I was out picking some raspberries this morning and was missing Marie.  Then I realized I never posted her eulogy... so to honor Marie, here it is... We held a memorial service at the church and then a week later, buried her.  The children gathered wildflowers for her.  She would have loved that!!

Memories of her short time with her family haunted her all her life.  She could never forget the abuse and lack of love. It even made her suicidal at times.  More than once we had to stop her from walking down the road because she wanted to jump off a bridge.   We knew her for 30 years and in all that time no relative ever contacted her.  The only people in her life were people who were paid to care for her… until that day in March of 1979.

She started coming for visits.  Then, she asked if there were things she could do for me.  She loved it when I left dishes to be washed, clothes to be folded, or dusting to be done.  Every home school mom should have a Marie.  During strawberry season, she liked to go and help us pick for the farm stand… but she could eat at least as many as she could put in the box.

She would talk for months about her birthday.  I remember the first one we shared with her.  I invited the Gable ladies over and surprised Marie with a cake, balloons, and gifts.  She was so overcome, she could not stop crying.  “This is the first birthday party I’ve ever had,” she said, sobbing.  I never did a party like that for her again.  It was way too emotional for her and brought back too many painful memories. 

“It’s not a family unless there are babies and pets,” she often would remind me.  And she meant it.  She loved both dearly.  Even though the birthday party didn’t work out, she loved coming for Christmas and other family holidays.  We were always amazed at how well she could remember names of relatives she saw only once a year.  “I pray for them all by name every night,” she would often remind me.  And she meant it.

She was never married and she never had a baby, but she had lots of pets over the years.  Real ones like birds, turtles, rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, gerbils, and fish….and stuffed animals that she carefully displayed on her bed every day.

“Never buy an elephant unless the trunk is up,” she would always remind me when she knew I was going on a mission trip.  “I’m told it’s bad luck if the trunk isn’t up.” That was her way of reminding me not to forget to bring back something for her when I traveled. Plants were another of her favorites and I have a couple that she gave me. 

How do I explain her wit?  Just when you think she’s not even paying attention, she would come out with some very funny (and perceptive) one liners.  She had her own standup comedy. 

She never liked her name.  She wanted to be called Mary.  She told me she got her name changed, but I thought she was making it up.  She made up stories sometimes after seeing something on TV or hearing something that the staff would read out of the newspaper.  I could never call her Mary – she was a Marie.  Imagine my surprise when I went through some of her papers and discovered that she really did get a name change in 1995. 

I could never get her last name right either.  I say DUbay, but the proper pronunciation is DUbee.  Bill Tuttle got it right.  He befriended her when he visited his aunt at Woodlawn.  He called her Scooby Dooby – and she loved that.

Marie was raised as a Catholic.  Of course, as she became part of our family we wanted her to go to church with us.  In the beginning she felt she had to get permission from the priest.  Sometimes they would say yes, but when the priest said no, she would not come.

Every Christmas I would take her shopping so she could buy socks for her priests, Bob and Pastor Wayne.  I said many times that as long as Marie was alive, Bob and Pastor Wayne would never need to buy socks.  Eventually all the priests died or moved away and I didn’t hear any more about the Catholic priests.

I was always concerned about her salvation and would speak about Jesus many times.  She had the understanding of a child when it came to Spiritual things.  She said she loved Jesus, but I was never sure if she understood that He was her only way to heaven.  I tried to talk about it in many ways.  She agreed with everything we talked about.

Normally, Marie was very polite and decent, but if she got mad at something or someone she could swear – and occasionally tell an off colored story, or sing an off colored song.  I would be quick to remind her that this kind of behavior hurt God’s ears – and mine.  She understood – at least until the next time she got mad.  She never got mad at me.  I continued to pray that God would give her a full understanding of salvation, but I was never quite sure until...

one day when Pastor Wayne visited her and her roommate, Theresa. He shared the Gospel with them.  Theresa prayed for salvation and to Pastor’s surprise, Marie prayed right along with her.  I really think something different happened in her life that day.  She couldn’t wait to tell me about what she had done.  There was a difference in her.  She would speak about that day many times after that.   She would readily tell everyone, “I’m protestant now.” which I believe was her way of expressing her born again experience. 

“Every morning I wake up singing hymns,” she often told me after that day.  God knew that I had doubts about her soul, and I believe He used these hymns to offer evidence of the transformation within her.  She loved to play those hymns on her harmonica and accordion every chance she could.  She loved music, and she loved playing with Pastor Wayne and his guitar.

Marie loved to stay busy… tending her plants, her pets and doing hand work.  She loved to crochet, knit and do cross stitch.  I’ve brought some of her work today.

She loved to dress up.  She carefully picked out the right color headbands and jewelry to match.  She loved pocketbooks, too.

Wherever Marie went, she was low maintenance and loved by everyone. She was an “I’d rather do it myself” kind of girl. It was usually a good thing until she wouldn’t ask for help at times when she should.  She was never demanding.  That’s why it was hard to understand when the Gables suddenly moved her to Winthrop and put her in a nursing home.  She had loved at the Gables for 21 years – longer than she had ever lived anywhere else.

Before this happened, I had often wondered how you could adopt an adult.  We had always wanted to make Marie our own.  After she was suddenly moved away from us, I discovered the guardianship program.  It took a long year and a half to get her out of that home and closer to us once again, but in the end Bob and I became her official guardians and she was ours.  Nothing could happen to her and no decisions could be made on her behalf unless we approved. 

It also meant that we got the calls in the middle of the night if she had to be rushed to the hospital.  If possible, I would drop everything and rush to her side… not only to sign papers, but, more importantly, to let her know she was not alone. 

