Sep. 3, 2008 - Who goes first?

Posted in Child Training


This post is part of Works For Me Wednesday - Backwards Edition. Be sure to visit and see if you can answer any pressing questions for the participants.  Or, ask your own!

So here goes...you get to see my inexperienced mommyness....

You tell the kids they can watch a movie and before you know it out slips, "What would you like to watch?"  It seemed harmless until they each have differing opinions about what movie is the best ever.

You make pancakes, one magically looks like a cave (don't ask me), they both want the special one...who gets it?

It would be lovely if all I heard was:
 
"After you"

..."No, after you"

"No after you, I insist."

Unfortunately, that's not happening!  Unless you count the time I told them the first shall be last and the last shall be first.  Then no one would go first!

I am teaching them to think of others, however, they still have a lot to learn.  My kids are 7 and almost 4.

I'd like to know of some simple rules you may have in place to deal with who goes first or who gets to choose. 

I figure if someone is insisting on "Me first", then they shouldn't get to go first. 

Another idea is to have days of the week set for each child.  I only have two so could assign one even and one odd.  Then if anything comes up, just look at the calendar and see who's day it is.

It is also important to keep in mind that life is not fair and things can't always be divided evenly.  I don't want to do that.....I could use some tips on dealing with these moments as they arise.

What do you do?
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Nov. 7, 2006 - Parenting Tool

Posted in Child Training


Want to hear my new parenting tool?  It’s very effective!  And it is free!

Smiling!

Yes you read that right...smiling!

This is something I am working on.  Does that sound ridiculous?

It may sound simple....but sometimes it is hard to smile.  I am trying to smile much more.  It is funny to see how it affects my children.  Go smile at yours and see what happens.

I want my kids to remember me with a smile on my face, not a scowl.  It conveys love instead of disapproval and also helps lighten the mood.

I came across a great quote this morning, I’d like to share it with you:

“Let us always meet each other with a smile,
for a smile is the beginning on love.”

Mother Theresa

Which brings me to this verse:

“Let all that you do be done in love.”
1 Corinthians 6:14

What a verse to live by!    That would surely make my home much better!

So go smile at those kiddos and let ALL that you do be done in love.
Have a lovely day,
Stacy

To check out the health benefits of smiling and laughing click here and here

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Oct. 30, 2006 - Chores, Chores, Beautiful Chores!

Posted in Child Training


Chores have been a little haphazard around here...until now.  Both kids help in different ways but there has not been as much consistency as I would like. It is easy to get caught in the trap of spending too much time thinking it over, trying to decide which chores to assign, what time to do them, etc, etc..... I do think these are important questions to ask, but enough is enough! It is time to take action. It does not have to be perfect. The chore list is not set in stone!! It can be changed! So now we are jumping in with some sort of a plan and seeing how it works out.

Over the last week school has been delayed while we work on establishing our morning chore time. Right after breakfast, before school (actually some chores start before breakfast..but you get the point).

SugarBean is using a Chorepack (see www.Titus2.com) She enjoys looking at her chore cards and should be able to do it without help soon. Little Mister doesn’t have a chore chart yet. Even though he is only two years old, he can do a lot! I am planning to take some pictures of him doing certain tasks, adding magnets to the back and putting them on the fridge. I got the idea from Reformingmama.  Click here for a more detailed description.

Chores are not simply used to keep the house in order, they are also helpful in building character. (I like what Kim at Large Family Logistics has to say about this subject - click here to read her article on chores)

Through daily chores, children learn how to work hard. They actually contribute to the family and have something REAL to feel good about. Many parents have tried to build self esteem by praising their children for doing nothing. This is often empty praise and does not do well for the child. I looked up the link between chores and self esteem and found these articles:
How Parents Can Build Children's Self Esteem 
Chores for Children with Disabilities
When Your Child Suffers From Low Self Esteem by Elizabeth Pantley

Kids can do all sorts of household tasks. When I made a list of all the chores my 5 year old could do, it was huge!! She can do tons of stuff. She can really help me! Don’t underestimate what your child can do.
 

Click here to see one persons list of age appropriate chores. Also check out this Printable Chore Checklist.

