Life at the W.A.C.K.O.S.

[The W*** Academy of Creative Kids Occasionally Studying]
-And otherwise driving their mother nuts, likely as not.-

** Biz 20 ** Cheez 17 ** Spaz 12 ** Fuzz 9 **

Saturday, July 5, 2008 - Enough is Enough

Posted in Random Remarks and Ramblings

Those of you who suffered mental anguish as a result of my last post will feel smugly vindicated to learn that I have received my just and well-deserved reprimand-- and from my own computer, no less.

I was persuaded to go here to see what my actions had wrought. And of course I could not resist clicking on the video. (To get the full effect, you have to turn off the blog's default music player first.) I had made it almost all the way through will no ill effects, when suddenly Josiah (my computer) proceeded to shut down on me.

I should note that this random computer shutdown stuff is actually a fairly common occurance, especially when I am on the internet. And unless I am in the middle of posting on my blog or commenting on someone else's, no data is ever lost, so it is generally not a tragedy but simply a minor annoyance. I have narrowed the reason for these shutdowns down to three possibilities: (a) The Mac commercials and all the naysayers are correct and Windows Vista really is an inferior product. (b) The computer encounters a virus which shuts it down (which would mean that my AVG Free Virus Protection is actually the inferior product). Or (c) The computer senses an impending threat and shuts itself down in order to avoid serious damage (which would mean that both Vista and AVG are functioning quite well, thankyouverymuch).

Oh, I'm getting side-tracked here. This post is not about computer shutdowns; it is about one specific computer shutdown, which is the one that occured the other day as I was viewing the aforementioned video.

I am convinced that the reason for this particular shutdown was none other than option (c): my faithful Josiah was attempting to protect himself (and me) from a perceived threat to his (and my) well-being.

After all, how much Shaun Cassidy is too much? For most of us, about three seconds, but Josiah apparently has a high pain threshhold. Even so, four minutes and 59 seconds was obviously the limit. I am pretty sure that just before he shut down, I heard Josiah scream, "Aaagggghhhh! I can't take it anymore!"

Or something like that.

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008 - Of All The Inane Posts I've Written, This One May Be the Worst

Posted in Random Remarks and Ramblings

Most of my computer time these days is spent on my duties as Unofficial Coordinator of the Fifth Sorta-Bi-Annual Floatwad Family Reunion, a weeklong out-of-state event which is coming up in just a couple weeks. (Grandfather in heaven, forgive me for thusly corrupting the family name. I don't like to use real surnames on my blog.)

The result of this is that, despite all my wonderful ideas for posts, I don't have really have time to write them. So in leiu of a meaningful post, I give you this:

Today at the health food store, I was subjected to a most inhumane form of torture. It had nothing to do with the food I had to buy or the money I had to spend, and everything to do with the music that was playing on the sound system.

When I walked in, they were playing "Come Sail Away". Not a problem. (In fact, my 9-year-old was singing parts of that song last night as I helped her clean her room, compliments no doubt of Daddy, who delights in exposing the kids to classic and not-so-classic rock and roll even as I endeavor to shelter them from it.) No, that song was not the problem. Styx I can handle. It was what they were playing about 10 minutes later as I was crouching in Aisle 5 comparing prices on canned garbanzo beans.

Talk about nightmarishly idiotic cult songs from the junior high years. I had hoped to never have to hear this song again. But thirty-odd years later, there it was.

And here it still is, running through my brain. And now, because I am feeling mean and rotten and mischievious, I am going to make sure it runs through yours. My friend CelticMom was so very appreciative of my reference last week to the Tab Cola commercials and the ensuing residency of the lyrics in her brain for the day, that I am certain she and all the rest of you will appreciate this reference as well. Especially if you are female and somewhere in your early-to-mid 40's.

Yeah, my heart stood still
Yeah, her name was Jill
Yeah, I love her still
Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron

(Oh my, it's Shau-wun Cass-a-deeee! Can anybody say, "Like, gag me with a spoon"?)

Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron
Da doo ron ron ron, da doo ron ron...

Bwa-ha-ha-ha! You can't escape it! It will loop endlessly through your brain all the day long! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!

You're very welcome.

Now send me chocolate, or my next post will contain Andy Gibb lyrics.

