Jun. 26, 2009 - Potty TRAINING???

Last Friday, exactly one week ago, Henry decided that he would no longer wear a diaper.  We were sitting at lunch, and I was looking right at him when I literally saw his lightbulb moment.  His face brightened a bit and he said, "Mama, I'm going to start going potty on the toilet and wear big boy underwear!" 

I wasn't about to waste a minute.  We got right up from the table and went to the bathroom.  He went potty, and we headed up the stairs to my bedroom to get down the storage bin of 2T-3T clothes and we dug out some big boy underwear.  He has been wearing them ever since with not a bit of trouble.  I forgot to put him in a pull-up for his nap on Tuesday, but he woke up dry!  So now he takes his nap without a pull-up.  And this morning, the one week anniversary of his big decision, he showed up in mine and Darin's room with a dry pull-up.  We are amazed.  :-)

With our first three, I pushed potty-training on them and it was a difficult process.  I decided that with Henry, I was going to let him tell me when he was ready, and man, it worked! 

Peace in the house, and less diapers to buy!

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Jun. 16, 2009 - The Duties of Parents #3

Love this next point that J.C. Ryle makes in his sermon on The Duties of Parents.  Very Charlotte Mason-like.  :-)

Hint #3. Train your children with a lasting conviction in your mind, that most of it depends on you. Grace is the strongest of all principles. See what a great change grace effects when it comes into the heart of an old sinner—how it overturns the strongholds of Satan—how it throws down mountains, and fills up valleys—makes crooked things straight—and newly creates the whole man. Truly nothing is impossible for grace.

 Nature, too, is very strong. See how it struggles against the things of the kingdom of God—how it fights against every attempt to be more holy—how it keeps up an unceasing warfare within us to the very last hour of life. Indeed, nature is strong.

But after nature and grace, undoubtedly, there is nothing more powerful than education. Early habits are very important. We are made what we are by training. Our character takes the form of that mold into which our first years are cast. It has been said, that, "Education has a tremendous effect on men's opinions and thinking habits. What children learn in the nursery, will be displayed throughout their lives."—Cecil.We heavily depend on those who bring us up. We get from them a taste and a bias which clings to us most of the days of our lives. We learn the language of our mothers and fathers, and learn to speak it almost without thinking, and unquestionably we catch something of their manners, ways, and mind at the same time. Time will tell, how much we all owe to early impressions, and how many things in us may be traced back to the seeds sown in the days of our infancy, by those who were around us. A very educated Englishman, has gone so far as to say: "That of all the men we meet with, nine out of ten are what they are, good or bad, useful or not, according to their education"—Locke

And all this is one of God's merciful arrangements. He gives your children a mind that will receive impressions like moist clay. He gives them a disposition at the starting-point of life to believe what you tell them, and to take for granted what you advise them, and to trust your word rather than a stranger's. He gives you, in short, a golden opportunity of doing them good. See that you do not neglect such an opportunity. Once you let it slip, it is gone forever.

Beware of that miserable delusion into which some have fallen—that parents can do nothing for their children, that you must leave them alone, wait for grace, and sit still. These parents would like their children to die the death of the righteous person, but they do nothing to help them live a righteous life. They have great hope, but they receive nothing. And the devil rejoices to see such thinking, just as he always does over anything which seems to excuse laziness, or to encourage neglect.

I know that you cannot convert your child. I know that they who are born again are born, not of the will of man, but of God. But I also know that God specifically says, "Train a child in the way he should go," and that He never gave a command to men and women which He would not give them the grace to perform. And I also know that our duty is not to stand still and dispute the command, but to go forward and obey it. It is only when we move out in obedience that God will meet us. The path of obedience is the way in which He gives the blessing. We only have to do as the servants were commanded at the marriage feast in Cana, to fill the water-pots with water, and we may safely leave it to the Lord to turn that water into wine.

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Oct. 3, 2008 - The Duties of Parents #2

I'm diggin' the J.C. Ryle sermon I came across online titled The Duties of Parents.  In it, he gives 17 hints for parents.  I've been reading one hint at a time and then mulling and praying over it for a week or two before I go to the next hint.  Here is #2:

Hint #2. Train your child with all tenderness, affection, and patience.
I do not mean that you are to spoil him, but I do mean that you should let him see that you love him.

