Sep. 22, 2005
Biblical Womanhood...
Biblical Womanhood
I have
thought long and hard about this topic. There are a variety of sites
online and books offline that talk about this. I have come to the
conclusion that there are two basic schools of thought at the extremes.
1. The first would be women who wear no makeup, dresses only, never cut their hair and subscribe to the submission to their husband no matter what (even if they are being physically or emotionally abused) idea. Now this is drastic and there are very few people I have met that are totally on board with all of this.
2. The second is the other end that says that you should put your best face forward at all times. These women always have makeup on and their hair is always nicely cut and styled. They are always fully dressed to the nines and even their casual clothes are more expensive and nice than my Sunday best. They go to all extremes to be beautiful even if that means plastic surgery or other cosmetic solutions. You would be surprised how many women in Christian circles are getting cosmetic surgery it is shocking!
I did not even dare mention the feminist movement which is full of women who want to be the man in the family and demean their husbands at all cost. That is a totally new blog for another day
That being said, these are the extremes. Most of us fit somewhere in between.
In my own life I have chosen (not because I must but because I choose) to let my hair grow longer because my husband likes it that way. While my hair still grows I keep it longer and at some point I am sure I will go back to a short haircut just not for now. He does not demand it because he has always said I can wear it any way I like. I just know that he likes it long and so I keep it that way.
I also never wear sweats because I just do not feel pretty in them. I feel fat and slovenly so I choose not to wear them. I do have exercise clothes that are used for running/exercise and weight lifting but I do not wear them at other times. That is just what makes me comfortable. My daily work clothes are most often a nice pair of pants, longer shorts or Capri pants and a casual top (not sloppy t-shirts and sweatshirts). I do not wear makeup every day. When I do put makeup on it is very minimal compared to what it was in high school. I wear less and less the older I get for several reasons, one being that the more I have on the more my laugh lines and little wrinkles show up. ;-) That is not a rule that I would dare make anyone else hold to. That is only my own preference. I dress for practicality in my home. I am home all day with children and working around the home and yard. I could do that in a dress but feel more comfortable in loose fitting pants so that is what I do. I put my hair up off my face for convenience. I will often get up and work without a shower until I am finished making a mess and then shower and change before Dan comes home. That is what works for us.
I do not wear much jewelry. I merely wear a wedding ring and on occasion a watch. I have reasons that are quite practical for this decision. Since my children were very young they have pulled and tugged on any necklaces or earrings that I have worn so I stopped wearing them. I also tend to get infections in my pierced ears because I can no longer tolerate anything except solid gold posts, therefore, I just do not wear earrings anymore. This is just what I am accustomed to and I like the simplicity of it.
The Bible does give us guidelines and I certainly am not denying that. I am merely saying that I totally believe that the situation dictates the level of strictness of these things. You and your husband may have worked out a plan and you may love wearing dresses all the time. That is great! Your husband may want you to be made up and polished all the time. Some pastors wives feel compelled to do this and maybe your husbands ministry demands that.
In thinking about this I recall Paul noting that some are of the circumcised but for some that would not be right because of the legalistic nature of doing so. If all of this has become a legalistic means for you and you feel you must do such things for salvation then it has become a god of sorts in your life. The only thing we are to do is be obedient to what God is teaching and convicting us to do. If God says to do it then you must! If the world shames or guilts you into doing it then you have no obligation to do it whatsoever. (even Christians are bad about this sometimes telling you that you are not a Christian or a good wife if you do not follow THEIR rules or their INTERPRETATION OF SCRIPTURE)
I am also very aware that we must be modest in our dress. Not for our own sakes but for the sake of men that we come into contact with each day. Upon reading For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn and Hedges by Jerry Jenkins I was made aware that men are made with a visual imaging rolodex that plays over and over in their minds all the time. They are much more tempted by the visual than women are. When we wear things that show our figure and body off in a revealing way we are causing temptation and that is wrong. As Christian women we must have the wisdom to dress in a manner that is modest and appropriate. That does not have to be a dress all the time nor does it mean we cannot cut our hair or wear pants. It merely means that we can look nice without looking trampy and loose. Our clothes do not have to be tight and short to be modern and nice. There are lots of options out there for us to choose from. On the other hand we should be attractive to our husbands. Whatever your husband likes is what you should strive to be because that is the man that has to see you day in and day out for your whole life. It ought to be something that is nice to look at pleasing to his eyes. After all, his eyes are the recorder for his mind. All those images run through his mind all day and I for one want him to have images of me that he likes to look at. I save the sexy stuff for just Dan in the privacy of our home. He has plenty of pleasing images that are just his. ;-)
We are also responsible for teaching our daughters what is appropriate and what is not. Many of you agree with me that our daughters should not be showing their stomachs and wearing tight little skirts. We also choose not to let our daughter wear a bikini or other revealing things. Proverbs 31 addresses many other issues such as working with our hands and caring for our families. Those are things we must live before our daughters and teach them before they leave home. I am not talking about baking your own bread from scratch or sewing all your clothes but teaching them how to care for a home and meet the needs of a family in whatever manner that calls for. I also believe our sons ought to also have this example of being a good husband and father set before them but that is another blog for another day.
I guess my biggest problem with this topic or any other for that matter is when someone begins to tell you HOW you must live and HOW this must be. Each person is different and each family is different. My husband likes to see me in a pair of khaki capris and a button down shirt just as much as he likes me in a Sunday dress. He likes my hair long but if my hair all fell out tomorrow he would still love me. Some women knit and sew and crosstich and make amazing art doing so. My sewing skills are more practical and basic. I can sew on buttons, make basic clothing and do some Christmas gifts and craft things but I will never have my art hung in a sewing or quilting show or museum. I am good at cooking and cook from scratch because our family has allergy issues and health needs but if you cook from boxed mixes and buy bread and other prepackaged items to feed your family that does not make me better than you in any way shape or form. I guarantee there are things you do much better than I do in another part of your life and that is the way God made us. You meet your familys unique needs because God has placed you in that family for that purpose. We all meet the needs or our families and husbands in a variety of ways because we are all different. God made us that way!!! If I have a conviction it is not my place to put that conviction on anybody or everybody else only the Holy Spirit has the right to convict and change someone. I have said this before. There is no squabbling over whether Jesus is our Savior. There is only one way to an eternity with God and that is through Jesus Christ. There will be no argument on that issue by any of us who are Christians. There are, however, personal convictions that only the Holy Spirit can show you and when you are ready for a change the Holy Spirit will show that to you and bring that change in your life. None of us are at the same place on the road at the same time. Our journeys are as unique as God has made us to be.
We are to work out our salvation with fear and trembling! I am also very aware that the only fear I should have is that fear that the Lord demands of us for Him and Him only. I am only responsible to obey God and what He calls me to do or change in my life. If I wake up tomorrow and He tells me to wear my hair in a bun and never wear makeup again I am sooooo there!!! Today, I am merely to be all that He has called me to be to this point in my life. Believe me that is plenty to work on for now. LOL
It all boils down to OBEDIENCE TO CHRIST. That is all anyone is ever responsible for. We must answer for how we have been obedient to Him and Him alone. So, do not let anyone make you feel guilty or less than them because of your choice of dress and mothering. If you are obeying Christ then you are doing what is right in the eyes of the Lord. Be strong in that and live well for Him!!!