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Monday, June 30, 2008 - The Day After

Posted in Random Remarks and Ramblings

Well, gosh. I did not get many Happy Birthday comments on yesterday's post. Either my readership is way down (and way down from three doesn't leave many), or all of you have old and tired brain cells like mine.

Like, hello. "On my next birthday I will be 44 and on my last birthday I was only 42." That can only mean one thing.

*Sigh*

Maybe the secret to getting birthday wishes on one's blog is to throw a Bloggy Birthday Bash and give away stuff. Some of my friends have done that, and I even won something. So let's see, what could I have given away?...

I know! Old, tired brain cells! Or... The remote door unlocker to my van. A Dead Poet's Society DVD. All the mail in my tote bag, except checks. A spiral notebook for scribbling out head-blogs. My laundry.

Um, OK, I'll keep working on it. Maybe next year.

In the meantime, I'll just have a Bloggy Birthday Pity Party.

I'm going to go pout now.

Wait- drat. Is 43 too old to pout?

OK, revision. I'm going to go eat chocolate now.

I'm liking this party.

And in case you're wondering, my two youngest kids got me candy and slippers, and my mom & dad got me flowers for my garden and a Hobby Lobby gift card, and I get more presents on Wednesday for my second party when The Eldest Offspring joins us. Huz grilled burgers, and my mom brought pie. I chose not to have a deliciously yummy chocolatey dessert because my poor Second Eldest can't have any sugar all summer and I didn't want to make her suffer any further. Although I did make her do the dishes.

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Sunday, June 29, 2008 - Five Signs That Your Brain Cells Are Getting Old and Tired

Posted in Random Remarks and Ramblings

On my next birthday, I will turn 44. However, on my last birthday, I only turned 42.

I just thought I would share that, for whatever it’s worth to you.

Here is the next thing I want to share with you:

Five Signs that your Brain Cells are getting Old and Tired, based on recent personal experiences of the author. (Me.)

(1) You are on your way to your vehicle with an armload of purchases. About fifteen feet from said vehicle, you get out your nifty little remote and, as is your usual practice, click the unlock button twice in order to, well, unlock your vehicle. Just as you always do. Mere seconds later, upon your arrival at your vehicle, you notice that the doors are unlocked, and you say, “Oh! I forgot to lock my van!”

Duh.

(2)Your daughter’s English teacher tells you that the class will be watching Dead Poet’s Society in a few weeks. You mention that you are jealous of your daughter because you and she had both wanted to watch that movie, and now she will get to see it without you. Your daughter’s teacher is a little confused and says, “Cheez says she has already seen it, and I thought she said she watched it with you.” You assure her that that was not the case, and add, “I wonder when she saw it, and with whom?” Later you pose the same question to your daughter. She looks at you incredulously and says, “Mom! We watched it together last year.” After arguing with her over this for a minute, you suddenly have the vaguest of recollections and realize that she is right.

Duh again.

(3)Your husband asks whether anyone has brought in the mail or newspaper. You tell him you haven’t, and everyone else says the same. Hubby wonders why we have yet to receive no mail or newspaper even though it is now 6 pm. He asks whether everyone is certain. “Of course I’m certain,” you say. “Don’t you think I would remember bringing in the mail and newspaper?” A discussion ensues over whether perhaps the Monday after Flag Day is a postal holiday. Hubby remarks that that would not explain why there is no newspaper in the box. The words in the box trigger a picture in your mind, and you suddenly remember that when you pulled in the driveway after an errand that afternoon, you saw the newspaper on the ground next to the box and stopped to pick it up. After sheepishly admitting as much, you go to get it out of your tote bag. Upon seeing mail in there as well, you remember that after you picked up the paper, you got the mail out of the box.

(4)You head-blog a post entitled, “Five Signs That Your Brain Cells Might Be Getting Old and Tired,” using five little anecdotes from your own recent experience. Twelve days later, you go to write out the post and realize that you only remember three of them.

No, really. This is true. I promise.

Oh, I do have another. This happened over a year ago, but it works.

(5) You walk into the laundry room and hear the washing machine going. All other laundry-doers in the household are gone. You wonder, “Who the heck is doing laundry?” You look in the washing machine and, upon recognizing the clothes within, realize that you are the one doing laundry.

The scariest part about all this is that none of these things happened (a) early in the morning before I’d had my coffee, or (b) late at night when I should have been in bed.

