Posted in The View From Here

The past year has brought about many changes. In August of 2005, my beloved mother-in-law passed away and my then-husband began a downhill slide. In October he walked out of his job of 13 years, stayed unemployed for four months (depleting our savings) and distancing himself from his family. We thought he'd be okay when he finished therapy and started to do freelance work for a toy company, making production films and  other works for a group of ministers who owned and ran the company.

Then he found a steady job in Gothenburg, 200 miles away. But the job turned out to be editing film for a large Swedish pornography distributor and the toy company dismissed him. How could they not? He moved to Gothenburg and "visited" us on the weekend, promising that this job was just a steppingstone (because he knew I was against it), that he would move us out to be with him as soon as we could afford it and everything would be "fine".

What I didn't know was that during the week, he was living as a single man while I was struggling alone to raise the girls and battling the local officials for the right to home school. After three months, we followed him to Gothenburg to find out that he had no intention of leaving his job. His single, 37yo supervisor had become his new best friend and he began working long hours and becoming secretive about "his" life.

In September, he called me from work to tell me he wanted a divorce. He stated that he didn't want to have the "burden and responsibility of a family" anymore and that he wanted to "go on with [his] life while [he] was still young enough to enjoy it". He told me he never wanted any more than his two eldest children (from his first marriage) and that he felt no responsibility toward us. He left us with no money, no job, living in a new and strange place with no one to turn to.

I had a meeting with a lawyer, who explained that in Sweden divorce is a no-fault action and even though he is legally required to pay maintenance until we are divorced, if he chooses not to there is no sense in going to court because it will cost me more in legal fees than I would get to live on. At that time, I also found out that he was receiving nearly twice as much salary as he told me he was getting and had been getting raises of clothing, money and a new laptop ($3000) disguised as "personal gifts" (which legally, I couldn't touch). 

He chose not to provide for us, but God in His mercy worked the situation so that he HAD to pay the rent. A friend from the States offered to loan us the money to buy tickets to visit my family while the divorce was pending and he signed over custody of the girls to me. God has been with me and the girls through it all.

I don't know where we go from here - whether we'll settle in the States or go back to Europe to live (it's the only life the girls have known and the culture shock of being in the USA is incredible) - but I do know that God will continue to be with us no matter what. In the meantime, I am looking for work on both continents and we will go where I find a job. The girls are enjoying homeschooling without a hassel and getting to know their American family. Baruch haShem.

Posted in The View From Here

I love reading Dad's Corner; Steve Walden's blog never fails to touch my heart. His last post tells of a weekly fishing trip he's taken with his 7 year old son and his father. It encompasses blessings of loving generations, a real father's heart and the best way to teach a child. It brought tears to my eyes.

I love my husband. However, he comes from a culture where children are separated from their parents at age one and families are little more than room mates. I am American and come from a culture where family is second only to God. We have a 14 year old daughter just stepping out into womanhood, a 12 year old daughter on the verge and a 4 year old daughter who is autistic and requires so much attention. It breaks my heart to have to stand by and watch the gap between him and our daughters grow day by day.

The eldest is at an age where she needs a hero-dad more than ever; someone who will listen to what she has to say but offer protection from things that are still scary to a young girl. They are so alike, and perhaps that is why they seem to argue all the time. She's becoming resentful.

PreTeen Girl is Papa's little computer nerd. They both love music and computer games and messing around with graphics in Photoshop (yes, my 12 yo can "do" Photoshop). And yet I can't get the two of them together.

He has spent so little time with the Amazing Danibear , her level of tolerance for him is that she will allow him to take her to the store, because she knows he will buy her candy and she adores riding in the car. Last night, I was working on some text and she wanted me to read her favorite book, "Baby Koala Finds A Home". He offered to read it and she screamed; I handed him the book, hoping to coax her into it but she grabbed it from him and ran!

Please don't get me wrong; Gunnar is a good provider, a decent man with a gentle heart. He blesses each one on Shabbat (and you should see their eyes light up when he does). He tries to give them material things that he thinks is their hearts' desires. I know that if I dishonor my husband, I dishonor myself. But what I'm wanting to stress here is that daughters need daddys too; I can only give him gentle prodding and pray much in silence that he will one day be the father God created him to be. In the meantime, I see the loneliness and hurt in our daughter's eyes ...

Please, Dads, be involved with your daughters. They don't need your gifts so much as they need the gift of YOU.

