I recently read Reb Bradley’s book, Child Training Tips ( I heard about it from Mamma1420 - she posted a great summary on her blog). Reading this book opened my eyes to a few ideas I had not thought much about. One that really made an impression was how to tell when a time of discipline is completed.

I have felt for a time that my daughter was angry and perhaps even more rebellious after being disciplined. The problem (as Reb Bradley calls it) is "incomplete chastisement". Discipline should bring about humility, not strengthen rebelliousness.

Over the past few days I have changed the way I discipline a little bit. After receiving a swat I have had her sit until her attitude is adjusted. If she sits too long she forgets what it is all about. But if I time it right and continue to check in with her attitude I can catch her heart turning. I want to get to her heart...not just modify her behavior.

It has been a concern of mine to reach her heart. I don’t want her to obey me and all the while be hardening her heart. We are working on having a cheerful attitude - but at times it seems to elude us.  It is also important that we are "tying strings of fellowship" with our children, or else the discipline won't be as effective and will surely turn their hearts away from us.  We need to be more than drill sargeants, but we do need to be consistent and firm.  There should be no doubt in their minds that we love them.

Another new idea came from www.effectiveparenting.org (I heard about this site from byourlove1 - she has an amazing story to share about her son over on her blog). I learned some new ways to end a time of discipline. I have implemented some of their suggestions this week and find them to be helpful - again, in dealing with HEART issues.

Now after she has sat for a little while (as mentioned above) and appears humbled, I ask her WHY she was disciplined. After that I ask, "WHY is that wrong?" Since she has just memorized Ephesians 6:1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" and also, Exodus 20:12, "Honor you father and your mother" we often discuss these too. When she has directly disobeyed me I ask her WHO she disobeyed....the answer is not only mommy but also God - for He is the one who said that children must obey their parents.

Just thought I’d share. We are still working on behavior quite a bit, it is always exciting to come across new ideas that work.  Perhaps this seems a little over the top...but if she does not learn to obey me happily, how will she obey God?  We all need to learn to humble ourselves and turn to Him, me included.

I know this is a little long...I am just trying to figure some things out.
Stacy