There are many benefits to be gained through doing chores. Here are a few (I’m sure you can think of many more):

1. Keep house clean

2. Help child learn how to take care of themselves so they don’t have a rude awakening when they leave home!

3. Helps children feel better about themselves - that they have accomplished something and contributed to the family.

4. Provides training opportunities - need to deal with poor attitudes, sloppy work, etc.

5. Develops a strong work ethic.

6. Develops strong bonds - ties grow stronger when you work together

7. After working hard, other things seem easy.

Of course it takes time for these benefits to be seen. Many moms will tell you how difficult it can be to do housework with little ones around, or how much looonger it takes to show them how to do it. But it is only for a season. You will be able to hand the job over to the child in time, then you will be free to do other things  You won’t regret investing time and energy into teaching your little ones how to take care of themselves and their home. They will thank you for it (eventually).

Remember...keep it simple!

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Oct. 17, 2006 - Teaching your child to respond when wronged

Posted in Child Training


This is something that I am dealing with and trying to sort out.  Having a child who breaks down easily has been a challenge.  One child snatches something away from her and you can hear the screaming from a mile away.  I know that many have dealt with the same thing.  Who likes it when someone snatches something from you?  I know I don’t!  But over the years I have learned to control my desire to scream and cry When do we turn the other cheek?  We should care more about our relationship with people rather than things.

When other children do not act the way they should, how do you teach your children to respond?  I don’t want her to retaliate, but I don’t want her to be walked on all the time. 

I just asked her what she would do if someone was not acting right, she said, “ say, ‘stop that please’. And then if they don’t - walk away!” That is pretty good.  
Sometimes you can’t really walk away, maybe you are in a class.  What then?  She said, “Ignore them” That is not a bad idea.  What else....get an adult.  How about saying, “Oh well” and not standing up for your rights? What do you think?

We have acted out some situations she may encounter, for example: someone pushing in line at gymnastics.

Even though she is only 5 years old I am still trying to teach her to be like Jesus. I am still learning how to do that myself.  Much of child training has been focused on her behavior, her acting right and treating others kindly...what about when she is not treated well?

Just wondering and hoping some of you wise ladies may have a little insight for me.
Stacy

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Sep. 22, 2006 - Beyond Obedience

Posted in Child Training


Practical parenting tips are great.  The following is part of an article I came across last night.  It is from Reb Bradley's website, familyministries.com.

To read the full article please go to: http://familyministries.com/beyond_obedience.htm It includes a great discussion of why and how to do this.

BEYOND OBEDIENCE

Raising Children who Love God and Others

Adapted from chapter 15 of Child Training Tips, Expanded Edition
By Reb Bradley

 

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus"   Philippians 2:3-5


WHAT ARE SOME PRACTICAL TIPS FOR RAISING
LOVING CHILDREN?[38]

     From the time they are born, we must elevate love as their life purpose.

 

1. Emphasize to them throughout their day that loving and serving others is our supreme goal. Evaluate all their social and moral decisions from the standpoint of love.

 

2. Make frequent opportunities for the family to serve others, ie: looking after widows or single moms, visiting convalescent hospitals, volunteering at the local Crisis Pregnancy Center, etc.

 

3. Encourage the children to surprise their siblings by secretly serving them, ie: doing their chores for them, making their beds, etc.

 

4. Make the absence of love the issue of every childish dispute. When children are in conflict do not just rebuke them for fighting, but admonish them for not loving. Don’t ask them “Who started it?” Ask them each how have they failed to love the other. 

 

5. Frequently fill their hearts with your loving affection. Since a fresh dose of God’s love fills the heart of a new believer with love for others,[39] consider that bickering children may respond powerfully to a moment of strong fatherly affection, ie: a group hug which does not end until the little ones are laughing and affectionate.  

 

6. Pray with them about it, but don’t wait until they are mad at their siblings. Every time you pray, including bedtime and meals, ask God to show them creative ways to love others.

 

7. Read story books or make up bedtime stories about children who are kind and compassionate servants.

 

8. Give them greater affirmation when you see them love and serve than when they hit a homerun.  When they love and serve, allow them to hear you brag to others about it.

 

9. Do not permit ANY unkind words in your family, ie: no derogatory names, no making fun, no teasing, or belittling of any kind.

 

10. Model service and kind speech in your marriage. Many have said that the best way for children to learn to love is to be around two parents loving each other.

