I really appreciate everyone's encouragement. I was afraid I was going to get all kinds of criticism from the last post. Criticism is hard to take right now because of all the pain I'm experiencing. But I DO listen to what you're saying and consider it anyway--it's just that it's hard to take right now.

I suppose dd must be feeling the same way. Criticism is hard to take right now. Loving words of encouragement are easier to listen to. I will call dd today and remember that.

We were discussing salvation as a family. My husband said, even though he was raised in a Christian home, there came a time as a teenager that he re-dedicated his life to God. My 17yo dd piped up and said that happened to her. I nodded my head, remembering my own experience as a teenager. We were reviewing the others in our family, and friends that we knew, and realized that dd was the only one who had never mentioned that happening to her. She accepted Christ as a 4yo, but as far as we know, never re-committed herself as she grew older.

Sometimes people can trust a prayer they prayed, or a walk down the aisle, or some other "act" to save them, but never really trust Jesus to save them. It is trusting something they "did" rather that what Christ did for them. Maybe dd is in this group of people, so I've been praying for her salvation also.

Really, whenever we're going against God, it is a spiritual problem. We don't see it as such, because we're so used to ignoring the fact that we live in a spiritual world as well as a physical world. Paul reminds us that our battle isn't against "flesh and blood" but against rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places." Eph. 6:12. This is where the "battle" really is. Dd is battling a spiritual battle. Whether she knows the Lord or not, she is in a spiritual battle. But our God is greater than "he that is in the world". There is hope for her that she will turn back to God because of this child that she carries now.

We, her family, are battling a spiritual battle too. We can let this get us down, or we can allow God to use this to make us into His image. It's a daily choice. Some days I make the wrong choice, but hopefully, more and more, I will choose the latter.

We visited with dd over the Valentine's Day weekend. Before we got there, she called us while we were driving over. She wanted us to meet her boyfriend's parents for lunch. Something about "they're going to be grandparents too".  Well, I didn't deny that. But since dd wouldn't let me have the phone on speaker phone, my husband didn't know what was happening. After I hung up and I explained what dd wanted, he nearly blew up. He called her back up and said, "I don't want to meet your boyfriend, nor his parents. I don't approve of your ungodly lifestyle.." and then she hung up. He called her back and she wouldn't answer.

I pondered over what had happened. I don't want to cut off communication with her, but I also don't want to be "controlled" by her. I see no need to meet the boyfriend's parents at this point. I would feel really uncomfortable, and wouldn't trust myself to be "nice" to them. I'm afraid I would be asking how their son got an unwed girl pregnant for the SECOND time in less than a year and a half!!!

Anyway, dd called me back on my cell phone the next day. She said, "So, I guess it's not going to happen, right?" I decided I was not going to play the "favorite" parent that she could manipulate and replied. "No. It's not going to happen. Number one, you should have included your Dad in on your plans since he is involved in it too. That was wrong of you to not let him hear what you'd planned. Don't do that again."

"Number two, I don't see why we have to meet N___'s parents."

Dd: "Well, the wellfare of the baby depends on it."

Me: "Excuse me? How does the welfare of the baby depend on our meeting N---'s parents?"

Dd: Well, to help heal the relationship."

Me: "Dd, you're the one who has chosen to go your own way. You're the one who's created the problem here. We're not the ones who need to repair things. Our meeting the other "grandparents" has nothing to do with the baby's welfare. We love you and are here for you, but don't try to manipulate us and make us feel "guilty" for something you've chosen to do."

At this point I changed the subject and asked about her new job and some other things, and again told her I loved her before I hung up. But she made it clear she didn't want to talk to her dad.

Later, at a Valentine's Day dinner at the church, I saw dd had come alone. I went up to her and gave her a big hug. My husband also went up to her and said in front of a group of people, "Well, are you still not talking to me?" He gave her a big hug and she hugged him back and started talking to him.

It's difficult to know how to be "tough" and yet loving and open to dd. I don't always know the right way to respond. God help me to love her as You would.

My youngest daughter is reading Edith Schaeffer's "Hidden Art". As I perused through it before giving it to her, I came across this quote in the chapter on art. 

Edith Schaeffer says, " I often sketch mountains, with prayer requests of the most 'impossible' kind (humanly speaking) on the peaks, remembering that he has promised that as we ask with faith--faith as a mustard seed--we may expect to see mountains cast into the sea.  A tiny dot of a mustard seed is helpful to picture in contrast to the mountain."

In other words, God wants to do great things in our lives, and it really doesn't take much faith from us--only believing Him. We are weak in faith, but He is able to give us faith when we have none.

