Aug. 21, 2009 - Reunited And It Feels So......well, sorta weird....
I thought I'd better check in, lest you think I was spirited away by a long-forgotten high school sweetheart and begun a new life in Paris, never to be heard from again on this blog....
Not so.
My high school reunion was a positive experience, but very odd all the same. I thought I'd use up a few words today to share what it was like, and some of my thoughts, now that it is over ... In case you're at all interested, or for some crazy, martyr-like, bizarre reason signed YOURSELF up to be on your high school reunion committee, here was the flow of our weekend:
Friday night: Social at a popular local bar
Saturday morning: Tour of the school, family-friendly picnic (morning and afternoon, respectively) and evening dinner, program and dance
Sunday: Be really tired all day (I could see that coming, even though it was not on the formal agenda, per se...)
Over the course of the few days prior to the reunion, as I put finishing touches on the items I was responsible for, I started looking at the guest list and realizing some friends were missing. One of those friends (who might be a new reader of this blog - yippeee!) I DID convince to go, and be my buddy Friday night, as I planned to go sans TallDad.
Friday, for me, was the most 'nerve-wracking' event. It was the first. It was probably the standard by which the rest of the weekend would be judged. It could make or break us, as a planning committee. Thank goodness it really went great!
We had a terrific turnout, and saw many classmates gather to kick-off the weekend of reunion activities. I would guesstimate there were over 100 -- possibly close to 150 classmates that came. That amount was more than tickets we had sold for the Saturday evening event!
I would call the event definitely "positive", because it was fun, people were relaxed and in a good mood, and the noise and music worked wonders in masking any uncomfortable feelings.
It was also totally surreal (kind of like this picture...)...
I was looking, at one point, across the bar, where there was another slew of classmates gathered, and thinking, "Who are all these people?" and thinking they were probably wondering the same about me.
My class was not small. It was 457, according to our committee records. Of those, I felt I knew many in high school, and floated around -- not confining myself (or so I thought) to one particular clique. But I had to rethink those thoughts after feeling like the amount of names and faces I could match up with comfort was relatively few...
Saturday morning had classmates gathered for a school tour -- the school was being renovated during our last year, and so it looks incredibly different now. That had a showing of about 20 or so. The picnic, hosted at a very family-friendly local park, drew about 30 - 35 from 11 am - 3 pm -- definitely not as many as we planned for (and the huge rainstorm that occurred right in the middle of it might have deterred a few...), but it turned out to be a nice time to visit with a select few, and to get to know some other families. My husband was pleased to meet another dad of a classmate of mine who was an 'active dad' like himself, and very family-oriented. He also was an accountant, and they had a lot to talk about. I planned, organized, and carried out the picnic. Committee members helped with input, and with some clean-up at the end, but it was pretty much all me. That meant, it was pretty much all TallDad, too, by default. And, of course, we wanted to show off our darling children, and this was the one reunion event at which we could do so.
The Saturday evening event came quickly. I got home at 3, and was due at the hotel at 4:30. I had time for a cup of coffee, and a leftover hotdog, and then had to get ready. Then, I realized I forgot to print a few things out. Then I had a wardrobe malfunction and had to change. Then.....well, suffice it to say: By the time I was ready to go, it was after 4:30, and I was running late to meet the classmate who had agreed to be the MC. Ugh.
But, I did eventually get there, meet up with the MC, got a few things set-up and accounted for, and pitched in to help the event hosts. While I was in charge of the program, 10-Year Achievement and Goofy awards (these are two separate things, of course. haha...), and dj arrangements, the three classmates in charge of the venue did everything else -- decorating, catering arrangements, etc -- so I actually got to relax a little bit.
The program went well. The MC added his own flair to the script I wrote (as I was hoping he'd do), and I thought it came off nicely. The program also included a slideshow of events that have occurred in the last 10 years, and a "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" gameshow at the end (which was also a powerpoint slideshow), which featured trivia from our graduation year, as well as general trivia from the last 10 years, mostly of a pop culture variety. I got to present an award to 4 classmates -- we called it the 10 Year Achievement Award -- and, for me, that was the highlight of the program.
