The CooLeSt BloG EveR!!! : -)
• Nov. 30, 2007 - Yes sadly I have even more jokes.
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Disneyland
A brunette was going to Disneyland saw a road sign that read "Disneyland left"
so she went left and made it to disneyland.
A red head who was also going to Disneyland saw the same road sign,
and also went left, she also made it to Disneyland and had a great time.
A blonde was going to disneyland and saw the road sign that said "Disneyland left"
so she went home.
Blonde watching the news
A blonde and brunette sit watching the 5 'o' clock news where a man is
threatning to jump off a bridge.
the blonde says to the brunette i bet you £100 that he doesn't jump the brunette replies
"ok i bet you £100 that he does jump.
Sure enough the man jumped off of the bridge and killed himself.
the blonde gets out £100 and gives it to the brunette.
The brunette says 'i can't take your money.'
'Why not replies the blonde?'
'Because i watched the 12 '0' clock news and he was on then so i knew
that he was going to jump.'
The blonde replied 'i watched the 12 'o' clock news as well but i didn't think
that he would jump again.'
Blonde and the lawyer
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane.
The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.
Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde
could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5.00,
but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00.
The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5.00. then the blonde asked,
"What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything
he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying
to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted,
"What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Blonde and a brunette
A blonde and a brunette were talking, and the blonde was
very stressed. The brunette asked her what was the matter.
The blonde proceeded to tell her that she really needed to
sell her car, but no one would buy because it has 100,000
miles on it.
The brunette said to her, "I know a way that will help you
sell it. I have a friend who can help you, but it’s illegal."
The blonde said, " I'll do anything." So the brunette gave the
blonde the phone number of a guy who could turn back the odometer
on her car. A week later the blonde and the brunette crossed
paths, and the brunette asked the blonde if she had sold her car
yet.
The blonde said, "Why would I sell a car with only 50,000 miles on it?!
Blonde and a brunette
If a blonde and a brunette fell out of an airplane, who would land first?
The brunette ,the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions.
Blonde laugh on Friday
How do you make a blonde laugh on Friday?
Tell her a joke on Monday.
BMW
A blonde is driving in her brand new BMW.
She cuts off a truck driver and he gets really mad.
He harrasses her until she pulls over.
He yells at her to get out of her car so she does.
He say stand here and he draws a circle around her with chalk.
He says, " You better not get out of the circle or else...."
He goes back to his car and gets a knife and slashes her tires.
She starts laughing really loud.
The trucker gets really mad so he goes to get a bat and bangs in her doors.
She laughs even harder.
He gets reallllllly mad so he gets a crow bar and smashes her windows.
She is ready to pee her pants.
So he walks over to her and asks her what the hell is so funny and she says,
"Everytime you went back to your car i stepped out of the circle!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!"
Blonde On the Highway
One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener." One day a blonde was driving on the highway and got pulled over by a cop. The cop said "Why do you keep swerving?" The blonde replied "I turn one way and there's a tree, I turn again there's a tree, and then there's a whole bunch more trees popping out of nowhere." The cop replied "You retard that's your air freshener."
Pin
Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
A: Run like crazy....shes got a hand grenade in her mouth.
Sick Leave
I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the
Boss would not allow me to take a leave.
I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.
So I hung upside down from the ceiling and made funny noises.My coworker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing ?
I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb.He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days. "
I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my coworker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss said to her, " And where do you think you're going?"
(You're gonna love this.....)
She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Raking leaves
How did the blonde break her arm while she was raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
Ice Fishing
A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby.
She went to the bookstore and bought every bookshe could find on ice fishing.
For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become anexpert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and outshe went for her first ice fishing trip.
She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.
When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools.
Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice! "Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole.
Again the voice from above bellowed,"There are no fish under the ice!"Amazed, the blonde wasnt quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasnt covered in any of her books.
She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm.
Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly -- tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.
Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again,"There are no fish under the ice! "Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked "Is that youLord?"
The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skatingrink!" |
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• Nov. 30, 2007 - More jokes.
