someone has sneezed. In this situation, "God bless you" is more or less equivalent to saying "Gesundheit."  In German "Gesundheit" means "health" (and "sanity"). Wishing "good health" was once thought to hold off the illness that might follow a sneeze.  "God bless you" came into usage to prevent the escape of the soul from the body, which was thought to occur with a sneeze. (Soullessness was believed to cause ill health.)

Now, pupils, close your books and take out a sheet of paper.  Just kidding.  So, has anyone seen my SOUL?  I seem to have misplaced it.  Ha Ha.  Next subject.

My entire family has gone to lifegroup this evening and I am home "resting."  Maybe tomorrow I'll be back to my old self.  Next subject.

You know, I really love oxygen.  In fact, I'm a big fan of breathing.  It's my #1 favorite pastime.  You don't really know what you've got til it's gone.  I thought of a new invention one night while waking up, gasping for breath.  I would like to take two drinking straws and shove one up each nostril, past the septum and well into my sinus cavities.  Make it a neon, bendy straw.  Forget the breathe right strips, vaporizer, menthol, saline, steroids and pseudoephedrine.  That's for wimps.  Let's get some O2 into this girl, STAT!

Having said ALL that, now you know that I will let nothing stand in the way of my favorite activity.  Honestly, the only ONLY thing that works when I get a cold is sudafed and lots of it.  Which is GREAT for breathing but leaves me drooling, growling and snarling at anything that passes.  What REALLY cracks me up is when I have to go buy more.  BOY -- do they have that stuff on lockdown or what?  I mean I sorta feel like I'm pulling my car up to the corner and rolling down the window.  Looking both ways for cops, etc.  The problem is I usually have all my kids with me so it's worse -- I'm like the CRACK mama bringing all her babies to score some.  Of course it doesn't help that I have bloodshot eyes, dry cracked skin, red runny nose, no makeup AAAAHHH.  Next subject.

Just so you all know, the one day when all my kids behaved in public was a total fluke.  The following day was crazy.  ALTHOUGH, I just remembered that they did really well when we took Ava in for her 3 year appointment.  We're going to have her hearing tested and then possibly a speech evaluation to help determine if there is an issue.  She's still very very frustrated when trying to communicate.  I was a little down about that, but I'd rather get her whatever she needs so she can be the fabulous grownup she will become someday.  She'll probably be involved in public speaking or something with a twist. : )  Aahh!  Now there's my sunny disposition.  I wondered where it was.    (gosh, I really like the winky guy the best.  I just realized that I never use any other emot-icons)  Next subject.

OK, I'm bummed that my husband's bowl didn't sell -- but we had 55 visitors which made him feel good and one question and even one watcher.  OOHH a watcher!  My hunny is SO talented with the bowl making.  It's amazing, really.  He likes to point out all the flaws and I always turn and say "Hun, this used to be a TREE and now it's a BOWL!"  He has some of his stuff on display around town, but I know it would make his day to sell them consistently.  We may try a 35-45 price range on some of his small pieces and see what the interest would be. 

Oh man, I better go lay down.  This wore me out! (seriously, don't give me that look!)

Later.

You ever seen that Seinfeld episode when the gang decides to skip the traditional "God Bless You" or the German alternative that I cannot spell in favor of what they think is the greatest blessing of all "YOU ARE SOOOOO GOOD-LOOKING!"?  Well, go ahead and tell me because I've got a COLD! 

"WHY LORD, WHYYYYY?????" (Snap out of it ,Jennifer -----ssssmack)

OK, I'm better.

I'm not allowed to dust.  Which creates an interesting problem for me.  If I clean a ceiling fan, I get pneumonia.  End of story.  If I empty a vacuum cleaner, I have to be careful.  Unfortunately, I wasn't careful and I knew this was coming before it ever got here.  Achoo.  I'm trying to figure out a way to clean my house without getting sick.  I would LOVE to hire a cleaning person but I guess I would have to sell my house to afford one.  There's some irony for ya.

So, I'm sitting here jacked up on Sudafed, trying to think of something to write. 

The nicest thing happened yesterday.  Twice.  After we finished our school work...oh let me back up.  Here's our current school schedule (because I'm not motivated):

Breakfast

Morning Chores

Clean Kitchen

Story Hour & Art

Bible (independently now)

Math

Language

Lunch

Finish up

They both have "vacationitis" so bad that math takes FORever.  So, Silent Reading has become just another work time so they can finish their assignments.

