After about 5 months of school this year my son's hard drive crashed.  He uses Switched on Schoolhouse by Alpha Omega.  This program saved him from being held back a year and enrolled in a Christian school.  (After a horrible 3rd grade year using mixed curriculum we tried to enroll him in a local Christian school thinking that homeschooling just wasn't for him.  The school had him take a placement test and the result was that he would have to repeat 3rd grade.  We decided to try a last ditch effort and bought the SOS program hoping we could get him caught up in 4th grade and enroll him the fall of his 5th grade year.  We have been using SOS ever since, and have had very good results.)

My husband is a programmer and works with computers all day, so I didn't panic when my son said he was having trouble with his computer.  Little did I know the extent of the damage.  He uses a Dell laptop and keeps all of his schoolwork stored on the hard drive. Everytime we closed the school program it asked us if we wanted to back-up his work.  Last year we had some issues at the beginning of the year, so I backed up all the work he had done to a file... on the hard drive. 

Then one day my son told me he couldn't turn on his computer.  I told him his dad would look at it when he got home.  The bad news came that night.  There was something wrong with the hard drive.  The good news: we got a new one from Dell for free because the laptop is still under warranty.  The bad news: we had to erase the original hard drive to prove that it was truly broken.  All of his work for the past 5 months was lost. 

By the time we got everything fixed he had lost another month of school.  So, now were playing catch up.  It's very frustrating. 

My advice:  always back up your work to an external source as well as the hard drive.  That way, if one goes, the other one is available.  It's so much less frustrating than having to repeat over half a year of schoolwork. 

So, I know from previous experience that second (or third...) siblings tend to excellerate their learning when it comes to rolling over, crawling, and walking.  Of course, this isn't taking into consideration a child's God given talents.  Some children just do things early because they're good at it. 

Richard talked very early.  He just had a lot to say and couldn't wait to get it all out.  He still talks more than all the other girls combined.  I wasn't really expecting subsequent children to pick up that trait early... in fact, I was mentally prepared for delayed speech.  My friend Kathleen said her 3rd daughter didn't speak for a long time because her 2nd thought it was her job to answer all of #3's questions.  Hearing this story I figured Richard would do that to Deborah.  He did. 

Deborah decided that she loved music so much that she began to sing before she could talk.  Instead of regular baby coos, I realized one day that she was actually maintaining a steady melodic note.  This was her favorite thing to do.  She still sings more than she talks.  Without music in our house, I think she would shrivel up and languish. 

I can't really think of anything off-hand that Hannah did as an infant, but she is an excellent actress.  At age 2 she completely fooled me into thinking she was asleep.  She didn't crack a smile or react when tickled.  The manipulative tools I used on the other children to discern if they were truly asleep or pretending didn't work on Hannah.  After finally convincing me that she was truly asleep she popped her head up and smiled the biggest smile to prove she had indeed fooled me.  She still fools people at church at times.  With her up and down emotions that I noticed from birth I wouldn't be at all surprised if she made a career out of acting. 

So, here comes Amelia.  I don't really know what to expect of her.  She's only 3 months old and nothing has caught my attention.  Although, she has a seemingly long attention span for a 3 month old.  She can stare deeply and fixedly on a person's face for minutes at a time.  The average attention span at her age is measured in seconds, not minutes. I know some of my friends would disagree with my holding to the idea that God still speaks though words of prophecy, but I do.  Amelia received several preophetic words regarding strong mathematical, and technical abilities.  Her long attention span could certainly help her in these areas. 

So, there you have it.  I hope this note encourages other parents out there to take stock even at a very early age of what their children's abilities may be.  Don't ignore the little signs.  Get to know each child as an individual, and not as what you wish they would be. 

So, I'm not pregnant anymore.

Amelia Grace was born December 11th.  She weighed 7 lbs 13 oz and was 21 inches long.  She has very dark hair, much like Hannah's when she was born.  Hannah's gradually lightened to a dark blond, but Amelia's seems to be staying pretty dark.  Her eyes are dark blue right now, but They will probably change color even if it is only to lighten to the color of Hannah and Richard's eyes. 

The C-section recovery has gone very well.  I still have pain, but I don't need painkillers for recuperation.  I take them mainly for my shoulder pain.  I have this bad habit of holding the baby and trying to look at her all the time.  It ends up with my neck being held at a very odd angle.  I try to catch myself and straighten up, but I just want to look at her.  I think she's beautiful... but I'm kinda biased.  I'll let you decide. 

