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As with many other things in my life right now, what I think about education
has changed drastically. I have yet to put it into words. I just know it is
not what I used to think/believe. I have begun to question and examine each
aspect of life. The most mild question in my mind right now is "What is the
point?" The worst of it is "Why bother?"
From the beginning, homeschooling was not on my agenda. God obviously had
other plans... which have turned out to be completely different from mine.
I was happy with my life down in Hometown. Had the great husband and 2 kids
(1 girl and 1 boy even!), neat, old house to play with, the flower shop
(work I loved), a place in ministry, enough money, my family and friends
nearby. No, it wasn't perfect, but it was good. I always thought the kids
would go to a private Christian elementary school like I did. I accepted
that school was what kids do. A necessary part of growing up. I never
thought to question it. Other than praying that they weren't bullied too
much (or worse-become bullies) and hoping they would prove to be good
students, I didn't give it a lot of consideration.
Fast forward through the last 5 1/2 years of changes and trials. Suffice it
to say, those things in Hometown are no longer part of my life. (At least on
a regular basis.) I find myself living a life that does not fit who I am
inside. I am a pregnant SAHM attempting to homeschool 2 kids while taking care of a toddler and a house. I am frustrated and disappointed and sad at times. I cannot make myself feel differently, no matter how I try.
I want some kind of life for myself outside of Motherhood. Selfish maybe,
but true. But that is not socially acceptable to admit, is it? I love my
kids. I enjoy them and want the best for them, but I also need something
more. Someday. I hold onto that "Someday" and then realize that I will be 40
by the time this last one is out of toddlerhood . Mostly I am excited about
having a new baby in our family, but also dreading the endless feedings and
dirty diapers and No Sleep. Plus, Miss E will be 2 and that is a whole set of
challenges unto itself.
I feel like I am missing the mothering gene that makes a woman feel like her
children are growing up too fast. I feel like they are living each day, with
every stage and season plenty long and full enough. I don't long for the
days of baby or toddlerhood... I enjoy them being 7 and 9 and almost 2.
Maybe it is because I have Miss E and the new one to make sure I am fully
aware of the reality of the itty bitty stages. I had to refrain from joining
in on the conversation at the park when some friends were talking about their
kids (only children) growing up too fast. I *know* that it would be easy to see my child's younger years as going by too fast if I had 1 child.
But, that is not reality for me. I have 3 and 1 on the way. And pregnancy is
not a wonderful experience for me. I felt sick/nauseated almost all day
long for over 4 mos. I was bedridden for close to 3 months with the Placenta Previa. It is getting harder to cope with so little or no energy this last trimester. But still
the responsibilities are there. The dishes and laundry must be done, the meals prepared.
When we signed on with the state public charter school, I wanted the kids to be on par with what the public schools were doing. I needed that "safety net" if something happened and we had to put them in public school. We met a family just before we moved here that had homeschooled but had to put the kids in school when the mom got really sick. Knowing I had chronic back issues, I figured it would be wise to cover that base. The charter's standards are actually higher than our state's. We'd be covered in case of emergency. They would learn the same kinds of things as other kids and maybe be able to adjust to a classroom without too much struggle. (Nice theory, huh?)
Die-Hard homeschoolers told me things like, "My kids will go to public school over my dead body". Having lived through what we did, I figured that was always a possibility.
One never knows what is coming down the pike.
I think when I first started, I had an "ideal" for homeschooling. Lots of
creative, fun experiences and outings. I tried Unit Studies, but it was
limited. (Lovey was in Kindergarten) It was too much work for not a lot of
impact. Lots of prep work but the actual lesson or activity was over in a
short time. Then it was clean up time and I had to find something to keep
them occupied while I got ready for the next thing. It wasn't so much fun
for me. I liked the creativity and felt like we could take our time on topics, but
it took more energy and organization than I had to sustain it over a long
period of time.
Before Lovey entered 1st grade, I asked the local homeschool community for
help and ideas, but they basically told me to go to the CHEA convention or
start a Co-Op. (Neither of which I was willing or able to do at the very
beginning)
A friend found the state charter school and we felt like God was leading us in that direction. Everything was provided- curriculum, computer and printer, even the
musical instrument (recorder) and art supplies. This was the only way we
could have afforded it. It was a good starting point. It worked for us for
the first 2 years just fine. As long as it is only one child, and "life"
doesn't throw any curve balls, it is doable. But, it is a lot of work. It
has a very fast pace. Each concept is approached from ever possible angle to
cover each learning style. All of the lesson plans are laid out. It is
almost fool-proof for the parent.
I liked having a supervising teacher. Or the thought of it, anyway. Our teacher
is a nice lady, but was not as helpful or supportive this year as we needed her to be. We fell"behind" in the curriculum, and there was no way to "catch up". Therefore, their grades reflected that... unless I just had marked a bunch of stuff as Done and moved on without covering it, there was no way around it.
I admit I was tempted to "cheat". Who would know that we didn't actually do all of the work? However, that goes completely against my nature. I knew my kids were watching. Do I model dishonesty so that they can "succeed" in school with good grades? (Since it was all based on % of curriculum covered.) No, I couldn't do it. We took the Incompletes.
We could have tried to pick up the pace, but I didn't have it in me. I had
basically given up on catching up. I couldn't make the kids learn any faster.
