Ok so did you ever notice how 15 min. can seem like forever?  lol I sat down to do my Bible reading time and wow 15 minutes sure drageed on.  I don't mean that disrespectfully, it actually reminded me of how much I have taken the scriptures for granted and how familiar we can think they are.  Some countries would love to have 15min. with the Bible and they would consider it the best 15 min. of their lives.  Shame on me.

The second thing I got out of this time was that I really need to be in James.  I started in John and now through a series of events, I realize I need to bridle my tongue (and my heart).  I have recently volunteered for an assistant position in Scouting with my son's group.  The Cubmaster is moving on after many years as her youngest is now moving on to Boy Scouts so she is going to volunteer her time in that capacity.  I had thought last year of taking over her position but then found out I was pregnant so I decided not to do anything with that.  Now, it is time for someone to take her place and another person who I know very well has stepped up to take it.  I have volunteered to be her assistant.  Now, the Committe Leader, the Retiring Cubmaster, current Den Leaders, etc all think I would be great in this position but when speaking to the person taking over, she is hesitant.  I have tried to figure out why but instead I found myself in a place of pride trying to convince her that I should be the one she picks!  I didn't intend for that to come across that way and long story short, I really feel that I might have come across very arrogantly.  I apologized to her but her response was not very endearing.  I feel bad.  I never meant to come across that way and I told her this but you know how it is, once you "open mouth insert foot" it is very hard to get it out!

So, here I am realizing I'm a jerk and have not behaved rightly, have apologized but did not receive a very enthusiastic acceptance and I cannot seem to let it go and forgive myself! UGH!  I still think I have another person to apologize to as well as I might have broken a confidence indirectly.  Boy, in one moment my pride made me a really yucky person.  I know that it overall is not a big issue, thank goodness! But I really want to be trustworthy you know?  I have been a person that others can count on not to break their trust and feeling like I might have done the very thing I value most, makes me feel horrible.

So, bridling the tongue and heart are what I need most to re-learn right now.  I think it is a very good lesson.  I just wish I didn't have to learn it the hard way.  I just can't believe I acted like that.  What a creep.  I guess it is an indication of how much I am lonely these days and feeling very insecure. 

So, that is Day One.  Gee, I can hardly wait to see what happens next. Really. Sheesh! Bring it on though, change is good, reproof is good.

B