Christian psychologist and writer Kevin Leman tells the story of a couple much admired by other families in their church because of their even-tempered and well-behaved four children. These parents were applauded for their parenting skills by those who knew them. Then their fifth child arrived, adorable but strong-willed and stubborn. Despite their substantial child-rearing experience, his parents had one heck of a time riding herd on him throughout his youth. Dr. Leman says that because of that family, when he hears of a family with only well-behaved children, he thinks to himself that they just didn't have enough children to get the full experience.
That story came to mind yesterday when I read the columns in The Old Schoolhouse's “The Homeschool Minute.” Don't get me wrong, I think Paul and Gena Suarez and the TOS staff do a great job with their magazine, their blogging sites (one of which hosts this blog) and their other projects, including “The Homeschool Minute.” But I can't let yesterday's messages go past without a bit of dissent.
In her column, Gena says that when she and Paul were engaged, he told her that “our future kids did NOT need to be rebellious and that if we trained them up in the Lord, we could skip all that rebellious nonsense…….Guess what. He was right. 100% correct. My older, wiser, soon-to-be husband knew the truth. He knew God's word. He blew off the world's way of thinking and insisted that I must, too.”
It’s not that I don’t believe Gena’s claim that the Suarez kids are not rebellious. When I saw them at a TOS appearance last fall, they seemed like very nice kids. What concerns me is that other people who read what Gena wrote, good Christian parents who have prayed for wisdom and strength while dealing with a sheltered, homeschooled, yet rebellious teen, will feel like failures. As I have written before, Christian parents who have given child-rearing their best effort should not automatically blame themselves when their kids rebel. After all, God Himself has plenty of rebellious children.
Another column in “The Homeschool Minute” more overtly refers to the “train them up” principle from Proverbs 22:6 as the way to prevent rebellion. It’s important to remember that this is a principle, not a promise. There can be no guarantees, because God has given us free will. (Ask evangelist Billy Graham….his son Franklin, who now leads his ministry, was quite the rebel in his youth.)
Despite my concern over those comments, I agree with the rest of what’s expressed in this week’s edition of “The Homeschool Minute.” I’m glad that the TOS staff is encouraging parents to homeschool their teens, because if parents don’t, they and their children will miss out on some wonderful years. (Homeschooling teens is a great adventure, which I talk about in my new eBook, “Homeschooling Your Teens.”)
For me, homeschooling my teens (I’m on my second pair) has been very rewarding; I treasure the time we’ve had together. My husband and I have been blessed with terrific kids, and I know lots of other homeschooled teens who have also turned out very well. But to suggest that none of them were ever rebellious would not be true. That’s why I’m worried about homeschooling parents becoming discouraged by the comments of those who might not have had enough children to “get the full experience.”
Feb. 1, 2007 - I agree
I thought I was a great parent when I had one obedient, compliant child. Now, the more I have, the stronger willed they become!! LOL
I sat out in the car with number 4 tonight while everyone finished a nice meal at Cracker Barrell. She definitely challenges me in ways the others haven't.
Feb. 2, 2007 - Our teen son and the 'perfect' homeschool family
We are going through a bit of the rebellion right now. We often go to homeschool gatherings or conferences and I see all those large homeschool families that have all the kids dressed the same-clean-groomed-hair NEVER hits the collar on the boys-white shirts-kakhi pants-girls in skirts...you know the types. They call their Mom "Mother" and the oldest always tend the little ones without complaint.
Depressing!
Here we come with only two and they don't look at all like that! Our son is going through the really weird hair and clothes stage right now-but we are picking our battles. My two are bickering and I had just given them the 'sermon' in the car before we entered the hall.
I always wanted to be like those other families. But we aren't...Thanks for your post.
Feb. 4, 2007 - Oh! Barb!
I just string them up and tie them to the ceiling if they rebel. HA! HA! Seriously...
That's a lot of pressure to put on parents.
I don't know though. Obedience means children that respond as soon as you call and they follow your directions immediately. I guess I am a failure.
Karen
Edited by Testimony on Feb. 4, 2007 at 4:34 PM
Feb. 6, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Feb. 7, 2007 - I have no successes yet
My first 2 were from a different cloth and not homeschooled. The last 4 are homeschooled and now with God leading the way. I am hoping and hoping my dd stays as Godly as she is and my kids stay excited about reading from the Bible and serving at church. I hope to have a different experience with these 4 kids as I have changed myself and finally realized God has to help us. I can say that the last 4 who have been hs for 4 years now are way different than the first 2 who did not have God or homeschooling in their lives. I see the difference and so do my older kids, they notice a difference in our whole family enviroment, its better.
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