Our second son is in a basketball league. He has just turned seven. He is very tall for his age. Partly because of his personality and partly because of his size and more than likely due to his age and lack of maturity at this point in life, he doesn't understand space around him. He is forever bumping into things or people. He gets hurt a lot... often times because he does not assess the risk involved or he just doesn't perceive any risk at all. He is very active and full of boundless energy.
He has been in this Winter league now for about ten weeks. He absolutely loves it. I am thankful that he has had a good coach who cares more about the kids having fun and learning the basic skills than winning. It's been a blessing.
My son is also very competitive by nature and he has been learning what the word TEAMWORK means. Since he is much taller than most of his teammates or opponents, he almost always gets the rebounds. At the beginning of the season, he would always just run the ball down the court and try to make a basket. His first game of the season, his team made eight baskets... he made seven of them!
However, since the season has progressed, his coaches have been working with him on passing the ball and working as a basketball TEAM. He hasn't been getting as many baskets; however, he has been getting much praise from his coaches and me regarding all the great passes he has made, etc.
I'm proud of his growth and his accomplishments this basketball season. It's been a good learning experience for him and he has thoroughly enjoyed it.
If you've read this far, you are wondering what on earth this has to do with the title of this entry, right?
Well, there is another mom whose child is on this team - a girl. This mom is friendly to all the other moms on the team, except me. She's civil towards me when the need arises, and if I attempt to make conversation with her, she will politely answer me.
I've noticed from the beginning of the season that if her child or another child makes a basket or makes a good pass, she will shout out, "Good shot!" or "great pass!" But, not when my child does this. Other children come in for a drink of water, and I will hear her praise their efforts... all, except my son.
And this hurts me. I don't understand it. I don't know why she does this, and I honestly don't think God wants me to confront her on it. I have prayed over it and I've just attempted to be friendly towards her, etc. However, it has continued.
Tonight, there was a practice. When I showed up, the only other people there was this woman and her daughter. Her daughter was out on the court trying to make baskets, and my son ran out onto the court with his basketball and also tried to make a basket. The look on this other mom's face said more than enough. She turned and looked at me and just gave me an awful look.
So, I called my son over and told him to please wait until the coach came before going back out on the court. Maybe she just thinks my son is too aggressive when he plays or too rambunctious or .... ??? Or what?? I don't know.
Once the coach and the other kids started arriving, all of the kids were out on the court trying to make baskets for a little bit before practice officially started.
So, as practice ensued, I sat on the bench trying to understand what just happened. I really don't understand it. I know my son hasn't done anything mean to this woman's daughter. From all I can see, this woman only has two children... both girls... and maybe they are both pretty mellow and she just doesn't "get" the energy that my son exudes!
It wouldn't be the first time this happened. I have found that other moms who have children who are unlike my son tend to look at me in judgment. Or at least it feels that way.
I will be honest and say that I used to be a mom like that. When my first son was born, I read all the books and thought that I was doing everything right. I used to wonder what was "wrong" with these other moms who had these "wild" children who jumped around all the time and banged into things. I mean... couldn't they control their own children?!?
That's when God decided it was time to teach me a lesson in humility. He gave me my second son. I soon realized that my first son's "success" wasn't because of my exemplary parenting, but rather due to his own personality!
My first son, though all boy, is much more cautious than his younger brother. He is slow to try new things. He is much more comfortable observing things for a while before jumping in. My second son is the complete opposite. I could write an endless entry here telling you all the things my second son has done, from climbing out of his crib before the age of one, to pulling up the carpet in his room at 18 months old, to climbing in trees when he was four!
I suddenly realized that the reason my first son didn't get into things as much, didn't make as big a mess, and didn't do "wild and crazy things" was because it was how God made him. God made him to be more cautious and thoughtful and not so daring, and all this time I thought it was because I was this great parent!
I was very convicted by God in how I had judged other moms by the way their child behaved.... whether it was someone I knew or even someone I saw passing me in the grocery store. I am ashamed at how I looked down on other moms.
Now, granted, I am not saying that there isn't a place for discernment and wisdom. Certainly, there are parents out there who do let their children do as they please and do not train or discipline them. I'm not advocating that here.
