Our Buffalo Days

Jan. 19, 2009

Simple Woman's Daybook

Monday, January 19, 2009

DayBook

FOR TODAY Jan 19, 2009

Outside my window...it is dark since I am doing my daybook late today. Warm though--19 degrees

I am thinking...about how to schedule things so that we get them done in a timely manner

I am thankful for...Sara not being in the jeep with her two friends tonight; after they dropped her off they were in an accident; Thankfully, they were not hurt either.

From the learning rooms...back to school tomorrow--catching up from the holiday and two days off last week due to weather issues

From the kitchen...cinnamon swirl bread for breakfast; chicken fingers for dinner tomorrow night

I am wearing...jeans, turtleneck, UConn sweatshirt and my favorite slippers

I am creating...a scrapbook for Sara's graduation party this spring

I am going...to bed as soon as Zach gets home from work

I am reading...art history books to use with Anna for school

I am hoping...to get the last of last week's laundry done so I can start on this week's

I am hearing..the hum of my heater and Anna getting ready for bed downstairs

Around the house...all picked up after a day spent working on it

One of my favorite things...having all of us home for a big family meal

A few plans for the rest of the week:school, watching the inauguration, lesson for Sara, youth group for Anna and DJ, a visit from a friend on Wednesday

A picture thought I am sharing: Anna and Moo, a friend's kitten

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jan. 15, 2009

Moo

This is the kitty of a very good friend. His name is Moo and he is such a little miracle. You see, one day my friend, Christine, was out driving with her 15 year old daughter. As they were driving down a country road she saw what looked like a white bag coming toward them. She realized just in time that it had legs and was actually a very tiny kitten barely able to walk. They stopped and picked it up. Its fur was matted, it was covered in dust and bugs, and was very frail. She immediately called her vet and took thislittle guy in. He spent several days there..the vet estimated him to be about 3 weeks old. He came home on antibiotics, vitamins and other meds. When he was 6 weeks old, their family needed to go out of state and asked us to watch him. I instantly fell in love with him. Everytime I looked at him and watched him play and act so adorable, it was confirmation to me that God cares for his creation. In this picture Moo is about 11 weeks old. We spent New Year's Eve with them and he is now a very healthy and quickly growing up beautiful kitten. We have watched him on and off due to illness in their family and each time we have him he brings such joy to our lives. I call him my little miracle reminder of God's care.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jan. 13, 2009

Blessings and curses

Count your blessings name them one by one

Count your blessings see what God has done

I remember the words to that old hymn from my upbringing in a strict Presbyterian church. Counting blessings is difficult to do sometimes. It is much easier to focus on the curses in my life. Even now I find myself frustrated with the dead car in the driveway that my son worked so hard to buy and pay for himself. Or the van in the garage that stalls whenever the temperature is below 10 degrees (something common here in Minnesota). Or the fact that 8 weeks has gone by and still no job for D. Yet, if I stop and think, there are many blessings to be counted. We are all healthy (a small case of pink eye but nothing a bottle of eye drops won't cure). This is important as I read today of a 7 year old girl battling leukemia. Our family is intact. S is moving back home after this week and returning to a homeschooled student (albeit doing college work). Z is getting plenty of hours at his part time job which is a good thing to keep him out of trouble. Our house is warm, a good thing when we wake up to a temperature of -21 degrees. Our freezers have food. Our electric works. We have the freedome to homeschool and do Bible study. I could go on but lots of blessings. Then why is it I focus on the curses? I need to take my eyes off the curses and place my eyes and heart on the blessings God has provided for me. But, how?

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jan. 3, 2009

hurting

Today I am hurting. My tears fall uncontrollably. I feel shunned by everyone around me including God. My daughter hates me I am sure. It is times like these that I regret getting married and having kids...these times when they decide I am of no use to them. It hurts, especially after I have tried so hard to give them the things they need and want in life. My heart is broken.

