Oct. 20, 2009 - The Benefit of Prayer...even when you can't pray...
As I write this, there are brownies baking in the oven -- mmmmm....brownies......
I might get to try one, but they mostly will be eaten by others, I have a feeling.
And, probably no one in my house!
I'm baking a few pans of brownies for a benefit that will be hosted at our church tomorrow, to support two lovely women in our parish, one with lymphoma, one with leukemia.
Though I know both, the woman, a wife, mom of 5, and founder of a Catholic mom's Bible study -- that we currently use at our parish -- is a special friend of mine.
As I read her caringBridge site throughout the last 40 days (yes, she was in the hospital for EXACTLY 40 days. How poignant is THAT?) - I was struck by several things that she (and her sister, who 'blogged' for her at times) had to say...
Number one on my mind right now is the acceptance of God's will (that is, for her to suddenly be diagnosed with cancer, and have to report to the hospital on that same day to begin treatment), almost as cheerfully as I've ever seen anyone do anything fun that they would enjoy doing. He upbeat nature is what has drawn to many to her -- as soon as her site was set-up, literally over a thousand people sent her guestbook messages, and kept in regular contact.
She maintained her cheerfulness, despite her illness....despite a white blood cell count so low she could not have any visitors outside of immediate family....despite --
Number Two thing that struck me: Even with her cheerfulness, the illness -- the leukemia -- sapped her of strength and energy, and for some time during her stay, she found prayer incredibly difficult. It was not that she didn't want to pray -- in some strange way that is probably only understood by those who have gone through illness such as this -- she simply could. not. pray.
Both of these things (and there are so many others I could write about) really made me think about the figts God gives to us. She has had many challenging experiences in life (even besides being a mom of 5! ha!), and yet retains this bouyancy of spirit, always. That is surely a gift from God, and part of her natural personality as well. To me, it was consoling to know that a sudden diagnosis, such as cancer, couldn't take that away from her.
I've read and heard in homilies that when we finally stand before God, everything in our personality that wasn't God-given, even talents, etc, will be stripped away. The soul will stand truly naked before God, retaining only the qualities God endowed him or her with.....
The inability to pray struck me, too -- and highlight the importance, to me, of all of us, her friends, acquaintainces, children, husband, family, parish family -- needed to hold her up in prayer. She couldn't find the ability to pray at times -- but through the mystical Body of Christ, the connection that truly binds us all, our prayers could still have effect to not only plead to God on her behalf, but to somehow keep her in good spirits, and even affect the outcome of her illness. I'm sure receiving a thousand or so thoughtful, prayerful posts on your CaringBridge site every day would certainly help you feel wrapped in prayer and care!
I'm excited, thankful, and looking forward to the benefit tomorrow. It is a celebration of what God can do, what God can inspire our own hands and feet to do to serve others, and a time for fellowship and a hug.
Life is such a mystery. The story might have ended much differently. That is perhaps the hardest thing to think about. Her cancer may NOT have gone into remission...She might have needed a bone marrow transplant (she still may, at some point). She might not have gone home within 40 days....or at all.
And yet, even those things could have conceivably been within God's will. Why was it God's will to spare her, now? I guess I can't pretend to understand the Divine Mind...but I will say I'm happy that my will and God's matched up on this one....
