Aug. 18, 2006 - Three kids - good or bad?
Posted in General
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I have a question to all you folks with 3 or more kids. If you grew up in a family with 3 or more kids this is for you too.
I would like to have another child, adopt actually. At the moment my two are 5 and almost 2. People keep telling me that it is hard with three because one is always left out. I have no experience, so please tell me...is this the case? I think with any number above two kids one can always be left out. With four kids, three could still leave out one.
I'd really love your feedback...
Stacy |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - what a fun thing to talk about! |
 Posted by reformingmama |
We have three boys and are expecting number four. I am the oldest of three girls. The "middle" child issue has been a thought on my heart ever since I started having kids.
First of all let me say that in my opinion adding baby number three was the easiest (by far!) it has been so much fun to have him around and his brother adore him.
In my family of origin, the middle girl (my little sister) believes that she had it rough being the middle child. I used to believe her, but now that we are all adults and I have had three boys for the last two years I believe she just has issues that are her own and are not a directly related to birth order or total number of children.
I really think that part of the reason God gives us siblings and sets us in families is so that we can begin to learn that we are not the center of the world. The world thinks that as parents we are doing our kids a disservice is they are not the center, but I think learning to serve your brother is the lesson the Bible would promote far and above.
Recently I was worried about our middle boy not feeling like he was "the best" I was worried about him having to watch his brother excel at things. Then it dawned on me that boy #2 was really at an advantage in learning gracious loosing over his brother. Boy #1 is the one who is "behind" because he has the opportunity to believe that he is the best. Do you see what I am saying? Of course we are working at showing each child their God-given gifts and talents. We all have a special place in God's plan and it is our job as parents to point that out to our kids and show them what they are especially good at for the sake of blessing others.
As far as being left out it has not happened here. It's always the three of them. Three peas in this pod!
The bottom line is that when God said that children are a blessing and to be fruitful and multiply, He did not add "as long as you have them in even numbers."
So there are my jumbled thoughts on the subject!
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Aug. 18, 2006 - 3 kids |
 Posted by SmallWorld |
| I have 3 kids, and yes, one of them is always left out. Now that doesn't mean I'd trade in #3 for ANYTHING in the world...but usually 1 and 2 are buds, or 1 and 3 are buds...but someone is left out---often. But I think #3 is an amazing treasure!!! |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - I have 3 |
 Posted by kateyz |
For us 3 is great! The boys, ages 10 & 7 are buddies, they share a room and have many common interests and our girl, age 4 is my buddy. We worried about being outnumbered, and not always being able to give one on one time. As it worked out though, this way is much better. Someone always has time with Mom or Dad alone, while the other two share the other parent. We try to give one on one time evenly. One thing we're very conscious of is making sure our middle boy doesn't get lost in the shuffle. He's not the oldest boy, or the only girl (who happens to get a lot of attention because she is developmentally delayed).
For homeschooling 3 works well too. If I'm helping one child, the other two can work together or help each other, even play a game, rather than always having to wait until I'm able to help. I feel better knowing no one sitting doing nothing while waiting for me.
All in all, 3 is our magic number. I'm happy with 3 and have never longed for the 'easy days of two kids'. Nor for that matter do I ever wish for 4!! We like 3! 3 is good! |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - Yes! You should have three! (Or more!) |
| Posted by reformingmama |
Great question... and from what I've read you've gotten great feedback already! :)
We have three (4, 2, and 1) and because of their ages, our two oldest children are "closer" in that they play more together. And I notice they want to play away from their little brother sometimes, too... (after all, he'll get into what they're doing!) However, having said that, I know that it's just a matter of time before my littlest son will want to wrestle and play rough with his older brother (our 2-year old).
Although my two oldest play more together, it is SO good for them to learn to share, and think of their younger brother, and involve him in their play. Good character building. And it is fun for me to watch my youngest have his special moments with his older siblings, too. (My boys are my early risers, so they have their "time" in the early mornings, and love it... )
I was one of 4 growing up, my husband is one of 6, and we want that big family for our children, too!
Keep me posted on the adoption developments should you choose that route! :)
~Stacy |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - Oh Yes, I was planning to answer this one!! ( ; |
 Posted by JacqueDixonSoulRestES |
I already had this post open when I got your comment. I saw it on the front page latest posts.
