“We need deliberately to call to mind the joys of our journey.
Perhaps we should try to write down the blessings of one day.
We might begin; we could never end; there are not pens or paper enough in all the world.”
                                                                                              —George A. Buttrick

I love this quote. I snatched it from a friends Quote of the Day on her journal here: Lisa's blog

It really is true. We need to deliberately remind ourselves of the joys, and the blessings of our journey. If we can do this daily, it will help us through this journey, especially through the valleys and mountains when things seem to become too difficult.

Often times, when we are feeling low, it has a lot to do with our attitude, and our own thoughts. If we let them run away with us, it can be difficult to pull ourselves out of the little hole we've dug for ourselves. Usually we don't even realize what we've done, and we sit in our hole, wondering how on earth we'll ever get out of it.

This happened to me recently.

About every second year, when I start realizing that it's almost the twins birthday, I become quite melancholy. If I'm not careful, it can turn into depression. Only the twins birthday affects me like this, because of course they are my youngest 'babies'. I seem to do fine on the even years (2,4 and 6) but on the odd years, when they turned 3, 5 and now 7, it seems to hit me really hard that they are truly growing up, and MUCH MUCH too quickly!

Their birthday is not until Dec. 8th, yet here it is October, and the feeling had already begun to sunk in. One day I looked at the calander, and realized it was ALREADY October, and that Dec. 8th was not too far away. Then I realized the twins would be turning SEVEN this year, and the feeling hit me like a tidal wave.

I began to think a lot about their birthday, and turning 7 years old. It seems so old compared to 6 yrs old. By the age of 7, they really are not babies anymore. Not that they were at 6, but you know. They still kind of 'seem' like babies, especially compared to my eldest two children.

Meanwhile, in August my eldest turned 15 years old. That didn't bother me. I am really enjoying my eldest two grow up. With them, I feel free to enjoy their aging maturity! Soon my son will be 13, in just 2 weeks! He will officially be a 'teenager'. That really doesn't scare me. He's always been such a little 'man' that it just seems fitting that he's growing up.

Yet, my 'babies' should remain 'babies'. lol

I began thinking about how few years I have left with these 'babies'. How they are in Grade 1 already, and we only have 11 more years of school before they are done.

What would I do with myself when all these children are grown? Wouldn't my home feel so empty? So quiet? I felt I might go insane at the thought of it all. Lonely rooms, quiet hallways, no one needing their mama every 2 seconds! Oh I couldn't bare the thought of it all! I was litterally talking myself right into a depression!

While in the midst of my wallowing self pity, I thought I would ask some homeschooling friends if they sometimes feel the same way. What would they do with themselves once their children didn't need them any longer? What would the focus on when the focus was no longer on curriculum, field trips and nature walks!?!

I was in a panic, and I knew it, but I didn't know what to do about it!

So my friends and I began to discuss all this.
Just what WOULD we do once we were no longer homeschooling mamas?

For so many years, I've been thinking on what a blessing my children are.
Often people would say things to me like, "Wow, five children AND homeschooling?! I could NEVER do that!" Through all those types of comments, I would keep my attitude in check, and remind myself that this time with these precious little ones would be gone in a blink of an eye.

When nursing two babies in the middle of the night, night after night, I kept my attitude in check when I would begin to feel tired, and reminded myself that it was a HUGE blessing to have two wonderful, healthy, beautiful little babes to nurse through the night.

When feeling overwhelmed with homeschooling, the choices to make, and especially when teaching reading (which I find the most difficult thing about homeschooling!) I would keep my attitude in check, and remind myself what a absolutely WONDERFUL blessing it is to have these children at home with me, to teach, and to learn with!

All this attitude checking has kept me sane through many insane times.

But...it would continually remind me of how quickly time flies by, and how quickly these blessings would be gone. My mind was completely closed off to any blessing other then raising my children.

It's all I've ever wanted to do since I was about 4 years old! Yes, I remember wanting to be a mama when I was 4 years old. That's when my little sister was born. I knew then, that one day, I wanted to be a wife and mama and that not much else mattered.

So I've had to do a shift in my thinking. It was either that, or drive myself into depression.

I've had to ask the Lord to show me blessings I can look forward to as my children grow older. I'm realizing that the blessings don't have to come to a complete STOP once my children are grown. I know that grandchildren will be a true blessing as well. Different, because I won't be the one nurturing them. They won't come running to me to solve all the problems of their little universe. But, I can be a part of their lives non-the-less!

I was saying to my eldest that when she is married and has children, and all my children are grown, or close to being grown, I can cook a big meal and take it to her home to surprise her so she won't have to cook dinner that night, while she is in the midst of little ones and such busyness!

I can bake desserts, muffins and cookies, and drop them off at her home for her and her family to enjoy. It will be payback time for all the cooking and baking she's been doing since she was first old enough to try! Often times, at least once a week, she will make dinner for all of us. Even more so, she will bake for us all. One day, I will be able to return her help. Now I look forward to that day. What a blessing it will be!

I've simply had to change my way of thinking. I need to continue to remind myself that NOW is a blessing, remind myself of the joys of NOW, but in the meantime, I need to know that there will be peace for my heart when my children have grown and left the nest. I need to know that the Lord's grace and mercy will be sufficient for me. That He will be with me through it all, and as long as I keep my main focus on Him, I will never be lonely.

And, of course, as friends have pointed out, I know that it will be a time of renewing for my husband and I.
I don't dismiss that. I know I didn't mention the extra time I will be able to spend with him as the kids grow older, but really, we do a lot together now already. I really don't know how we could become much closer then we are now. Plus, as much as we love to be together, we also love our own 'hobbies' as well. I love to sew and do other crafty things, to garden and enjoy nature, he loves to tinker with his tools, work on his hobby trains etc.. I don't worry about 'us' as we grow older.