Lets see just where do I start? I guess the best place would be from the beginning!

We have been homeschooling from the very beginning with our children and the number one training of our children has been leading them in a personnal knowledge of Jesus Christ and praying that they would recieve Christ as their personal Savior.

When Nathan our oldest was six years old I was leading him in a daily devotional called ALL ABOUT GOD. It was a fun devotional with a setting of a backyard bible club. It took you thru who the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit is. At the end of each lesson it would ask if you if you had Jesus in your heart and if not would you like to ask Him now. Well I did have some wisdom in knowing that Nathan was still very young and would say when you are ready to make this decision you can come to mommy or daddy and let us know. I wanted to make sure that it was the Holy Spirit prompting my child not something mommy was doing.

Well Nathan has always been a child that has wanted to please dad and mom. And when Nathan was six years old he went to his dad and said that he wanted to ask Jesus in his heart. At this time too a close friend of his was getting baptized.

Well Nathan prayed to recieve Christ as his personal Savior that night. Ofcourse us as parents was elated that our son had made the most important decision of his life! But their was a part in my heart that wondered if this was a act he did to please dad and mom. It almost seemed that once Nathan did this that the real battle began! Nathan is a very strong willed child as well. This strong willness increased over the years. I kept telling myself it is a good thing to have a strong will as long as it is used to Gods glory. And so tried to train Nathan up to surrender his strength to the Lord. Nathan new deep in his heart that he really did not understand what he was doing but saw his friend get baptized and new that mommy and daddy was christains and talked alot of giving our hearts over to the Lord. So he prayed to do this, BUT thats all it was, was a prayer. No real repentance of sin,no real desire, hunger,to know God and put Him first in his life. This showed as Nathan grew over the years. Oh Nathan saw his own struggles too, you see as he grew older he pushed away the feelings of really knowing that what he had done was only to please us and as a result started to deceive himself. He believed that he was saved. He had struggle after struggle with his old nature(that he was still living in!)He would say I want to rededicate myself to the Lord, but you cannot rededitcate a relationship that is never there. So the result of that was a self attempt to make himself feel better. It never lasted. Nathan's real battle was that the Lord did not want a rededication but wanted Nathan to come to Him for the first time with a repentful heart and a step of faith into the saving Grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Nathan began to live a life full of bitterness. Always finding something to be displeased with. Over the last few years it had gotten really bad. I would and his father would cry out to God to reveal this to Nathan. I would always ask the children to examine their hearts to ask God to test their hearts and see if their was any wrong way in them. Our son started to rebell against our teaching by closing his heart off when we would do devotions. This was taking place in his inner heart. He would still 'try' and act like a christain around other people but the true colors showed when at home. His heart was getting harder and harder, as a mom I was sick to my stomache to see my son deceive himself and see him go thru this battle. Anytime I would say "Nathan, you are not thinking like a person who has Christ in their heart, or are you pleasing the Lord?" He would become even more hardened and go even deeper into allowing himself to live in the flesh. This mostly was a rebellious attitiude if he would ask to do something and I or his father would say no he would make our lives miserable. It even got to the point where I didnt even confront him on issues because it would just make my day unliveable. Nathan's life was starting to defile the home! His siblings would see him act like this and at first was uneasy with it but over time this 'sinweed' was starting to spread and I would find them doing some of the same thing on a much lower scale, none the less I could see how this was spreading like cancer in our home. I would go to Tom and say hun what are we going to do! I did not want to see my family like this. When you have a 15,16or 17yr old doing these things a spanking,timeout,restrictions just dont cut it! This is a spirtitual warefare!! Over the last several years I started crying out to God, Lord what is it going to take? Then fear would fill my heart. Oh Lord what kind of trial will our family have to endure to bring this son around? I prayed and prayed, I finally got to a point that I prayed ok Lord I pray that you protect our family but do what it takes to open the eyes of my son before its to late!

