What is it that The Horsewhisperer does that your other average horse trainers can't do, or don't do as well?  It's pretty simple really, he knows horses better than the others do. He know how they think. Knowing how they think enables him to know what to do to get them to respond as he wants them to respond.

And so it is with children.  I both ride horses and rear children. This morning as I was riding, I was contemplating this subject. I'm a decent rider, and I've loved horses since I was a child, but I know I'm not outstanding when it comes to communicating with them. I understand the obvious of course, as most riders do, and generally get along with them fine, but as I watch my instructors and the horse trainers I've known, they seem to be able to anticipate the actions of the horses, (and many different horses at that), far better than I am.

In pondering this, I think that the problem lies in my understanding (or lack thereof) of how horses think.  I don't "know" them very well. Hmmm. Now why? I was horse crazy from early childhood. I read everything I could get my hands on in regard to horses. Of course that was mostly fictional stories about horses, in which the horses were "humanized" to experience the thoughts and emotions of a teenaged girl!

Okay wait. Perhaps that's the key. I never learned how a horse really thinks and thus is going to act, because understand of horses is based on material that told me that horses think just like people. I'm therefore expecting horses to think and act like PEOPLE. Sure, they do to some extent in some situations, but their motivations are different, their instincts are different and very strong. They socialize differently, they pick up on different social cues and use different body language than humans do.  They communicate with each other differently than we do.  Horses are not humans and an understanding of these differences is what makes The Horsewhisperer so much better at training horses than the average trainer.

Ok, now all that to say that if we want to be successful at childrearing, we must understand children, and in particular, our own children. So how do we do this? When I wanted to know horses, I read books - the wrong kind of books unfortunately, and I still don't know horses all that well. With that in mind, I would caution against reading the wrong kind of child rearing books, or the wrong kind of any other books about children. Secular psychology based books about children are, I believe, particuarly harmful. Instead, there are two things you can do that will greatly help you in understanding your children:

1. Read God's word and learn how HE is. Learn about the character of God. How He thinks and acts. We are created in His image and if we want to understand human nature, we need only to understand God's nature.

2. Remember how you thought and felt as a child. Be HONEST in doing this, don't romanticize, or only focus on your best side or your worst side. Don't focus on others, just on yourself.

Know yourself and know God, and then you will have the ability to know your children. After this, you can apply all the teaching of the scriptures to rearing your children, and can become a successful Childwhisperer.

When my older sister was in grade school, she had really long hair that she apparently hated. My mother wouldn't let her cut it so she managed to get a neighbor mom to feel sorry for her and the neighbor mom cut it off. 

Okay, so I think my mom was humiliated, and so when I came along 13 or so years later, she always kept my hair short (so no one could hack it off without her permission). I always wanted long hair of course.   Finally, near the end of high school, I rebelled against my mother's haircutting and tried to grow my hair long. It wouldn't grow much past my shoulders before breaking and looking dry and ratty.  Finally, just before my first date with my now dh, I cut it short again. (When he came to my door to pick me up, he almost didn't recognize me. He thought I must be my sister.)

After 5 or more years of marriage I decided to try growing it long again. I kept it long for 15 or more years (it grew to my waist), and I liked it.  I kept my 2 girls' hair long too (their hair is still long by their choice although they are adults now).

Finally, about a year ago, I watched one too many episodes of "What Not To Wear" and realized I was starting to look OLD with my long thin, straight, grey (okay, so I color it) hair to my waist.  I cut it to about the shoulder, then shorter.  I was shocked by how many people told me I looked 10 years younger! 

Well a couple of days ago I let my hairdresser (he tells me the cool word now is "groomer") cut it as he pleased and it is pretty short. I liked it and my 18yo dd (with long hair) liked it too, but my 2 adult sons said, "What happened?" (as in "What went wrong?"). So  I guess they don't like it.  I told my "groomer" that I didn't want it "too short" or "too boyish" but I guess they think it is both. WAAAHHH!

As far and the biblical side of this issue, I "generally" think long hair on women is more femine, but this is not always the case, and there are other reasons that long hair may not work on everyone, and if I were a husband I'd rather have a becoming wife with shorter hair, than a dumpy looking wife with long hair. She would seem more "feminine" to me.   And frankly, I do not understand exactly what the biblical verses allegedly refering to this topic mean, so I don't know exactly how to follow them.  Hurumph.  If the main issue is submission to one's husband, then I'm ok, because my husband encouraged me to get my long hair cut and he likes it.  That said, I think I will keep trying for a longer (not super long) style that is becoming on me.

The depressing part is being criticized no matter what.  When it was long, certain people kept saying, "Oh you looked soooo cute when you had that Dorothy Hammel haircut. You should really cut your hair. Why don't you just take a little off the back.................."  Now that it's short, I'm getting a lot of compliments except from members of the "Long Hair Only Club", who are politely pursing their lips and biting their tongues, or asking, "What went wrong?"

P.S. Meanwhile, my sister (now in her mid sixties and always rebellious in her own subtle way) has been wearing her hair loose and down to her waist for YEARS now, probably because someone suggested she keep it short.  It is very grey and scraggly and, coupled with her double layered grey sweats and ultra long fingernails, gives her a kind of "Cousin It" look.  Even this, however, is not enough to discourage the fellas, as she now has a new boyfriend who is my age. Oy.

I like to ride horses. I learn so much from them. I was taking a riding lesson the other day and it occured to me that when you are riding, you watch and feel the horse's responses to your guidance constantly. As you are doing that, you find yourself (particularly with a younger horse) spending about 90% of that time correcting the horse for his wrong responses to your guidance or for his independent moves outside of your guidance. 

It's a lot like a dance, you lead, he follows. At least it should be in the end but you have to teach the horse that YOU are in the lead, not him. You tell the horse to walk; he hesitates because he'd rather stand still; you cue him to walk more firmly; he walks; he takes a few strides just as he should; he begins to drift to the left; you use leg pressure to move him back to the right; he sees a car up ahead on the road and tenses up; you talk to him and reassure him that there is nothing to be concerned about; he takes a few more steady strides forward, so you know it is an acceptable time to ask for something new, and you ask him to trot; he begins to trot, but too fast; you use reins and voice to calm and slow him; many strides later you are still trying to slow him; you gradually coax him down to the speed you want and work to keep him there until he takes a number of strides without resisting you; you find yourself back to directional problems again as he drifts one way or the other, or tries to cut the corners of the ring. Essentially, you are constantly working to get him to do as you've asked, or to keep him doing as you've asked. He is an independant creature with a mind of his own and it takes a lot of time and work to get him to submit and trust you to make his decisions for him.  Only when he is doing as you've asked and completely submitting to you (usually this lasts only a few seconds/strides), do you ask for something different.  Rewards are given constantly too, in the form of lessening pressure from your aids and of course from your voice and pats at the end of each exercize. 

This is my first entry of the New Year.  Not much to say at the moment - it will take me awhile to recover from the registering process.

Okay, I've revived a bit. This is day one of the new year, so it's time for New Year's resolutions, right?  I was talking to my 18yo daughter today about this and I asked her what her New Year's resolutions were.  She paused, then said, "I don't know, should we really have New Year's resolutions?"  I knew what she meant and replied, "Yes, you're right, we should ALWAYS be trying our best, so why should we need to make a resolution to try to do what we should already be doing?"

I think I will make a New Year's Project list instead:

Practice my violin daily.

Finish M's quilt.

Learn at least some Spanish.

Finish that baby sweater I'm knitting.

Finish my parenting book.