What point I am trying to make is this: How quickly do you jump to conclusions about another mom when you observe her child? If the child is different in personality and action than your child or children, are you quick to pass judgment on her parenting abilities? I am ashamed to say, I certainly have!
However, I have learned that if I see a child acting out in a way I believe to be inappropriate to give the mom the benefit of the doubt.
Maybe the reason I am so sensitive to how other moms look at me or my child is because I've been there done that.
Yes, my son is a handful. Yes, he does need to be reminded more than once to pay attention to what he is doing and to look out for others. Yes, he is full of energy and can act without thinking. However, this same child is the one who is my "cuddlebug" more than my other two children. He gives me so many hugs every day. He is sweet-hearted. He is the first to give me the "I love you" sign as I'm driving off somewhere or as I'm leaving his room at night when I've tucked him into bed. He is smart. He's quick in math and he loves science. He is funny. He makes me laugh everyday. Out of my three children, he is often the first one willing to share.
This other mom at the basketball court doesn't know any of those things about my son. She also doesn't know how much I try to work with my son in teaching him how to control himself and his energy around others. She doesn't know how many hours I've prayed for and over and with this child. All she knows is that he is different from how her children most likely act... and in her eyes the way he is acting is wrong. I know... I used to think that way, too.
I have found myself leaving these basketball practices or games discouraged by the way this mom seems to look down at my son or me. Her looks of disapproval and her obvious exclusion towards my son is hurtful. I can leave very discouraged because I can listen to the lies of the enemy and worry that I haven't lived up to some expectation. However, that is when I must choose to listen to my Lord, because it is only His expectations that matter in the light of eternity. He knows that I am doing my best with my son. However, it still is nice to get some encouragement here on earth along the way...
A few Sundays ago as I sat in second church service, the lady who leads the kids' worship during first service purposely sat next to me. As soon as she sat down, she turned to me and said, "I just love your boys!" I was so pleasantly surprised! I said, "Oh! Well, thank you!" She continued and said, "they are so smart and they are just fun and such great boys. I love having them during first service."
What a blessing! What encouragement! This sweet lady chose to see the good in my boys. Little words of encouragement like that are so few and far between.
Having two boys is challenging for me! I am a person who ENJOYS quietness. Ha! Doesn't God have a sense of humor?! Quietness is just not the norm in a home with boys. It's just not. My boys are just LOUD... they are musical and love to drum and sing and laugh and make silly noises and talk funny and pretend they are karate-chopping ... the list goes on! There are limits, of course, but I am continuing to grow in this area of allowing my boys to be who God created them to be and to not stifle their energy and creativity because of my own personal desire for quietness. It's a growth process for me as well.
When another mom looks at me with disdain in her face, it hurts me. I know I probably shouldn't take it so personally, right? But, these are my precious children! And I *am* doing the very best I can to raise my young boys into godly men.
I now know that any good fruit that my children display is only because of God's mercy and grace on me. God is forever faithful to teach me humility and to teach me to look upon others as I hope they will look at me... as a mom who loves her children and is doing her best to raise up her children. I would hope that if my child is acting out or misbehaving that another mom might give me a knowing smile... a smile that says, "this mom stuff is tough, huh? But, you can do it!" Or a smile that says, "I've been through what you're going through.. hang in there." Or a smile that says, "I don't know why your child is acting that way, but I'm on your side."
I strive to be that kind of woman. A woman who is an encourager to other moms... who desires to understand their struggles and isn't afraid to share that I have struggles, too. I want to be a blessing to those around me... even those I may not understand. How about you?
Lord, I thank You for this situation with this other mom. Even though I don't understand it and even though I do have hurt feelings over it, I know that You have a greater purpose and plan in it all. I pray that if my son or myself have done anything offensive, that you will provide opportunity for us to make amends. I pray that if not, that I can still be a witness for you of your Love and grace. Forgive me for the times that I have judged others too quickly. I know that You, Lord, look at the heart above all. Help me to be a woman who is an encouragement to other moms. In Jesus' name! Amen.
 ~LISA
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~LISA
~LISA
