An unexpected illness nearly took my life on December 16th.  On December 15th our family was enjoying a nice dinner with friends when I started having abdominal cramps.  We returned home and I started having flu like symptoms that were the worst I have ever experienced.  That evening my husband took our two year old to the ER for high fever and severe coughing.  She had an ear infection and the flu.  The next day she and I slept together all day.  Later that evening I started having the chills, which my husband was able to control pretty quickly.  I was also experiencing what I thought was gas pains.  I got up and decided to walk the house to see if I could relieve some of the gas pains I was experiencing.  I walked down the hall into our loft and collapsed.  My husband and daughter heard me screaming for help and came running down the hallway.  I requested that my husband call an ambulance as I truly thought I was going to die.  I was transported to a nearby hospital where they started doing some testing...all the while experiencing the most horrible pain I have ever experienced in my life.  A blood test revealed that I was pregnant.  Wonderful news, but honestly the pain was so horrible I really didn't care at that point in time.  With the news of a pregnancy, the doctors had to change their plan for treatment.  They sent me for an ultrasound that revealed no sack in the uterus which was not surprising to me or the tech as I was not even four week pregnant yet and a sack is not usually visible at this time.   During the ultrasound the tech noticed a massive amount of fluid in the cul de sac region behind the uterus.  Based on this limited amount of information I was diagnosed with an ectopic pregnancy.  I was very skeptical as I knew several people who have had ectopic pregnancies and I knew it couldn't present that kind of pain so early.  Unfortunately, my OB/GYN wasn't on staff at the hospital I was transported to, so we were dealing with doctors that we weren't familiar with.  The ER physician's assitant told us that they would do surgery in the morning and wouldn't mess around with this as a ruptured tube could be fatal.

The wait begins.  I was admitted and began a long wait to see a doctor.   During this time of waiting to see a doctor and proceed with surgery, my husband was constantly asking nurses where the doctor was and when would we see him.  We were told I would have surgery first thing in the morning, yet the hours continued to pass with no surgery or visit from a doctor.  Around 11:00am in the morning a nurse told us the OB doctor had called and said there was just a slight tear in the tube and he would do surgery at 3:30pm.  At that point I’m still dealing with horrible pain that is not responding so well to the pain meds.  Mentally, I’m just trying to process and cope with the pain.  My husband is trying to see if I can be transferred to the hospital where my OB is on staff.  He was advised against transferring me as I could not physically walk out of the hospital and it was too risky to move me if I was that ill.  At this point, we both start asking the nurse tending to me which tube the pregnancy was in.  No answer.  We continue to ask any nurse we can get our hands on to check my chart and tell us which tube the pregnancy is in.  Again, no answer.

At 3:30pm I’m taken to pre-op where we meet the anesthesiologist who will be taking care of me during surgery.  He reads the results from the ultrasound the previous evening and agrees that I have an ectopic pregnancy.  My family continues to probe a bit and asks him what else could cause this “massive amount of fluid” in the cul-de-sac region behind my uterus.  He indicates it could be a number of things from gall bladder to appendix.  At 5:30pm the OB finally arrives and off I go to surgery.

Several hours later I wake up with a general surgeon by my side introducing himself and telling me he was called in during my surgery to take over.  He stated that I had the worst ruptured appendix he had ever seen and that I should be dead right now.  He also said that my pregnancy would never survive the trauma my body had been through and that I would miscarry.  He told me I would remain in the hospital for some time as the infection resulting from the ruptured appendix was pretty severe.

I remained in the hospital for nine days.  I was put on a myriad of antibiotics to try to manage the infection.   The antibiotics made me very nauseated.  Every time the general surgeon would walk in my room he would remind me how I should have died.  I finally told him that if I should be dead right now I would be.  I told him that even though I knew that from a medical perspective I should have never survived what I had been through, I knew that the Lord protected me and sustained my life until he (the surgeon) was able to correct the horrible situation.  I told him that it was very clear to me that the Lord protected my life because He had a purpose and a plan for my life.  I told him that I was grateful that the Lord used his skill to save my live, however I really needed him to stop reminding me that I should be dead.  I found it to be very discouraging.  He did not mention it again.  I found other doctors doing the same thing.  I kept spiking fevers and the infection was pretty nasty.  My Infectious Disease doctor would walk in my room and tell me that she was just trying to “keep me alive.”  I was so sick, so discouraged and very fearful.  One evening I told a nurse that I needed some answers about my condition and I was so scared because all I hear people telling me is that I should be dead and I really needed one person to come in my room and tell me I was going to be okay.  I quickly realized that no medical professional was going to be able to give me the assurance I needed.  At that point I began to seek all my assurance from the Lord.  Praise God He is faithful and gave me all the peace and grace I needed to get through this trial.  I found myself feeling profoundly grateful that He spared my life, yet so very unworthy.  The Lord in His grace impressed upon me that even though I was unworthy, I was far from insignificant to Him.  Oh how much He loves me.  I found myself pondering how very short life is.  I couldn’t help but think about whether or not I truly make the most of my time with my children.  Do I make every moment count.  Had the Lord taken me home, had I invested enough time in the training of our children.  Would I have left them with precious lessons taught by and memories made with their mother?   I praise God that He has given me more time.

On December 24^th I went home to be with my family for Christmas.  What a precious time it was with my family.  Oh, how I cherished every moment on Christmas Day.  It was an unusual Christmas Day.  No fancy meal, I didn’t even get out of my jammies.  We just had a quiet day enjoying each other.  Although there were gifts to open, we didn’t need them because we knew the Lord had given our family the precious gift of my life this year.

I went home on two very potent antibiotics that continued to make me very nauseated.  Recovery at home was very slow.  I was concerned that I was not feeling daily improvement.  The doctors continued to reassure me that recovery would be slow.  On January 2^nd I woke up feeling horribly ill.  I rested all day and went to bed early.  In the middle of the night I woke up feeling quite a bit of pain in my abdominal area.  We went back to ER and after having x-rays we were told that I had an adhesion that was causing an obstruction in my small intestine.  I was readmitted and told I would be facing another surgery.  I’ll be sharing more in my journal about this trial in another entry.  Thank you Lord, that through it all You show Yourself faithful.