So yesterday, after we finished our work, we ran errands.  Dropped off about 7 or 8 renegade SUPERLATEGOTSHOVEDUNDERMYBED library books.  We probably need to take out a loan to pay our late fees.  Then -- here's the nice part -- we waited in line to mail out a package to my Grandmother.  (I crocheted a supersoft blanket for her and put in a few homemade oatmeal cookies and letters from the kids.)  My children were perfect angels (one of those rare moments) and we waited in line for a good ten minutes.  As we got to the front, the lady asked if they were all mine.  "Yes," I smiled.  She said "You've been truly blessed."  "You've been TRULY blessed."  She was very timid and spoke it under her breath but it did something to me.  It "got in".    I was walking on a cloud as we moved slowly (picture the children of Israel) out of the lobby past all the other patrons waiting in line.  I prompted Ava (3) to tell the lady goodbye and she did so at rockstar decibel levels and proceeded to do her queenly wave and goodbye to all the people she passed.  Each person lit up as we walked by.  It was such a sweet moment, there in my podunk post office. 

As if that were not enough to make my day, we traipsed over to Walgreens to pick up a pack of training pants (it's been about 3 weeks since my last purchase hurray for Ava!)  The checkout lady said "Your kids are so good!  You should see some of the kids that come through here."  She proceeded to tell me a horror story or two.  We laughed.   Again, I was floating on air.  My sweet sweet little angels.  (HA)

Well, the phone's ringing, dogs barking (I don't have a dog) and baby's crying so I better run.  Actually, the little ones are fighting over Ella's (5) project -- a crown suncatcher.  Ahh, there's nothing like a suncatcher.  The toxic smell of melting plastic coming from the oven.  That's what brings MY family together.

Achoo.  I am SOOOO good looking.

As a teenager, I was quite the reader.   Many a Saturday morning was spent biking to the local library with my sister, picking up a few new novels, stopping off at the corner store for a handful of five-cent atomic fireballs and back home again to lounge around reading the afternoon away.  I know, I was such a party animal.

Of course, now as a 24/7/365 mother of the busiest, loudest kids on the planet, the only things I find myself reading are medicine bottle labels, parenting articles, internet research on various hs stuff and  (tah dah) blogs.  

To remedy this, I keep a current novel in my library (AKA the bathroom).  I may not NEED to sit there as long as I do (if you get my drift) however, I stay until I'm done with a paragraph at least.   Or until I hear that infamous knock on the door "MAAAAHHHMEEEEE -- MOMMY WHERE AAAAARRRREEE YOU!"   To which I reply "Mommy's not HEEEYER"

"Mommy, whatcha doin' in there?!"

"Reading, I'll be out in a minute."

"Mommy, come out!"

"No."

"Mommy, did you go pee-pee?"

"Yes."

"Good.  Can I have a Skittle?"

Needless to say, reading break is over and back to reality.  Currently, my Mommy's Bathroom Book Club consists of the following titles:

#1 "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore

#2 "Dreaming With God" by Bill Johnson

No, there's no particular rhyme or reason to the numbers.  It's not like I read Beth Moore's book for peepee, etc.  Although, I COULD devise a plan and call it the Pooey Decimal System (copyright pending).

Of course, sometimes on the potty you just want to shop, right?  So, there's a few catalogs in my book club too.   Which reminds me.  I have a beef with catalogs.  They generate such feelings of dissatisfaction, if you think about it.  Catalogs exist to tell us what we don't have or that what we DO have is not good enough.  I bet, if I took the time to make a list of things I'm grateful for and THEN opened a catalog or magazine I would have a completely different experience.  Of course, if I HAD the time to make a list -- and it would be a long one -- then it stands to reason that I would also have the time to read out in the living room like a normal person and not cooped up in my tiny yellow powder room, hiding from my offspring.  

Alrighty, I'm done preachin'.  Gotta go - I've got a paragraph calling my name : )

I've had two fantastic, side-splitting bouts of laughter tonite.  The first one was courtesy of 2girlsand2boys and her hilarious list of thirteen things she does not want for Christmas.  It is a must-read especially if you find yourself at the eleventh hour with no gift ideas.  I MAY do a little last minute shopping after all. 

The second laugh occurred while we were all downstairs in front of the fire watching the movie "The Santa Clause 2."  My husband, who is not easily disgusted, was visibly shaken after watching the following commercial.  I have not laughed that hard in a long time.  So, this gift I give to all of YOU this Christmas:  (Oh, but first a heads-up...please do not eat oranges, grapefruit or citrus of any kind while watching this short clip.)