So…

Do I check myself into the Old Folks’ Home now? Or is there hope for me yet?

And…

If you still haven’t figured out the logic behind my first sentence, your brain cells might be getting old and tired, too.

The last thing I want to share with you is my favorite brain-cells-getting-old joke. Wish I could take credit for it, but it’s not original. Although I’ve told it so many times over the last 25 years that I sometimes forget that I didn’t make it up. Besides, it fits me to a T. Which is probably why I like it.

“Do you ever find yourself thinking about the hereafter?”

“Yep, all the time. I walk into the kitchen to get something, then I stop and say to myself, ‘Now, what was I here after?’”

Happy June 29.

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Friday, June 27, 2008 - What I Did All Week (and Doesn't That Sound Even Less Exciting than Curtains?)

Posted in Life at Our House

Today, I picked up two tired and happy kids from camp. I hope to blog a little about camp, but first things first, you know. Since I’ve already compiled a list of some of the ~~fascinating~~ things I’ve done this week while they were gone, I’m going to post that first. Because I’m just delusional enough to think that you might be interested.

What was that? You want to know all about what I’ve been doing this week? I’m so glad you asked.

-Monday evening, Huz took me to dinner at the grille/café restaurant where Cheez works. Since the Vegetable of the Day was carrots and it just happened to be her carrot day, she sat down and ate some with us when her shift was done, but there really wasn’t anything else she could eat. So when we all got home, Huz fried her some parsnips, and I steamed some beets and made her a Day One Salad. This salad was “invented” for her by an older friend on that first frustrating day of the rotation diet and consists of beet greens, carrots, parsley, orange, and lime, with a dressing of freshly-squeezed lime & orange juice, sunflower oil, and poppy seeds. This was the first time I had made or eaten it, and it was very, very good.

-After dinner, the three of us watched Patch Adams, which, believe it or not, none of us had ever seen, though Cheez & I have long wanted to. It was even better than the salad.

-I already told you all about Tuesday, here. Books and photos and all that Cheezy stuff.

-Wednesday morning, I was determined to follow through on my plans to spend ten minutes each morning weeding the sadly overgrown flower garden. It was a cool, breezy morning, perfect for working outdoors, so I let my ten minutes turn into about ninety. In so doing, I managed to completely annihilate the big clump of overgrown grass that has been my arch-nemesis all spring. Go, me.

-While weeding, I watched the last baby robin fly the coop, as it were. I head-blogged an entire photo essay about it as I continued my work. We’ll see whether it actually makes it into writing or, like 90 percent of my head blogs, languishes forlorn and neglected in the Land of Forgotten Posts, never to be heard from again.

-Wednesday afternoon, I ~~talked to myself~~ ~~sang to myself~~ made curtains, or rather, started making them. You read all about that already, too, here and here. The book I began reading on my coffee break was Stonewall’s Gold. Yes, I know I said it was young adult fiction. I’m still 42 for a few more days, you know, so I can read it. Besides, I like reading kids’ books more than adult books.

-After dinner Wednesday night, I sent a reunion planning email to the parents, sibs, aunts, uncles, & cousins with whom I will be reuniting in a few weeks. I decided to appoint myself Unofficial Reunion Coordinator because someone has to do it and it gives me an excuse to sit in front of the computer instead of doing housework. And despite the mass emigration of my brain cells the year I turned forty, I think I still have the mental capacity to do it. We’ll see. I am hoping another cousin or two will join me and we can be Co-coordinators, partly because it is nice to share the work and partly because “co-coordinators” sounds so much like “cocoa ordinators”, which I think means we’d get paid in chocolate.

-After that, I went outside and planted the hydrangea which my mom gave me a week ago and I have kept forgetting to plant. So far, it has not died on me.

-Later Wednesday night, Huz and Cheez and I played our favorite card game, which is called Popeye by us but is more commonly known as Peanut, Pounce, or Nertz. I went backwards for several hands and lost by a humiliating 55 points. Afterward, I stayed up way too late blogging.

-Thursday morning I did a little reunion planning and cleaned two bathrooms. Bathroom cleaning is not really on my short list of Favorite Things to Do In My Kid-Free Time, but it’s kind of necessary every so often. My plan was to then head off to the Great Downstairs to finish the tab, tab curtains (what a beautiful treat). However, I decided instead to head to the Great Home Improvement Store to buy some wooden café curtain rods.

