Wow. This blog has gotten so boring that even I don't want to read it anymore. That's kind of sad. My headblogs are really interesting, though. Too bad we're kind of missing some key steps involved in getting them from my head to this blog.

Maybe I will just abandon this blog and start a new one. That should remedy the problem, because of course, having a new blog would make me a more consistent blogger. Just like moving into a bigger house made me an excellent housekeeper, getting new shelves in the schoolroom made me an organized homeschooler, finding a new church would render me a mature and godly Christian, and of course, getting a new husband would turn me into the perfect wife.

Right. Well, I am going to switch to blogger at some point, because I have wanted to for a couple years now anyway, but I don't think now is the time. What would be the point of starting a brand new blog to neglect when I am doing perfectly well at neglecting this one? Methinks I need to begin blogging regularly again before I start anything new.

Ceasing to work 32 hours a week might help me be a more consistent blogger. That is already in process. (The ceasing to work 32 hours, I mean, not the consistent blogging. Don't get too excited.) It's a seasonal job, remember, and the season is nearly over. Work is dwindling and even if it were not, I would be cutting my hours, because I just haven't been able to devote enough time & energy to my day job. You know, the one I don't get paid for. The important one. The one I usually think I am crazy for doing but have been doing for going-on 18 years nonetheless (or 22 years, depending how you look at it). Yes, that one. And, huh... who'da thought that working 4 pm to midnight 4 nights a week would have even the remotest effect on our homeschool days? I sort of expected that it would, but I didn't realize how much.

I am rambling again, which is all I know how to do lately.

Here is another sad thing: there have been no madding hordes clamoring to know "the rest of the story" from my last post-- that is, what exactly happened a few weeks back to render my van temporarily undriveable? Apparently you are all "suffering from a deplorable lack of curiosity" (to quote a line from one of my favorite old movies). Although I can think of a few other explanations, not all of them flattering...

1. Nobody actually reads this blog anymore. Although that would be perfectly understandable, it can't be true now that I think about it, because I did actually get some comments on that post.
2. Like me, everyone reads blogs on google reader and is too lazy forgetful totally enraptured by my posts lazy to click over and comment. Then again, see #1, so this can't be true either.
3. Most of my blog friends are now my facebook friends as well, so they already knew what happened long before reading it here. This one gets my vote.
4. Nobody really cares. I don't really like this option, but it's quite possible.
5. Everyone figured it was pointless to ask, since my blogging history (recent and otherwise) reveals a distinct tendency to not get around to posting those rest-of-story things regardless of how many people ask. Sad but true.

Well, be that as it may. My van is once again driveable and in better shape than it was before its unfortunate run-in with odocoileus virginianus stupideus. Too bad we can't say as much for our wallets, since we had no collision or comp on the van. That wasn't my decision, but we're not going to go there now, or ever, thankyouverymuch. Besides, the same day that we received the repair bill, we received notice of a settlement ("internet purchase gone bad") that had been pending for a couple years. That was money we never expected to see again and it will be about the same amount as the van repair bill. And then there is the new unexpected high-efficiency woodburner funded almost entirely by homeowner's insurance, which we have greatly enjoyed every day since its installation and will enjoy even more when we get our rather diminished heat bills this winter. So it all works out, because God is good.

And yes, I was behind the wheel during that unfortunate run-in, and yes it was a horrible experience. thank you for asking. I pretty much bawled all the rest of the way home, partly from shock and partly out of sorrow for the poor creature. (I didn't have kids in the car, so I didn't have to get a grip.) Then I felt like bawling again when I saw what the stupid thing did to my van. Oh well. All's well that ends well.

Enough about that. Totally random fact: today is Rich Mullins' birthday. I miss that guy immensely. I mean, not that I ever knew him in the first place, so I guess what I mean is that I miss his wonderful songs and musings and concert presence and all that stuff.