It's hard for me to see the outcome of this situation with my dd. None of us would ever have asked for this for her, but do you know that my husband and married daughter were praying that God would bring something big into dd's life--something big enough to make her stop and think about where her life was headed? They didn't know that either one was praying that at the time--they only discovered they'd been praying for the same thing when dd's pregnancy became known. They were trusting God that he knew what to bring into dd's life to turn her around.

We don't need to solve this problem with dd--we need to believe God. We need to have faith that He will bring about good in her life and in our lives from this situation.

If I stare at a dot on the paper, I lose sight of the mountain.  It is in my peripheral view, but the dot is what I'm focussed on.

Hebrews 11: 6 says that there's one thing that is necessary to please God--faith.

As our eyes are focussed on Christ, He writes the faith we need on our hearts to believe and trust Him with our most mountainous problems. Really--it's not the dot that I need to focus on, but Him.

"Fixing our eyes on Jesus the author and perfecter of faith."  Hebrews 12:2a

Isn't it good for a child to have a mom AND a dad? That's the concept that we'd like our dd to see.

I always had a husband there for me to help me raise my children. He is a good husband and father. God had a reason for a family to have a mom and a dad to raise children. Trying to thwart this plan is asking for trouble.

I remember plenty of times being totally at a loss at what to do with a child who disobeyed. I had a very strong-willed son. He was my first child, too. It took a dad to get him to obey me at times. What do single moms do when they encounter this type of problem? I know some adopt a "dad" to be a role model to their son/s. This may work sometimes. But what about a constant everyday battle with a son or daughter who has a strong will? I was at my wit's end at times. Thank Jesus for my husband who parented this boy right along with me. We battled his will together--and today he is an upright young man who loves the Lord.

My daughter's boyfriend is not a Christian. In fact, he's got real problems. I am not encouraging her to marry him, since scripture warns against being "unequally yoked together with unbelievers". She plans to raise this child herself, but I know she has no idea what it's like to raise a child.

Adoption by a Christian family would be our ideal for this situation. I know that I would have a hard time giving up a baby I had bourne, but this is not about what we all want. This is about what is best for the child. A child needs a mother AND a father. I don't think we understand the magnamity of this concept. We think that single parenthood is ok because it's so prevalent in today's society. In fact, a family with a mother and father is not even the norm anymore! How sad! (Of course, I'm not talking about circumstances where there is a death of a spouse, or a husband walks out on the family.)

A Steve Breen cartoon in the "Asbury Park Press" in 1998 around Father's Day depicts two small children reading a nostalgic epitaph for Robert Young. One child says, "What's Father Knows Best"?" The other child responds, "What's a father?"

What society and women today don't understand is that even if they can be good single mom's, it's not healthy for a child to not have a father. I'm going to quote two lengthy letters from a book by Dr. Laura called "Stupid Things Parents Do to Mess Up Their Kids" pp. 129-130. These letters are from two single moms--good moms, who eventually had to deal with the issue of the missing "dad" from their daughters' lives.

"I have come to realize that when women think of having a child they only think of the feelings they need filled in their lives. They don't ever think of the future for that child--and don't acknowledge the long-term responsibility.  You see, my daughter has attempted suicide, started self-mutililatig, ran away from home, has had to deal with an eating disorder and went from a belief in God to Witchchcraft and Satan--all in search for that special father acceptance.  I was there as much as working to support us would allow, and I tucked her in bed every night, reading to her when she was young.  She was always the center of attention, all in an effort to compensate for the lack of the other parent.  After much therapy and many hospitalizations, we have a wonderful relationship again.  I just want other single mothers to know that having a child as an answer to all their problems is selfish and the most irresponsible thing a person could do to a child."

Another woman writes, "Yes, a child does need a father, desperately needs him, and to deny a child a father is the worst thing these women could do.  Women who choose to rob their baby of half its identity are selfish and have no idea of the life of questions and anguish they are condemning their children to. Twenty years ago I had a baby girl. I was unmarried; the father wanted no part of a baby.  No problem.  I had enough love for the both of us. All was well until the day my precious daughter started asking me questions about her dad. Questions I couldn't answer. Believe me, the teen years are traumatic enough without having to deal with this. Every time she looked at me, she only saw half of who she is.  Someday these women will be facing a tearful, tortured young person demanding to know why half of who they are is missing and why was this done to them.  What will they say? "Gee, I did the best I could. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I was lonely." Save it. It won't be enough."