-Thursday afternoon, I became sorely vexed with myself for spending three and a half hours of my Last Kid-Free Afternoon running an errand that should have taken forty-five minutes. Because instead of going to Lowe’s as planned, I went to Home Dropout, which didn’t have the rods I wanted. Then I went to the store next door, which didn’t have them either. Then, because I was so very close to the Crafts Store With Cheap T-Shirts, I went there to pick out shirts for the family reunion, which, since we color-code by branch, is slightly more complicated a task than it might sound. I left one hour later and temporarily $110 poorer. And still no curtain rods. Finally, I went to Lowe’s, where I should have gone in the first place, because there were my curtain rods. It figures. I came home ornery because my Last Kid-Free Afternoon was nearly over and the curtains still weren’t finished.

-I then became sorely vexed with my email provider for taking such an excruciatingly long time to load everything, so I gave up on email and went to finish the curtains.

-I finished the curtains just before heading off to my monthly dinner out with my group of buds affectionately known as the AppleBee’s Gang. (Can you guess where we go to dinner?) I am Unofficial Coordinator (better known as Queen Bee) of that group as well, though lately my brain cells fail me and I’ve had to be reminded to send the reminders. Anyway, we ate and talked and drank coffee and had fun. I like my friends.

-Thursday night after AppleBee’s, I sat down at my computer, which is rather a nightly ritual. Wanting to install some photos, I went to plug my card-reader into my computer’s USB port, and then wondered why the usual stuff didn’t pop up on the screen. A brief investigation revealed that what I had plugged into the computer was not my card-reader, but my cell-phone charger. Proving clearly that I ought to just go to bed. So I did, eventually. But first I spent a little more time on the computer and read a few more chapters of Stonewall’s Gold. Have to finish it while I’m still “young”, you know.

-Today, I thought that perhaps I would observe my Last Kidless Morning with a quaint little ritual called Go To the Gas Station and Buy a Raspberry-Filled Krispy Kreme and Come Home and Eat It. I mentioned this plan to Huz, and he said, “That’s a great idea. Get me a chocolate one.” So I did.

-When I returned from my delectable errand, I decided that instead of doing Something That Resembles Work, I would just sit at my computer and blog and not feel guilty about it. Cheez fixed herself some breakfast and sat at the other end of the table reading. Huz came in and made comments like I knew he would-- not comments like you guys make on my blog, but comments like, “Oh, it must be nice…” And instead of being defensive and saying I was just taking a little break and blah blah blah, I said, “Yes, it is nice.” And he said, “Good, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself.” He then proceeded to sit there and talk at us just because he knew it would irk us. “Weren’t you talking about all the work you have to do today?” we asked. So he went back out to the shop.

-And at 12:20, I left to go get my kidlets.

This has been My Week In Review. Aren’t you just so glad you asked?

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Thursday, June 26, 2008 - Curtain Pictures (Now Doesn't THAT Sound Exciting)

Posted in Life at Our House

Note: The post in which these pictures originally appeared has been edited since it originally appeared. That's because I was tired when I posted it, and the post was long and boring, and I don't like that. Part of that post is in a new post below this one, and the rest of it may appear back in cyber space later.

Let’s pretend that you guys are actually interested in the curtains I made.

Ta-da! One set down, two to go.

CurtainsBlue001.jpg picture by 40winkzzz

CurtainsBlue007.jpg picture by 40winkzzz

CurtainsBlue008.jpg picture by 40winkzzz

I'm not too thrilled with how droopily they hang, but I think I can fix that. Which means, I suppose, that they are not actually finished. Drat.

Next on the Great Curtain Adventure will be the curtains for the other window. It is smaller than the first one, so I figured I may as well just make the two sets separately. You'll notice that this window is on a differently-colored wall and has differently-colored trim. It will also have differently-colored material, which you can see draped on the toybox below. It is actually the same material as that which I used for the other window, only in green instead of blue. I felt quite ~~fortunate~~ blessed to find those, and in the fabric dept at MalWart, no less.

CurtainsBlue004.jpg picture by 40winkzzz

This business of having different colors of trim and curtains does not set well with Huz. He says it's not how one is supposed to do things. This is the man who tells me I have to "think outside the box a little more". We obviously have different boxes. Anyway, he's had "his" rooms in the house to redo as he pleases, and this one is "my" room (yes, I know it is actually Fuzz' room) to do as Fuzz and I please. It is not the way Huz would do it, but he has liked, if not loved, each step once he sees it finished.