Ventriloquist
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.
Hes going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes,
when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says
"Ive heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes!
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way?
What does a persons physical attributes have to do with their wroth as a human been?"
The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.
"Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work
and in my community," she continued, "and reaching my full potential as a
person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimmination
against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize.
The blonde interjects,
"You stay out of this , mister, Im talking to that little man on your knee!".
My mother died
One day a blond came home from work and sat on her front steps, sobbing.
Her next door neighbor, whose name was Julie, went over to see what was
wrong. She said, "My mom died today waahhhhhh-hhhhaaaahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!"
Julie invited her over for coffee untill she felt better. When she did
actually stop crying, she left and went to work the next morning. When
she came home she was sobbing... again. Julie went to see what was wrong...
again. And the blond said, "I called my sister (who was also blond)
today and she said that her mom died TOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Wahhhhhhhh!!!
On A Plane
On a plane bound for New York a flight attendant approached
a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that
she move to coach since she did not have a first class ticket.
The blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New
York; and I'm not moving."
Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked
the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman,
asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again,
the blonde replied, "I'm blonde; I'm beautiful; I'm going to New
York, and I'm not moving."
The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he
should do. The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde, and I know how
to handle this."
He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear.
She immediately jumped up and ran to the coach section mumbling to
herself, "Why didn't someone just say so?"
Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said
to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said,
"I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
"Hey! Wanna Hear a Blonde Joke?"
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna
hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely
quiet. In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you
tell that joke, you should know something."
"The bartender is blond, the bouncer is blond, and I'm a 6' tall,
200 pound blond with a black belt in karate. What's more, the guy
sitting next to me is 6'2," weighs 225 pounds, and he's a blond
weight lifter." He continues, "The fella to your right is blond,
6'5" and pushing 300 pounds, and he's a wrestler. Think about it
seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah! Not if I'm gonna have to explain it
five times."
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• Nov. 30, 2007 - Jokes.
Burnt Ears
A blonde with two burnt ears went to the doctor, who asked what had happened.
"The phone rang, and I accidentally picked up the iron."
"What about the other one?"
"They called back."
oh one more...
Tree
A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"
10 Blondes 1 Brunette
Problem: There are 10 blondes and 1 brunette that were hanging onto a rope
that was tied to an airplane. They know that one of them will have to let go
because the weight of all 11 of them would tear the rope and they would all die,
so they argue back and forth for a few minutes till finally the brunette says
she will let go.
But first she explained why she was doing it and said good-bye to all the blondes,
in an emoitional type of way.
All the blondes were so touched that they started clapping.
Problem solved.
Blonde jokes
There was a blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes
she'd hear at the office. So one evening she went home and
memorized all of the state capitals. Back in the office the next day,
some guy started telling a Dumb Blonde joke.
She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,
"I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes.
I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and
did something probably none of you could do.
I memorized all the state capitals.
One of the guys said, "I don't believe you."
She said, "It's true. Just test me!"
"Okay. What is the capital of Alaska?" he asked.
"A," she answered, smugly.
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• Nov. 30, 2007 - How to write a good chorus...
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How to write a good chorus...
A song without a chorus can hardly be called a song. This rather bad statement is my personal opinion so if you don't agree, that's okay. But I would like to start this lesson with this statement, not only to wake you up, but rather because it's one of the key-statements of this lesson. So if you don't like songs without a chorus and never intend to write one, than probably you won't feel at home in this class this month. I must say I never felt at home when I was at school but that's another story... But if you do stick around, even if you don't like to write choruses, maybe you will change your mind about them.
A chorus is more or less the heart of a song, at least if it's a good one of course. Why this is true is not as obvious as it seems. People always tend to remember the chorus of a song, while it may not even be the most interesting part of the song at all. The easiest explanation of course is the fact that the chorus is usually played a couple of times during a song. But if this was the only reason why a chorus is the heart of most songs, how come then that lots of choruses are easily forgotten, even if they are played seemingly endless in the fadeout of a song? So there must be more to it.