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Dec. 28, 2008

A new year heading this way

I guess it has been a while since I have been here. Our family has experienced some difficult times in the last 6 weeks or so. A week or so before Thanksgiving my husband was told by his company that he was no longer needed. This took us completely by surprise. While we understood the economy was bad, he had been assured his department would not be affected by the layoffs that had happened twice over the summer. They lied. I won't go into the long story but this was a flat out lie to him by his company to get him to stay long enough to finish the work of the department. We both assumed with his work ethic, several glowing recommendations and experience, he would have a new job in the blink of an eye. Well, here it is almost the new year and there is no job yet. Scary is an understatement. We have never been financially blessed (or smart) so we have always lived paycheck to paycheck. He received 4 weeks severance pay plus vacation pay so paychecks have still been coming in. That ends this week. No more paychecks will be coming in the mail. Our freezer has food but where our rent and utilities will come from I have no idea. We do not drive decent vehicles that we could even sell...both are over 9 years old. We have no credit cards (and while that means no credit card debt it also means no way of buying things in an emergency) and no savings account. The new year is not looking very promising right now. A large part of me wants to find a cave and hide.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Nov. 19, 2008

foods and such

I believe we have finally discovered the source of Sara's headaches. After countless doctor visits, tests and medications, the one thing that is helping is eliminating chemical additives from her diet. Any food that has any form of MSG or natural flavors has been taken out of her consumption. I admit I was skeptical. I wondered how this could be since we all eat these foods and are fine. But it is making a difference. She is not suffering nosebleeds anymore and her headaches have diminshed a lot. It makes eating at school a bit more difficult for her and shopping for me a bit more expensive but it is well worth it to have my daughter back! Of course, typical of life, as one crisis is solved, another presents itself. D was laid off from work last week. He has 4 weeks severance pay and that's it. There was no warning; in fact, he was told there would be no more layoffs at all. Needless to say, we were shocked and hurt. WE still are...and scared. But trying to look up and keep trusting.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Oct. 21, 2008

THe Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today...

Outside my Window...It is cold and still dark..below freezing for the first time

I am thinking...about the results of the MRI for our daughter that I should get today

From the learning rooms...combining like terms; elections; Jesus the Second Adam; finishing the Bronze Bow

I am thankful for...my husband who just walked in with doughnuts from Kwik Trip. I am so blessed!

From the kitchen...canning applesauce; brown sugar ham slices for dinner

I am wearing...jeans and my favorite old blue sweatshirt...and slippers!

I am reading...What in the World is Going On by David Jeremiah; Ephesians

I am hoping...the hospital calls today with Sara's MRI results

I am creating...not much right now

I am hearing...the squeak of the rocking chair as DH rocks; Molly eating her food

Around the house...lots of laundry still; more applesauce to make

One of my favorite things...is decorating for Christmas which I have already started

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...football game tonight; Sara's concert tomorrow night; clean before Sara and her roommate come for the weekend

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

My beautiful daughter Sara in one of her senior portraits

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Oct. 7, 2008

Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today...

Outside my Window...it is raining a lovely, steady rain. I love rain!

I am thinking...about the MRI my daughter has coming up next week

From the learning rooms...math test today; writing a personal narrative continues; The Bronze Bow;

waiting for Apologia Science

I am thankful for...the rain

From the kitchen...rotini and homemade dinner rolls for dinner; easy Mac for lunch; M&M cookies later for lunches this week

I am wearing...same old stuff--blue jeans, UConn sweatshirt and sneakers

I am reading...a casserole cookbook and waiting for What in the World is Going On by David Jeremiah

I am hoping...that my sinus infection clears up very soon

I am creating...a household management notebook to try to get a handle on all my different tasks

I am hearing...Anna rocking in the rocking chair and the hum of my portable heater

Around the house...laundry needs to be sorted; vacuuming; picking up family room and putting videos and games away

One of my favorite things...watching my kitty sleep in a curled up ball on top of the couch

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...schooling, 4-H meeting on Friday, picking up Sara from school for the weekend, baking desserts for Sam's memorial bonfire this Saturday

Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...