An interesting tidbit about this window: Originally, there was a door there opening to the back yard. That's because this room used to be a laundry/mudroom. The previous owners had turned it into a bedroom, but the door remained. When Biz had this room, that didn't matter. But I didn't like the idea of having an outside door in Fuzz' room. The "blue" window is ground level and makes a very adequate fire escape, so I petitioned Huz to turn this door into a wall with a window. He said no. So I painted the room. After I painted the room, he said, "You know, we should take out that door and put a wall and a window there." And I did not slug him; I just said, "Okay." Well, I said more than that, but we'll just pretend that all I said was, "Okay".

Eventually, there will be a built-in desk in front of the window. I thought it would make a great reading cubby, with the bamboo and all, but Fuzz wants her desk there. She had also wanted the bamboo there, even though the desk will cover half of it. It's not how I'd have done things, but it is her room, after all, so I aquiesced. Actually, having the desk there was my idea in the first place, but that was Before Bamboo. Oh well.

Astute readers who have managed to stay with us for this long will note that I said I had two more sets of curtains to make. The third set will go across the opening of the large closet next to this window, which will soon (I hope) be outfitted with built-in shelves to hold toys and art supplies and all manner of other and sundry stuff. (The closet, I mean, not the window. In case you were confused. We intruded into former bathroom space to build a second, smaller closet across the room for clothes, though we anticipate that during her teenage years, the two closets will switch functions.) The large closet of which I speak formerly had bifold doors, but, being Haters Of Bifold Doors, we yanked them out. It is a small room, and a curtain will add a more airy feel than the doors would have.

It will also add to the jungle-y feel. I don't have enough of the green leopard print material, because we bought it before we knew exactly what we were going to use it for, and MalWart doesn't carry it any more. So it will be combined somehow with the green window-curtain material, of which I bought plenty, and maybe I will add a little of the leftover blue for trim.

CurtainsBlue006.jpg picture by 40winkzzz

The curtain material in the middle is actually greener than it appears in these pictures, and it goes perfectly with the carpet.

Since I don't know exactly how I'm going to do the closet curtain yet, it may be a while before it's done. That's par around here anyway, in case you haven't gotten that by now. In the meantime, here for your viewing pleasure (because I like to pretend that you get pleasure from reading my blogs) is a Before picture and an In-Progress picture of the closet and window(s).

4-RepaintingCloset009.jpg Repainting Closet picture by 40winkzzz

There is not a picture of what it looks like now, with all Fuzz' stuff piled in it and no shelves. You don't want to see what that looks like. well, maybe you do, but I don't want you to see what it looks like.

Those closet pictures were taken last summer, by the way. This room has been in progress for a year now. We don't do things quickly and efficiently around here. Poor Fuzz. Which reminds me that I had wanted to put in her new overhead light before she got home from camp. Five months with lightbulbs hanging from wires attached to the ceiling is long enough for any kid to have to endure.

Speaking of enduring, thanks for making it this far. You are now dismissed.

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Thursday, June 26, 2008 - Not Spazzy, Not Fuzzy, Just Cheezy

Posted in Life at Our House

So I told you all that yesterday I started making curtains for Fuzz. However, I said nothing about what I did with my first full Kids-at-Camp day on Tuesday. And because I like to pretend that you guys are actually interested in what I do, I’m going to tell you.

Tuesday. Day One of the Relatively Kidless Time. I think my plans for the morning were something like this: (1) Blog. (2) Start working on curtains. (3) Blog.

However, any plans I may have had were usurped by seven little words from Cheez, who had gotten up at the relatively early hour of 8:45-ish and was now headed out to a library used book sale. The words that hi-jacked my morning were these: “Do you want to go with me?”

My first thought was, Actually, I don’t. I want to sit here at my computer and enjoy quietness. My second thought was, What?! You’re asking me to go somewhere with you? You want to be seen with me? You want to spend time with me? Of course I’ll go!!!

What I actually said, with all the nonchalance I could muster, was “Sure, but let me finish checking email first.” I did, and off we went.