I'm very happy to not be pregnant anymore.  The pregnancy was long and hard.  Although there were no real emergencies, I did not enjoy feeling sick for 9 months straight.  I can now eat salad and drink water again whithout reflux. 

Well, being the mom of a newborn is a very busy job... have to go soothe a fussy baby...  bye now!

This song means a lot to me.

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

So, Hubby left for a 4 day business trip today.  I'm really bored.  I certainly don't feel up to cleaning the house, so that kinda removes the ultimate mommy boredom reliever.  So I am writing a blog about how bored I am to have something to do. 

Counting my blessings

1) I'm glad I'm not on bedrest.  I have had pregnancy backache pretty bad (thus the reason not to do housework) this time around, and all last week I couldn't walk very well.  But, at least I'm not on strict orders not to get out of bed.  That would be terrible, and I'm going to be very thankful that although it's not pleasant, at least it's not any worse than it is. 

2) I'm glad the kids are all easily entertained.  It would be very frustrating to have to micro-manage them right now, and they are all being very well behaved.  If I had a 2 yr old I probably would not be sitting here able to type a blog post un-interrupted.

3) I was able to take a nice nap.  I suppose it goes along with the last post.  I would love to curl up and go back to sleep, but then my schedule would be all messed up and homeschooling would be terrible tomorrow.  Maybe that's why I feel bored.  You know how it is sometimes.  You take a nice nap, and it's so nice that you really don't wake up fully.  Then it's hard to get going the rest of the evening. 

I'm sure there are other blessings I could count.  but that's enough for now.  I'm going to go surf the web and try not to spend any money on anything unecessary. 

So I was at the mall yesterday stocking up on bath gel when the kids started clamoring that it was time for lunch.  I headed to the food court and asked them along the way what they would like to eat.  I was prepared for the usual response of pizza all around when to my amazement my second born said she didn’t want pizza.  She asked what there was to eat.  I rattled off the usual things she likes.  Chicken nuggets, tuna from subway, and Chinese noodles.  She said she didn’t want any of those and asked if there was anything else she could get.  I told her that the rest of her options consisted of things she had turned down repeatedly in the past.  I told her she could have salad or tacos or a hamburger.  To my amazement she said that she would like salad as long as it didn’t have any dressing on it.  Her younger sister (who’s never had a hard time eating greens) followed her example and shared a salad with her. 

I kept hearing from the “experts” that if you expose your child to a food often enough they will eventually learn to accept it.  After 10 years of parenting I was beginning to doubt.  I was so proud of her for choosing something so healthy.  Another testament to the fact that miracles still happen today.

It’s official.  My daughter is a celebrity.  Ok, so most people in America still don’t know her name, and wouldn’t recognize her if she walked past them on the street.  But I’m a very proud parent right now. 

After the fiasco of the casting call for Fischer Price, I wasn’t sure if I was really committed to the whole modeling thing.  I decided to see if any of the other kids got a call.  Well, last week Thursday we finally got another call.  This time it was for Deborah. 

Just a note, Deborah was the one we originally thought would do the best at the business.  We have prayed that God would make it clear whether or not to get her involved in the business and that He would close the doors of opportunity if He didn’t want us taking her down this path.  When we signed her up with the agent she warned us that we were getting into it during the slow season and that things would basically come to a standstill over the summer.  So I wasn’t expecting very many calls right away. 

Friday afternoon I loaded the kids up and drove to Miami Beach for a casting call for Play-Along toys.  This call was completely different than the last one.  This time it was Deborah who they wanted to see.  We arrived on time and signed her in.  Within a few minutes they called her name along with about 3-4 other girls.  They all did a little dance and played with some dolls and then were dismissed. 

The casting call was held in an office suite of a casting company rather than a hotel, and there were probably only about 12 other parents there.  The environment was much more calm, although there was definitely a note of tension in the air.  I can’t imagine a casting call without the anxiety of every parent wondering if their child will do well.  I forgot to bring along Deborah’s comp card and was worried that she wouldn’t get a call back simply because of that. 

I rounded up the kids and headed home thankful that it didn’t take all afternoon.  I really didn’t want to be stuck in traffic and end up late to church that night.  Then I put the whole experience out of my mind.  I knew not to expect a call for another week or so.  Unlike the previous casting the company had put down a specific call-back date on the information sheet in the office. 

