I used to see women in the past, pushing a stroller with an oversized Dev. Delayed child in it, and was secretly glad I was not the mom. I just knew I could not handle it. When 1 cousin had an autistic child and another cousin had a child with a cleft lip and palate my heart went out to them both. Both boys have grown in to brilliant young men. As Jim and I walked the special needs mine field of Foster-Adopt I knew God had His hand on me. It seemed all my babies were healthy and normal. Despite their bio-moms copious drug and alcohol use they all seemed fine.

When Thomas was born with a cleft-palate I thought “Oh it’s not like he’s delayed, I can handle this.” Surgery at 10 mos corrected his palate, but did nothing to increase his very delayed gross motor skills. He did not walk until 2 and still at 4 stumbles as he tries to run. By the time Steven was 1 we began to notice odd and repetitive behaviors. He raged and rocked and threw tantrums that would peel the wall paper. It was also clear that my precious Molly with a servants heart would never work for NASA or likely even go to College. Susie is a passive aggressive wonder in and of herself. Josh is very much large and in charge. Jimmy, well we call him our Human-Poodle. Everything and every change makes him nervous. He cries at least 3 x’s a day. Over nothing or something so insignificant it seems like nothing. At 9 he is still afraid of the dark, will not go in to his room alone etc. Both boys have to hug and kiss me 2 x’s when I leave to run errands. Thomas now 4 is obviously Autistic and happily stims and stutters his way through the day. Steven is now officially FAE and DD. Baby Jake marinated in meth and had it blown in his face the 1^st 4 mos of his life, now is alternately smiling and raging. His brother Aidan is so passive it’s unbelievable.

That view out the window was remarkable. I could simultaneously see their flaws and their beauty. Josh and Steven(normally mortal enemies) were helping Aidan jump on the trampoline. Molly was mothering Thomas and introducing him to his new sensory water table. Jimmy was sitting on the deck with a big dog laying across him and he was reading his Bible. Susie was in the play yard with Jake singing him songs and making him giggle. They fight, they squawl, they whine, they stim, one rocks and bangs his head on his pillow to go to sleep, another spins in circles when something new is introduced. One spreads shampoo all over the bathroom floor when life does not go her way. They are not fearful enough of strangers, they have sleeping and eating issues, they tattle like seasoned tabloid reporters and they make so much noise by 4 pm I have the Mother of all Headaches. God knew exactly what I needed and what I could handle.

My children keep me on my knees, focused on my Heavenly Father. They show me all those initials are just letters and that they are amazing, incredible individuals, fearfully and wonderfully made by God.

I am the mom of 8 children who are by the worlds standards flawed. In Gods eyes and mine they are beautiful and perfect and I am honored that God blessed me with such a family as this.