 

HOW CAN PARENTS RESTORE LOST LOVE AND AFFECTION IN A FAMILY?  (Particularly with adolescent aged children)

 

1. Make it a top goal to express love to your children.[40]

? Be affectionate toward them, whether it is natural for you or not.

? Discipline yourself to smile at them. None of us responds well to someone who communicates continual mistrust and suspicion. May your countenance become inviting!

? Affirm them when they do well. Express to them that you knew they would succeed. Listen to yourself – do you correct them more than you affirm them?

 

2. Accept them for who they are.

 

? They are who they are. You may not like their values, but those values reflect who they actually are. Your constant vocal disapproval will likely not change them – only make them hide their true feelings.

? Listen to yourself – do you communicate to them that you are never completely pleased, satisfied, or content with them or their efforts? Is it possible your careful scrutinizing has left them feeling that they can never measure up, like they can never succeed? Have you led them to believe they are a big disappointment to you? 

? Consider that your adolescent may be resistant to your leadership, only because they felt so rejected by you that they gave up trying to please you.

? Many middle-aged adults still crave their parents’ approval. Do you want your children to be your age and still be waiting for you to say, “I’m proud of you”?

? Consider that many kids who fail to find their parents’ acceptance, will welcome it from the first group or individual who offers it.

? Remember that we are drawn to those who like us, but have little time for those who continually criticize us.

? Many parents who have affectionate relationships with their children assume their children feel accepted. Do not substitute affection for acceptance.

 

3. If you carry unrelenting resentment toward them, forgive them.

? If you put an exclamation mark at the end of their name, it is time to remove it. None of us are drawn to someone who is always angry with us. You must stop!

? Don't bring up old offenses and repeatedly scold them for them.

Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past   Isa 43:18 

 

If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?  Ps 130:3 

 

Then he adds: "Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more."   Heb 10:17 

[Love] … keeps no record of wrongs. 1 Cor 13:5 

? Give them continued fresh starts. Don't think the worst of them, continually guessing their motives to be evil. Love hopes the best.[41] Give them the benefit of the doubt.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph 4:32

Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God. 1 Cor 4:5 

? Remember that abiding bitterness will destroy you and them.

… that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. Heb 12:15 

"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27  and do not give the devil a foothold.  Eph 4:26-27 

? Ask forgiveness of them for your resentment.

"Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24  leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift. Mat 5:23-24 

? Do not justify your anger. Coercion with rage is a fleshly effort to achieve a spiritual end. We imagine that they will see our anger and ask themselves, “Oh, my, what have I done to drive my otherwise sane mother so crazy. I should stop and examine myself.” Yet, most people, when they are being verbally assaulted, do not think selfless thoughts. They are too distracted with thoughts of survival and self-preservation.

For the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.  James 1:20 

 

4. Listen to them.

? As they approach adolescence begin to give them opportunities to share their heart with you.

? Listen to their feelings without immediately giving them the correction you think they need.

? Be trustworthy with their heart. None of us is willing to risk sharing vulnerable feelings with someone who will attack us with what we share.  

? Share with them weaknesses or struggles you are having in your own life.

_____________________________________

 

     Parents, just as God does not intend that the Christian life be burdensome,[42] neither should our parenting. If we are weighed down just trying to survive our children, or if we daily struggle just to tolerate them, we are falling short of God’s calling for us. We will always be miserable and our children will not easily be trained. God does not want us just to endure our kids or merely put up with them – He wants us to aggressively love them! There is a vast difference. When we properly love our children God is glorified and our families reap great blessings. Remember, as Jesus told his followers – when we obey his commandment to love, our joy will be full.[43]

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Sep. 19, 2006 - Reb Bradley Phone Seminar - Thursday!

Posted in Child Training


I received the following email from Marilyn at www.urbanhomemaker.com .  She said it was ok to post it.  I am excited about this and plan to participate.  It's free.  You will have to pay for the phone call (we have unlimited long distance so it really is free).  I am so grateful to Marilyn and also to Reb Bradley for wanting to help mothers. It is wonderful.


Here is the information:

 

Our next phone seminar will be Thursday, September 21, 2006 at 9:00 PM EDT and our topic will be CHILD TRAINING TIPS What I wish I knew when my children were Young. My guest, Reb Bradley, is father of 6, a writer, pastor, and popular conference speak who works to strengthen the Christian family.

