Practical parenting tips are great. The following is part of an article I came across last night. It is from Reb Bradley's website, familyministries.com.
To read the full article please go to: http://familyministries.com/beyond_obedience.htm It includes a great discussion of why and how to do this.
BEYOND OBEDIENCE
Raising Children who Love God and Others
Adapted from chapter 15 of Child Training Tips, Expanded Edition
By Reb Bradley
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus" Philippians 2:3-5
WHAT ARE SOME PRACTICAL TIPS FOR RAISING LOVING CHILDREN?
From the time they are born, we must elevate love as their life purpose.
1. Emphasize to them throughout their day that loving and serving others is our supreme goal. Evaluate all their social and moral decisions from the standpoint of love.
2. Make frequent opportunities for the family to serve others, ie: looking after widows or single moms, visiting convalescent hospitals, volunteering at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center, etc.
3. Encourage the children to surprise their siblings by secretly serving them, ie: doing their chores for them, making their beds, etc.
4. Make the absence of love the issue of every childish dispute. When children are in conflict do not just rebuke them for fighting, but admonish them for not loving. Dont ask them Who started it? Ask them each how have they failed to love the other.
5. Frequently fill their hearts with your loving affection. Since a fresh dose of Gods love fills the heart of a new believer with love for others, consider that bickering children may respond powerfully to a moment of strong fatherly affection, ie: a group hug which does not end until the little ones are laughing and affectionate.
6. Pray with them about it, but dont wait until they are mad at their siblings. Every time you pray, including bedtime and meals, ask God to show them creative ways to love others.
7. Read story books or make up bedtime stories about children who are kind and compassionate servants.
8. Give them greater affirmation when you see them love and serve than when they hit a homerun. When they love and serve, allow them to hear you brag to others about it.
9. Do not permit ANY unkind words in your family, ie: no derogatory names, no making fun, no teasing, or belittling of any kind.
10. Model service and kind speech in your marriage. Many have said that the best way for children to learn to love is to be around two parents loving each other.
HOW CAN PARENTS RESTORE LOST LOVE AND AFFECTION IN A FAMILY? (Particularly with adolescent aged children)
1. Make it a top goal to express love to your children.
? Be affectionate toward them, whether it is natural for you or not.
? Discipline yourself to smile at them. None of us responds well to someone who communicates continual mistrust and suspicion. May your countenance become inviting!
? Affirm them when they do well. Express to them that you knew they would succeed. Listen to yourself do you correct them more than you affirm them?
2. Accept them for who they are.
? They are who they are. You may not like their values, but those values reflect who they actually are. Your constant vocal disapproval will likely not change them only make them hide their true feelings.
? Listen to yourself do you communicate to them that you are never completely pleased, satisfied, or content with them or their efforts? Is it possible your careful scrutinizing has left them feeling that they can never measure up, like they can never succeed? Have you led them to believe they are a big disappointment to you?
? Consider that your adolescent may be resistant to your leadership, only because they felt so rejected by you that they gave up trying to please you.
? Many middle-aged adults still crave their parents approval. Do you want your children to be your age and still be waiting for you to say, Im proud of you?
? Consider that many kids who fail to find their parents acceptance, will welcome it from the first group or individual who offers it.
? Remember that we are drawn to those who like us, but have little time for those who continually criticize us.
? Many parents who have affectionate relationships with their children assume their children feel accepted. Do not substitute affection for acceptance.
3. If you carry unrelenting resentment toward them, forgive them.
? If you put an exclamation mark at the end of their name, it is time to remove it. None of us are drawn to someone who is always angry with us. You must stop!
? Don't bring up old offenses and repeatedly scold them for them.
Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past Isa 43:18
If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? Ps 130:3
Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more." Heb 10:17
[Love]
keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor 13:5
? Give them continued fresh starts. Don't think the worst of them, continually guessing their motives to be evil. Love hopes the best. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph 4:32
Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. 1 Cor 4:5
? Remember that abiding bitterness will destroy you and them.
that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Heb 12:15
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. Eph 4:26-27
? Ask forgiveness of them for your resentment.
"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Mat 5:23-24
? Do not justify your anger. Coercion with rage is a fleshly effort to achieve a spiritual end. We imagine that they will see our anger and ask themselves, Oh, my, what have I done to drive my otherwise sane mother so crazy. I should stop and examine myself. Yet, most people, when they are being verbally assaulted, do not think selfless thoughts. They are too distracted with thoughts of survival and self-preservation.
For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:20
4. Listen to them.
? As they approach adolescence begin to give them opportunities to share their heart with you.
? Listen to their feelings without immediately giving them the correction you think they need.
? Be trustworthy with their heart. None of us is willing to risk sharing vulnerable feelings with someone who will attack us with what we share.
? Share with them weaknesses or struggles you are having in your own life.
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Parents, just as God does not intend that the Christian life be burdensome, neither should our parenting. If we are weighed down just trying to survive our children, or if we daily struggle just to tolerate them, we are falling short of Gods calling for us. We will always be miserable and our children will not easily be trained. God does not want us just to endure our kids or merely put up with them He wants us to aggressively love them! There is a vast difference. When we properly love our children God is glorified and our families reap great blessings. Remember, as Jesus told his followers when we obey his commandment to love, our joy will be full. | 
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