Posted in This week in the Silver lining

Romas 8:28

"28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^[a] who^[b] have been called according to his purpose."

 

There is a cycle that is difficult to break in our society.  When a father (being human) makes mistakes and then due to those he turns away from God and leaves his family, he is not only harming himself, but also his children.  This scenario then has an open door for disaster.  The child grows up learning that giving up is the thing to do.  They grow up either wanting to be the opposite of their father and hating him, or falling into their same mistakes for their own family.

 

I've had to learn about this the hard way!  No, I'm not a father.  I'm not even a mother.  Just a daughter who is hurting and can't sleep at 1:58 AM.  The daughter of a father-less father who has never himself accepted the un-conditional love of his own Heavenly Father!

 

God is our heavenly Father.  But because of our freedom of choice, we sometimes don't want to accept Him.  He has unconditional love for us.  It is an un-meritted love since we are such imperfect beings. It is a love that never ends even if our life ends and it is also a love that forgives to the end and does not depend on feelings.  Love that would give up His own son for us to be closer to Him.  Love that is like 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: 

 

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8Love never fails.

But I digress...if all of us read our Bibles more, we would find out that inspite of what we don't understand, God is truly love.  Even when we don't feel loved by Him, and bad things happen, He is still love!  My husband came home from a bible study tonight and shared with my hurting mother, sister and myself about a verse that he felt he needed to share.  It is found in Romans 8:28 and I have started this blog entry with it because it is exactly what I need to remind myself of in times like these when I don't know how to apply God's love! 

 

It's very hard to understand love, let alone God's love when we are sad and angry at things that happen to us.  I mean, how can a Loving Father, do something to harm someone, when they are supposed to be Loving?  Say a small prayer in your heart that you may understand what God's spirit means and then re-read Romans 8:28.  How does a father do something good for us, if it doesn't feel like it is good to us? 

 

I'm not sure how many of you are fathers out there.  But what would happen if your child did something wrong?  Something that not only scared you but also something that is so bad that you want to make sure that they never make that mistake again.  For their OWN GOOD...You as their father, would probably reprimand them in some way...whatever way you feel is best, you will either scold them, punish them, or discipline them.  He was doing what is "good for" his child even if the child didn't take it as a 'good' thing.

 

However, how did you (that is now a father) feel when you were the child yourself and got disciplined by your father?  You probably felt the way every child does during those times.  The feeling is that of thinking that the discipline wasn't fair, and that the father was not being "good to" you or didn't love you.

 

So having said this example, now we come to the part where we think about all the times that our Heavenly Father (God), has allowed things to happen to us that didn't seem loving.  It may have been an accident or a death. 

 

For me, it has been things like illness, or not being able to have children, or even just seeing my father's struggle.  It is in those times that you wonder:  "what are you doing to me God?  This isn't good to me?  This stinks and hurts and I'm angry at you!  Don't you love my father?  Can't you help him?  Don't you love me"?  Do any of these thoughts sound familiar to you?  You know what though, He is able to get us out of situations, but the best option is when He chooses to let us go through things to help us learn and grow through them.  He is there with my dad though, whether I remember this or not.  I have to know that even if my dad will not aknowledge God, God loves my father even more than I could ever love him, and He IS there with him and God already has paid the price for forgiveness and now it is Dad's choice to choose God and to believe and let Him in. 

 

Going back to that verse at the begining of the entry:  What is good for me?  What is good for dad?  Well, if this situation will bring him to the end of his own strength and he chooses to love God and walk by His calling and purpose, then He will have an awesome testimony and the wait would be worth it and God will be glorified!  That would be the scenario in which things "work out for dad's good".  This is also ultimately what God wants of dad.

 

If he does not choose to love God, and thinks that he can just continue on to do things on his own and pushing away any help, then he has made a terrible choice that makes it harder for any of us to love him.  What's in it for dad then?  Well, that verse says that this promise is ONLY for those that choose to "love God and are called to His purpose".

 

Have you ever felt that you loved God?  Have you ever felt that His purpose through Jesus was so right that you felt called to follow that purpose?  Then that verse applies to you.  As long as dad chooses the opposite, that verse does not apply.  Then things will not work for Dad's good, even though life may seem 'good' to him at times.

 

It is then that I realize that just like I can't force my dad to do something how I would do it because I love him, and trust me I love my dad, God will never take away our freedom of choice.  My father has a free will.  He wants to do whatever pleases him. 

