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Jan. 9, 2007
My Maturing Ladder
Lately I've been freaking out at the thought of growing up, I just shudder at the thought of getting older, going to college, moving out and living on my own. Last night was one of those nights that it felt very overwhelming and I think I've come up with a good way to understand my feelings on the whole thought.
Right now I am on the Ladder of maturing, it's that area in between the safety of solid ground called Childhood and the Platform of Adulthood. I am building this ladder myself, making due with scraps of wood and other unidentifiable materials. Those scraps of wood and other materials are responsibilties, knowledge, and just pure will power. I am to the point that I feel like the simple slip of the foor or hand the whole ladder will crumble and then I'll have to start all over again. Sometimes I start feeling nauseated from being so high and I feel like my ladder is too fragile to support me that high up, so I have to take a few steps down to settle my stomach. I know that my 'Platform of Adulthood' will be much more wobbly and unsettling, so I just decided I will get to that when I reach that point, right now I'm still on the ladder.
As I look down I see little people looking up to me watching my every move because I'm a cool teenager who still remembers what it's like to be their age, and they think it's amazing to be around someone who's older and is still fun to play with.
Yet, at the same time, as I'm looking up I see my elders and people who have already been on the 'Maturing Ladder,' and I know that there are people on the 'Platform of Adulthood' who have made much bigger mistakes than I have, and yet have made it up there.
I know that God is reaching out His hand and it's just a matter of me laying down my pride and grabbing it. Every time I do hold on though, He starts pulling up and then I get the idea that I've had a good enough boost and I let go thinking I can handle things myself. Don't get me wrong, I love the Lord with all my heart, I pick up my Bible and read it every day, I just like to take control of the wheel sometimes and I forget that I'm supposed to step back and let Him lead.
Some of you are probably thinking "Oh, it's just another teenager afraid of growing up..." I am another teen afraid of the 'Platform of Adulthood.' But, you know what? I'm God's child, and He will never let me fall.
I just need to keep my eyes focused on God and trust Him to keep me from falling off of my ladder. So, now I need to stop lingering on the past and continue putting my ladder together.
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