Another totally random fact: My nutty bar stash has been replenished, and I ate four of them tonight. Well, you know, two 2-packs. Nutty bars are pretty much the meaning of life, you know. Especially now that Rich Mullins is gone. Hey, that was a pretty clever and spontaneous tying together of unrelated random facts!

I suppose that's enough from me tonight.

Edited to correct all the mistakes and examples of poor sentence structure which are incumbent with late-night (early morning) posting...

Yesterday I started headblogging about the day, and all day today I looked forward to writing a post about it. I was good, though, and got my work done first. (Well, most of it. Okay, some of it.) Anyway...

I got on the computer around 7 pm, still eager to write my post. First, though, I had some business to take care of.

Friends and relatives have been clamoring for me to get a Facebook. I have resisted, knowing that I do not need one more reason to waste spend time on the computer and that my blog would probably suffer if I got a facebook. (Either that or my home and family would be neglected in favor of the computer even more than they already have been. Or both.)

But Facebook, it seems, is the new e-mail. It's how people keep in touch. And I have people wanting to keep in touch with me that way.

I've often thought about whether I should share my blog address with IRL friends and family. Many of them enjoy my writing, and with all the time I spend on the blog, it would make sense to use it as a keeping-in-touch vehicle. No, I wouldn't feel as free to write some of the things I write; I would just have to be willing to give up that freedom. But most of the things I post, I'd love to have friends & relatives read. So I have wrestled with that whole thing. And then at some point I realized that most of them wouldn't read it even if I did open it up to them. Because bloggers read blogs. Normal people, not so much. Normal people Facebook. That is how most of my relatives and IRL friends keep in touch with each other.

And a lot of them have been wanting to know when I was going to jump on the bandwagon so they could keep in touch with me as well.

(Never mind that we all have e-mail. E-mail is old school, apparently.)

Plus my older kids have Facebook, so it behooves me to know what it's all about. Really, truly. Whether or not they want me to be their Facebook friends.

As I mentioned earlier, I was anxious all day to get to my blog and write up the post that had been bubbling in my brain since yesterday afternoon. And so I would... as soon as I set up my Facebook.

Four hours later (with a half-hour break in there to make a phone call and tuck the kids in bed)... anyway... four hours later, I was still on Facebook. And I really couldn't remember much of the blog post I'd been going to write.

This is bad. This is very bad.

So we shall see how the Facebook affects the blog. And the sleep, and the house, and the family.

It's all new to me. I don't like new; I like familiar. I like blog. I don't like Facebook. Yet. I'll probably love it within a couple weeks' time.

But I hope I will always love blogging more. Blogging is... special. "Everybody" Facebooks, but not everybody blogs. Bloggers are a special breed, I think. And I really do not want Facebook usurping my blogtime. It's been hard enough to carve out time for the blog. As it is, I write up only a small percentage of all the things I want to blog about. How on earth will I make time for a Facebook as well?

We shall see.

Remember my comment above about Facebook being the new e-mail? Well, my brother was kind enough to comment on that perception of mine. "Facebook may be the new e-mail," he wrote, "but Twitter is the new Facebook. You're still one fad behind."

*Sigh* I just can't win.

Have I ever mentioned that I tend to be a very, very, very, not to mention VERY easily discouraged person?

Probably not.  But I am.  (So remember to never leave me nasty comments, or I will probably never blog again.  That's a threat, by the way, and not a promise, so don't even think about taking me up on it.)

In addition to being easily discouraged, I struggle with depression.  A lot.  I know that probably isn't obvious from reading this blog.  I have a writing personality and a rest-of-life personality, I think.  Apparently writing about life releases my inner optimist while actually living life only suppresses it.  Or something.  Ask my oldest daughter, who once commented after reading my annual semi-humorous family newsletter, "You shouldn't pretend to be a funny person when you actually aren't."  (Which struck me as an odd and illogical comment.  I attempted to explain to her that if I wrote the letter and the letter was funny, then apparently I am, in fact, a funny person.  She wasn't buying it.)

