Dd called me up (she always calls when her dad isn’t home so she doesn’t have to talk to him) and invited us to go out to dinner with her and my married daughter. She would meet us halfway (in a large city) to save us both gas and time. I know by now that whenever dd wants to “give” something, that she really wants something in return.

I called my married daughter (md) to ask her what was going on.

“Did dd get married?” I asked.

“Well, something along those lines”, md said. “She wants to tell you she’s engaged.”

I was expecting something like that. I should be a really excited to hear a dd is engaged. Instead, I’m thinking of the consequences she might bear for making a poor choice, and if I should even give any advice anymore. Dd doesn’t seem be taking anyone’s advice lately.

We met at In-N-Out at my suggestion, instead of Olive Garden like dd had first suggested. I know she’s been out of a job, and doesn’t have 100 bucks or more to blow. We ordered and ate our burgers. Finally she gets the nerve to stammer, “I’m engaged.”

We take it calmly, since we’re expecting her to say it.  Md has talked to dd before to tell her that if she wants us to listen to her, she needs to listen to us also. So we explain our reservations.

1. He’s not a Christian. You know what the Bible says about being “unequally yoked”. It’s not a good idea. Down the road you could have problems when you start to raise this child. This is an area in your marriage that will cause contentions between you.

2. We’re praying and hoping that he will accept Christ, but what if he never does? Are you comfortable with that?

3.Statistics are not good for a marriage that is starting off like yours. What about your child if down the road he decides to leave you?

4. The three most common areas of trouble in marriage are in-laws, sex and money. You already have a problem with in-laws. Do you think that once you marry him everyone will just be one big happy family? It doesn’t work that way. Are you willing to live with that?

5. If the marriage doesn’t last, do you know that in a divorce the husband gets 50% of what you have? Are you willing to give up your car? (she just bought a nice car last year) Are you willing to give up half of your rights to your child?

And so forth. Dd answered the questions with a lot of pauses and stumbling and insincere sounding answers. I think she’s really scared, but she wants to keep the baby, so this is her way of “making it work out”.

At this point, I just feel sorry for her. She’s trying so hard to make her “fiancé” love her, but it doesn’t sound like he’s that enthused about marriage. She wants to get married before the baby comes, but time is ticking away. She’s now more than halfway through the pregnancy.

My final advice was that if she married him, and if she or the baby were ever in physical danger, to please leave and don’t worry about her ego—that it was more important to protect her child and herself. She promised me she would.

We all hugged and told her we loved her and parted ways.