Imagine my surprise when I answered the phone the following Tuesday and heard my agents voice congratulating me.  Although the casting call was for a toy ad, one of the casting directors saw Deborah’s picture and decided that she would be perfect for a role in a movie she was casting for.  She got on the phone right away to inquire if Deborah would be available for a scene.  It turns out that my little red-headed green-eyed girl was the spitting image of the principal actress in a film. 

I’ll have to continue this story in another post… more details to come.

I’m overwhelmed at the grace of God.  There are a few things that I have always been passionate about.  One of those things is children.  I’ve been wanting to adopt ever since I knew the option existed.  I’ve also wanted to have a large family.  With this in mind, I was very frustrated when I realized after my second pregnancy that I would never be able to deliver naturally under the current medical system. 

After my 3^rd c-section my husband and I mutually agreed that we didn’t want to go through another painful recovery.  So we agreed that if we didn’t conceive #4 by my 30^th birthday he would undergo permanent birth control, and we would consider adoption.  After my birthday we set up the date for his surgery. 

I prepared myself emotionally for the prospect of only having three children.  I followed the same mental-emotional track as I had followed when we thought we were destined to only have one.  I started making plans for when the children were older.  Plans for a future career, or perhaps further education.  I thoroughly enjoyed the prospect of potty-training for the last time.  Of watching my baby girl grow up slowly, savoring her childhood since it would be the last.  There are no guarantees about adoption and although I still pray for it, I’m not so naïve as to let Hannah grow up constantly pining for another one who may never come.

I think I crossed the line a bit when we were visiting family this Christmas and I was exulting about the fact that I was done with changing diapers and getting up for 2:00 feedings.  My 3 brothers were all expecting this year, and I came across perhaps a bit too “older and wiser” than necessary. 

I thought I would feel some remorse about the surgery, some sort of depression about the loss of ability to create another life.  But, every time I thought about it, I would envision my last recovery.  Weeks of incision pain, the trauma of surgery.  I knew that I wanted more children, but I didn’t want to undergo that kind of pain again.  Besides, I kept reminding myself that there are so many beautiful children in the world with no loving parents.  God could certainly use us to show His love to one or two of them. 

The only thing I was truly disappointed about was this little muse I had when I was a teenager.  I knew that it would never come true.  I wanted to be the first to find out that I was pregnant.  Then I wanted to plan some elaborate way of telling my hubby that he was going to be a papa again.  I could do it with our first because he was in the room when the Dr gave us the news.  With the second I didn’t believe it could happen and he insisted I take the test.  He was standing over me and was the first to see the result.  With the third he insisted on being present and although I took the test of my own volition he was in the room and knew immediately.  Now I would never get the chance to surprise him with the coy, flirty “honey, I have something to tell you,” that I had mapped out in my brain so many years ago. 

My husband’s appointment  went well.  It was this past Saturday, only 2 days ago.  He was in and out in 15 minutes.  We joked about how funny it would be if I found out I was pregnant now.  We mused over the possibility of conceiving during the first week “post-snip”.  I was already late, but with my cycle being the ever changing length that I’ve become accustom to, and the number of times I’ve felt pregnant only to start my cycle the day after an expensive test is ruined I really didn’t consider the possibility.  After all, we went an entire two years + without birth control and nothing happened.  It was obvious I was not meant to conceive a 4^th time. 

And yet, there was something nagging at the back of my mind.  I’ve been on a diet for over a year now and I’ve never had a weight gain that I couldn’t explain.  My lack of self control was the cause of every pound.  And yet, just a week ago at my weigh-in I had jumped 5 lbs.  My consultant asked me if I was expecting my period.  I told her yes (I had been expecting it for a while now).  She was satisfied with the answer but I was not.  The next morning I woke up with the thought, “I can’t be pregnant.  If I was I would feel sick right now.”  Then the next morning I had dropped down another 2 lbs.  I was getting back on the wagon, still not sure what I had done the week before.  Then, the night after the surgery I started to feel sick.  Really truly sick.  Not just hungry, ravenous.  Deep down I knew it had to be more than PMS. 

I have this magnet on my fridge.  I bought it because it describes my life so perfectly.  It says, “We plan, God laughs.”  You’ll never guess how many lines were on the test I took Monday morning. 

