I really want to encourage people to Adopt from Foster Care. Really I do. When somebody asks about our family or wonders if “they” are all mine and I answer YES all 8 children following me do indeed belong to my husband and I. Often they reply with “Oh I always wanted to adopt? Is it expensive” NO. “Is it hard?” That’s the clincher. I say yes, and in certain settings like grocery stores or parking lots I end it there. For people I know, or in more quiet settings when I have more time I tell them the truth. Yes. It is hard. It is terribly, horribly, miserably, heart pounding hard. Not because the children we get are burning down our home or torturing our animals. We take children 2yo and under. It is hard because we fall in love with them. Love them like we gave birth to them and never stop wondering or worrying if they will be moved to a biological relative or given back to marginally OK parents. We tend to screaming toddlers who have night terrors and are unable to verbalize the hell their life has been. We get rejected by curly headed darlings who are so angry they need to be mad at some big person and we are it. We walk the floor with inconsolable Meth addicted newborns who seem to cry constantly and re-coil at being touched. The very thing you want to do to soothe that precious wee one is the very thing you often can not do.

We have watched our adopted children grow and get healthier and exceed any and all expectations and we have come to terms with the fact that a few of our children will likely struggle for the rest of their lives. Oh it is hard all right. In the words of my 8yo son “That stinks Mom!” or the American Teens tragic lament and whine “That’s not fair.” Nope. No guarantees.

So when I tell the truth I often hear. “I could not do that, love a child and then give them back. Oh I would be too attached. It’s not for me."  I’m here to tell you it’s survivable. I had a beautiful newborn boy placed in my arms and told he’s all yours. No parents, no relative NADA. 11 months later a different SW called. The 1^st was fired. She told me that there was an Aunt and Uncle who wanted him. He was gone in 48 hours. I knew then what it felt like to lose a child in every sense of the word. Before I could grieve too hard or feel too sorry for myself another SW called and said my twins bio-mother had just given birth to a very sick little boy and would we take him. Shortly thereafter I held in my arms our Thomas. Noonan Syndrome, Atrial Septal Defect, Autism Spectrum, Severe Gross Motor Delays were all words I would hear much later. What I knew was he was a part of our twins, he was bi-racial and he had a Cleft Palate and he was and is absolutely beautiful!. I soon learned there was no time for my grief. He had to be fed with a special bottle and special nipple. Because of Acid Reflux whatever I squeezed in his mouth soon came back up and though his nose. (The twins thought that was so cool!) He was so hard to feed and so easy to love. He was and is worth every second it took to keep him alive and healthy until his surgery. He is 3 ½ now, busy, bright, talkative, funny. He is all ours. God is good. God never fails to replace what He has removed. As much as our Social Service System plays god, there really is only one true God and I have seen  Him make His will evident many times.

That is the roller coaster of Foster-Adopt. If the potential of losing children you have grown to love put back into a flawed system is too hard for you, this is what I tell people. Yes it is hard, but with several million children nationwide in the foster care system I cannot put my feelings before the needs of children who need either a temporary or permanent home. It’s not about me. It’s about them. Yes! It is hard. It hurts, so does childbirth and paying your taxes. God calls us to care for the Widows and Orphans. So many ignore that call erroneously thinking or hoping the Government will do the job God has asked us to do.

As I type this I am clinging to hope once more. Hope and prayer that the 2 little brothers we have had in our home for 11 mos will not be sent to horribly, marginally functional Grandparents. They are 15 mos and 2 ½ yo. The 2yo is an angel. He came with no language. Thomas could not climb stairs. Within 2 short months that little 2yo was chattering away in sentences and Thomas is quite the adept climber of stairs and other things! They were at 3 and 2 yo the best therapy for one another. The baby is a round red-headed ball of joy. Dimples you get lost in and he is starting to walk like a little chimp. Arms in the air, legs wide and squealing all the way. We know now Social Services wants them with us. Ultimately it is up to a Judge in May. Truthfully it is in our Fathers hands. What will happen if they go? My heart will break, I will sob, we will as a family cry and mourn and then I be granted once again that peace that passes all understanding. Our God is an AWESOME God. I will pray for them, I will think of them daily. Soon a Social Worker will call and say, we have this little one he/she needs …..would you take him/her. You know my answer.