On another blog I entered a contest and had to write about my sons.  I wanted to post it here as I think I want the world to know how much I love being a mother and having my boys.  Enjoy!

Oh my. I have looked at this for so long in their catalog. My sons and I received a Vision Forum catalog this past year and all we have done is drool! Not only are the items they carry quality and enriching, their committment to the ideals behind them is astonishing in this day and age. But, enough about Vision Forum, this isn’t supposed to be an add for them though I could do that quite easily.

You asked us as mother’s to write about what makes our boys so precious to us. To “win” this item we must write about our sons. Well, I have not read through the other responses that are here and seeing as this is Thursday morning, I hope I am not too late.

If you visit my blog, you will find a post there that speaks on how angry I was with my sons. I have three now, at the time I was pregnant with my 4th child. Yes, one baby is in Heaven rejoicing with Jesus. Anway, on that particular day my sons had about driven me over the edge. When I re-read my post I cringe. Not because I don’t believe we all have those days, but because I didn’t take the time to give the whole truth. We do all have those days but the truth is, our children are such a marvelous blessing to us. I also have a step-son who is now 20 years old. He is living independently and it is a joy to see him thriving. You see, he was adopted and his biological mother was an addict. He has had many years of “problems” and the physical harm he has put us in has been really scary at times. Through those years of dealing with his mental illness, I thought surely God didn’t intend for us to live like this and would intervene. He did, but not how I thought He would or should. Instead, He worked in me. He has shown me how to love a person who is difficult to love. He showed me that love is not always sappy feelings but is a choice made moment by moment in each situation. Love is choosing the good for another even when they hurt us, use us or even abuse us. Love is setting boundaries for our safety and sanity but also for the one who is in the wrong. Love is willing to forgive even when there is no apology or repentance. Love reduces our pride and teaches us humility. In this, I have seen God redeem my stubbornness and has delivered my step-son. He is so happy now. Happiness is not something he knew growing up. His particular illnesses and conditions don’t allow much true joy, now, he is learning to stand on his own two feet and that he is worthwhile and does have something to give this world. He is exploring his gifts and faith and seeing that he too can be a man of integrity. How different from the many weekends of bringing him to hospitals trying to find help for him, the institutions, the meds, the dark days of seeing him thrashing about on the floor or destroying the house because he didn’t get his way. Now, we have peace in our home when he is here. Why? Prayer and obedience to God’s word. Even when I wanted to run away and give up on him, I bent my knee and bowed my heart before God and submitted to His way. It is never easy to do this in such extremes, but it can be hard even when we don’t have extremes. Humility is a tough road and not always easy but it is so worth the trip and the rewards are life-altering. That was my first experience as a mom, not even to my own flesh and blood, but well worth it. The lessons learned there are what teaches me now with the boys God has further given to me. I will continue to write on them as they are the ones in my sphere at present.

My sons are beautiful, handsome, creative and fun! They have the best senses of humor! Kyle loves to talk to others and is so relational. He is innocent in his understanding and amazing in his ability to communicate to others. He is sensitive, sweet and oh so very charming. I wish I could put a video up of him to show you how delightful he is. Nathan is whom we refer to as “A Party Waiting to Happen!” that is his personality to a “T”. He was born prematurely at 33wks and has lived on the edge since! Oh the stories I could tell!! They both live this life with a twinkle in their eyes and a smile on their lips. I smile just sitting here thinking on them. Let’s not forget my newest little bundle either! Ryan is just coming up on one month of age and he is already fun. The smiles and the coos, the quiet times nursing (when we get quiet moments! lol). To hold a little baby again and to have him is more than I can express. I never thought I’d be blessed this way again but God had different plans and I am so grateful that He did!

But is this all there is? I could write all day about our adventures, our fun times together, our simple daily laughs and yes, also our darker moments. The disclipline, the whining, oh the whining! The areas of struggle they have with obeying, getting along, responsibility, etc. The usual. My boys are 7, 4 and 1 month, they are still learning. So am I.

That is where the real blessing is. My boys are many wonderful things but I at times am not. God has trusted me with raising these sons to become men. What do I know about being a man? Nothing really. Yes, I have a wonderful husband who will take the charge but at these tender ages and being the one they spend the most time with, I bear the load. To create men of Faith, honor, integrity, courage, truth, wow! It is down right daunting most days and I tremble before God with that load. In this my weaknesses are exposed, I lay bare before God with my sinful nature and my selfishness wrapped around my like a garment. I can only beg Him for help as these are His future men, His precious creations entrusted to a woman who by her old nature could do much harm but in God’s Grace is learning differently.

To me, having sons is a great challenge to understand the mysteries of another gender. To learn to accept those differences on many different levels. When I want to save the ant or caterpillar and before I can catch it, squish happens. When I want to get domestic in the kitchen they want to make it into a science experiment! When we are outside and I figure they can play in the sandbox while I read a page or two only to be interrupted by some forsaken creature being dangled infront of my nose or two sand-monsters infront of me (how there is even any sand left in that box is beyond me, it must surely be in my septic by now after all the stuff removed from their heads!). You know, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even on our really tough days when I feel overwhelmed, exhausted and alone. Those grubby little hands that reach for me will one day reach out and take another woman’s hand and forge a life with her as his one and only lady, they will one day be the hands that will make decisions in the world of careers, they will comfort their own children and also be the ones to bring correction, they will fold many times in prayer to God for guidance and ultimately leave this earth to take His hand in Heaven. *tears* Am I grateful? You bet. Am I scared? Absolutely!! Do I love them? More than you or anyone will ever know.

They are only 7, 4 and 1 month. Life is just unfolding for them and for me. They want to make their way in this world and find out who they are, I too want to know who I am. How to be their mother, how to raise these boys to the calling that I have been given. Only through much prayer and humility will this happen.

You know, I’m so glad for your contest because in reflecting on this subject, I am blessed already. I am truly a blessed woman. To be a step-mom and mom and see God’s hand is more than a reward. Thank you!!!!

Blessed Christmas to you!

Bethany