In this lesson we will see it's hard to reveal the secrets of a good chorus. Writing a good chorus may be more a matter of the heart (something called talent?) than the mind. But since this counts for songwriting in general, don't be afraid; there are always some tricks to learn to help those who have to struggle a little more then the lucky, more talented ones. And believe me, most of us belong to the first group, to put it stronger, even the most talented ones often join the struggling crowd when they're not inspired... In lesson 5, we already saw some elements a good chorus should have. Now we will take a closer look at these elements, by discussing some rules you should follow if you want to write a good chorus. These rules are:
- It should be catchy
- It should contain elements of the rest of the song
- It shouldn't be an anti-climax
Following these rules, you obey to the most important rules of writing a good chorus. We will take a look at these rules in the next paragraph. You can also click on the links to go directly to the discussion of each of these rules.
Rule 1: a chorus should be catchy
What makes a chorus catchy? The easiest answer (for me at least) is: listen to all those golden oldies. Almost all the classics from the sixties and the seventies have catchy choruses. Of course The Beatles were real masters at this, but it seems all the bands that became famous in those days were able to write catchy choruses which seem to stick in your mind forever. Who doesn't know the chorus of Honky Tonk Women for example...
Listening to examples is a great way to teach yourself, and that counts for songwriting too! But there's something more to say about this issue too.
Keep it simple
One of the main rules in writing a good chorus is to keep it simple. Try to avoid to make the chorus sound complicated.
This doesn't mean that as long as you keep it simple technically spoken the chorus will sound simple! A chorus built around a difficult, but well written musical part will be easier to listen to than a technically simple chorus which is written in an unlogical manner.
Consider The Average Listener
The above indicates you'll have to keep the average listener in mind while writing your chorus.
Most listeners aren't musicians so don't forget that! The average listener will often look for things he/she can recognize, a certain general feeling of what sounds logical and which has been developed during many years.
You would probably think now that I'm saying most listeners are dumb but that's not the case. So don't treat them like that. They won't buy the same stuff over and over again (‘though this seems to be heavily contradicted by the house-rage of this time....) so you will have to keep them anxious. In the chorus you can try this by experimenting with backing vocals, special arrangements etc, but be careful and don't overdo things.
So in general you could say the secret to write a catchy chorus is to make it sound logical.
Rule 2: a chorus should contain elements of the rest of the song
In this lesson we already saw a chorus is one of the most important parts of your song. In most cases, it's the part of the song which will be played the most often. So it better be good!
Another trick to make your chorus a good chorus is to give it the treatment it deserves! Since it's the main element of your song, whether you like it or not, it should get all the attention it needs while you write it, to gain all the attention it needs when you play it. This brings me to a rather contradictionary issue: writing songs is a very intuïve job and that also counts for writing choruses. But to obey to the rule that a chorus should contain elements of the rest of the song, you should at least examine and evaluate your music thoroughly. In mine opinion just writing your music from the heart will generally result in the best music, but it's not very sensible only to rely on your heart. Evaluating your music can be very useful and especially when it comes to writing a chorus.
So no matter how you write, whether you write straight from the heart or not, you will have to evaluate your song. Not only because it will enhance your songwriting skills simply because you are "forced" to think about what you have written, but also because "technical rules" like these can only be followed by using technical means like evaluation.
Since a chorus is the part that will be played and remembered most, it's the best place to "advertise" your song. Maybe if you consider the chorus to be the advertisement of your song, you will better understand the importance of putting elements of the rest of the song into it, making it kind of an excerpt of your song. Some advantages of doing so are:
Recognition
People will recognize the song by just hearing the chorus. But it works the other way around too; they will recognize the chorus as being part of that piece of music they accidentally hear when they enter a bar for example.
Recollection
People will remember your song much more easily. Because the chorus is an excerpt of the song, they will only have to remember the excerpt to remember the song. Why not using old school-tricks when they work fine?
Strenght
By putting elements of the song together in your chorus, in fact you are just making a miniature of your song. When you do this right, it will result in a very strong piece of music. Producers will be pleased when they see you have skills to achieve this, because they usually want you to cut out all the unnecessary stuff from your song.