Love should be the golden thread that runs through all your actions in dealing with the child. Kindness, gentleness, tolerance, patience, sympathy, a willingness to enter into childish troubles, a readiness to take part in childish joys—these are the cords by which a child may be led most easily—these are the clues you must follow if you would find the way to his heart.

Most persons, even among grown-up people, are more easily led than they are to be pushed. There is that in all of our minds which rises up against compulsion; we straighten up our backs and stiffen our necks at the very thought of a forced obedience. We are like young horses in the hand of a trainer: handle them kindly, and they will learn quickly, and in time you may guide them with a piece of thread; but treat them and use them roughly and violently, and it will be many months before you get mastery over them—if at all.

Now children's minds are cast in much the same mold as our own. Sternness and severity of manner causes them to be unresponsive and to back away. It shuts up their hearts, and you will wear yourself out trying to find the door. But only let them see that you have an affectionate feeling towards them—that you really desire to make them happy, and do them good—that if you punish them, it is intended for their good, and that, like the pelican, you would give your heart's blood to nourish their souls; let them see this, and they will soon be yours to mold and shape. But they must be wooed with kindness, if you ever hope to win their attention.

And surely reason itself might teach us this lesson. Children are weak and tender creatures, and, as such, they need patient and considerate treatment. We must handle them delicately, like frail objects, lest by rough handling we do more harm than good. They are like young plants, and need gentle watering—often, only a little at a time.

We must not expect everything at once. We must remember what children are, and teach them as they are able to bear. Their minds are like a lump of metal—not to be forged and made useful all at once, but only after a succession of little blows of the forger’s hammer. Their ability to understand what we are teaching them is like the small opening of a wine bottle: we must pour in the wine of knowledge gradually, or else most of it will be spilled and lost. Our rule must be, "Precept upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line, a little here and a little there." The hard stone used to sharpen knives does its work slowly, but frequent rubbing will bring it to a fine edge. Truly there is a need of patience in this training of a child, for without it nothing can be done.

Nothing will compensate for the absence of this tenderness and love. A minister may speak the truth as it is in Jesus, clearly and with all authority; but if he does not speak it in love, few souls will be won. Likewise, you must set before your children their responsibilities to God—you can command, threaten, punish, and try to reason with them—but if love is missing in the way you treat them, then your labor will be all in vain.

Love is the one great secret of successful training. Anger and harshness may frighten them, but they will not persuade the child that you are right; and if he often sees you angry and harsh, you will soon cease to have his respect. A father who speaks to his son as Saul did to Jonathan, saying. "You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you?" [1 Samuel 20:30], that father who speaks like this cannot expect to retain his influence over that son's mind.

Try hard to maintain your child's affections. It is a dangerous thing to make your children afraid of you. Anything is almost better than the coldness and bitterness that will come between you and your children, because they are afraid of you. Fear puts an end to openness between the parent and child—fear leads to concealment—fear sows the seed of hypocrisy, and leads to many lies. There is a great deal of truth in the Apostle's words to the Colossians: "Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. [Colossians 3:21] Do not ignore his advice.

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Sep. 27, 2008 - Mayst Thou Live to Know and Fear Him

Lydia and I are making our way through the Elsie Dinsmore series.  I am just as encouraged - if not more! - than Lydia is by these books.  Here's an excerpt that I love from Elsie's Children.

"Dear me, Elsie, how can you take so much trouble with your children?" she said, "You seem to be always training and teaching them in the sweetest, gentlest way; and of course they're good and obedient.  I'm sure I love mine dearly, but I could never have the patience to do all you do."

"My dear friend, how can I do less, when so much of their future welfare, for time and for eternity, depends upon my faithfulness?"

"Yes," said Lucy slowly, "but the mystery to me is, how you can keep that in mind all the time, and how you can contrive always to do the right thing?"

"I wish I did, but it is not so; I make many mistakes."

"I don't see it.  You do wonderfully well anyhow, and I want to know how you manage it."