Some of the topics We Will be Addressing Include:

*Can children obey when spoken to calmly and only one time?

* What is a "child-run" home? How can parental control be regained?

* How do parents accidentally train their children to disobey?

* How can a parent determine if a toddler understands simple directions?

* What exactly is "sass" and how can it be stopped?

* Should children be required to eat and accept thankfully foods they don't enjoy?

* How can parents help children skip the "terrible twos," the "trying threes," and the "rebellious teens"?

Regardless of the age of your children, I'm sure you will be both challenged and, most importantly, encouraged to keep on keeping on.

Contact Information:

TIME: 9:00 PM EDT - (Be sure to adjust for your time zone.)

Dial-in Number: 1-620-782-8800 Kansas

Participant Access Code: 754072

Think of the phone seminars as "continuing education" for moms! Here is what one listener wrote:

It is always so nice to sit down at the end of a busy day with a cup of hot tea and indulge myself with a free seminar. It's like a mini-vacation and conference all in one! Thanks so much for ministering to us moms that are trying to, in turn, minister to our families.

If you have never participated in a phone seminar before, here is how it works:

1. You dial in the phone number below to the seminar. (You pay only for the phone call.)
2. Key in the seminar access code.
3. Introduce yourself, it you wish.
4. Bring a notebook to take notes, a cup of tea, and have your questions ready.
5. Don't worry about background noise, we will mute that out!

Please be sure to mark your calendar, tell your friends, post the information in your news groups, set your timer if necessary and join us Thursday.

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Sep. 10, 2006 - People Pleasing Parenting

Posted in Child Training


For as long as I’ve know myself, I have been a "people pleaser". As a child I usually obeyed my parents because I just didn’t think of defying them.  If I was told to do something I did it.  I did not want anyone to be unhappy with me.

Others behavior often baffles me - for example, there is a funny story about my sweet sister in law during her kindergarten years:  when told to do a certain task by the teacher, she was heard to say, “I don’t see any sense in that!”.  I just can’t believe it! I would never have said that - even if I thought so.  Not because I was such a good kid, just because I didn’t want to get into trouble.
 
I remember when my sister and I stayed with a friend of the family for a few days...she told us that she was going out, I said, “Ok, bye”, my sister said, “Where are you going?” .  Well, I did want to know where she was going but thought it was rude to ask.   I also figured if she wanted us to know she would have told us.  I motioned to my sister to not ask such a question and the lady said to me, “It is the people who ask, ‘Where are you going,’ that get somewhere in this life”.  Well, I was shocked.  I just couldn’t do that.

Becoming a parent has tested my people pleasing ways.  As you well know, every man and his dog has an opinion about how you should raise your children. 

My daughter was a very difficult infant.  She did not sleep for 6 hours straight until she was at least 17 months old.  And not only was she not sleeping for long periods, she was waking up every half hour all night long.  If we sniffed she woke up! She was so exhausted that she cried most of the day too.  I told her to pick one, cry at night OR all day, but she didn’t listen to me! :)

I was obviously VERY tired and anyone who was looking could see that.  I received numerous tips on how to get her to sleep from people I knew and those I didn’t.  Everything from giving her formula thickened with cereal to quitting breast feeding, and even giving her a sip of whiskey before bed.  I am happy to report that now, at 5 years old, she sleeps very well. She is even becoming adaptable. On our last trip to Australia she slept in 3 or 4 different places.  I was very impressed and pleased!

As she has grown, so has the advice.  I am not against advice.  I actually love to know what others are doing and what they have done to help their family.  I just can’t DO all of it. 

I hate disapproving glances (don’t we all).  But I am becoming less and less of a people pleaser each day.  No one knows the whole story.  No one knows what you are doing at home, what has preceded the event or what you are going to do.  I have also learned to look at WHO is giving you advice.  How do there children behave?  What are they like?
All of this really doesn’t matter. The opinion that does matter is God’s.  He gave you your children as a gift and they are really on loan.  They belong to God, as we all do.  I want to do a good job in raising my children so that they can know God and go to heaven one day.  I want God to tell me, “well done, good and faithful servant”.

Without a doubt, my husband’s opinion is also very important.  Does he think I am doing a good job?  He knows the children and the way we live.  His thoughts are much more worthwhile that someone who does not know us at all.