The award was meaningful because it recognized not people who were successful in making a lot of money, necessarily. It didn't have a qualifier of "you need to have a PhD" in something. It focused on a classmate that has done something good -- and 4 out of the 4 were people that were invested in community-oriented actions that helped create awareness of: the lack of dental care for those in poverty in the US or abroad, or the arts, or the struggles of refugees, or the struggles of a soldier. I hope my classmates were as inspired by the award winners as I was...
Though the program all went well from a 'technology' standpoint, and no one majorly messed up lines or cues, as limited as they were, I felt like a few things hampered its success. One was an exceptionally loud wedding party next door. Buzzers and beeps and musical weird things would sound through the padded wall at inconvenient times. I also wondered if the other classmates were really buying in to the program and truly getting involved. It might have been that everyone still felt awkward, and they just didn't quite get into it as much. Who knows.
After the program and class photo, I hung around for awhile, talking with a few of the same people I talked to on Friday. Then, I looked at the clock, and just had to go. I felt like I would fall asleep on my feet. I said goodbye, and walked out alone (TallDad, bless his heart, was SUCH a dear to help with all the tech stuff, visit with my classmates, and generally have a fun time, until a killer headache totally knocked him out. He left about an hour or so earlier than me - thankfully, we had taken separate cars).
I knew even if I went home right away, I wouldn't be able to sleep -- though I was really tired. I just wanted to think about everything that had happened in the last 30 hours or so...I went to an all-night drive-thru coffee place and got a steamer and a biscotti, and sat in my car and thought...
I will say again, "Everything was positive..." but I was left with a feeling of......I guess, being unsatisfied. I think, truly, I went into it having "something to prove" -- which is strange, as I always thought of myself as very confident, not caring "what everyone else thinks", and knowing that I was fulfilling God's plan for me, one day at a time -- a plan that, certainly, had changed from what I envisioned in high school...Because, as I sat in my car thinking, my main thought was, "Why did I break my back trying to make that so special? Especially when pretty much no one would know that *I* really had anything to do with it?" (remember that...it becomes important later....)
My life is different that I thought it would be.....At age 28, married, a mom of 3 (plus 1), have finished up college and a nice short career in church work before becoming a full-time mom -- and a homeschooling mom at that. While its not totally out of line with what I thought could, possibly, m.a.y.b.e, perhaps DO with my life, part of me also thought "successful world-traveling novelist with a trophy husband and nanny" might also be a possibility....As it is, life...God....had other plans for me (well, I do have a trophy husband. He's hot....but, I digress...)
I keep crystallized a gem moment: the moment when my friend, the aforementioned 'buddy' I met and hung out with on Friday (and sat with again on Saturday night), wondered aloud, "You should really start a blog -- or do you have one ? I'd love to read more about your life as a mom..."
Now, that, in my true heart of hearts, was what I wanted someone to ask me (well, not as much about the blog, but about my life as a mom...). I felt congratulated, affirmed, and valued for the on-the-outside "small" contribution I was making to the world, amid classmates with 6 figure incomes, jobs that seemed really exciting, lawyers, researchers, and actors.
Here's where it all comes together. The hiddenness of my life is a blessing. It truly is. Just as the hiddenness of the behind-the-scenes stuff I helped with, to make the reunion special, is a blessing. It is God's plan, I feel, for me not to always be in the spotlight -- but to be the support behind others. I feel it is the same way with my job as a mom. It's really not about me, it's about them. Its only about me if they turn out badly! 
This also gives me a way to really identify with Mary, Mother of Jesus -- she always pointed the way to her own Son -- not to herself. I find when I seek the spotlight, I'm always dissapointed -- and usually don't find myself in the spotlight anyway, even for all I might do to get there....
So, I guess I'm not done thinking about it all....but I have a good start on some more good thoughts for the purpose of affirmation, cogitation, and prayer.
Comment
Aug. 26, 2009 - Untitled Comment
Posted by jugglingpaynes
Wow! I really feel like that too! I'm usually the behind the scenes person. For me, it's because I was always shy in social situations, so I liked being useful.
I'm glad you enjoyed my carnival. Let me know if you need any tips for teaching juggling. I know a couple of good books for learning how.
Peace and Laughter,
Cristina