This is my husband, myself and my oldest son Zach at his graduation in June. Believe it or not, he was VERY happy to be done with high school!

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Sep. 15, 2008

Simple Woman's Daybook

September 15, 2008

The Simple Woman's Daybook

For Today...

Outside my Window...mostly cloudy but drying after the weekend rains

I am thinking...about the elderly man who collapsed in church yesterday

From the learning rooms...Answers for Difficult Days, GCF and LCM, The Golden Goblet and writing personal narratives

I am thankful for...the freedom I have to homeschool my daughter while my other two attend two different public high schools

From the kitchen...Italian bread, fried noodles and chicken bake

I am wearing...blue jeans and soccer t-shirt

I am reading..."The Kite Runner

I am hoping...a not so grump 15 year old after soccer practice tonight

I am creating...some fall decorations for the house

I am hearing...my 18 year old son making mac and cheese before heading out to his second job tonight

Around the house...laundry (again), packing up Moo to go home :-(

One of my favorite things...the scent of a fall candle filling our home

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...pep band for DJ tonight and an eye appointment tomorrow night, youth group on Wednesday, working the concession stand on Thursday and picking up Sara from school on Friday

• Comments (1) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Sep. 10, 2008

Simple Woman's Daybook

FOR TODAY September 10...

Outside My Window... partly cloudy sky with breezes blowing the leaves on the trees

I am thinking... about what I should have for dinner and why I can't seem to plan things ahead of time

I am thankful for...Moo's extended stay with our family even though the circumstances behind it are not really great

From the kitchen...brownies for the kid's lunches

I am wearing...jeans and a sweatshirt--I love fall!

I am creating...notebooking pages for Anna's nature notebook

I am going...to pick up Zach from work at the orchard.

I am reading...What's the Difference, a book about different religious worldviews

I am hoping...to get to the Moms in Touch group tonight.

I am hearing...my youngest daughter getting a snack from the kitchen

Around the house...Yogi is quiet for a change; Molly is curled up by the heater.

One of my favorite things...is walking outside on a beautiful fall day.

A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Try to get Anna caught up in math; try again to make apple jelly (the first time did not turn out very good); bake brownies

Here is picture thought I am sharing...

haven't quite figured this one out yet

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Aug. 27, 2008

verdict-----> GUILTY

I have been found guilty. In my heart I knew this all along but refused to admit my guilt. This morning I was ready to admit it to myself. I haven't quite gone so far to confess it to the one I need to though. What is this terrible thing I have been found guilty of? I am not sure it has one word but it can be described as slothfulness or wastefulness. You see, my husband has a good job which he works at diligently. He enjoys his job but I never realized how much he puts up with and how much he has to play the game until this morning. That is when my guilt hit. I have mostly been able to stay home and care for the kids since our second child was born in 1991. There were a few years in the late 90's and early 00's that I worked full or part time but not many. Yet, I have taken for granted that which my husband makes. I have not been frugal with his hard earned money nor been very appreciative of his diligence at work. Instead, I grumble about how little he does around the house or with the kids. I feel awful for all the trips to walmart for stuff we probably did not really need (like the Swiffer wet jet I purchased just the other day) or the guilt trips I put on him to order dinner out because I was too lazy to make a menu and cook dinners. We have not paid bills but we have eaten out roughly ten-fifteen times a month! That is ridiculous. Of course, he enjoys eating out as well. Everyone gets what they want and he doesn't have to listen to any complaining. But financially it is a very bad decision and it has proven to become a very bad and difficult habit to break. I wish I had been trained in this area--even more so, I wish I had trained my own daughters in this area.

So, now that I know I am guilty, what do I do? I am not a gifted cook and my kids are awful to cook for. It doesn't matter what I make someone won't eat it. That gets so discouraging, yet the fact that we are falling farther and farther behind despite the hard work, my husband must be even more discouraged. I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Help?!

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Aug. 17, 2008

love or slavery?