But what elements should you take? This in fact is completely up to you and depends on the song you are writing. Generally it works fine to pick some of the more melodic parts of your song, simply because most people remember a melodic piece of music better than a monotone piece. And that's about all there is to say on this issue, but there are some pitfalls to look out for.
These tips might help you avoiding them:
Don't copy too much
While putting the best elements of your song together into your chorus, you are taking the risk of ending up with a chorus that unveils all the secrets of your song making the rest of the song predictable and dull. Therefor it's better not to copy too literally but hussle things a little.
Tricks like changing the key of the parts while played during the chorus can help. Just consider all the best parts to be some sort of colour-palette, which enables you to make various versions of the same picture.
Don't make the chorus too long. Better leave out some good parts than desperately putting everything together in the chorus! Good choruses almost never exceed 6 lines.
As you can see, this part of writing songs can be very tricky. Don't forget your skills will grow after every song you've finished, even the more technical skills that you'll need to write a good song, like evaluating your song and deciding what parts should be reflected into the chorus. I deliberatly used the term reflect, because this is one of the most vague issues of writing songs, making it one of the most difficult parts of it. But aren't things always getting more difficult when technique meets feelings?
Rule 3: a chorus shouldn't be an anti-climax
The third important rule seems simple but, unfortunatly, is not. Just like the second rule we discussed above, we will discover it's again a matter of walking on the edge. You will have to carefully find your way between what's good and what is bad, and there isn't a clear path to follow. But again, experience is something you can't buy but which comes free with endurance and perseverance. So just don't give up when it's getting tough; your peaks will get higher and your downs won't be as low as they used to be!
So a chorus shouldn't be an anti-climax. Clear! But why is this rule not as simple as it seems? I will try to explain this. If you follow the first two rules you won't too quickly end up with a chorus that's an anti-climax, just because these two rules ensure your chorus will be more or less the heart of the song. But still your chorus can become an anti-climax, simply because another part of the song attrackts too much the attention. A very impressive instrumental break can easily put the chorus in the shadows. So if your chorus is an anti-climax depends not only on the chorus itself, but on the rest of the song too. To avoid this disturbing effect, you will have to be very careful where to put that instrumental break, charismatic leadvocal-line etc.
To make things even more complicated, you will have to watch out for the chorus to become the climax of the song itself! This can be disasterous to your song, because you will end up with a song which repeats it's climax over and over again, with the result that you end up with a song that doesn't seem to have a climax at all! So every time you write a song you will have to deal with the problem to write a strong, catchy chorus but on the other hand not to make it too strong....
This virtual contradictionary is hard to solve, just listen to daily radio. But there are some ways to help you with this:
Distinction
To avoid the chorus and the climax of the song to interfere with each other, you can try to make a very clear distinction between these two rivals. You can do so by putting them apart from each other "physically" (give each of them their own space in the song), or by making them sound as different as the song allows you to.
The clearer the difference, the less chance of interference.
If you can't beat them...
Another aproach is to put the climax in the chorus itself. This works best when done in the final chorus. This solution requires you to change that chorus, otherwise it won't work, as we discussed earlier in this lesson. These changes can range from just changing the key, adding additional instruments (like backing-vocals) to even changing the lead-vocal line. When done right you will end up with a super-chorus, which won't be forgotten easily!
Some Examples
I will briefly discuss each example and will try to show you how the above is implemented into the examples. I also will point at some tricks I used in these choruses. Don't forget there are numerous examples to come up with, each with different combinations and interpretations of the rules we discussed in this lesson. Just consider these soundfiles as my contribution to what this is all about: music and the fun of it!
The first example is the chorus of Alien Tune, taken from the live-recorded third cassette of The Stag, Reset. Lesson 6 included the intro of this spacy song so maybe it's not a complete new-one for some of you.
This version of the chorus is played at the end of the song, and to make it stand out to the other choruses just because it's the last one, the third line is added to it, which is actually a repetition of the first line. The original chorus has only three lines, this final one has four.