This event was a “Stuff-a-Bag” sale, in which one buys a paper bag for $5 and is then entitled to as many of the books as one can fit therein. It’s a rather dangerous proposition for avid book-lovers, but an effective one for libraries trying to get rid of excess and donated books and make a quick buck. The place was quite crowded. Cheez noted with satisfaction the absence of her “adopted big sister” friend, a fellow book lover whose tastes in literature run quite similarly to Cheez’. Cheez’ main motive in getting up early had been to get to the sale before her friend got there and bought up all the good books.

Cheez set out on The Hunt immediately, while I browsed and chatted with an old friend I’d run into. Fifteen or twenty books later, Cheez declared herself to be finished. There was still a little room in the bag, so I embarked on a search of my own. I returned to The Daughter and The Bag with four books: My Name is Asher Lev, James Michener’s Mexico, a kids’ historical novel called Sir Dinadab, and a Civil-War era young-adult fiction novel called Stonewall’s Gold.

In the meantime, however, the Not-So-Finished-After-All Cheez had filled the remaining space in the bag with a very hefty volume on World War Two and an equally voluminous tome on the history of slang. I managed to stuff my four books in anyway, but it wasn’t easy.

As we lugged our overstuffed bag to the van, I thought to myself that perhaps I should give the library people a couple extra dollars. But I only thought it.

After stocking up on brain food at the library sale, we walked across the parking lot and stocked up on stomach food at the farm market. By this time Cheez, who still is not the healthiest person in the world, was feeling a bit queasy from the heat and possibly from not having eaten enough quinoa and lentils for breakfast. So we headed home, which is actually what we were going to do anyway.

By the time we got home, my plans for the day had been totally discombobulated. I did some boring stuff around the house including sorting through some stuff in my closet that I hadn’t looked at since I stuffed it in there when we moved in three years ago. (“Boring stuff” was not on my agenda for the week, so I’m not sure why I did that.) Amongst the trash and treasures in my closet, I found a little decorative vase that one of my kids had given me years ago. I rearranged some things on the fireplace mantle and added the vase. I then decided to do something that went along with Drinking A Cup of Coffee, so I looked over next year’s History studies and ~~wasted~~ spent some time on the computer. Meanwhile, Cheez napped and Huz came in and out of the house a few times as is his normal practice during the workday.

Throughout the day, I snapped pictures of the baby robin who lives in our garage. Each time he ventured a little further from the nest, I’d be out there with my camera. By day’s end I had taken sixty-four pictures. Gotta love digital.

After dinner, Cheez hauled out photo boxes, scrapbooks, and discs. I took the hint, and we spent several enjoyable hours going through old photos, looking for photos of Cheez Herself to put in her graduation scrapbook, which we hope to start putting together this summer. (This, by the way, is in blatant defiance of our normal family MO of Waiting Until the Last Minute to Do Everything So We Can Majorly Stress Out Over It.) We plucked from unbooked photos, marked photos already in scrapbooks to be scanned, and copied digitals into a newly-created Cheez Folder. We categorized them into Sleeping pictures, Eating pictures, Riding pictures, Fashion pictures, Funny Face pictures, and all sorts of other such things, because that is how I like to do the graduation scrapbooks. And we had lots of fun doing it.

Biz’ grad scrapbook I had done myself, with no input from him other than to eschew all naked-bottom pictures. But daughters are different. Ever since I’d done Biz’ book three years ago, she’d talked about doing hers together. So here we were. Cheez and I are not as close as I wish we were, and we desperately need quality time. This was quality time to the bazillionth degree. There is just something about a mom, a daughter, and childhood photos.

Somewhere around the end of the 2003 photos, we called it a night. And so ended my very Cheezy Tuesday, and so ends this post.

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Wednesday, June 25, 2008 - Ze Wreck of Ze Coffee Tabcurtains, or Something Like That

Posted in Life at Our House

(A meaningless, meandering post written by someone who probably ought to be sleeping instead of blogging)

While my Baby is off having her first adventure at church camp, my Project of the Week is making curtains for her bedroom. The poor child is tired of waiting for them. A few weeks ago, faced with the stark reality of spending her entire youth not only as a Child of Hopelessly Procrastinating Parents but also as a Child Without Bedroom Curtains, she gave me the ultimatum. Set a deadline to get them done, she ~~commanded~~ pleaded with utter Fuzzness, and either meet the deadline or give the material to Grandma and have her sew the curtains. In other words, curtains for Fuzz, or it’s “curtains” for me. Or something like that.

