• Monday, December 7, 2009
December Already

Yeah,

I know I have been awful at writing in this thing, not having internet totally sucks!  It is so hard to update from my phone - so I find that I don't.

We are still living with my mom.  Its okay I guess, some good, some bad... but it is where we are and I am thankful that at least we can stay together... I have heard many stories of families being split up during this time because other family members just can't take in everyone.  So we are blessed to be able to stay together!

Sam doesn't have a job yet, but I really believe it is God's desire right now... as hard as that is!

Nothing else is new, same ol same ol.

Blah blah blah

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• Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Life

It is a pain in the behind to write from my phone bit that is what I have right now. Which is why I am not around on here much. We are still at my moms. Feeling a lot smaller now with the cooler weather setting in!!!!! Sam had an interview almost 3 weeks ago. And it seemed to go really good but then we didn't hear anything which really threw sam for a loop. This weekend was really hard as we looked at the money situation and seeing tha we hardly have anything not enough to keep up with our bills. It was so hard to leave it in gods hand and trust. No god really you have it. Well let me have it back for a min. Fine you have it. Uh no let me hold it. i am sure you understand. We do this all the time. However sam got a call today for his second interview. PTL. I am just praying for gods will

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• Friday, August 28, 2009
Welcome to a new city

So here I am on my iPhone seeing how well it is to blog from it. Much easier to type on a computer screen but my mom doesn't have internet so this will have to do. So we have moved in with my mom. It s going better than I ever expected!!! But I will be more than fine moving out any time God says go lol. Thou I am not looking forward to the moving process any time soon. So just smile and bear it all. =o)

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• Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Selling TEACHER BOOKS - Alpha Omega Lifepacs

I have Alpha Omega Lifepac Teacher Books -

I have grade 3, 4 and 5 -  for each grade I have all 5 subject Teacher Books (Math, Science, Language Arts, Bible and History).

Please let me know if you are interested in them.

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• Friday, August 7, 2009
2am ramblings.

So, its almost 2:30AM, and Sam woke up hungry and ended up waking me up when he got back to sleep - but yes, of course since his tummy is full, he is now sound asleep next to me. And now I can't get back to sleep lol...

There is just so much going on!  And it is funny how my last post has encouraged me LOL.

I only read the last post, so I am not sure what all I have told, but here we go - I will lay it all out.

June 30th was Sam's last day of work... you know the company that made it perfectly clear to us that they would move him on when he finished the job set before him... nope, they just let him go instead.  Came as quite the shock to us all. As you can imagine this has brought a whirlwind of emotions, by us all.  Money issues, for me, is the least of my worries... I watched my mom get taken from a great paying job to working for nothing, God calling her to homeschool and work part time at just some store - to give up everything... and there were times where we went without hot water, and there were times when we had to wash our clothes in the bathtub, and when the grass was knee high.... but God always provided!  I watched it first hand!!!  What has been hard is watching my kids worries, hearing their comments "I can't do this or I can't have that because we don't have the money"... and I have had to watch my sweet husband try to put on a brave face, and yet I can see that he is struggling so much being unemployed, needing government help, and not being able to provide like he believes he should.

In this process, we have decided that we just can't afford to live in our house.  Thankfully during this time of America's struggles, we rent, so we are able to just pack up and physically go without looking back.. we don't have the struggle of trying to sell, or watching the bank foreclose... we are so blessed in that area!  But it sure is hard to leave this house!  Its hard to leave this area. Hard to leave our church and friends.  However, one other praise is that we are only an hour away --- so we are able to break away slowly.

We are moving back home- yep the adult child is moving back in with the family.  I praise God that my mom is willing to take us in!  All 6 of us. There are times I am so scared.  Scared that I am gonna lose me. See I have always been a person who enjoys other people - I am a major people person - but I have always had my space, and I thrive on having a haven that is just for me, somewhere I can run away to when things are hard, sad, frustrating.. While I was growing up it was my own room,, I had it just liked I wanted it... it was mine.  And I can clearly see that every time I didn't feel like I had my own area, I felt like I was stuffed down inside.  When my stepson, John, moved into our apartment in Indy way back when Sam and I first got married, I felt like I had no space that was mine, I felt that John and I were always head-butting for leadership, for control, for space... I hated who I became during that time.  I guess it doesn't even have to be physical space... because I remember when we first moved to MI - to our big huge house (in my eyes coming from a small apartment) - our own room - and yet there were some issues when it came to Sam's job and our relationship that I felt that way again, though instead of fighting John (who had at that time moved in with my mom for 2 years) I was fighting for control within myself... and fighting for attention from my husband... seems silly to me now - I was so immature!  I was so young.

But see, right now in my life, though things are out of control,... I have the rules I want, I have my space set up like I like, my whole house is my haven.... and I guess part of me fears what is to come - is this just gonna end up being a power struggle between my brother and I - will I disappear inside??  Will it become a fight for control between my mom and I??  Am I really gonna be able to continue being the adult I am, or am I myself going to just turn into a child??  I already feel it at times... just while we talk about it... the undercurent -- I feel at peace that this is what is suppose to happen, and yet there are times I am so afraid of what this is going to do between my husband and my mom - between me and my brother! 

It brings back the words from Barlow Girl's song -

Let Go

Yeah I trust in You - I remember times You led me - This time it's bigger now - And I'm afriad You'll let me down - But how can I be certain? Will You prove Yourself again? 

'Cause I'm about to let go - And live what I believe - I can't do a thing now - But trust that You'll catch me - When I let go - When I let go

What is this doubt in me - Convincing me to fear the unknown - When all along You've shown - Your plans are better than my own - And I know I won't make it - If I do this all alone.

'Cause I'm about to let go - And live what I believe - I can't do a thing now - But trust that You'll cathc me - When I let go - When I let go.

I know I need to just trust all of this, all the relationship stuff.  I need to lay my fears aside and just keep walking... I know none of us are who we use to be,  we all have changed in mighty ways... if this had happened 5 years ago, I don't think we would have made it. But God is good and has done this at perfect timing.

So I think I have mentioned on my blog - and I know I have on my boards and on Facebook - and those of you who know me personally know - but just to catch you up.  When I was 14 I met a lady through my mom, Traci, and I became Traci's babysitter for her son Nathan, who at the time was 2 years old.  Traci and her two boys became family to my family - her older son Steve and my brother became best friends... and we soon did everything together - When Traci married and got pregnant with Emily, we were all right there.  Emily was the first baby I ever held, and Emily and I have always had a very special bond.

Well, Traci has been going through a really hard time, and so Sam and I took Emily in for the summer, though we often talked with Traci how this could last longer than just the summer... well that probably has come reality, Sam and I are keeping Emily pretty well until further notice.  We are thrilled - Emily, from day one, has just joined our family as family already, its like she has always been with us. 

So anyway, this is whats going on with us... lots of change, lots of good, lots of hardship, and praise the Lord, lots of God's hand moving us each step of the way!

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