I am curious as to where love and ministry for my family ends and slavery begins. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and kids and most of the time I enjoy serving them, but sometimes I feel so taken for granted. My husband works most days at his job and I appreciate the fact that I have been able to be home most of the years our kids were home. I am thankful that he agrees with homeschooling. I just wish he would understand more of the daily struggle it is here. I love my kids but when it comes to helping me here, they don't do anything unless asked and even then, it is half-hearted. I know much of this is my own fault because I did not train them when they were young to help and participate in the keeping of the home. It doesn't seem right that my 18 year old son sits downstairs and plays video games after working a 5 hour day at his job while I trudge painfully up and down the stairs several times carrying laundry baskets. If I had continued working instead of homeschooling perhaps my kids would not be so dependent...and I know our financial picture would be a heck of a lot better. I know rewards wait in heaven, but life on earth is hard enough. Feeling like a taken advantage of slave is not helping contentment issues right now.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Aug. 11, 2008

peace?

There is nowhere here to find peace and quiet. I have noticed recently, for about the past two months at least, that this house and its yard is far from peaceful. Almost everyday I replace the covering on the screenhouse attached to our deck so I can sit outside without being accosted by bugs. Yet, there is no peace outside. The constant traffic on Central gets annoying after only a few minutes. The jack hammers from the construction down the street is worse. Occasionally, in between the nerve grating sounds listed above, I can hear a cardinal sing his song or a mourning dove call. Those are the times I love the most. I long to visit somewhere that is quiet and peaceful and spend some time there. Perhaps someday I will find such a place.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Aug. 10, 2008

Oh Summer, where did you go?

Wow! It seems like summer just started and now it is just about over. I actually am not a big fan of summer. I don't like heat or humidity very much. The lack of routine makes me feel lazy and like I am never getting anything done. At the same time, though, I enjoy the break from teaching and driving to school in the morning. I like county fairs, state fairs, grilled food, wave pools and August evening breezes--those are the things I will miss. The start of this school year holds many changes for me. Z is done with school now and working this fall. He will probably be home since most of his hours are in the evening but for September and October he will be working at the apple orchard again during the day. S leaves in 2 weeks for her last year of high school, this year living on campus 5 days a week at the arts high school. I am excited for her but will miss her tremendously. She is excited to leave and that kind of hurts. I know it is normal for kids to grow up and want to spread their wings and fly. I just never realized how hard it is on parents when this happens. D is a sophomore this year. He is such a good student and son I know he will be fine. For him that hardest part of school is the strain of getting up that early since he doesn't egt much sleep at night. We have tried many things to alter his internal clock so he will sleep at night but nothing has worked. School and sports take their toll on him. A will be doing her last year at home this year trying to get ready to transition to the high school next year. I still have yet to choose all her curriculum. This is stressing me out as well. I would love to go back to Duluth. I loved the peace there and the beauty of Lake Superior. I would love to sit by the lake with my journal and write and just listen to the waves. I hope we can go back there this fall for one more getaway before the throes of a Minnesota winter sets in.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Aug. 1, 2008

new beginnings

Today marked the end of S's three week grounding period. I have to admit I have enjoyed having her home the last three weeks. I also believe that both of us has learned some lessons throughout these weeks. S wrote me a letter of some of the things she has learned through this trial. One of the items on her list is that trust is earned. Amen to that. It was scary letting her go back out with her friends today. She respected her very early curfew though and was even home early. She has two of her good friends sleeping over tonight since they all have to march in their last parade of the year tomorrow morning. I like these friends...another one of the lessons that she mentioned in her letter...that friends really do have an impact on your life even when you think they will not. I still hurt for what has happened and I know that she will face more consequences down the road. She is trying to strengthen her faith. She went with me to visit Sam's mom yesterday. I know it was hard for her to hear Kris talk about Sammy and see her shed tears over her son (and S's friend) but she was amazed and encouraged by Kris' amazing faith and devotion to God even through very difficult times. I knew she would be blessed and I am thankful I made the time for us to visit. This definitely is a new beginning for us. I am hopeful that these trials are behind us for a while now and I can enjoy the last few weeks I have with her before she heads off to live on campus at high school this coming year. She will never know how much I am going to miss her or how much I am excited for this opportunity she has.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jul. 30, 2008

