I get anxious about a lot of things (again, just ask my husband).  I'm pretty certain that it's not clinical, requiring medication.  I do, however, have a hard time settling down and focusing when I am worked up about something.  So what am I worked up about lately? 

Books.  Now, those of you that know me well, know that I absolutely love books.  Always have and always will.  I love everything about them:  the look of them, the feel of them, the smell of them (ahhhh....especially the smell), owning them, browsing through them at the library or Barnes & Noble, waiting for their arrival after I've ordered some through B&N or Amazon, getting recommendations from friends.  I positively love the hunt for a particular book; now that's an adrenaline rush!  And, yes, of course, I love to read them, too!

I love books ABOUT books.  Now, how is that for obsessive???  I love books that give me ideas of what to read on a certain topic, or that give me ideas on books I can suggest to the kids.  In fact, this is how I discovered what has become one of my favorite mystery writers/books:  I was reading Honey for a Woman's Heart by Gladys Hunt (http://www.amazon.com/Honey-Womans-Heart-Gladys-Hunt/dp/0310238463/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1253565030&sr=8-1), and I decided to choose my next book by randomly flipping open the book and pointing.  Well, I kinda cheated, but who cares???  I gave it several tries and settled on Booked to Die by John Dunning.  I went to the library and read it, and then had to read the others he's written with the same character.  I've even read Booked to Die twice!!!!!  That's rare for me!

I recently checked out a whole stack of books about books.  I've recently read Raising a Reader by Jennie Nash (fun and light); Welcome to Lizard Motel: Children, Stories and the Mystery of Making Things Up by Barbara Feinberg (part memoir, part diatribe against the glut of "bummer" young adult novels that are out there); I am currently reading Hunt's Honey for a Teen's Heart (whether I want to admit it or not, S is almost there!) and Under the Chinaberry Tree: Books and Inspirations for Mindful Parenting (written by the women who are responsible for the Chinaberry catalog).  I also dabble in Jim Treleases's The Read-Aloud Handbook, which is the definitive tome on the benefits of reading aloud to your kids (and turning off the TV).  This is my second time through Trelease's book.  He's preaching to the choir, but I'm addicted to what he has to say and the statistics and studies that he uses to back up his thesis.

So how could a love of something so sweet and pleasing to one's life be a source of anxiety??  Well, are you sure you want me to answer?  I get anxious about wanting to own more of them, but, of course, our budget would scream at me if I were to willy-nilly purchase books to satiate my cravings.  If I had an endless supply of money or knew how to grow a money tree, I would own more books.  I would probably become a collector, which means I would get to go on more book hunts!  Alas, a book bought here and there will have to suffice for now.

One day I will own a t-shirt or a wall hanging that says, "Too many books, not enough time."  Yes, that's me.  This knowledge really sends me reeling sometimes.  We do own so many books, and I have a huge list of "want-to-reads" that when it's time to choose my next one, I don't know how to choose.  "But I want to read them all....right now."  Unfortunately, because of this, I have the habit of starting books and then getting part way through and then starting another book; and a lot of the time I don't finish the original book I started.  That's not so good.

Lately, however, the greatest angst is generated from not having enough time to read aloud to the kids all the great books that I want to!!!  It's a good problem to have....really.  I know this, yet I can't stop the angst from rearing it's ugly head.  Along the same lines, I see the books S will read this year covering our history studies and I think, "But wait!  I want to read that TO you guys!  I want to participate and revel in this story."

*SIGH*  Books are my passion.  Plain and simple.  For the short while, I will use that passion to do my best to foster in our homeschooling family a rich literature environment, one that I hope the kids will take with them when they fly the coop.  That's my prayer and goal in doing what I do.

What will it mean after the kids have graduated from our homeschool?  Well, of course, there are the grandkids (I hope).  But I think there's something more for me in the world of books.  I can't feel what I feel about them and "only" be a buyer and reader of them.

Time will tell.  In the meantime, I will continue to read, read, read......by myself and to the kids.  And I will take life one book at a time.