The deadline looms and my mandate is clear: Must Make Curtains. Stop being afraid of them; they’re just curtains, for goodness’ sake. So this afternoon, I finally made myself tackle the job. I got a good start on the first pair, and amazingly enough, I did so with barely a glitch.

I’m sure that my success can be attributed to ze fact zat as I verked, I talked myzelf through ze entire process in a heavy German accent not unlike zat of ze old bookstore owner in zat Adventures in Odyzzey mystery zat my kids lizzen to about a hundred times a veek. I even scolded myzelf for ironing zome of ze hems on ze table instead of ze ironing board. Ze table ist bigger und ze material doesn’t slide off it. But still, ist not too smart, ezpesially ven vone considers zat ze table top ist plastic.

Ven I grew veary of zat tiresome chatter, I entertained myself by singing as I worked. “The Legend lives on from the Chippewa on down/ Of the big lake they call Gitchee-Gumee…” Not sure why on earth that popped into my head, but I just went with it anyway. Only I don’t know all of the words, so some parts were hummed. And eventually, the words morphed into more talking to myself, especially about the whole ironing-on-the-table thing. “A smart person would put a towel underneath/ So I guess I am not too intelligent/ But I could be upstairs drinking coffee right now/ So at least I am being quite diligent…”

Which was true. There was a fresh pot of coffee upstairs calling my name. I could hear it. I could also hear rain beating on the windows, and what’s better on a rainy day than curling up with a good book and a cup of coffee? Certainly not sewing. Nonetheless, I persisted until I just couldn’t take it anymore. Then I went upstairs, poured a cup of coffee, and settled guiltily into my comfy chair with a book I bought at a library used-book sale yesterday.

After only three chapters, I reluctantly put the book down, forsaking the war-ravaged Shenandoah Valley of 1864 and returning to the heat-singed Sewing Table of 2008. By this time, the Edmund Fitzgerald had completely vanished and had been replaced in my head by an old commercial. I could not figure out why that Tab Cola jingle was now running through my head, until I realized that it was all about the curtains. Because I’m not making rod-pocket curtains. Nope, these are… Tab, Tab Curtains, what a beautiful treat/ Tab, Tab Curtains for beautiful people/ Tab, Tab Curtains, they’re beautiful to me…

And I hope they will be beautiful to Fuzz when she gets home. And yes, I know you want to see a picture, but they’re not even finished yet. I still have to attach the tabs (Tab Curtains, what a beautiful treat) and mount the curtain rod. Well, actually, I still have to make the tabs and buy the curtain rod. But they’re getting there.

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Monday, June 23, 2008 - Nobody Told Me That Sending My Baby to Camp Was Going to Feel So Strange

Posted in This Thing Called Parenting

This afternoon, I deposited my two youngest children at church camp. And it is feeling mighty strange around here. Not to mention quiet.

Does it make me a bad mom to say that I have been looking forward to this week? That I told more than one person at camp that “Friday afternoon (when I pick the kids up) is coming all too soon for me”? That when the friend I carpooled to camp with lamented at how much she’d miss having her kids around, I said, “I won’t miss it a bit”?

(Spoiler warning: I was wrong.)

Now, don’t misunderstand; I love my kids. But I also love solitude. I don’t like being with people 24/7, especially people who, like, need me. My kids are my job, and who doesn’t like having some time off work? Four days of not having to: delegate chores (even though that means I have to do them myself), make sure the piano gets practiced, remind kids to clean up their messes in the kitchen and everywhere else in the house, break up squabbles, limit computer time, answer questions, dole out corrections and reprimands… Four days of not being on call.

Well, sort of. I still have a husband and a 17-year-old here. I still will have to do some ~~nagging~~ reminding about chores and cleaning up. I’ll still have to make meals. But it’s definitely different without the youngers around. I've had kids under age ten at home for nearly 21 years now, and all of a sudden, for a few days, I don't.

So again I ask, does it make me a bad mom that I enjoy ~~getting rid of my kids~~ sending my kids off on a wonderful adventure away from home for a few days?

I don’t actually want to know the answer to that question.

Then what if I tell you that I find, to my surprise, that I very much miss Fuzz? She is my baby and a real Momma’s Girl, and it is her first time being away at sleepover camp, and it just feels very, very strange to have her there.