Posted in The View From Here

I'm sorry I haven't been online for such a long time. Last Autumn, my MIL died suddenly. She was the only parent DH knew and they were friends as well as family. We were all devastated but DH had an emotional breakdown and was out of work for three whole months. All of our savings were depleted and we lost our Internet until very recently.

However, the Lord used our circumstances for the good; we cannot move back to the States for a while, but He led Gunnar to a job on the west coast, near the rest of his family. We only saw him on the weekends February through April but now instead of a barren apartment we are living in a cozy house; instead of pavement to play on, the kids have a big yard and I have garden beds. Best of all, we are all together and healing; DH found a job with so much less stress. It is a part time job that pays as much as his previous full-time job did, which leaves him lots of opportunities to do the freelance work his creative soul craves.

Thank You, Father for all who commented in the interim. Thank you, everyone; we are back.

Posted in The View From Here

Tomorrow we are taking a trip to Stockholm. It's not by choice; it is necessary to renew DD11's and DD13's passports and to obtain Ella's first. Today we had Ella's picture taken at a photography studio, because there is no way to get our almost 4yo autistic darling to have them taken in a photo booth (as the older girls will do in Stockholm). Gunnar and DD13 biked over and Ella's hair was sooooo flat, but it is a decent picture of her face, so I can live with it.

The trip tomorrow is going to be an interesting one. We are borrowing the car of a friend of Gunnar's (in exchange for some help with the man's sailboat recently) and driving 350 km ONE WAY. That's a 217.5 mile trip one way; at 105 kph (65mph) it should take us around 4.5 hours each way (that's including road breaks for the kids). But that's not the fun part; we have to be at the American Embassy around 10:00 AM -- which means we have to get the kids up at 4AM and leave by 5AM to make sure we're there on time. *BLEAH*

The girls and Gunnar are taking a nap, while I stay up with Ella. Ella and I can sleep more on the trip.

Today we watched a special on National Geographic (channel) about the eruption of Mount Pinatubo in 1991.

From NASA's earth observatory website:

"The explosion of Mt. Pinatubo on June 15, 1991, just 60 miles northwest of Manila, was the world’s largest volcanic eruption in nearly 80 years. Due to active monitoring of the volcano by scientists and warnings of an impending eruption, only a few hundred people died during the main eruption. Most casualties were caused by the collapse of buildings under the weight of rain-soaked ash and the lahars spawned by the eruption.

But the hazards posed by Mt. Pinatubo continue to this day, even though the volcano has remained quiet since 1991. Volcanologists estimate that damaging lahar flows may continue for another 10 years. More than 5 cubic kilometers (1 cubic mile) of volcanic ash and debris were deposited on the slopes around Mt. Pinatubo. Entire river valleys were filled. Each year part of that new volcanic layer is sent churning downslope by the heavy monsoon rains and typhoons that hit central Luzon between June and October. Scientists estimate that as much as 60 percent of the rocky debris from the eruption will eventually erode into the lowlands around the volcano. That’s enough sediment to cover the state of Rhode Island in a layer 1 meter deep."

Will write more tomorrow.

Posted in The View From Here

I know it's been a long time since I posted; I am undergoing some heavy "artillery" from the enemy right now and I am exhausted pretty early these days.

October is a busy month, with Yom T'ruah, Sukkot and Shemini Atzeret (Biblical Feast days) all within a few weeks of each other. The girls and I have been spending the days on the histories of each individual feast, review work and lots and lots of reading.

I also spent some time writing out the girls' subject preferences. They tell me they are satisfied with how we do our school but I want them to be eager to do their studies, not just resigned to doing them. And so we are going to concentrate on the areas of greatest interest, with our regular Bible study, reading and math (the important basic stuff).

We also started our nature walks again, gathering leaves to paint and print and look up on the Internet. We love to walk and talk, trying to guess species of trees by their leaves, seeing how many species of birds we can identify and what kinds of clouds are in the sky (including the types of weather they usher in). We collect specimens, bring them home and write about them in our notebooks. At night we look at the stars and the planets. A great way to learn.

Today, of course, is Friday. Aside from the regular preparations, we are trying to find a recipe for the old fashioned cookies that come in tins during the Yul season -- the ones with anise/anisette flavoring. You know the kind? They are shortbread cookies, I think. Later on, I'll let you know how our project turned out and elaborate more about how I'm "tweaking" our curriculum.