Called

It has been a very rough month in this household. I never thought that S would be the child to cause us trouble but she has. The hurt was profoundly deep at the discovery of her actions. Over the last 3 weeks of her grounding, though, I have noticed that hurt is not as strong as it once was. We have spent lots of time together and it has been like having my daughter back again. I have never prayed so much in all my life and I have come to thank God for the trial as it has caused me (and her) to run to Him. Typical of life, though, as one trial ends, another begins. I do not doubt that God is calling me to homeschool A for at least one more year. Called to homeschool--not be at home while she does school. The virtual school seemed like the perfect answer when I first researched it. It was free; they provided all materials and a loaned computer. She would be held accountable to a teacher and my only job was to be there to make sure she did the work. But the more I looked into it, the more uneasy I became. I saw the other requirements--testing at the public school, being considered a public school student, not being able to control if she can skip a lesson because she already knows it. It just didn't set well with me. So, I am back to square one. How do we afford curriculum when we can't afford to pay our bills? People say to put her in school and get a job..that is what you are supposed to do when times are tough--work. I have nothing against working, but not at the expense of my 12 year old daughter. So, I couldn't work if she did the virtual school since I couldn't just leave her home all day by herself. It sure seemed like the answer to my prayer since it was all free, but now I doubt it is an answer at all. Guess I need to go and once again scour the catalogues to try to find the cheapest prices on materials and then try to figure out how to pay for even those.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jun. 5, 2008

choices

Once again I find myself contemplating the choices I have made. I didn't realize until I got older that life is defined by our choices. If only someone could get teenagers to believe that statement and take it to heart. There may be fewer problems in this world. I made a choice to have my kids and stay home with them. While I know many, especially in the Christian circles, would applaud that choice, I'm not so sure it was a good thing. Being a stay at home mom has made my kids very dependent. They can barely take care of themselves if I am not around because I have always been around. On the other hand, their friends whose parents have both worked are more able to care for themselves in basic ways...making a dinner that doesn't involve peanut butter for example. My older teens don't eat on nights that I cannot fix them dinner OR they beg to be driven to Subway for dinner. How will they ever live on their own?

Another reason I regret choosing the stay at home mom path is the lack of funds we have for so many things. I look at their friends...Christian friends whose parents both have worked and that 17 year old boy is driving a brand new car that his parents bought him for his 16th birthday when he got his license. We can't afford to buy junk food on grocery shopping trips! I see the kids who have laptops for school projects while my 3 fight over the one computer we have in the house. How do you figure out which kid's assignment is most important? I worry about D every day when he drives to work because his car is not good. My van is a piece of crap as well. We cannot afford trustworthy vehicles for ourselves let alone get one for our kids.

I see my teens starting to make choices. Many they do not let me in on. I hope they are making smart choices. The reality is, I cannot choose for them. I hate that. I want to choose for them since I have been down that road before and I know what the consequences of their choices can be. But, just as I didn't want my mom choosing for me, I cannot choose for them. That poses a problem for me. I was once told I have an all or nothing picture of life. I see that now...it is like if I can't be involved in everything they are doing, I try to distance myself from everything they are doing. I cannot find a balance. I have struggled with this all my life..finding a balance. Does it even exist?

I can't go back and re-choose my life paths. I am doomed to live out the life I chose. It is not an easy one nor an enjoyable one. There are scattered moments but I have noticed I seldom smile anymore. In fact, I cry a lot. It gets old after a while.

• Comments (2) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

May. 28, 2008

faith increaser?