She has friends and her cousin among her cabin-mates, and another cousin is one of her CITs. She has a cozy little corner bunk that I think is the best of the lot, with her cousin right above. She has her favorite leopard-print pjs and two of her squishy pillows. She has a couple books to read at night. She has new sneakers. She has Jesus. But still, I worry.

When Spaz started going to church camp, I worried a little. Mostly about his counselors. But with Fuzz, I worry about her. I know she will be loved and cared for; I wouldn’t send my children there if I had any doubts about that. But will she be okay? Will she feel comfortable? Will she have fun? Will she have a meltdown if some little thing goes wrong? Will she fit right in with her cousin and friends and other cabin-mates, or will she hang back and leave herself out? Will somebody look at her funny and hurt her sensitive little feelings? Will she be lonely at bedtime without me to tuck her in?

Cheez went away to camp for the first and only time at age 12, and Huz moped and pined. I didn’t. When she went to Mexico last year, Huz moped and pined. I didn’t. When Spaz went to church camp the last two summers, Huz moped and pined. I didn’t. I’m not a clingy, mopey, piney mom. Kids are great, but I can get along fine without them. I thought he was being silly.

But today, I dropped my Baby off at camp. And now I am the one moping and pining.

I can’t quite seem to enjoy the solitude that I had so craved. Having Spaz away at camp is no big deal, but having Fuzz away at camp is. It’s an odd feeling. I’m a little sad. I don’t miss having kids around, but I somehow miss her. I don’t think I could explain or understand my feelings even if I wrote pages and pages. So I won’t even try.

I hope she will be okay. I hope I will be okay.

So I have a little bit of a Mommy Heart after all.

I was interrupted just a few minutes ago by Huz’ announcement that there was a baby robin perched on the recycle bin in the garage. Undoubtedly, it is one of the baby robins who was hatched in the nest atop the opener in our third garage stall. We have been keeping tabs on these baby birds since before they hatched. They were eggs, then they were tiny baby birds, then they were bigger baby birds, craning their little necks to peer out of the nest at the big wide world around them. Or the big wide garage around them, as it were. And now, one had flown the nest. I went to look and there it was, balancing on the edge of the bin, scared but steady, looking around at the new world it had just entered.

The parallels are painfully obvious.

And I don’t think the momma robin is moping and pining.

Lord, bless my kids at camp this week. Show them Your love in a very real way, and help them to show that love to others. Let it be a wonderful, wonderful experience for both of them.

Help me to make the most of my time to myself this week, and help me especially to make the most of my time with Cheez. She will be taking a much bigger step into the big wide world before too long. Let it be a special, memorable time for us. Help me to be at peace and enjoy this time you have given me.

And Lord, take care of my Baby. Love on her this week in a big way. Love on all four of my Babies. Thank you for being with them even when I am not.

And now, enough of this silly, moping, mommy stuff. I have plans for this week. I’m going to go… do something.

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Wednesday, June 18, 2008 - Fuzzy Logic a la Dad

Posted in Life at Our House

You have to read yesterday's post in order to make sense of this one. It may also help to understand that the little story I told in that post was related to Huz by Mr Spiderman, and then passed along to me by Huz.

Tonight before dinner, I was a little cranky with Huz for not hearing me when I asked him to help me put the leaf back in the table. (He & Cheez always insist on taking it out when we play cards at night, and out it stays until the next family meal.) As he pulled the table apart and hoisted the leaf back into place, he remarked rather good-naturedly, "You know, instead of grouching at me, you should be glad you have a husband who works hard all day and then mows the lawn. I could sit around and drink beer and watch TV before dinner instead of being on the lawnmower."

I, being undissuaded from my orneriness, replied, "I'm tired of hearing how hard you work and how much time you spend mowing the lawn." (This is true; I am.) I continued, "You don't hear me going around talking about how I did laundry and chauffeured your kids to piano lessons and worked on your Parts List while I sat there, and then came home and slaved in the kitchen to make you dinner."

He, being undissuaded from his cheerfulness, winked at Fuzz and retorted, "Oh, no, you couldn't have been 'slaving' in the kitchen. Because when Abraham Lincoln issued the Emancipation Proclamation..."

I was momentarily dissuaded from my grumpiness.

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