Another trick I used in this chorus is as simple as efficië to draw the attention a chorus needs. I used an effects-processor to distort the lead-vocals. Keeping the original lead-vocaltrack and putting the distorted vocals behind it creates a very dramatic effect. A band like ZZ-Top used a trick like this in their song Manic Mechanic.
The next example is also taken from Reset, and is more melodic than the previous example. This will make it a lot easier to remember this chorus as you will probably notice, but this of course is also due to the fact that parts of the lyrics are repeated a few times.
Another trick used in this chorus to make it the eye-catcher of this song are the backing-vocals, which answer the questions "asked" by the lead-singer. Using several backing-vocals and making them "fade out" into the lead-vocals enhances the choir-effect. Recorded in a real studio in stead of the rehearsal-room this can sound real impressive.
Please note the sound-sample starts with the last line of the verse, which features a break to focus the attention to the chorus even more.
Another track taken from Reset, so recorded live at the rehearsal-room of The Stag, is the chorus of The Widow's Game. This chorus is an example of a miniature of the entire song. It contains parts of the main riff of the song, but the lead-vocals switch to a melodic, strong line, while they stick more to the rhythm of the song during the verses.
The final example of this lesson features the first track of The Last Season, the first cassette of The Stag. This chorus is short and melodic, yet it sounds simple. A chorus like this is hard to forget, whether you like it or not. In this particular case, the trick I used to make the chorus stand out to the rest of the song is the addition of backing-vocals (again) and a more prominent role for the keyboards in comparison to the verses. Changes like this are great to draw the attention to the chorus.
By:
Free Music Education Center Team |
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• Nov. 30, 2007 - 14 Surefire Methods To Tap Into Your Creative Flow Everyday
| 14 Surefire Methods To Tap Into Your Creative Flow Everyday
1. Collage: cut out images from magazines. Glue them to a poster board without any intellectualizing and see what your subconscious mind has created for you as your own personalized "image muse".
2. Listen to music, many different varieties. If you have cable radio, this is a great way to have a commercial free extended play of virtually any classification of music available. Try something you are not as familiar with: world music, gospel, Celtic, baroque...stretch your appreciation, awaken your spark.
3. Set a timer for 15 minutes and free write. Without editorializing or judging your thoughts, just let your pencil go back and forth across the page. Let your mind and words dance and swim anywhere and everywhere.
4. Get up and get into physical motion. A walk, a dance, a jog, a stretch, a hop. Does not matter what the movement is, simply do it. In conjunction with listening to music, your creativity will be compelled to be burst forth
5. Explore the many facets of intimacy. From the face to face, heart to heart tenderness of physical closeness to the multisensory experience of connecting with another soul, intimacy may evoke one of the most intense streams of creative flow.
6. Read quotes and classic literature. Learning from the genius of creative thinkers of the past will illuminate your creative genius of today.
7. Develop relationships that encourage intentionally satisfying, in depth discussion. From the meandering, awakening talks that are produced, results will be spontaneous and abundant.
8. Write haiku, a simple form of poetry you probably learned about in school. A three lined poem comprised of an opening line of 5 syllables, a closing line of 5 syllables and a middle line of 7 syllables, see what you can powerfully craft in the fewest words.
Scroll down to continue...
9. Take ample time in quiet through meditation, prayer and spiritual study. Peace, contentment, satisfaction and creativity will follow.
10. Spend time both participating with and observing the nature which surrounds you. Caring for your environment, being a steward of plant life joins the human creative spirit with the Earth.
11. Paint: using any favorite medium be it finger paints or acrylics with sponges or watercolors, simply set aside some time to splash some paint around. See what comes forth.
12. Take time to experience visual art. Invest the time necessary to interact with those pieces which call to you.
13. Attend theatrical events and concerts. Support the performing arts and see what they teach your creative being.
14. Find a new recipe and try it out. The more variety you partner with in your kitchen, the more you will partner simply and effortlessly with you creative flow.
This helps you to write a song fastet and quicker.....
worked for me..
Julie Jordan Scott.
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