I didn't even care enough to go any faster. Why put that pressure on
them? For what purpose? To make them hate learning? To keep us all stressed
out or "busy"? So that they have good test scores? For what?
That led to the changes in thinking. Where I used to believe that
educators knew what was best, I no longer believe that. Who sets the
standards? Who says all kids have to learn this or that at 6 or 8 or 10? If
the public schools have standards that they are not able to meet, why should
I adopt those standards? What is STAR testing really about? Does it assess
anything other than a child's ability to take a test?
Since having a conversation with another homeschool mom in the spring, I have polled several adults and come to the same conclusion. Other than the occasional DMV test or Civil Service test (or something for a job), no one takes many tests as
an adult outside of college. Why set them up to "perform" in some arena that
has nothing to do with the rest of their lives? What is the point? Other
than bragging rights or shame, is there anything for the child that comes of
it?
Yes, eventually there are SATs and college entrance exams, but I imagine
that 17 or 18 year olds are more equipped to handle it. It would be appropriate to prepre and study for those exams.
I have been rethinking my position on grades and test scores. I now believe that a test or assessment is only useful in determining what we need to work on or where
to start. A good test score is NOT the goal. Also, what are grades really measuring?
All 3 of my kids learned to walk and talk and go potty in the toilet. I
didn't have to have a license, credential, or curriculum in order to teach
them. I didn't read the instructions to them out of a book, or have a
diagram showing them how to do it. They learned it naturally, on their own
time, with support and modeling from us. They learned it at home and not in
an institution. Why can't we approach almost everything else from this perspective?
If we don't know, there are people who do or ways to learn it. (Computer,
books, apprenticeship, Parks and Rec,community college, on-the-job, etc.)
The home is the natural environment. With the exception of the military,
orphanages, hospitals, and other "institutional" settings, everyone in the
world has a home of some kind. I am now thinking it is more important that
my children know how to function within a home and family than it is to
learn who-knows-what facts or test taking methods at a school. How does an
artificial environment (large group of same-aged people all lined up for
hours every day in a classroom) help my kids prepare for adulthood? How will
this foster creativity or critical thinking? (2 things I do believe to be
important.)
I came to realize that what we were doing now was not working. I still
don't know what will or how to create the best environment for our family, but I think I am on the right track. We have signed on with a different charter. It is much more flexible and we have CHOICES. I am excited about it.
School starts next week. I cannot help but wonder- What will it
be like this year with MORE responsibility and even less time? All I know is it is a big relief not to have to devote lots of time to filling in endless worksheets or diagraming sentences!
I was surprised at what I really think is important. It isn't much,
actually. I want my kids to be self sufficient (in terms of life skills),
helpful, kind, generous, creative, godly adults. Competitive, but not in a
malicious way. (Or sore losers) Just enough to motivate them to do their
best.
It matters more to me that they have discipline and character rather than
being "book smart". I want to foster common sense and yet leave room for
dreams.I want them to be physically active but not obsessed with sports or
activities.
I used to plan events for a living. I thought that planning outings would be
a no-brainer for me. But it has turned out to be tough. Reality is I am not
well-connected in the community. We don't have a lot of resources.
(Therefore planning field trips out of town or to events that cost a lot of
$ are out of reach for us.) Add in Miss E, pregnancy, the weather here (hot or cold), and it is beyond me. Which is one of the reasons I am grateful to for our Park Days and the field trips other moms plan.
I don't want to raise them to expect to be entertained all the time.
Imagination and the ability to amuse themselves is important to me. They are not
over-scheduled right now and I don't plan to put them in all kinds of
activities. One or two at a time. I refuse to run all over town everyday and
be a slave to their games/activities on weekends. Saturday is the only day I
have to sleep in. I will not give that up until everyone is sleeping thru
the night.
Balanced lives are what I want for all of us. (Which I guess means exposing
them to a wide variety of things but not all at one time.) I think I lean
more toward being "well-rounded" than focused on 1 ability or interest. Not
that they shouldn't stick with something if they have a natural ability or
talent, but I don't want them to do 1 thing to the exclusion of everything
else.
I want them to be responsible for their own persons- doing chores, cleaning
up, preparing meals, laundry, etc. (Age-appropriate tasks.) Right now, it
seems like it is all on me and I am simply not up to it. M has them help
him outside with yardwork and they help sort laundry and put away their
clean clothes. They set the table, put the silverware away and help with a
few things like dusting and polishing furniture. They help me with Miss E a
lot. Lovey wants to learn to sew. I want to teach her to cook. I just feel
like there is no time with all of this other stuff. (The All Important
Curriculum...) I am not sure what P'Tater needs other than to be able to play
and practice his reading skills.
I think my Philosophy of Education boils down to "Children will learn as
long as one is giving them interesting opportunities, modeling behaviors and
tasks, and supplying a supportive and encouraging environment." There is a
little more to it with regards to natural talents and a means of earning an
income later on, but for now that should do it.
I think this can certainly happen in a classroom setting, but is not in most
schools. Can our home school supply all of this? I think so.
I think that we could do more (outside stuff) if we lived in a different
house. I would love to have a small garden and some fruit trees. Someplace
where the kids could have a playhouse and someplace to sew or do crafts and an area to let them display their artwork and experiments. This is
what I want... and yet I feel discouraged because there is no way to have
that right now. So, we make do.
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