I can only do my very best and “pray without ceasing”.  I am trying more and more to seek God in my parenting.  He is the giver of wisdom and offers it to those who ask.
 
As far as being a people pleaser goes - I don’t want to be one.  I do want to get along with others, but I wish to be a God pleaser.  The more we read the Bible the more we know what pleases Him.  I am striving to read more also...I am still working on it.

I do know that I am not as much of a people pleaser as I used to be.  When my daughter was just a few months old I was walking with her in the stroller.  We were in a parking lot returning to our car.  All of a sudden a car started up and began to back out - without looking!!  I said, “Hey watch out - there’s a baby here!” This was not the best thing to say, but it goes to show that I was not caring about what they thought.  This may not seem big to you - but it was huge for me.  I would not usually say such a thing, and even now have a hard time posting it incase someone thinks badly of me.
Having children has changed who I am.....life is not about ME anymore.  I am taking care of precious souls now.  And that means being uncomfortable sometimes. I can’t let my own fear or discomfort get in the way of doing what is right for my little ones.

Being a people pleasing parent is impossible!
I hope that you will be encouraged to please God instead of the people around you.
Thanks for "listening",
Stacy

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Sep. 3, 2006 - Little Ears are Listening!

Posted in Child Training


 A few days ago we went on a picnic with some friends from the playgroup we have attended in the past. As we were eating lunch I become more and more uncomfortable with the conversation. These moms were still talking as though the kids couldn’t understand what they were saying. My daughter is 5 and she has VERY good ears. I have be amazed at how she can hear things I’m saying while on the phone in a different room.

It is a hard adjustment to control our conversation for the sake of the little ones - but a necessary course of action.

As a Bible class teacher, I have been surprised and amazed at the stories some kids have to tell. For example, one little girl informed me that her Dad said such and such but her mommy said he didn’t mean it - he was just being mean!! I don’t even know her parents very well, I’m sure they would be mortified if they knew she told me ! All I can say is....I’m glad I’m my own kids teacher - they don’t have anyone to tell! 

Even at the dinner table we are having to save certain discussions for a later time - usually after the kids are in bed.

We are still working on this - it is not easy.

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Sep. 1, 2006 - New (to me) Child Training Tips

Posted in Child Training


I recently read Reb Bradley’s book, Child Training Tips ( I heard about it from Mamma1420 - she posted a great summary on her blog). Reading this book opened my eyes to a few ideas I had not thought much about. One that really made an impression was how to tell when a time of discipline is completed.

I have felt for a time that my daughter was angry and perhaps even more rebellious after being disciplined. The problem (as Reb Bradley calls it) is "incomplete chastisement". Discipline should bring about humility, not strengthen rebelliousness.

Over the past few days I have changed the way I discipline a little bit. After receiving a swat I have had her sit until her attitude is adjusted. If she sits too long she forgets what it is all about. But if I time it right and continue to check in with her attitude I can catch her heart turning. I want to get to her heart...not just modify her behavior.

It has been a concern of mine to reach her heart. I don’t want her to obey me and all the while be hardening her heart. We are working on having a cheerful attitude - but at times it seems to elude us.  It is also important that we are "tying strings of fellowship" with our children, or else the discipline won't be as effective and will surely turn their hearts away from us.  We need to be more than drill sargeants, but we do need to be consistent and firm.  There should be no doubt in their minds that we love them.

Another new idea came from www.effectiveparenting.org (I heard about this site from byourlove1 - she has an amazing story to share about her son over on her blog). I learned some new ways to end a time of discipline. I have implemented some of their suggestions this week and find them to be helpful - again, in dealing with HEART issues.

Now after she has sat for a little while (as mentioned above) and appears humbled, I ask her WHY she was disciplined. After that I ask, "WHY is that wrong?" Since she has just memorized Ephesians 6:1, "Children obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right" and also, Exodus 20:12, "Honor you father and your mother" we often discuss these too. When she has directly disobeyed me I ask her WHO she disobeyed....the answer is not only mommy but also God - for He is the one who said that children must obey their parents.

Just thought I’d share. We are still working on behavior quite a bit, it is always exciting to come across new ideas that work.  Perhaps this seems a little over the top...but if she does not learn to obey me happily, how will she obey God?  We all need to learn to humble ourselves and turn to Him, me included.