Oh, side note: I don't write those letters anymore.  I think it was the very next year that I sort of sub-consciously decided that I didn't want to write a funny newsletter when life didn't seem very funny at the moment, and I certainly couldn't write an unfunny one because I had built up all these expectations among my faithful readers... then I didn't write one the following year, nor the one after that...  At some point, too, I realized that shortly after that final newsletter, someone close to me had made fun of my casual writing style, and that was probably what actually sounded the death knell for the newsletters, although it took me a few years to figure that out.  Toldja I'm easily discouraged.

*Ahem* Long rabbit trail; sorry.  There really is a point to this 2-am-caffiene-induced ramble, and hopefully I will still remember it by the time I get to the end... if there is an end...

What was I talking about?  Oh yeah, depression and discouragement.  These days I battle both on a daily basis.  (I bet you can't say that real fast five times without saying "baily basis" at least twice.)  Because in addition to all the usual things that can so easily send me into a downward spiral of thought, I now have nagging at the back (and sides and front) of my brain the thought that I need to get a job.  And that it had better be a good one.  And that if we have to move from our wonderful house it will be all my fault for not getting off my lazy behind and helping my husband bring in some income.

That last one is a lie, of course, but it's a nagging, pervasive, persistent sort of lie that isn't easily vanquished.

Anyway.  I mentioned a month or so ago that I was thinking about looking for a job.  For the last few years I have thought that perhaps it would be good for me to have a nice little part-time job doing something I enjoy and am good at, so that I could occasionally be someone other than "mom", use my brain in some different ways, and get out of the house and *gasp* *homeschool heresy alert! homeschool heresy alert!* away from the kids.  Which was all very fine and dandy to think about when it still seemed optional.

Now I think it would be nice for me to have a little part-time job with a big fat paycheck so that I don't have to keep having to hear comments like these from Hubz:

"My goal is to hang onto the house long enough to have Cheez' graduation party here."

"We need to get rid of stuff.  It'll be that much less to move."

or have conversations like this one:

Me: When the weather gets nice, we should follow through on that idea we've always had of hosting a get-together for the other families from church who live around here.

Hubz: I guess, if we do it in June.  We should still be living here in June.

All of which makes me want to scream and throw things.

That's the depressing part.  The discouraging part comes in actually trying to find a job.  Which is probably why, despite the above dialogue, I have not been working very hard at it.

I live in one of the most economically-depressed states in the country.  My degree has sat on a shelf for 22 years, and it's the wrong degree, anyway.  I have smarts and aptitude and potential, but not enough skill and no experience or training.  And I lack confidence in a big way.  Why would I think I could get any job, let alone one that I'd enjoy and find fulfilling?

Discouragement, big time. 

I check the ads for jobs in my areas of interest and find very little.  I struggle to convert my experiences and "accomplishments" of the past 22 years into something marketable on paper and it looks ridiculous.  And I think, why do I even bother?  I have a hard time pursuing things as it is, and if the things in question seem pretty hopeless, well, forget about it.  I go to look at ads or work on my pitiful "resume", and five minutes after I start, I'm ready to give up.  That's if I even start in the first place.  Most of the time I think about it and immediately come up with some homeschooling or household task I urgently need to do at that particular moment.

So this week I've spent a few nights at that cheap-temporary-office-rental place known as a coffee shop, where I can work on that sort of stuff away from the distractions of home.  I swing my backpack into a booth and park my laptop on the table and sip coffee and type and wonder whether it all makes me look like somebody important.  You know, somebody with a job.  (One that pays, I mean.)

Are you still reading?  I'm almost to the end.  (I think.)  I still remember the point.

One of the areas in which I have interest and aptitude (but little knowledge, no experience, and the wrong degree) is editing.  And since I have a close family member in the publishing business, I also have in my possession a "test" which his department uses to evaluate editing skills of potential employees.  NOT that I am a potential employee, I hasten to say, though I wish I were.  No, I have the test simply as a means of self-evaluation to see whether I might indeed have an aptitude for and enjoyment of this sort of work.

