Friday 29 August 2008 - Bloggy Friendships and Heartaches
Maybe tomorrow I will feel like getting back to normal blogging. Today, my thoughts are still too full of one thing. How does one blog about life as usual after something like that? I’m sure I’m not the only one who has felt the last couple days like I didn’t care if I ever blogged again. Not that that would change anything. It’s just that all the stuff we normally blog about seems so… insignificant. It just doesn’t seem right that somebody loses a precious child and everyone else’s life just goes on.
But it does.
I’ve struggled at times with the whole blogging thing anyway. I think we all do. Who among us hasn’t wondered at times whether blogging is really a good use of our time and energy? Aren’t there more productive things we could be doing? Isn’t blogging just an “escape” that takes time away from “real life”?
Hold on, I’m going somewhere with this.
I’ve wondered sometimes about bloggy friendships. I remind myself that I ought not to be building bloggy relationships at the expense of real-life, flesh-and-blood relationships. That if I’m encouraging a bloggy buddy while ignoring my husband and children, I’m sadly remiss. That if I diligently keep up on my blog so as to not disappoint my readers, yet neglect personal correspondence with loved ones, my priorities might be askew. That if I’m spending lots of time catching up on my bloggy friends’ lives but am barely aware of what’s going on with my real-life friends, there’s something wrong. Because, after all, the blogosphere is not the real world, and bloggy buddies are not “real” friends.
And that’s all true, except for the last sentence. I think many of us found out over these last couple days how meaningful blog friendships can be.
I get emails from friends sometimes asking for prayer for someone they know who is facing a hardship of some sort. I sometimes read things online or in newsletters asking for the same thing. And it’s always been kind of hard for me to do. I will say a prayer for the person or family out of duty, because I’ve been asked and because it’s a good thing to do, but I really don’t “feel” anything. Except maybe guilt over not feeling anything. Oh, some sadness sometimes, but sadness of a fleeting nature. Nothing deep or lasting. I can’t seem to drum up deep, heartfelt feelings for people I don’t know. My heart just doesn’t ache for people I’ve never even met.
Or it didn’t. Until Wednesday.
Wednesday morning, I was good and, other than a quick Wordless Wednesday post, stayed off the computer. Come afternoon, I had a few kid-free hours and thought I’d use them to do some school planning. So I grabbed the coffee mug that I won earlier this year in a bloggy friend’s giveaway, poured some java, and sat down at my computer. I’d quick check email and comments and then get started on my planning.
I never got to the planning.
“Marsha needs prayer,” the message said. “Come to my blog for details.” And my heart sank. As a wife and mom, my thoughts went immediately to the Unthinkable. Let it not be her husband or children. Please, Lord. Let them all be okay. This is just going to be something minor. Please.
"...three-year-old Christian..." Sweet little Dozer! But he’s going to be okay. Right? Please say he’s okay.
That’s not what it said. And my heart broke.
Because this wasn’t just “a homeschool family from Texas” that somebody wanted me to pray for. This wasn’t just a little random boy named Christian who died. This was Dozer-- cute little Dozer who made me laugh when I read the stories his mama would write about him. His mama-- his mama wasn’t just another homeschool mom somewhere. She wasn’t just another blogger at HSB. She was my friend Marsha. Although I’ve never met her in person, I’ve “talked to” her. We comment on each other’s blogs. I drink coffee every day out of the mug that she sent me. I “know” her.
No, it isn’t quite the same as having this happen to a little boy whom I have touched and held and kissed and babysat. It isn’t the same as having it happen to a friend whom I have hugged and done field trips with and met for coffee. At least I don’t think it is; I wouldn’t know. I have walked with real-life friends (for lack of a better term) through some difficult, tragic circumstances, but never the loss of a little child.
No, this is probably not the same, but nor is it the same as reading about “some homeschool family somewhere” who lost a child. This hits so much harder. I don’t pretend to be as utterly heartbroken as those who know Marsha and her family in person, who have held Christian and loved him and watched him grow up. My sorrow at this tragedy does not begin to compare to that of the people who were part of Christian’s life and now have had him taken from them. But my heart still aches for Marsha and her family. My mind still can think of little else.
Some of you reading this can’t relate, and that’s okay. I wouldn’t feel this way if I didn’t have a bloggy friendship with Marsha. But I know that others of you do relate, because I read your blogs and your comments on other blogs, and you say the same things that I feel. I think many of us found out this week that the bloggy world really does hit real life. That our hearts really can hurt for someone we’ve never met. And that bloggy friendships really do mean something.
You can’t tell me anymore --I can’t tell me anymore-- that bloggy friendships aren’t real friendships. I've read far too many broken-hearted posts and comments over the last couple days to ever believe that again. Besides, only a real friend would take the time to go around to the bloggers on someone's friends list to make sure they were aware of tragic news. And who but a real friend would compile an iPod full of prayerfully-selected worship songs and put it in the mail for a hurting mama? It wasn’t my idea or my doing, but I’m so glad to have had the chance to be a part of it. And in so doing, I feel as though my circle of friends just became wider. I may never read the blogs of most of the other participants, nor they mine; we may never actually become bloggy buddies. But in uniting together to bless another friend, we shared something of great value. Maybe it’s simply called “love”.
Internet friendships don’t take the place of in-person friendships. My “friends in real life” mean more to me than my blogging buddies, as well they should. They are part of my life and deserve priority. But my bloggy friends --perhaps you are among them-- are friends nonetheless. Valuable friends. Real friends. As real as an iPod full of worship songs. As real as the coffee mug I drink out of every day.
And I don’t think I will be able to drink out of it again without saying a heartfelt prayer for the now-grieving friend who sent it to me. |
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So while I suffer with the occasional bout of the uselessness of blogging, I know I do it for this moment right here: to lift up my sisters in love, ache for their losses and struggles, and to let them know they are not alone. And while you and I have never met, and while I know that we actually have a pretty good chance of doing so the next time I visit MI, it wouldn't matter whether we ever do or not, because, simply put, you are my friend. And I feel blessed because of it.
Good night, my friend.
~Shani