"I devote most of my time and thoughts to it; I try to study the character of each child, and above all, I pray a great deal for wisdom and for God's blessing on my efforts; not always on my knees, for it is a blessed truth, that we may lift our heart to him at any time and in any place.  Oh, Lucy," she exclaimed with tearful earnestness, "if I can but train my children for God and heaven, what a happy woman shall I be!  The longing desire of my heart for them is that expressed in the stanza of Watts's Crade Hymn:
'Mayst thou live to know and fear Him,
  Trust and love Him all thy days,
Then go dwell forever near Him,
  See His face and sing His praise!' "

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Sep. 12, 2008 - Train Them in the Way They Should Go

I came across J.C. Ryle's The Duties of Parents on the web tonight....sitting here waiting for the storm to get here.  :-)  It is a sermon that he delivered in which he gives 17 Hints on Parenting.  Here is #1.  A good one.
Hint #1. If you want to train your children correctly, train them in the way they should go, and not in the way that they want to go.

Remember children are born with a definite bias towards evil, and therefore if you let them choose for themselves, they are certain to choose wrong.

The mother cannot tell what her tender little infant may grow up to be—tall or short, weak or strong, wise or foolish—he may be any of these things or not—it is all uncertain. But one thing the mother can say with certainty: he will have a corrupt and sinful heart. It is natural for us to do wrong. "Folly," says Solomon, "is bound up in the heart of a child" [Proverbs 22:15]. "A child left to himself disgraces his mother" [Proverbs 29:15]. Our hearts are like the earth on which we walk; leave it alone, and it is sure to bear weeds.

If, then, you want to be wise in dealing with your child, then you must not leave him to the guidance of his own will. Think for him, judge for him, act for him, just as you would for one who is weak and blind; but for pity's sake, do not allow him to pursue his own unruly tastes and inclinations. It must not be his tendencies and wishes that are favored. He does not yet know what is good for his mind and soul, any more than what is good for his body. You do not let him decide what he will eat, and what he will drink, and how he will be clothed. Be consistent, and deal with his mind in the same manner. Train him in the way that is scriptural and right, and not in the way that he thinks is right.

If you cannot agree with this first principle of Christian training, then it is useless for you to listen any further. Self-will is almost the first thing that appears in a child's mind; and it must be your first step to resist it.

I think this is a great reminder in today's world.  We offer our children a smorgasbord of activities, playdates and entertainment.  So often, this only feeds our kid's natural inclination to self-interest.  It becomes all about their need to find a way to satisfy their wants and interests rather than giving them the higher goal of serving God and others. 

It's a struggle!  Knowing where to draw the line in this area calls for a lot of prayer and trust in God.

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Jan. 15, 2008 - Have Thine Own Way

After my last post, I've felt God tweaking my conscience a bit.  I've heard Lynn Anderson singing "I beg your pardon.  I never promised you a rose garden!"  That has been followed up with Hebrews 12:4-11:

“ My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD,
      Nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him;
       For whom the LORD loves He chastens,
      And scourges every son whom He receives.”

If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?  But if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons.  Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us, and we paid them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the Father of spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but He for our profit, that we may be partakers of His holiness.  Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. (NKJV)

Chasten is not a word we use a lot these days.  I had to look it up.  It means "to inflict suffering upon for purposes of moral improvement."  Love this definition: "To rid of excess; refine or purify."

So while I do want good things for my children, more than anything, I want them to become holy.  So please Lord, do as we've all sung so many times in church.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me.

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Jan. 14, 2008 - Peace

I love this quote by Thomas Paine back in 1776:

"If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace."

What more can be said for the desire that is on all our hearts as parents?

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Jan. 10, 2008 - Time to Eat My Words

I've been blogging long enough that I can look back at some old entries and eat my words.  The one that is most on my mind these days is the entry titled Teaching Your Child to Come.  Here's what I wrote:

Reading Michael and Debi Pearl's newsletter this month, I found a wonderful thing that I have put into place here in our home and I am already seeing the fruit!  Here is an excerpt from the article that I read, titled "Training a Child to Come".

