I know that this comes right on the heels of my previous post, but I just
got this in my email and found it to be so wise that I had to share! --
from Home School Heartbeat, a radio message from HSLDA
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Mike Smith:
Denise, in your book No Ordinary Child, you talk about how
parents indulge their children just to keep them happy,
ending up with spoiled and immature young adults. Our
society seems filled with men in their 40s who never really
grew up. How can parents raise mature men?
Denise Mira:
Well, Mike, I think I would urge parents, and especially
perhaps, mothers out there: “Stop rescuing your boys at
every turn!” There is a quality and a substance of character
that we so long for our boys to have, which can only be
worked into them through difficulty. My husband says,
“so many men are still being mothered because they were
never really fathered.” Mothers “mother”; they tend to be
nurture and care. Fathers “father”, bringing strength, direction
and impetus to their sons. I want to move things around to
make the way easy for them. But muscle is built by resistance.
Patience is produced by painful endurance. And character, I
think, is cultivated when circumstances bring disappointment.
If we remove every trial and tribulation, every hard thing from
their path, then there is nothing left for them to resist, to oppose,
or endure. Often, the best thing I can do to prepare them for
adulthood, is to allow them to experience life’s hard knocks.
James reminds us that “perseverance must finish its work so
that we will be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
And I know we want that for our children. We’ve got to love
them enough to allow them to struggle.
Mike:
Denise, that’s so wise. Thank you for joining me this week.
Until next time, I’m Mike Smith.
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"Home School Heartbeat" is a production of the Home School Legal Defense
Association. All rights reserved. For more information on Home School
Heartbeat or the Home School Legal Defense Association please contact us at:
Home School Heartbeat • P.O. Box 3000 • Purcellville, Virginia 20134-9000
Phone: (866) 338-8614 • Fax: (540) 338-8609 • Email: heartbeat@hslda.org
Web: http://www.homeschoolheartbeat.org
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My thoughts:
1. Raising our sons to be strong men of God also requires that we give
them the tools and the example to respond to challenges biblically.
2. Our children need to know that painful circumstances are the providences
of God for our/their good and His glory. We need not (and should not)
struggle against the circumstance hoping to fight our way through it to
find God. God is in the midst of our suffering! So many of His people can
testify to growing to know Him and love Him and trust Him even more only
in the midst of trials!
3. Our painful times are often an answer to our very own prayers!! When we
ask to be made more like Jesus (and when we pray for the presence of God,
for a better prayer life, for the fruit of the Spirit, etc. for what else are we praying
than to be made more like our Master?!), we can expect that it is God's way to
answer that request with difficulty because even our Lord Jesus Himself learned
obedience through suffering. (Hebrews 7:9) In other words, He let His Father
use the trials and pain in His life for their intended purposes. As
The Sinless One, He never responded wrongly to suffering.
4. This must encourage us in our times and, moreover, in our children's times
of trial. Our dear, gentle Lord Who would not crush a bruised reed, intends
blessing in and through suffering. We must comfort and guide our children in
painful days but not get in God's way through misguided intentions that lead us
to seek only our kids' happiness but not their holiness.
5. Ouch, ouch, ouch!!! It is not easy and is, contrariwise, so very hard to let our
children shoulder any burdens much less see them suffer. It hurts more than our
own pain. May the Lord guide us in this oh-so-difficult job of parenting and
grant us the wisdom to know when to help and when to back off!!
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Posted by Madeline