Not that it matters, I think to myself as I edit.  I have the wrong degree, no experience, and I don't know as much as I thought I did about this stuff.  And even if I did, who's hiring?  Besides, this is silly.  This test is for 23-year-old kids fresh out of college and ready to conquer the world, not for tired old moms who want to cautiously re-enter the world and help pay the mortgage, and certainly not for tired old moms who didn't even major in English.  I need to put this away and get back to my resume, if you even want to call it that; not that it's going to do me any good...

And then it hits me.  This manuscript I'm "editing" is all about...

Discouragement.  Why it happens and what to do about it.

Funny, that.

So I stop editing for a moment and just read.  (Although it's difficult not to edit as I read, because it so badly needs it.)

It's not the best stuff I've ever read.  It's not earth-shattering, but it's interesting.  It's relevant.  It's at least somewhat helpful.

Maybe it's God.

Now that's an encouraging thought.

Do not be discouraged (my translation) about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with Thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.  Philippians 4:7-8.

1.  Doing creative projects (like I did just before Christmas) makes me feel happy.

2.  Doing decluttering/organizational projects (like I am supposedly doing now) makes me feel frustrated, discouraged, and depressed.

3.  Not doing the decluttering/organizational projects (ie, having clutter & being disorganized) also makes me feel frustrated, discouraged, and depressed.

4.  Perhaps I would do more creative projects if I could just get the organizational ones done.

I'm supposed to be making a photo collage for my MIL, but I haven't even made it to my art desk yet.  I've gotten a little carried away playing with photos...

As though my 72-y/o MIL would even like those.  Here's what I'll probably end up using:

Even so, she probably would appreciate normal old unartsified pictures.  And had I just stuck with those, I'd have shut my computer about... um, 4 or 5 hours ago.  And I could have spent that time at my art desk making the collage and I'd be finished by now.

Or not, because I'll probably spend 10 hours at my art desk thinking and arranging and rearranging and cutting and pasting and experimenting and undoing and redoing...

Not to mention that I could have showered and eaten, neither of which I have done yet today.  (Chocolate and coffee don't count.)

It's 3:38 pm.

Now you know why I don't do projects.

I am working the elections tomorrow, an exciting "first" for me.  But until I get within 100 feet of that building, I am still entitled to an opinion or two or seventeen.  So here goes...

A few thoughts on tomorrow's Presidential elections:

1.  I'm not thrilled about either of the major candidates.

2.  I think it is high time this country had a President "of color".

3.  So all other things being equal, I would vote for the candidate "of color"...

4.  As long as he wasn't friends with terrorists and extremists...

5.  And as long as he valued the lives of the tiniest, most helpless Americans.

6.  Let's not even talk about spread-the-wealth economics.

7.  And did I mention that thing about terrorists and hatred-spewing extremists?

8.  Because that is just plain S-C-A-R-Y.

9.  Given that all things are NOT equal...

10.  This is a no-brainer for me.

11.  Which makes me wonder what the "other side" could possibly thinking.

This Obamamania just totally floors me.  I understand that people disagree on such issues as abortions, gay rights, and economic policies.  But electing a man as President who has (documented and undeniable) close associations with terrorists and extremists hate groups?  Are we NUTS?  Have we lost all sense of reason?

Who is grooming this young, inexperienced, previously unknown man?  And for what?  And how hard are they laughing at the gullibility of the American people?

I can only come up with a few explanations for this incredible lapse of judgment by an otherwise sane people:

1.  We are so busy trying to be "color blind" that we are just plain blind.

2.  We are so desperate for "change" that we ignore what ought to be obvious.

3.  We have been sucked in by the charisma of a young, articulate, good-looking candidate and turned off our powers of observation and reason.

Anything I'm missing here?  Any other explanations?  Obama supporters and non-supporters alike, feel free.  Enlighten me, please.  But be nice.