So I signed all three of the kids up for modeling.  I was only going to sign Deborah up, since she seems to be the most natural poser and very compliant.  Then I followed a lead and called a manager and she said that 10 yr old boys are very much in demand.  The fact that mine is a red-head is a plus.  Then I found out that her fee is $45.00 for the first kid and $10 dollars for the each additional kid.  So we ended up signing Hannah into the contract as well. 

It’s quite a journey.  We got our first casting call last Wednesday.  The call was for Fisher Price, and it was for 3 yr olds, so Hannah was the chosen one.  The manager also recommended that I take Deborah since she’s a very tall 5 yr old and they were also looking for 6-7 yr olds. 

It was a fiasco to begin with.  I really don’t think anything will come of it, but I can pray.  I showed up at the hotel (an hour away from home) and the hotel had posted a notice that the casting was closed due to the large volume of respondents.  So they sent me away.  I called the manager to ask if this was common.  She said it certainly was not.  Then she advised me to try to get the comp cards in to someone.  So I went back in the hotel a second time and gave them to one of the hotel employees.  As we were buckling our seatbelts and pulling out of the parking space I realized that the comp card didn’t have the phone number on it.  So we went into the hotel for the third time.  I told the same employee that I needed to write the phone number on the comp cards and then I would leave her alone.  As I was standing in the hallway waiting for her to come out of the room a man poked his head out the door across the hall and asked if I was next.  I told him I wasn’t and he told me to go in and sign the waiting list.  Fortunately the lady who was helping us had just come back at that moment and heard what he said.  She sent me into the room right away and I was able to stay for the rest of the casting. 

Of course, since I was only coming back in to write down a phone number, all my well laid plans for the waiting process were bungled.  I had only brought a pen and my car key with me.  The girls each had a toy from their kids meal with them (not particularly age appropriate since it consisted of a large amount of fact reading and neither girl can read).  The nice little box with their coloring books and stuffed toys had been left in the car and I didn’t know how long it would take for us to be called.  The room was crowded thus the reason for the hotel trying to close everything down.  My cell phone was in the car making me uncommunicable (as my hubby would say).  It was a very long and boring hour and 45 minutes ending with a 3 second picture taking session. 

I called my manager this Monday to ask her what a realistic time frame for a call back would be.  She said it could be the next day, the next week or the next month.  She hadn’t heard anything from Fisher Price yet, so I should just be patient.  They never did take Deborah’s picture.  They said she was out of the range. 

I just got the comp cards for Richard and Hannah in the mail today.  I printed a head shot at Walmart for Hannah to take to the casting call.  I’ll be sending a bunch of them off to my manager today.  I’m so new to all this.  It’s a lot to take in.  Driving through Miami was an experience in itself.  I can’t wait for another opportunity.  I (along with a million other moms) hope to hear back from Fisher Price very soon. 

so I knew it was inevitable.  Every kid cheats at some time or another (imho).  I think it's part of being a sinful being.  I found out today that my son has been working the system so to speak for a couple of days now.  hopefully I will nip it in the bud and show him that I'm not so easily fooled. 

I cheated in high school, and got away with it for a while.  For most of my 11th grade year I cheated in most of my math and all but the first chapter in my Latin  book.  I guess the sins of the mother are likely to be visited on the 3rd and 4th generation.  I'm going to be praying for the breaking of this curse. 

He didn't look at the answers, he just figured out that with his school program there is a key he can hit that allows him to skip a question, but still show a grade of 100% on the assignment.  I had to check back over the past 3 days work (a total of 6 assignments in 4 subjects) and clear them all out.  in a sense he got 3 days off of school.  Unfortunately he will ave to make them up by this weekend. 

I wish I couldn't empathize with him.  I know exactly how he feels.  That school is boring and annoying and he'd much rather be playing games or watching cartoons.  I wish I wasn't like that a lot.  (eg. if I skip my leg exercises but still do cardio 4 times a week it till accomplish the same goal... not!) 

I want to ask him if he enjoyed the feeling of guilt knowing he had tricked the system and would have to hide the fact from me.  I certainly would love to lecture him about it.  But the simple truth is, it would go in one ear and out the other.  I just have to discipline and move on.  I might bring it up later, but I think I'll play this one by ear and hope the Holy Spirit inside him will lead him to realize the repercussions of his actions.  I'll certainly pray for his spiritual growth through this.  That's the most important lesson to learn.

I'm sure I'm the only mom out there that has ever had to deal with this. (laughing at my own sarcasm). 