I hope that the fact that you asked me to comment means that you know what kind of an answer you are going to get from me. ( ;
Because I don't want to hijack your blog, and this subject is very dear to my heart, as well as a Scriptural controversy, I am posting it on my Homestead blog, Seeking Rest on the Homestead.
Thank you for counting me as someone whose opinion and experience you value in regards to this...
Jacque
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Aug. 18, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
 Posted by gottsegnet |
I have three and disagree. Mine are 7, 3 and 1. Maybe my children are just weird, but sometimes each of them would just prefer to do their own thing uninterrupted. So when oldest wants to play with her tiny things she doesn't want touched, Bear has Bug to play with. Or when Bear just wants to play with his cars, Mouse has bug to play with. Bug is up for pestering anyone...when the older two are playing, she is usually content (and welcome) to play along. Otherwise, she pesters the puppy or her mom or whomever is around to engage in her little baby games.
I think children sort themselves out rather well when allowed to with a little guidance from their parents. |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
 Posted by Anonymous |
I read of this issue on http://www.homesteadblogger.com/jacquedixon/23613 over on homesteading.... and have a few thoughts to share....
I grew up with 3 - me, my bro(-2 yrs) and my sis (-18mo) so we were fairly close in age. and yeah, someone was/ is always left out. it changed, and changes. In fact, as I am pregnant with #3, I told my husband we will NOT be stopping here, as I do not want 3 for that reason.
My husband grew up with 7, ages varying 13-15 years (I am not quite sure) but they are all very close, and when two are hanging out, there is more out there, and I see a lot of intermixing... 1w/2, 4w/6, 3w/7, etc. but there is variety there and not always one person being purposefully left out of hte loop, ya know?
So, I do not think it is an odd/even thing, I think it is a 3-thing. just my thoughts
- morning sunshine |
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Aug. 18, 2006 - Thank you |
 Posted by AussieinAmerica |
I really appreciate ALL of your comments. Each one has helped me gain a little more insight. Thanks so much.
Stacy |
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Aug. 19, 2006 - Is 3 a Crowd? |
 Posted by timbuck2mom |
Stacy,
I grew up with 2 older sisters. We were five years apart so each of us pretty much did our own thing. My middle sister and I did things together as I got older but by then my oldest sister was married.
I don't think with 3 one would be left out because of the lifestyle homeschoolers seem to have. Family is just more close. We do things all together.
I have 6 children. My first 3 are boys. My 2nd and 3rd born do a lot with each other, and especially when they were younger.
To answer your question. I feel it depends on how you raise them. If you teach them from a young age, to take of each other, play with each other, to always include siblings in what they're doing I don't think you would have a problem.
On the other hand, some people feel that each child should have their "space". I think that can breed selfishness. Sometimes siblings don't want to be bothered by the younger ones. I try to tell them that your little brother/sister looks up to you. He just wants a moment of your time. Teach them to live beyond themselves.
That's my two-cents worth. :) |
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Aug. 19, 2006 - More the Marrier !!! |
 Posted by Canadagirl |
I think God will bless your family each time you allow God to bless you with His Blessings. I really agree with Jacque, reformingmama, timbuck2mom. I don't want to resay everything they did and I think you should just allow God to bless you. It is SO true that when you raise your children in a unselfish way they are more other's oriented. Go for it (0;
In Him,
 |
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Aug. 19, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
 Posted by hugs4Him |
| Well I have 4 biological, but they are all about 3-1/2 - 4 yrs apart & my oldest is severely autistic. Changes the dynamic quite a bit & can be tough on everyone; sibs have a tough time too. I don't think there's any "perfect" combo or amount etc; I think whatever situation God chooses to give us works out the way He sees it to be best for us & the children. |
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Aug. 19, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
 Posted by KarenW |
| I have 3 children and I am so blessed by each of them. I can't imagine life without them. My youngest does get left out but that is because she is 8 and my older two are teens. I was also one of three growing up. I have an older and younger brother and sometimes felt the "middle child" syndrome. But I think it was more the "only girl" syndrome. It's always something whether it's one child or 10. I'd say if the number is the only thing standing in your way, go for it! God bless. |
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Aug. 20, 2006 - Have you been seeing a lot of larger families around too? |
 Posted by mamma1420 |
This subject has been secretly on my heart lately. Everywhere I turn other families have 3-10 children and they are homeschooling, they are living life on one income so I keep wondering. Am I really done? My situation may be a little different b/c my daughter is from a previous marriage and her dad is still in her life. So my dh has our son but none others. He wants more but he's not in a position to help at all with getting up in the middle of night, my needing a nap in the daytime and I cannot imagine homeschooling with a newborn. I really am in awe of the women who do it. My heart's desire would be to have as many children as the Lord blessed me with but reality of this world dictates that we can only afford to insure, clothe, feed, shelter two at this time. My dh and I pray that as our circumstances improve we will be able to adopt a child as well.