Last year we were at the homeschool convention and S.M. DAVIS was speaking and it was on the birth order. And he was talking how satan wants our first borns! I wept that day because I knew that satan had my son deceived BUT I knew that Jesus was not going to let satan win this battle!!!Because Nathan wasnt living a peaceful or joyful life. The Lord was not going to let Nathan expeirence peace. He was always unhappy about something. Oh he was a enjoyable kid at times when things were going 'good' for him but that became farther and farther apart. Over this last year the battle became really intense, at times I thought how can our family function with this child defiling the home . Lord! when are you going to do something?! I would fall weak with exhasperation! Little did I know that the Lord was indeed working in Nathan's heart. The battle was raging! Nathan started having thoughts that even scared him! I believe the Lord allowed this  to show Nathan just what kind of waters he was treading. My heart breaks to think of some of the things that he spiritually endoured. The Lord was answering my prayer in a way I never thought of. He got down to deep heart issues with Nathan. A few weeks ago Nathan had a vision, he calls this a vision because he was not asleep but just in a state of being that he cannot really say how he was, but for sure not asleep. He was in his room on his bed though. Dream, vision, whatever, God used this expeirence to open my sons eyes and awaken his spirit! Nathan said that God allowed him to visit hell. He said his heart the whole time was pounding as he saw sin in all its power take place. He said there was mountains all around with demons sitting upon them chearing the sin that was taking place. People was committing murder, immoral acts( said he saw a man raping a man) this kind of freaked me out as he shared this as Nathan has never been exposed to that kind of thing like thru watching t.v. ect. But then the Lord quickened my heart that this is what He allowed Nathan to expierence to see the wickedness of sin. Said he saw a lake of lava where people was screaming and crying out. Others were just collasped to the ground mouning and weeping in despair. He saw satan himself sitting on his hell throne with a pleased appearance that he had gotten so many there! Nathan himself said that he was very cold, and the feeling in his heart and soul was unbearable! For he said he was with out the Spirit of God! God was NO WHERE! the absence of God gave him a lost feeling like no other! More than that feeling of Im all alone. Deeper than despair! Nathan awoken with a new fear of God that he had never expiernced before. To back up a little Nathan was also expierencing daily sprititual battles within the mind. Thoughts would pop into his head that he did not want there. For an example we went to Tom's brothers wedding and we had bought them a family bible. Tom asked Nathan to pass the bible to him in the car so that he could write in it and wrap it up. When Nathan passed the bible up to his father a quickened thought popped into his mind  that satan was God, Nathan quickly said NO! I REBUKE that thought and I did not mean that. Then hearing a voice say yes you did, say it for me! Nathan said NO! These kind of thoughts was taking place in Nathan's mind and he was getting really distressed by them. He got where he could not eat, drink or sleep. God was bringing a battle on that Nathan could only win by calling out to God! Back to the night that Nathan had his vision of hell, Nathan realized that night that God was trying to get his attention that he has been deceiving himself over the years and that he needed to call out to Him to repent from all his sin and to ask Jesus to take the wheel. Nathan approached his dad on May 24th, 2006 and shared the battle he had been in, with a trembling body, a humbled and broken heart Nathan went before the Lord and received the Lord Jesus Christ as his personal Savior!!! What Joy has filled our hearts! What peace has filled our home! As Nathan surrended all. We are looking forward to seeing Nathan grow in grace and a closer walk with Jesus! Nathan can truly say No Jesus, No Peace, Know Jesus Know Peace!

As a mom Im excited to share that God keeps his promises! Train up a child the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it. The Lord truly has remained faithful, He has showed me that Im responsible for training my children up but its by His power and His alone that will bring my children to repentance.

We are to have child like faith, and so I do believe that their are children that are young like Nathan was and has a understanding of what sin is and that the Holy Spirit leads them in a saving knowledge. One thing for sure, when we pray and entrust our children unto the Lord He will not leave us but will hold our families with his righteous right hand! PRAY,PRAY, PRAY for your children and He will lead them in the way everlasting.