My first born son is about to turn 10.  I still can't believe it.  I'm having a hard time with this birthday for some reason.  I laughed when my best friend struggled with her son's first birthday.  I laughed when another friend struggled with her daughter turning 13.  I laughed when yet another friend shipped her son off to college.  I laughed at my friends (lovingly of course) when they had a hard time accepting the fact  that time marches unrelentingly on, and our children eventually get older. 

Now I'm getting choked up about a decade of childhood that is coming to a close.  I couldn't wait for him to reach the past nine birthdays... what is it about this one that is so hard.  I'm I just getting soft?  Although I'm sure there's a smidgen of truth in that, I don't think that's the main reason.  I think there are a myriad of things happening all at once that contribute to this melancholy. 

I can remember my 10th birthday.  I remember telling the guy at Chuck E. Cheeses that I was a decade old.  I had just learned what a decade was, and I was so happy to be able to boast my newfound knowledge (a trait that apparently doesn't diminish with age).  I remember realizing at that little party, that I was getting too big to really enjoy Chuck E. Cheeses the way I had in the past.  I was getting too big for most of the rides, and I wasn't really interested in the arcade games.  I ended up using most of my tokens on skee-ball, and buying some rinky-dink toys with my tickets. 

Another thing to note is that I'm noticing some changes in my son's outlook on life.  Over the past year he has all but stopped asking to play outside and his attention has shifted to video games and TV shows.  He used to beg to play outside for hours and now I have to force him out the door to play with the dog. 

On a lighter note, there are some milestones that I have long awaited that are coming to pass.  He's starting to be more interested in his appearance.  Although the desire to be comfortable still outweighs the desire to look good.  Still, there are little snippets of awareness that I see in him.  He's stopped making the little boy groans of disgust at displays of affection.  He has commented on things he's seen as being cute or pretty, whereas a year ago those words were forcefully ejected from his vocabulary.  Besides being responsible for his own fingernail clipping, the other day he asked me for a comb so he could fix his hair (not that I let it get long enough to need much attention).  And finally, the last time I took him for a haircut he wanted some say in how it looked. 

I guess part of it is an underlying fear of parenting a teenager, and although I know I still have a few years before that happens, I'm still wary of the struggles that will entail.  I'm afraid all my shushing him will result in a breakdown of communication.  I'm afraid that his "satiable curiosity" will land him in a mess.  I'm afraid of every pitfall every teenager has ever fallen into manifesting in my son's life.

If I were to put my finger on the crux of the matter.  I think it boils down to the fact that I truly love him and although I never thought I'd feel this way, I don't want my only boy to leave me.  I feel like I'm passing the halfway point in his childhood and from this point on it's a swift countdown to the day he leaves.  Somehow that day is easier to stomach when it seems farther in the distance.

Don't get me wrong... I'm very happy for him.  I'm excited that he gets to celebrate another milestone.  I just wish I didn't feel so sad about it this time around. 

So I won't stoop to grumbling and complaining, but I'll simply state the facts.

Bellsouth Deleted my email account thus making it impossible to contact any of my business associates to officially change my email address.  They lied to my husband and me. 

I'm on dial-up because I still have no internet connection at home, and I'm using my husbands wireless card from work.

I've now lost 30 lbs, but I gained one back while my sister in law and her husband were visiting (and boy was it fun). 

I will return to normal blogging when I get a decent internet connection.

Love you all!

P.S.  I just finished watching Survivor Australia on DVD (Started watching the show a couple years ago).  It was great!  I'm going to netflix season one!

Ok, so I decided to take a break from my diet.  Due to new airline regulations I won't be able to take my diet food with me to the women's conference like I had hoped.  So I decided to just take the weekend off and try not to go crazy. 

Here is a picture of my progress.  I realize that a lot of you don't know what I looked like before, so you'll have no reference. 

I won't be weighing in this week.  I've had to cancel my appointment because I'm being picked up for the airport earlier than I expected.  I'm very excited.  I know I won't be able to blog all that happens to me while I'm gone, but perhaps you'll get a hint of it nonetheless. 

See you later

So only 2 weeks after the last rant I was back under the weather again.  I'm still thinking something is fishy about the "healthy" food I'm eating.  It's just wrong that I can be so unhealthy while on a diet to change my eating habits to be more healthy.  And don't talk to me about the whole "de-tox" thing.  I'm not eating healthy enough to send my body into a de-tox. 