Oops, sorry Stacy-I didn't mean to write so much
Jessica
do you want Stacy or Aussie In America as your signature? |
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Aug. 22, 2006 - Here are my thoughts |
 Posted by 5atkins |
My dh and I have three girls. Hannah is 6, Sarah is 5, and Mary is 3. We didn't wait between the first two, but I decided that physically wanted a break before the third. When she was also a girl and we were pretty sure that we were stopping, I was thankful, thinking that she will have more in common as a girl than if she had been a boy. When she was about 9 months old, I noticed that the older two rarely played with her. They weren't mean and they didn't totally ignore her, but they didn't spend much time with her. I prayed and talked with dh and we decided that we should let all the girls share a room instead of 2 oldest and the baby alone. I think this has really helped them stay close. Right now, the middle girl is reading her story out loud to the youngest while the oldest is working on a worbook page (and I type.) Other times the girls will pair off differently. Many times though they all play together! And other times they are all doing their own thing. I have always encouraged the girls to include the baby unless it was unsafe (ex: trampoline). When we have freinds come over that are different ages or gender my girls know that they are expected to play with everyone and be kind. The other day we had a homeschoolers get together with 5 moms and 17 kids ages 12yo to 3 months. They were all the time playing with different people and no one felt left out. Things didn't go perfectly, but three of the families have three kids and I saw a genuine love between the siblings. The most important thing though is what you already see - that children are God's blessings to us! We can be thankful for any number! I pray God reveals His perfect will for your family to you!
(I hope you don't mind my commenting since you don't know me!)
In Him, Eva |
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Aug. 25, 2006 - hmmmm |
 Posted by bubbebobbie |
I am #4 of five girls. # 5 is 13,18, 20 and 21 years younger than the rest of us, she sees herself as an only child. I was 5, 7 and 8 years younger than my sisters. They played with me til they discovered boys than I was on my own.
I in turn had two children a daughter and a son. I had "planned" to have children every two years as long as God would let me ( a scary thing since my grandmother was born when her mom was 50, My mom was born when her mom was 45 and my lil sister was born when my mom was 45.) I had a hysterectomy at 24, my plan and God's plan usually are not the same, and praise God I do conform to His will well!
My daughter has six children two girls then two boys and then two girls. Pairs are wonderful, (especially when making dresses for wedding or choosing spend the night at bubbe's pairs) but in play they all enjoy each other all the time. My daughter is good at one on one time as well (have you read the life of Susanna Wesley?).
My son has one daughter and they aren't planning to have more. Pregnancy doesn't agree with my Daughter-in-law.
Saying all that I guess I want to say, your plan and God's plan may not have the same shape at the beginning. But it will be perfect in the end. Follow your heart and trust Him to lead. |
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Sep. 15, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
 Posted by MamaMiller |
We have 3 sons ages 11, 8, and almost 2. I am aslo 18 weeks pregnant with #4!!!
I don't know about anyone being "left out". The 2 older boys are so enamored of their baby brother that they let him in on almost anything they do. Now, when we go to a movie or something like that where the baby can't go, we do get a sitter (mind you this is once in a very bright blue moon!) so he does get left out that way, but that's the only example I can think of.
When asked if he wanted more brothers and sisters, my 8 year old, Zachary, said, "Oh yes! More brothers and sisters means more love to go around!"
I very much agree. |
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Sep. 15, 2006 - Untitled Comment |
| Posted by MamaMiller |
Oops...I wanted to add something to my comment but sent it before I remembered!
I believe God opens and closes the womb at His choosing. In the case of adoption, I also believe that if it is His will, you will adopt, and if not, you won't. |
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I am an Australian married to an American, currently living in the U.S.A.
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