I wish I had a faith increaser. I have been struggling for some time with something and I have just been able to put my finger on what that something is. It is a seriuous lack of faith. I need a faith increaser. Of course, there is no such thing. If there was, though, I would never again worry about what my kids are doing that is so wrong. I would never again worry about what the future holds for them and for me. I would never again have to wonder why God gave me a special needs child. I wouldn't have to feel sorry for myself for not having the things that the world says I should have. I would know that my future is secure in God's hands instead of floundering wondering about every little problem (and big problem too). Most of all I would be effective in this world instead of being a waste of space. I know the verse that says if you lack faith let him ask of God...for some reason that hasn't worked for me. Has God turned his back on me? Is he still there? Why can I not know he is there? This is a lonely and kind of scary place to be.

• Comments (2) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Apr. 14, 2008

Happy Birthday to me

I remember being young and waiting not very patiently for my spring birthday. You see, to a 10 year old, an April birthday not only meant the standard birthday presents, it also often happened during spring break in New York state. I don't remember many birthdays that were not suited for short sleeves. Fast forward a few years to today, my April birthday. Here in Minnesota today it is not really short sleeve weather although it is over 32 degrees so people are out like that. There is still some snow piles onthe ground from last Friday's snowstorm that closed our schools. There is also some grayness in my heart today for today I started down the 40 year old peak I hit last year. I feel so old and wish so much I was young again. Young when birthdays meant mom made my favorite dinner and baked me a chocolate cake with candies on top. Then I got presents..one year I got a rainbow colored bike with a banana seat! Now, I am the mom and I am cooking my own dinner. I guess I shouldn't complain, though. At least everyone is home to eat together...a rare occasion now that Z has his licenseand S has a boyfriend. D is grumpy from a long Monday at school followed by track practice and A is bored because it is still too wet to shoot baskets. DH and I have so many financial worries so there will be no presents to open, but I guess I am too old for presents anyway. The best presents now are the ones you can't buy in a store..unless a new vehicle was possible. I try not to wish for anything anymore. Too many years of disappointments I guess, but if I could have one birthday wish I would wish just for 1 day to be 10 again, waiting for my dad to come home from work to eat my delicious birthday dinner of porkchops. Actually, perhaps just wishing I could see dad at all would be enough of a wish for me.

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link

Jan. 17, 2008

the path of life

I never really thought before about the course of life. I guess my "baby boy" turning 18 this past week has made me think a lot about it. Sometimes I wonder why God chose this particular way to have life proceed. A baby is born and all pretty much start out the same, totally dependent on parents to care for them. As time goes on they learn new things and their independence seems so gradual, one barely notices it. Oh, the big things stand out of course...sitting up, walking, riding a bike, first day of school, high school, driving a car...but, at least for me, when I held my son that first week, it seemed like an eternity before I would have to deal with driving and high school. Through the preschool years I actually wished for the time to fly faster...I couldn;t take those long days of chasing little ones around. I suppose having 4 under age 5 made those days seem extra long. Yet, it seems I blinked my eyes and my little boy is a senior in high school, turned 18 and scheduled to get his driver's license in a few weeks. I look through my daughter's high school yearbook from her freshman year and I see all her friends...they looked so small and so young and yet, that was just 2 years ago. The high school years went by so quickly I can barely remember them. So, why God did you choose this way? Why such a long investment--18 years maybe more--of time, money and endless tears and joys, all to have that child walk out the door and live his own life? It seems so futile, to raise a child to let them go. I want to hold on forever. I want him to be 12 again, when he enjoyed hanging out with mom and dad and his siblings. I want her to be 11 again, when home was the best place on earth and dad was the greatest guy she had ever laid eyes on. I want him to be 10 again, without a girlfriend and the strong desire for a license and freedom and a later curfew. I wish she could stay 12 forever...but I knw she, like her brothers and sister, will also grow up. Day in, day out and time will continue to pass more quickly until everything I put my life into is gone. What then, God, do I do with my life then? When the ones who have been the center of my earth existence have moved on, where does that leave me?

• Comments (0) • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link