Her times in the hospital lit up so many lives. Everyone loved her, no matter what institution she was in.  She’d tell the doctors how nice lookin’ they were, and would entertain nurses with her laugh.  “I wish we could record her laugh,” they would often tell me.  Oh that laugh.  Sometimes she couldn’t stop.  When it happened in church the girls would look at me like, “Mom! Isn’t there something you can do?”  The opposite of her uncontrollable laughter was her uncontrollable crying.  I would much rather hear her laugh.

The day we appeared in court for the guardianship decree, I picked up Marie so she would witness the official signing.  As we drove toward the courthouse, I noticed that Marie was very quiet. 

“Are you okay, Marie?” 

“Yes. “

“You seem so quiet.  Are you afraid? “A long pause.

“Maybe a little. “ 

“But why?  This is a happy day for all of us.  You’re going to become a part of our family. “

She stared straight ahead and didn’t respond.  I explained that the judge was someone that we knew and it would be okay.  Another long pause.

“You mean, he’s not like Judge Judy?”   It cracked me up.  “She’s mean to people,” she said firmly.  I assured her that Judge Mitchell would not be mean.  From that day forward she would tell friend and stranger, “She’s my guardeen.”

When you work with people like Marie, you have to be careful what you do with them.  If you do it once, they come to expect it.  Their expectations become unrealistic at times.  How do you get them to understand how busy a mom’s life is or what her interruptions and distractions and responsibilities are like?  So, be careful what you promise and you better plan to be on time.  They count on it, and things become ritual very quickly.

For Marie, her expectations were always Sunday church, then lunch at our house and then to Wal-mart for shopping and Dunkin Donuts – make that a chocolate sugared one with a Diet Pepsi.  And, no matter how full I was from lunch, I had to have something, too.  She did not like any deviations from that ritual, no matter how fun they could be.  Sometimes in the summer I’d try to talk her into a Gifford’s ice cream instead.  “Nope, I got a bad cone there once,” she would say.  But, she was making it up.

Thank goodness for the Estes who would often pitch hit for us if we were away and could not pick her up for church.  Marie always loved her time with them, but I could tell she didn’t want to act too happy about it just in case it might become a permanent thing.  She was never 100% secure in her relationship with us.  I think she always feared we would abandon her at some point.  Little did she know how Shari yearned to take her in and care for her in their family setting.  

In spite of her insecurities, she did share us with some of her friends from the homes.  Sandy Pooler was one of those friends.  She started attending church with Marie, and became a close friend of mine.  When she died suddenly at the age of 57, her estate was the seed money that made this building possible.  We probably wouldn’t be sitting here today if it wasn’t for our Marie. 

Theresa was another friend that started coming to church with Marie.  In fact, Marie and I didn’t do anything without Theresa.  We even did girl overnights together at the farm.  They loved to help me get ready for big family events.  They were a huge help and tons of fun. 

My mother-in-law has often said that “people die the way they live.”  That was true of our Marie.  As she was rapidly declining, Wayne and Linda came.  Wayne read Scriptures and she never took her eyes off him as he read.  (Of course, part of that was her crush that she had on him.) Then we began to sing hymns to her.  She was too weak to say the words by then, but she was singing along with us.  I know it was bringing her a lot of comfort and happiness to sing them.  She would need it for the 48 hours that she became restless and could not sleep.  True to her character, she never complained during the five days I spent with her as she readied for heaven.

Those five days were an answer to my prayers.  I had asked God many times to allow me to be with her when the end came.  I did not want her to go through it without us.  In His grace and mercy, she knew I had come and would be with her until the end.  How good is our God.

Her priceless worth became so evident through the response of the staff at Woodlawn.  In those final days, staff from all departments made their way into her room to see how she was doing or to say their good byes.  Most had tears in their eyes as they left. 

One nurse had been out on a three week medical leave when someone called to tell her Marie was dying.  She came right over.  All these gestures touched us deeply. The end came softly.  She opened her eyes and then, was gone.   When it was over, many came to her room to commend us for our care for Marie. 

It was hard for us to explain to them what she meant in our lives.  It was not a burden to care for Marie… it was a privilege.  It wasn’t that we had to do it; it was that we got to.  God used Marie to teach us a lot about “the least of these” that He wrote about in Matthew.

“…that the works of God might be displayed in his life” was how Jesus put it when describing another special needs person, born blind, in John 9:3.   “…that the works of God might be displayed in Marie’s life,” Jesus is showing us now.

Because she was significant to God she became significant to us.   And no one loved us more than Marie. 

The Psalmists tell us that God gives the desolate a home to live in… that He is the Father of orphans…it is He who upholds them and He that lifts up those who are bowed down.  He used Marie to show us how true those words are. 

I wish that we could do better for the Marie’s of this world.  There are many more like her.   I’ve met some of them.  Governments and “for-profit” institutions are not equipped to do the job well.  I think God’s people can do it better, and it’s my prayer that it will be done, somehow, somewhere and sometime soon. 

Thank you for coming and sharing these memories with us. Thank you for your love to us and to Marie – for all your prayers – all your hugs – your laughs. It means so much to us. It meant so much to her – it meant everything to her.   Please take time to look at the scrapbook of her life.  And enjoy her favorite foods with us following the service. 

Introduce Megan and the accordion… the Old Rugged Cross

            I wanted to hear her accordion one more time…

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Posted by Anonymous

What a beautiful posting. My sister is developmentally delayed, too. Both of my parents, as they were dying, were most concerned with what would happen to her after they were gone. My husband and I promised that we'd take care of her, and we have. As you say, it isn't always easy, and now that our little daughter is 8 and has passed her intellectually, it is harder for my sister. They sometimes fight like sisters will do- and it is like I've got TWO children instead of the one we desired.
Life doesn't always deal you what you thought, but sometimes you have to punt, and go with it.
Thanks for reminding me what a blessing my sister is.

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