Saturday 4 April 2009 - Scary Pantless Ladies With Eye Zippers
So Wednesday night we are watching American Idol, and… and… and yes, I know you are disappointed in me. Yes, I know American Idol is cultural drivel. No, I have not lost all sense of self-respect. My family started watching it and I got sucked in about two years ago; what else can I say? It’s family time.
Anyway, Wednesday night we are watching the American Idol results show, and the special guest “artist” (and I use the word “artist” very loosely here) is a scary-looking techno-weird person named Lady GooGoo or something like that, which I would assume was not actually the name her parents gave her at birth. And I know I am really sheltered for a 43-year-old, but I had never even heard of this person, although my not-sheltered 18-year-old had. Regardless, we were all just thinking this lady is scary. Plus she forgot to wear pants.
This is kind of a common problem on American Idol; nearly every episode features a female-- whether a judge, a contestant, or a guest singer-- who has forgotten to don either the top or the bottom portion of her wardrobe. Which wouldn’t bother me quite so much were there not an impressionable young 13-year-old boy sitting next to me. And I kind of think, you know, we really just shouldn’t even watch this show, but then again, nothing in the world that I can say is going to make my hubz & kidz stop watching American Idol. So instead, I just try to use it as a teaching opportunity. “Fuzz, if you’re ever going to sing on national television --or go anywhere in public, for that matter-- please wear something more than a shiny, fringey nightgown.” And, “Spaz, when you’re old enough to date, please stay away from girls who forget to wear pants.” I know that my kids so appreciate this motherly advice and never grow weary of hearing it.
(Although-- and I’m going to chase a teeny bunny here with a little story-- that whole thing did backfire on me during one episode last season in which Judge Paula forgot to wear a top. I’m sure that those of you who watch AI remember the episode of which I speak. I got so tired of the camera zooming in on Paula’s scantily-clad upper body that I finally grabbed a magazine from the coffee table and stood guard next to the TV, ready to slap that magazine over the screen next time Paula came into view. Which I did, only to discover that the back cover of the magazine, which my family was now viewing instead of the TV behind it, consisted of an ad featuring a gorgeous young model in a bra. Not much of an improvement there, although the family definitely found the whole thing quite hilarious.)
Back to the scary, pantless Lady GooGoo:
We all agreed that she and her act were nothing short of bizarre, and I suggested to Fuzz that she cover her little 10-year-old eyes lest she have nightmares that night. Of course, as always, I had to forcibly restrain myself to keep from covering Spaz’s eyes. He doesn’t tend to welcome that sort of motherly affection. So instead we entertained ourselves trying to figure out, among other things, why one of Scary Lady’s eyes was black. As she finally (at long last!) finished her strange song --if you could call it that-- the camera zoomed in on her face and we could see the eye clearly. And lo and behold, the black surrounding it turned out to be… a black patch.
With a zipper on it.
Yes, a zipper. On her eye.
My kids, of course, thought it rather cool. My hubz thought it rather strange. And I thought to myself, we so need to get one of those for Spaz. Two, actually. Because it would just solve that whole problem of scantily-clad females on American Idol and me wanting to cover his eyes and all that.
To wit: “Clothing Deficiency Alert! Clothing Deficiency Alert! All males under the age of 47 please zip closed your eye patches!”
I’m sold. I’m getting one. Wonder if they carry them on Amazon? |
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The odd thing is, this made me think of Linda Carter as Wonder Woman, my father's favorite show when I was growing up. She even looked fantastic in the full dress uniform with her hair in a bun. And now that I think about her costume, she was more fully dressed than today's performers. But I digress...
What I wanted to say is that maybe you need to send the American Idol people a copy of your rules for underwear. It might help them to remember to keep them on. ;o)
Peace and Laughter!
Cristina