...and did we ever need it!  We've had almost none over the last month, but today, it has rained almost continually.

And of course, I forgot to get the laundry off the line yesterday.  (What's worse, I didn't even hang it yesterday; it's Tuesday's laundry.  I really need to write myself notes or something.)  Those shirts are very well rinsed by now.

There is something about a rainy day that makes me want to just cancel "schoolwork" and everything else and just sit in front of the window with a cup of coffee and a good book, listening to the rain pelt the glass as the children and I lose ourselves in a sea of words and pages...  Alas, it was not to be, as I felt like we needed to accomplish more than just reading today.  I'm not sure whether that makes me a good mom or a bad mom; perhaps both.  At any rate, we did "do school", but the rain and ensuing cool breezes wafting through the open sliders did lend an air of relaxation to our day.  And, I made tomato soup and grilled cheese for lunch.  At least I could do that.

So, while I enjoyed the rainy day, I didn't get to enjoy it curled up in my comfy chair with a cup of coffee and a crossword puzzle or a book.  (Coffee, yes.  But math books and dining room chairs don't count.)  However, now* I am doing the next-best thing.  No, wait-- the next best thing would be drinking coffee while playing backgammon in front of the window while the rain pelts the glass...  And the next best thing would be...  OK, so it's down the list a few.  Anyway, I am now finally getting to relax and enjoy the rainy day, even though I am technically still on the job.  That would be the part of my job called "chauffeur".   Because, you see, I am relaxing with a cup of coffee and my computer at a little table in the library--  not "my" library, but the one close to Spaz' football practice.  Which, unfortunately, does not seem to have any tables near windows or even in view of them.  But I have coffee and I'm chillin', so I guess I'll settle for two out of three.

Tuesday, by the way, was officially the hottest day of the summer here.  Tuesday, as in Two Days Ago.  As in, the hottest day of the whole stinking summer was in September.  When I dropped Spaz off at football practice that day, my van temp said it was 94 degrees, and that was at 5:30 in the afternoon.  (I know, I know, my southern friends-- 94 is a cold spell where you live.)  When I get Spaz from practice tonight, I will have to ask him whether he prefers practicing in 94-degree heat or 63-degree pouring rain.  I've a feeling it will be the latter.

There would be no question about it for Fuzz.  She loves rain, almost as much as she loves snow.  She loves to play in it, stand in it, walk in it...  (So does Cheez, for that matter.)  In fact, Fuzz was heard in our house just yesterday singing, "Sun, sun, go away, Don't come back another day.  I! Want! Rain!"  Not because the parched and thirsty land was crying out for it, because children of the nine-year-old persuasion don't think that way.  She just likes rain.

So do I.  Especially when it comes with coffee and an excuse to relax.  And if it rains all day tomorrow, I'm going to be really tempted to make it a reading day for all of us.  We'll see.

*Note:  I am taking some literary license with the word "now".  It was "now"  at the time I began head-blogging this post.  But currently, literally, right "now" I am not at the library anymore.  I was good and did other stuff on my computer at the library.  "Now", as I finish writing this, I am actually at home at my dining room table.  And it is no longer Thursday evening, but rather 12:47 am Friday.  (Because I forgot to make sure the coffee was decaf.)  But it is still raining...  or was a few paragraphs ago. 

Oh.  And Spaz said, Definitely in the rain.  Toldja.

...but I think I'm going to follow the discussion anyway.  Because it's good for me to get out of my middle-class comfort zone of dSLR and laptop and 2400-square-foot TFLA and frivolous trips to MalWart...

Besides, I know the guy (homeschool foster/adoptive dad) who is hosting it.

I don't know if it will convince me to change anything, but it will sure make me think.  Although that might make me a "hearer of the word and not a doer".  Ouch.  Okay, maybe I won't  keep reading.  If I don't hear, I don't have to do, right?

Or not.

