Day By Day - Thoughts

Mar. 21, 2006

Thoughts

I've been bothered all day by the fact that I can't remember what color eyes Josh had. I can't bring myself to look at a photo to tell me either. How twisted is that??

I know where all his photos are in the house so that I can avoid looking at them. I don't dust them. I don't dust the shelf that has his picture and a few momentos.

Does this sound like a healthy person? Gosh, it's been 3 years since he died. I'm amazed how long loss takes to deal with. I started to type 'get over' but I deleted it as I am starting to believe there is no 'getting over' a loss like this.

Wow - I'm depressing tonight.

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Comments

Mar. 21, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Anonymous

Amy,

Like you said, it will take a while to deal with. Some day you might be able to look. I don't know how long it will take.

Praying for you tonight.

God Bless.

Sara (who has not received her password from hsb despite many requests. :-()

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Mar. 21, 2006 - Look, I can sign in again. :-)

Posted by mistresninos

I happened to read this right as I was going to head to bed and thought I'd leave it here for you. (BTW, did you notice that comments post right away now?)

Go Forward with God
Day 33

When it's hard to look forward and it's painful to look back, you need a new perspective, a new focus. Look to the Father and keep your eyes on Him. Every time your thoughts drift away from Him, repeat these words, "Focused on You, Jesus. Focused on You."

If you keep yourself centered in God, you will be able to move forward again. Cindy offers a suggestion from her own experience. She says, "What is at the center of your life? Just for an hour or two hours, put God at the center of your life and see what happens. Then do it for half a day. Then do it for a day, and see what happens. I think you'll start feeling that you're going to be okay, that you can trust God, and that you can do the things you need to do."

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. . . . So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16, 18).

Thank you, God, that I don't have to strive in my journey, because You have already provided the grace I need to make it. Amen.

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Mar. 23, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Leigh2

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} I can't even begin to comprehend the pain. I hope you are feeling at least a little better today.

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Mar. 29, 2006 - Untitled Comment

Posted by WalkInFaith

Just recently read your new knitting feature and here I am still browsing around. My dear new friend I hope one day soon you will indeed be able to look at Joshua's pictures. You know better than I what you are missing. Honey, you desperately need a "drink" from the well of love that can be found in that baby's face! I'm praying for you. God will get you there.

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May. 22, 2006 - I understand

Posted by Anonymous

I have one of those dusty shelves too. Thank you for writing about it.

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About Me

Day by Day....we strive to learn together, love each other and have some fun. Day By Day.... we strive to raise our boys to be knights and warriors for the Lord. Some days it's a struggle...

Cast of Charaters

Me - I like to read and knit. I've been a Christian for many years and loving learning about God and seeing the Lord work in our lives! I also post on my other blog, "Journaling Back To Joy"
DH - Is a theologically trained teacher of 4th graders at a Christian school. He loves astronomy, LOTR and playing with the kids! He is the funniest man I know.
J1 - 12 - our oldest. He came to live with us when he was 16 mos old and completely turned our lives inside out! While he is struggling with self-control right now - he is the one who can brighten the room just by smiling! He loves creating things from our recycling and anything that allows him to move (trampoline, skateboards, inline skates, etc)
J2 - 11 - our middle son. He is the one who I am currently homeschooling. He loves to create things from Legos and he loves movies. He would watch movies all day if I let him :( He has just had a major breakthrough in reading - for which we are praising the Lord!
J3 - 6 - my joy. He has a very tender heart for me and really works hard to make me happy. He loves to cuddle and is just learning about Legos. He wants to be with his big brothers so much, but the age difference is a big hurdle right now.
Joshie - 5/29/02 - 2/22/03 - Our surprise! Our only pregnancy that the Lord allowed - and we were blessed to have him for those short mos. We are all still grieving his loss - you'll hear alot about that from time to time. We look forward to getting to know him someday.

Curriculum Choices

• Math: Modern Curr. Press
• Language Arts: Apple Tree, Pathway Readers & Phonics Pathway
• History: California History (Beautiful Feet)
• Science: Exploring Creation Through Astronomy
• Current Read Aloud: Redwall
• Current Audiobook: Blue Dolphin