I wrote this a couple of years ago as a fun parody of Hamlet's famous soliloquy - it isn't meant to make any kind of judgement on whether or not we chose to participate in the activities of Halloween but simply to muse whimsically on the choice. I thought it might be worth posting again for your amusement. Enjoy!

To treat or not to treat -- that is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The rings and knocks of outrageously-clad neighbors

Or to turn off the lights against a sea of begging

And by opposing end it. To hide, to flee --

No candy -- and by fleeing to say we end

The toothaches, and the thousand natural knocks

A door is disposed to. 'Tis a quietness

devoutly to be wished. To hide, to flee --

To flee -- perhaps to eat out: ay, there's the rub,

For in that escape from home what chance may come

When we have shuttled off in the minivan,

Must give us pause. There's the amusement

That makes savage such young lives.

For who would bear the nicks of pumpkin-carving knives,

Th' oppressive weight gain, the proud child's costume

The pangs of despised sugar, the delayed arrival,

The insolence of teens, and the forced thanks

That persistent merit of the giver takes,

When he himself might his quietus make

With a darkened porch light? Who would Snickers bear

To walk and walk under a heavy coat,

But for the dread of chill on an October night,

The carefully planned costume, now hidden,

No treat-donor guesses, puzzles the will,

And makes us rather compliment the unknown

Than offer them hot apple cider?

Thus conscience does make givers of us all,

And thus the expense of bags of candy

Is compensated with the sticky return of children.

And creative enterprise of the moment

With this regard our apples throw away

And lose the chance for health. Quick you now,

Fairy Princess, Knight, Mermaid, Pirate --

Be all my Skittles remembered.

(c) 2007, Karen Dittman

with apologies to Wm. Shakespeare.