 

As for me, I can't continue to take on that hurt.  I can't continue to hurt for him making the wrong choices!  No, not wrong choices according to me.  Wrong choices according to God's word...The Bible.  

 

I remind myself that it is not my fault!  There is nothing I can do that I haven't done already.  My words have come in one ear and out the other.  His heart was so hardened that the things I was saying out of love and my urgency to help him may not have sounded loving.  

 

"Well, isn't it Ironic?  Don't you think"?  ; /  I may never really know the reasons why he is so deaf to what we say.  But I can't continue to take it inwardly.  I can't continue to think of what if's.  I can't continue to cry at night as I see pictures of when he had things together and reminise of the times when his family was the most important thing to Him.

 

This hurts me because I feel that he is become selfish and only cares about meeting his own needs.  (Very liberalistic mentality if you ask me)!  But why should I be surprised, right?  After all, that is all anyone these days wants?  It is taught and understood in this world today, that as long as you are content anything goes. 

 

I love him so much that it hurts to see him being this way and it also hurts him.  He hurts for the realization of what his choices have done.   Though he is not the only one at fault, as head of his household it is his responsibility to keep his family.  But his family is now falling apart.  There is only sadness in his voice now.  I know that my love for him will lift him up just a little.  But that is the point of this long entry. 

 

I've taken on a lot of pain from his choices and from that cycle I described earlier.  See, his father left him when he was 6 years old.  He was raised by another family though and did have a father.  Even if his real or foster fathers were or were not Godly influences, he still had plenty of opportunity from then to now (he is 59), to learn from those mistakes and pray to not fall into those same traps. 

 

In fact a few years ago when it all started, he had a dream that terrified him:  He dreamed that someone was driving a car out of control and that he was in the passenger seat scared out of his mind.  In his dream however, he himself was the person driving also, and he was afraid even of his own face and how he looked not like himself but like an out of control version of him that seemed to be taking over the wheel to destroy him.  (Makes me appreciate the song by Carrie Underwood:  Jesus take the wheel even the more)!

 

Inspite of that realization, he made his choice to throw caution to the wind and act selfishly.  Don't get me wrong; I act selfish sometimes.  Who doesn't?  Also, I do want him to be happy.  However, in life it's not what mistakes we make, but how we get back up after making those that help us to be happier. 

 

Now, without getting into too much detail; my dad has made some mistakes not only in leading his family and respecting his wife, but as we now come to find out, he has also been keeping a double life.  These mistakes are hard to forgive, especially for an imperfect person like myself who struggles to understand.  In fact, they are hard things to overcome not only for me but my mother and sister.  I love them too though, and this makes it harder to love dad, since he is hurting them also. 

 

What do I do?  How do I love a person who I'm angry at, but love so dearly.  How do I not get upset at him when I see that love that he can't see because of his state.  I miss my dad, but it has only been about a month since I last saw him, and a day since I last spoke to him.  I miss the way he was.  I miss his love for me.  I miss our family.  That feeling of family is gone now. 

 

That is when I remind myself of what the meaning of love is.  Patient, kind, does not keep record of wrong?  WOW.  I mean even if you were not to believe in the Bible you have got to believe these love verses if you've ever been in-love.  The first thing you are is patient, kind, and forgiving to your mate! 

 

But it is a choice, a hard one at that, to choose to do these things, and this further proves (as I spoke about in an earlier blog entry) that 'Love' is truly always a choice.  

 

Now I ask you:  How do you choose to love those who wronged you?  It's tough!   This is not what we are taught.  In fact, just the opposite!  However,  as you will read in:  Mattew 5:43-45

43"You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor^[a] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies^[b] and pray for those who persecute you,"

 

That commandment is telling me to CHOOSE to love my 'enemies'.  No further explanation is needed on that one! 

 

"Dear Father God ...worthy is your great name; please help me to love and take care of my father inspite of all that has happened.  Please keep him safe.  Help me to help him or to step aside and let you work.  Truth is, I will be better off leaving Dad in your very capable hands....Lord, my prayer for him is that he will realize that you re there as his father who loves him no matter what and that he will realize that it's never too late.  I pray for his repentance to you.  I pray for a restored family.  In Jesus' name I pary...Amen"

 

Well, thanks for reading on!  Have a great week everyone.