I know this is a little long...I am just trying to figure some things out.
Stacy

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Aug. 17, 2006 - Obedience Drill

Posted in Child Training


One fun way our children practice obedience is through what we call, "Obedience Drills".

Here is how to do it....

Let them know you are going to have a drill and that they are practicing obeying. Then start directing them to do certain things...i.e. sit on the chair, walk to the end of the hall, come here, put the toy in the toy box, etc... I hope I don't sound like a drill Sargent to you, I’m not. The kids love this. It is a lot of fun! We did it a couple of nights ago with our two year old son who is having a little trouble coming when he is called. We would call him and when he would come we would cheer! Even my 5 year old daughter got in on it.

You can even spring one on them when they are not expecting it. After our drill time was over, SugarBean began to walk away and we said "stop"...and she stopped immediately! This is a very important skill for children to learn - for their own safety. If they are in immediate danger there may not be time for an explanation.

A while ago I did explain to my daughter that it was very important for her to stop if she heard me say "stop". We then practiced it throughout the week..at random moments I would just say, "Stop" and see if she would do it. It really helped reinforce the principle...better than "in one ear and out the other!"

Hope this is helpful to someone,

Stacy

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Jul. 26, 2006 - Practicing and Acting Out!

Posted in Child Training


Over the years of teaching Sunday school I have discovered that kids love to act out stories. Most of you probably knew that already...it takes me a while to catch on sometimes....

We have used this tool at home to help our daughter learn. It seems to reinforce the lesson and make it "stick". This must be because the child is actually involved IN it rather than just listening TO it. Of course they have to listen to it before they can act it out.

This has been most helpful with issues regarding behavior. Unless you happen to have a "go with the flow" kind of child, you will know that most kids behave better when they know what to expect and what is expected of them. I have seen this in my own daughter. After a disastrous first gymnastics class (don’t make me tell you how badly she behaved) we decided to practice for next week (not before she was disciplined appropriately and apologized to her teacher). We did a whole class at home. I pretended to be the teacher and she was herself  We did "Hello how are you", stretching exercise, obstacle course, walking in line, having someone push in front of you, waiting your turn, following instructions, needing help, etc. This took some effort but it was fun for both of us...even little brother joined in. She then knew what to do in gymnastics and did very well next time. Since then we have practiced gymnastics on many occasions even though she is not in class anymore.

Practicing and acting out have also been beneficial on Sunday mornings when we practice being polite, friendly and respectful. I ask her what she will say when someone comments on her lovely dress or asks about what she did this week. Practicing in this way has been a real help since she used to hide behind my leg and not speak to anyone.

  During schooling time we have used the Abeka Character Development Visuals (large flash cards - found at abeka.com look under the 'Health' section in the online catalog). We introduce and review four or so during the week. I find this very helpful since there are certain manners I have forgotten or not thought of introducing yet. We will read the card, discuss the card and then act out the right and wrong ways to behave as discussed (we also add in some of our own ideas). For example, one card stated that when two people are talking you should walk around them instead of in between so as not to interrupt. We set up a teddy bear and I talked to him. She then came and barged right through the middle. "How rude!" I said. She then went back to her starting position and walked nicely around us, for which she was highly praised. I have to tell you, she just loves doing this and she REMEMBERS the lesson! I’m sure many of you have already tried acting things out, but if not, I highly recommend it. To me this a very effective way to train a child. Instead of waiting for undesirable behavior to occur, you can simply teach the desired one in a fun way.

Hope this is helpful to someone,

Stacy

Please forgive my grammar and punctuation - I will be learning that right alongside my daughter!!!

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Jul. 20, 2006 - Reward chart

Posted in Child Training


I thought I would post about something that has been fun for our family. I saw this idea on Supernanny. My daughter is an "intense" little girl. She is smart as can be and has been challenging at times (as most kids are). She was really getting into trouble a lot and I was looking for a way to draw more attention to the good things she does. This has helped.

Here is what we did:

1. I painted a castle for her on a big posterboard. She had some input as to the colors and she also saw me paint the whole thing. She loved it and said, "Mommy, it is so beautiful, it looks like heaven!" Well, I took that as a huge compliment!! I'm not a great artist - but she liked it - and that is what counts.

