Recently, “Minute-to-Minute” asked for advice for a mom trying to homeschool an ADHD child. Ah, thought I. Now this is something with which I am well-acquainted! So I started banging out a few words of advice.
Ah, think you who read here regularly. “A few words.” I think not. And you’re right. After I’d written my lengthy piece, I condensed it. Then I condensed it again. It was still too long, but I sent it anyway. Then I tweaked it yet again and added some things back in with the intention of posting it here.
I was not going to post it today. But then I happened over to HOTM and noticed that their Friday meme for this week is “learning styles”. Now this piece I wrote is not exactly about learning styles, but it kinda sorta fits. I mean, a big part of successfully homeschooling a KWAD (Kid With Attention Difficulties) is working with his unique learning style. Still, I wasn’t sure I should post this as an HOTM meme on "learning styles". I’m not convinced it’s “eligible”, and goodness knows I don’t want to get myself in trouble with the good people over at HOTM. So I sat on it all day. (I had other things to do anyway. I homeschool, you know.)
Well, it’s 10 pm and only a handful of memes have been posted. Apparently learning styles are not a hot topic, or at least not an easy one to write about. Either that, or everyone’s busy this week with getting back into a “schooling” routine. At any rate, I decided, They're not swamped with links over there, so what the heck. I’ll go for it. So here we go…
Oh, for the record, all my kids, including my KWADs, are primarily visual learners, as am I. We like reading and looking better than listening or doing. This would make homeschooling fairly easy if it weren’t for those pesky ADD issues. Huz has it, I have it, and so does Biz. But none of us is anywhere near as severely afflicted as… you know it if you read this blog… Spaz.
So without further, um, introduction, here are A Few Things I’ve Learned Over Many Years of Spaz-schooling :
-Less is more! Fewer subjects on the agenda, less time on each subject, fewer concepts in one sitting, less to write, all add up to greater success for Spaz. He can only process so much at once, so I have to decide what is most important. If I expect “less” in quantity, I can expect “more” in quality.
-Academics aren’t everything. There were many subjects we just didn’t do formally when Spaz was little. Why? Because he could only sit and do so much, and with his musical bent, I valued sitting for piano practice more highly than sitting for spelling instruction.
-Adapt, accommodate, & adjust. For example, scribing or typing Spaz’ work for him, even the math, has cut down on a lot of frustration over the years. We also do many things orally rather than having him write. As he gets older, I am increasing my expectations for independence. I have been gradually weaning him off these accommodations, but they are still needed in some cases when his focus needs to be on a skill or concept.
-Re-evaluate expectations from time to time. Somewhere, there is a fine balance between adjusting my expectations to my child and helping my child adjust to my expectations. I don’t want to baby him, but I don’t want to frustrate him. (Or myself.) Looking at what his peers are doing or what my other kids did at his age or what the curriculum expects can be helpful, but ultimately I have to know what is within reasonable capability for him.
-Know when enough is enough. This can be hard when he and I are both frustrated! Sometimes I know I need to push through, other times it’s better to say, “We’ll come back to this tomorrow.” (And rarely, when the frustration is accompanied by an exceedingly bad attitude, we ditch the schoolwork entirely… and have a Chore Day.)
-Be specific & concrete. Vague instructions & open-ended activities frustrate him. “Make some sort of notebook page” doesn’t fly. If I want to give him choices, a list of suggestions & options is a big help.
-Written checklists are essential. We like those around here! They don’t guarantee diligence & focus, but they at least make it possible.
-Wink at the harmless quirks. For example, Spaz finds lined paper “distracting” and so he does all written work on plain paper. He also tends to do his math in the bathroom.
-Hyperactive child doesn’t necessarily mean kinesthetic learner! Hands-on projects don’t go well for us unless I do a lot of prior prep and limit them to about 40 minutes (at age 8-ish, it was 20 minutes tops). Some KWADs learn hands-on; some don’t. Learning his learning style and working within it was a big key for us. Spaz learns and focuses best by reading and looking at things. I’ve also learned that I can’t just talk at him; I need to ask questions or put him in charge of a discussion in order to actively engage him in it.
(Okay, there was the “learning styles” part. So am I good now?)
-Distractions are a given. The “experts” will tell you that an ADH child needs a “distraction-free” place to study. I’m here to tell you that there is no such thing. Pencils are a distraction; sofa pillows are a distraction; cobwebs are a distraction. I have to teach Spaz (and myself) to acknowledge the distractions and willfully ignore them. And equally importantly, I have to learn to just do what I can do (like find a way to decrease distractions) and not worry about what I can’t do (like do away with distractions entirely).
-Plan around the highest needs child. I learned early on to plan our school schedule according to Spaz’ needs and work everyone else around that.
-Tweak and re-tweak …to a point. It takes much trial and error to find what works, and what works for one season does not necessarily work the next. We often are not settled into a schedule until November. And sometimes no matter how much I keep tweaking, I still can’t seem to find the perfect schedule and methods. At some point, I have to just go with something and stick with it and try to make it work the best we can.
-Physical activity can save the day. At our house, trampoline or other vigorous exercise is required before we begin our schoolday, and frequent “action breaks” are needed throughout the day. (Sometimes that just means a few minutes of shooting a nerf basketball, running up & down the stairs, or doing jumping jacks.) We also find that the most difficult subjects, such as writing, are best done right after trampoline time or an outdoor play break.
-“ADHD meets adolescence” isn’t pretty, at least when the child in question is a boy. As I have mentioned before, young men are not wired to take orders from and be babysat by their mommies all day, nor should they be. Unfortunately, KWADs are not very self-managing by nature, and it was too easy for me to just micro-manage his schedule and life. That started getting to be a problem when he hit age 11. Working on his self-management skills and ability to work independently has taken a while, but life is a bit more peaceful now.
-Don’t forget about the others. It is easy to shortchange my other child(ren) because the high needs one requires so much time and energy. Fuzz even began taking on the bad habits of her ADH brother in order to get attention. I have to be constantly be aware of these things and make sure that my other kids’ academic and emotional needs are being met, too.
-Expect bad days. I’m going to have them. It isn't always easy, but it's worth it.
And… I didn’t mention this one in my “minute-to-minute” letter, but…
-Chocolate is an essential survival tool. Not for the KWAD, but for the mom. I distinctly remember telling a friend one time that “Spaz’ math lesson today was so frustrating, it took me four pieces of chocolate just to recover.” Bad day? (Those are a given.) I can drown my sorrows in chocolate. Good day? (Those really do happen, too.) I can reward myself with chocolate. In-between day? Chocolate works for that, too. It’s an all-purpose remedy.
Finally…
-It does get better! Spaz has greatly increased in independence and focus over the last year. There are still many issues we need to work on, but he has come a long way. There is hope!
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