How many decisions have I made based on fear? Thankfully, homeschooling is not one of them. There have been times I've doubted our decision (more on that in a minute).

I play the piano. I grew up playing and taking lessons, even gave lessons as a young adult. But one thing about it plagued me for years--a great fear of playing in front of people. That fear paralyzed me. I was able to sing in choir, sing solos, but somehow it was different being on the piano. So much more potential for error, for humiliation. After we got married, I substitute played a few times in church only with much coaxing. And it was always the same, I would be literally ill to my stomach beforehand.

That changed last year. We had recently moved to this base. The regular pianist had just quit, and I was helping out some on Sundays(reluctantly) and the other pianist went on vacation. There was a terrible tragedy and a little 3 year-old-boy lost his life. They needed music for the service. Would I do it? Of course. I didn't even have to think about it. It suddenly wasn't about me and my fears any longer. It was an offering I could give the grieving parents. It was terrible. Something changed after that. I knew what I should have known all along...my ability to play and my love of music was something I could 'offer up' each week to the Lord. Perfect or imperfect. That wasn't the issue. My willingness was. "He who calls us is faithful". I had ignored his calling yet He still chose to use me. Wow.

The interesting thing about all this is that next week I am having a second surgery to remove a tumor (benign) from where? My right hand. I was told today that some of the nerve problems I've been experiencing may never go away and may in fact get worse after they are in there poking around again. I may never play the same. My reaction---I am so thrilled that I finally obeyed God's voice and put myself 'out there' when I did. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

When we began homeschooling, we were quite quite sure of our decision. Years went by, we moved a lot with the military, I had difficult--very difficult pregnancies. With my 4th child, I was on bedrest several months and had several complications. It was a hard time. Well meaning friends and neighbors asked why we didn't put the other kids aged 6,4, and 2 in school. We were certain God had led us to homeschooling, so we got through it. More years passed, and we went overseas. Military bases overseas are little USAs. Not being part of the school system definitely takes you out of a big part of base life. This was my first time of doubting. My son was entering 6th grade. He was smart and bright. I, however,  was TIRED, weary from moving. What I should've done was take a big break, regroup and let us all catch our breath. Instead, I fretted, worried, and cried at night thinking he deserved better than a tired old mommy. What he deserved was some young, energetic teacher with lesson plans and colorful bulletin boards! I even had thoughts of walking to the big new multimillion dollar school up the street and enrolling him. He'd be any teacher's dream! Why not?

Thankfully, I heard a sermon during that time that hit me between the eyes.(it's not lost on me that God frequently has to hit me over the head to get my attention) The bottom line was 'DON'T MAKE FEAR BASED DECISIONS'. I loved this line and I'm not sure where it originates "Never doubt in the darkness what God has shown you in the light". What a relief! I figured until God showed my husband or I differently, we would press on with homeschooling. We knew this was what He had shown us to do, and we knew if we persevered, we would see the fruit in our children.

Over the next few months, families leaving that new school started trickling into our base homeschool group.Things weren't so peachy keen at that new school on the hill. Things were not what they seemed. There were immoral fads that would make your toes curl if I told you, lazy teachers and all the other regular peer issues.

All this to say, as we start this new school year? Press on. Hold fast to what God has shown you, and most of all, be willing to put yourself where God has you without fear.

In the words of Steve Lambert, one of my all time favorite homeschool speakers:

"Enjoy the journey."

"Homeschooling is a marathon...not a race."