2. I then painted stairs all the way up to the castle - I have about 18

3. Next, she dressed up in a princess outfit and I took her picture. We then printed it out,  glued it to some cardstock and cut around it to make a miniature SugarBean (DD). You could also just print it on cardstock if possible.

4. Put some sticky tak on the back of your little prince or princess and you are ready to go! Start her out on the bottom step and let her move up when you feel it is appropriate. I try to catch her doing something good - I am especially looking for her being sweet to her little brother. When I ask her to leave whatever she is playing with and do some job or another and she does so quickly and without complaining, I will say, "You just came right away without delay and you did the job with no whining at all?! That was wonderful, I'd like you to go and move up a step". She will run off excitedly and come back telling me she is near the top.

5. Once at the top she gets to do something of her choice - we decide on this ahead of time so she knows what she is working for. In the past we have gone to the pool, bought a new pair of frilly socks and gone out for a 99c banana split at Sonic. When we all went for the banana split a big was made over the fact that her good behavior was a benefit to all of us - we got to go out for ice cream too! It was as though she was buying! I could tell she was proud of herself.

6. I have also taken her down a step for bad behavior.

This is by no means the only tool used to discipline her, but it has been a fun and helpful addition for us.

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Jun. 28, 2006 - It's hard to be a kid!

Posted in Child Training


I am presently reading Hints on Child Training by H. Clay Trumbull. A few days ago I read something that really struck me. It was the chapter titled, "The Sorrows of Children". It hurt my heart to read it as I realize how some of the time I am not very sensitive to the hardships of childhood. Children can’t eat what they please or run where they wish or have all the attention they desire. We cannot do all of this either but as adults we have more understanding of the reasons behind life’s boundaries and we do have much more freedom of choice. 

Things that seem trivial to me may mean the world to my son or daughter. The thought that children are carefree is actually incorrect. They may not have to worry about paying the bills but they do experience many disappointments and frustrations. I shall deal more tenderly from now on.

I have not yet finished this book but have found it to be quite interesting. It has presented many new ideas to me - which is saying something, since I have read ‘a million’ parenting books! There a few ideas I am still processing and have not yet come to a conclusion as to whether I am in agreement - but all in all I would recommend it.

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Jun. 15, 2006 - Great Quote

Posted in Child Training


Here is a phrase that a friend of my mother-in-law uses on her kids....

"You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!"

Isn't that great?!  I have been using it on my daughter lately.  It's a good way to nip whining and complaining in the bud.  Maybe it will work for you.

Hope you have a great day,

Stacy

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May. 27, 2006 - Throwing a fit at Wal-Mart!

Posted in Child Training


Well, today my precious little girl threw a big fit at Wal-Mart.  It was very embarrassing and also disheartening for me as we are trying so hard to get past this kind of behavior. 

We walked in, got a cart, put the baby in the seat, walked around the corner and she suddenly yelled out, "I NEED A TISSUE AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!"...followed by lots of screaming and crying.  It made me jump..I just wasn't expecting it.  I mean, I hadn't even put anything in my cart yet!!  And I was being accused of being tissue-less.

As she continued to scream and cry, I firmly told her to "cut it out, now!".  She would not stop.  She was screaming at the top of her lungs! As you can imagine, I felt the stares of many an onlooker.  I took the baby out of the cart and led my wailing daughter all the way to the car.  This was supposed to be a quick trip to the store.

As soon as we got in the car she decided she would obey.  I told her not to make a peep all the way home - and she didn't.

At home she was disciplined accordingly and I spent some time getting my courage up to face the general publc at Wal-Mart again.

We went back for a do-over.  I was somewhat incognito - I changed my clothes - can you believe it!?

I'm happy to report that she did beautifully.  Infact, she was lovely for the rest of the day.  When I'd ask her to do something she would say, "I'd love to" or "I'd be happy to". 

I don't know if I did the right thing....I'm rarely sure of that.  I also don't know why she threw such a huge fit.  We are working hard at learning how to control ourselves, but it takes time to see the fruit of your labors.

You know, I am not even sure why I am posting this...I guess because I know that some of you have been there and done that.

Well, thanks for "listening".  I hope your day is tantrum free!

Stacy

 

 

 

 

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I am an Australian married to an American, currently living in the U.S.A. Join me as I strive to delight in the moments that make up our days and aim to have a happy family that loves God and serves others.


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