Dr. Laura concludes the chapter by saying, "Your abilbity to be loving and attentive is only part of the description of a good mother.  Good single mothers are rarely at home full-time raising their children because they're off earning a living.  A better way to define a good mother is one who is actually physically there, doing the job in order to get the rating.  Another definition of a good mother is one who provides the proper home for the baby's development, including marriage and a father. Don't believe me? Ask any child."

Enough said. 

Even a broken, bumpy road has some interesting sights along the way. Here are some things I'm thankful for as I travel this road.

I'm thankful for the Lord giving us dd for 20 years at home with us, homeschooling, hearing God's truth, growing up in a caring, loving family with a father and mother who love God.

I'm thankful for dd coming to me to tell me that she was pregnant. As far as I can tell, I was the first one she told. I wasn't too happy with her timing--Christmas Eve--what a present!  But she DID tell me. I never expected years ago when I told her the facts of life that "If you're ever in trouble, you can always come to me", that I would actually have a daughter who needed that.

I'm thankful for dd being brave and deciding to have this baby. (I would be so ashamed if it were me.) A few years ago dd painted a picture of a fetus with a verse from Psalm 139 below it. I thought it was an odd subject. She entered it in the county fair. Some other Christians saw it and told us how blessed they were with dd's picture and other artwork of hers with a Christian message. I thought to myself at the time, that I would probably never have to worry about dd getting an abortion after she painted that.

I'm thankful that God is working in dd in ways I don't even know of.

I'm thankful that the Lord is with me as I go through this.

I'm thankful for a family that is committed to the Lord. For four other lovely young people (my other children) and a son-in-law who all love the Lord.  For a strong bond between all of us that is centered in Christ.

I'm thankful for others who have already traveled down this broken road in one capacity or another who have stopped by to encourage me. Thank you so very much!

I've just been random blogging and am so amazed at how the Lord has used some of your blogs to encourage me.

First of all, I found a blog by a young woman who had aborted her child. She came to know the Lord and now is helping others in crisis. She made me thankful that my daughter has chosen to have her baby. (loughman98 )

Then I came across a blog with a picture of 5 little newborns across the top. It reminded me that God knew all about this child before its conception.

Next I came to a blog with this verse at the top. "Can a woman forget her nursing child, And have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of My hands."

Isaiah 49: 15-16 (DreweLlyn)

Thank you all for your encouragement!

It's past 2 am but I can't sleep. Maybe it's just finally hit me that this isn't going to be easy. Maybe I'm just in a sad mood. I can't sleep. I'm crying my heart out.

I know that God is in control. I know that He can make something beautiful out of the ashes of our lives. Even if dd doesn't change, all of us--her family--will have changed because of this journey we're on.

"And we know that God causes all things work together for good to those who love God, for those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Learning to trust.

God bless the broken road that led me straight to You." --from Nickel Creek

I think about that song a lot these days. We play the CD often in the car. Even though the words are really about a person, I think how appropriate it would be if it were referring to God. Sometimes the broken road is where we have to travel to get back home to God.  I pray that those words will someday come from the lips of my daughterwho is pregnant with her boyfriend's baby.

She came home on Christmas weekend for a couple of days. I had to drive into town to get some things and she asked to go along. My younger daughter wanted to go too, but dd made it clear she wanted some "mother/daughter" time alone with me.  A red flag went up, but I was hoping she just really wanted some time with me.

We went to a "women's shop" as our last stop. By "women's shop" I mean that it has all kinds of lacey, frilly, homey, artsy, smells-nice type of things in it. It's in an old house, and one of the rooms is the "kids" room. It has stuffed toys, dolls, games, and all kinds of cutsey stuff in it. As we were looking through it, I made the comment that I wished my married daughter would get with it and have a baby so I could buy some of these fun toys. Dd was silent. Another red flag went up.

On the way home, dd finally came out with, "I don't know how to tell you this, but...(the red flags were waving like crazy),. There's no easy way or gentle way to put it...(I'm tangled in red flags by now), but....well,...I'm pregnant.

I remembered all the times that I heard someone else's daughter was pregnant and not married, and all of a sudden I realized that I had been so wrong about them. I realized that it doesn't always mean that you're a bad parent, or that you didn't teach them right.

I did all that. I homeschooled this child. I read to her. I talked with her. I did things with her. Her dad read to her and talked to her. He taught her from the Bible and from his heart about all the things parents want their children to know about life. We were good parents. But dd has a will. She chose to go down this road, and now she's dragged us along with her. And we will travel this road with her. She's our daughter, after all. We don't like how she's living, but we will always love her.

We're on a long journey, and the first steps have been taken.