 

"When Gracie was first born, every time I picked her up I would say, “Come to mama.”  This simple, cheerful command was conditioning my tiny baby to come to me in response to my voice. She came to associate the command with feelings of being close to me. Even though at one week old she had no idea what “Come to mama” meant, nonetheless, she quickly came to identify the sound, rhythm, and tone of my voice with the pleasure of being drawn to me.  I hoped that after she became mobile and heard my command to come, she would respond without hesitation, and at 22 months of age, it has worked beautifully. And it is a good thing I got the jumpstart on training, because everyone will tell you that Gracie is the most impetuous and independent of all the nine Pearl grandkids."

 

I started doing this with our 7-month-old about three weeks ago.  Everytime I pick him up, I say, "Come to Mama."  Then I give him a big squoosh when I pick him up.  :-)  And now when he's playing on the floor and I want him to come to me, I say, "Come to Mama!" and he takes off across the floor to me with a big ol' smile!  I never had this with our three other kids. 

 

Darin, my husband, has not been saying, "Come to Daddy" when he picks up Henry.  So to test this thing, Darin called to Henry to "Come to Daddy," but Henry did not come without a lot of coaxing.  Then a few minutes later I called for him to come and he came without a moment's hesitation!  Darin is now saying "Come to Daddy" when he picks-up Henry.  ;-) 

 

This little trick worked great as long as Third Son was crawling.  But once he started walking, forget about it!  Do I sound a little bit bitter when I say that I think Gracie is not as impetuous and independent as Shoshonna thinks she is????  ;-)

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Aug. 23, 2007 - Bringing Up Baby, Part 2

So I started praying that God would show me what it meant to base our homeschool on the Bible and I received an answer through another book that He placed in our path.  I've written a post on how the book Ten P's in a Pod fired up my husband and me in the area of Bible reading.  We have begun reading to our kids from the Bible two, and we aim for three times each day.  We believe that God is less concerned with Biblically based curricula than He is with us going straight to the Word with our children.  We believe that is what is meant by basing our homeschool on the Bible.  Not sure that others would say it means the same thing to them, but that's what we believe God is telling us.  What this has meant for us is a family who is learning how to work harder and faster to fit the chores and play that we want into our day so that we are sure of getting in the All Important Bible Reading.

A little blurb from Ten P's in a Pod has been ringing through my head.  The book was written by Arnold Pent III, one of the sons.  This is what he said his mother said about all the Bible reading she and her husband did with their children:

My mother has often said, "During the time when the children were all much younger and going through rebellious stages of one kind and another, it just didn't seem we were making progress with all the Bible reading we did.  But as the months and years went by, and they started becoming conscious of the world around them, I saw that spiritual seed coming to life and giving an unending stream of Godly insight and a desire and determination to spend their lives for Christ."

And who doesn't want that for our children??????  We are taking Arnold's Mom's words to the bank and counting on their reliability!  We're taking God's word for it as well.  ;-)  In Joshua 1:8, He says, "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success."

So the Bible is my new parenting book and my search for the perfect parenting book is over!

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Aug. 22, 2007 - Bringing Up Baby

A friend of mine and I have scoured the earth's best parenting books.  We read them together, have special meetings at the library to talk about our inspiriations we have gathered from them, then go our separate ways and proceed to do little, if nothing, that we have learned from all those books.  We truly have been looking for that magic potion that would tell us the way to lead our kids away from their character issues.  Yet everything we read seemed to be lacking, even though most of what we read was written by Christians.

About two years ago, my husband and I read the book When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul, Jr.  Great book.  Not necessarily about parenting tricks, but more about discipling our children.  We loved the book when we read it, and this small excerpt stuck in my brain:

What does it take to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord?  The Bible, and the Holy Spirit to illumine the Bible.  I have a Bible.  I have several, in fact.  And the Bible tells me that it equips me for every good work.  It is a good work to raise my children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  Therefore, it equips me to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

It stuck in my brain, but meant nothing to me in a PRACTICAL sense.  Then about a year and a half later, I was reading a blog, and the writer said, "we base our homeschool on the Bible."  I was glad to read that, and at the same time, thought to myself, "What does that LOOK like?  What does that MEAN?"  We read the Bible to our kids every day.  Did that mean that we also based our homeschool on the Bible????  I didn't know, so I started praying about it.

To be continued......

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