Anyway, it's food for thought.  "Following Jesus in Middle Class America".  Check it out here.

Apparently I have a kindred spirit- er, kindred brain- out here in bloggerland.  My blogbuddy CarpeBanana hath declared herself to be a Person Who Thinks Too Much as well.  Perhaps we should start a support group.

CarpeBanana has this disorder pretty well, um, thought  out.  You really ought to go read her post about it.  Unless of course you came here from there, in which case it would be kind of silly to go back there so soon.  In that case, you should kick up your feet and read my blog for a couple hours. 

I think (ha, too much, of course)... sorry... I think my Banana friend has done a very good job of designating, describing, delineating, and otherwise defining this dastardly disorder.  However, I am not at all certain that PWTTM is the best name.  I agree that every disorder worth its salt needs to be known by an acronym; I just think we need a more interesting title behind the initials.  People Who think Too Much is, as CB intimated, far too simplistic and self-explanatory.  We need something a little more medical-sounding, a tad more mysterious.  Something like....

Brain Overactivity Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified.

Nah.  We can do better.  How about...  Unceasing Cycle of Thought Syndrome?  (Although Cyclical Unceasing Thought Syndrome makes a better acronym.)

Or we could go with Relentless Barrage of Mental Activity Disorder.  Better yet, Barrage of Unrelenting Mental References, which sounds like a real BUMR of a disorder.  No wait, wait, I have it...  Unwanted Mental Barrages Relentlessly & Excessively Lunging Loosely Around.  It doesn't entirely make sense and is a bit redundant, but it's a great "UMBRELLA" definition.

If, on the other hand, we didn't care about having a great acronym, we could simply call it Pervasive Propensity Toward Pensivity.  Now that has potential.  Or should it be Pervasive Proclivity Toward Pensivity ?

In any case, I do like the NOS bit that Carpe added at the end.  It stands for Not Otherwise Specified, which is a very useful distinction to have, but in this case it can quite appropriately also stand for No Off Switch.  That perfectly describes my brain.  And Carpe's too, I bet.

Why else would we even post about stuff like this?  You'd just better hope I never get around to my other page of notes.

As promised...

I got tagged with this a LONG time ago and immediately thought it looked like fun.  I like tags because they're easier than writing a typical post.  Unfortunately, my over-active brain seems to loathe the notions of "easy" & "simple".  As I tried to randomly jot down interesting tidbits I could use for this, my brain got busy trying to arrange them into categories, as well as choose which seven would be the very best to use.  *Sigh*  Thanks to my tendency to analyze everything to death, the simplest things become unnecessarily complicated.

Um, yeah.  Like this post.  So on with it.  For heaven's sake, it's a LIST, dummy!  (Note:  the term "dummy" refers to writer, not reader.)

OK, a list of seven random things about me.  I'll try to keep it simple.

1.  Today is the 2nd anniversary of my 40th birthday, as well as being the 2nd anniversary of the day we closed on our house.

2.  I live out in the country, near the city, just outside a tiny town.  We have 3 acres, yet can walk to the library, bank, or ice cream store.  We think it is the best of all worlds.

3.  I coach indoor soccer -- to homeschooled 6-7-yr-olds.  That's despite having virtually no athletic skills whatsoever, only years of soccer-mom-hood and a willingness to serve.

4.  I love hanging out laundry.

5.  Seven years ago, I spent a week in Munich, Germany visiting  a friend who had moved there.

6.  My preferred form of exercise is bike-riding, and I am trying get back into last summer's daily early-morning bike ride routine.

7.  My husband and I both have first names that are a generation ahead of their time-- that is, tho we are in our forties, everyone else we know of who shares either of our first names is age 25 or younger!

And just for good measure,

8.  I have a tendency to stay up waaay too late on the computer, and actually fell asleep in the middle of writing this post.  Goodnight!

If you think this looks like fun, then consider yourself tagged!-- and let me know when you post so I can go read your list.