So I lost another 2 lbs again.  I was very happy about that even though I had to spend all of yesterday in a bed.  I couldn't talk because the back of my throat was so swollen it was almost hard to breath.  My weigh-in was on Wednesday (I switched it so my friend wouldn't have to use as much gas). 

Yesterday was awful.  It hurt everywhere in my body.  Like every inch of my skin was part of a giant bruise.  Joel tele-worked and watched the kids while I rested.  It hurt to type. 

I cheated worse than I have since I started the diet.  I made up for the calories I didn't eat on Wednesday.  Then I ate even more.  I had half a slice of Papa Johns cheese pizza.  I had 1/2 a cup of coffee ice cream and washed it down with a Hershey's milk chocolate with almonds bar.  I kept thinking that I shouldn't be eating all this junk because it's not going to help me get over the sickness.  Of course, after indulging myself and not counting the calories, I feel much better this morning.  Perhaps it was the stress of trying to be strict that was messing up my immune system. 

On a lighter note.  Yesterday every time I whispered to one of my kids they whispered back.  It was pretty cute.  It was like we were planning some secret operation.  A couple of times Deborah told me that I "have to talk loud."  I whispered to her that I couldn't and she gave me this I-think-you're-trying-to-put-one-over-on-me look.  Even Richard was whispering.  He told me I should use sign language.  Then when I did he could understand what I was saying. 

So I am feeling better, so I'm headed back to my new house to paint.  I realized last night that I could have rinsed out the paint brushes and they would have been dry by now. 

Have a great day.  P.S. for those of you who were waiting to hear about our closing.  We closed on Monday.  If you want to hear more, just pick up the phone and call.  Those lines run both ways you know.  Or send me an email and I'll fill you in.  When I get a minute I'll post a blog about moving (instead of weight loss).  I'm also going to be putting up some info about the house on my website soon (www.bethimus.com).

signing off now...

so, I lost another pound. 

Packing makes me forget that I'm supposed to drink water, but I'm going to do better today.

Oh, and they told me I'm supposed to start eating 1200 calories a day (instead of 1500).  I'm excited... and a little nervous.  Less dessert for me.

That's all

Sooooo, I'm moving.  Yeah, that's right, I'm moving.  For the 12th time in my life (that I can remember), I am changing my place of residence. 

I noticed when I moved into this house that it took me 3 years to start decorating it.  It was this inner voice saying, "don't spend too much time and energy on something that you're just going to leave behind." Now that I've wallpapered and painted, and hung pictures and installed shelving I'm moving. 

My house is quickly becoming a jungle of boxes.  I cleaned out a closet yesterday.  I'm finding so many things I forgot I had.  I'm throwing out big, black trash bags full of stuff.  Papers and half used notepads and empty boxes and egg cartons that I was going to use for… well for something anyway. 

There is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, like the deal will fall through at the last minute.  Something in me that hates disappointment, and disappointing others keeps telling me to stop telling people that I'm moving.  My excitement seems to be in check.  I haven't officially called the parents.  Of course, they read my blog and found out for themselves that I am moving.  I guess I didn't want to call them too early and tell them we were moving before it was official. 

I am very excited.  The work of re-organizing an entire house seems to be a lot more do-able when I'm prepped for it with dozens of boxes to sort everything into.  I have boxes with only a few things in them because I know I have stashes of things everywhere in this house.  The extension cords that were in the hall closet will soon be joined by the ones in the garage. 

There's also this "New Years" sense of resolution in me.  I WILL BE ORGANIZED IN THE NEW HOUSE!  That's what my mind is screaming.  I will organize everything before I go and I will keep it that way once I move in.  I can see all your eyes rolling. 

There is a phrase that the great "Mix Master Mighty White" told me once.  "A Pessimist is and Optimist with experience."  This phrase keeps playing in my mind whenever I get these thoughts rolling around in my head.  The organization rule only works as much as the other members of the house are willing to comply.  Somehow I don't think they hold organization at the same level of importance as I do. 

Then again, I'm the mom.  I'm the one who volunteered for this job.  The one who is passionate about it.  I can't expect those who didn't sign up for the position to try to fulfill it. 

Well, we sign on Monday… unless something goes wrong.  Then it will be Tuesday… or Wednesday.  Who knows.  Is anything in life certain? 

          And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, "Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we're off to such and such a city for the year. We're going to start a business and make a lot of money." You don't know the first thing about tomorrow. You're nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, "If the Master wills it and we're still alive, we'll do this or that." (James 4:13-15 The Message)