• Aug. 16, 2006
TIIIIIMMMMMMBER! Watch out for falling logs!
When I was much, much younger, both in years AND in experience ;), I graduated from Bible college and thought I knew a lot! I left Texas and went to Germany; the college I had attended had a satellite school there, and the American director and his wife had three children. I homeschooled their children for two years. It was a great adventure for me! My slogan upon embarking on that adventure was 'Grace for growth, and strength for stretching!"...... I look back on those years now and laugh at my own blissful ignorance----taking off on a plane, all by myself, to live in a European country for two years, working only half days and spending the rest of the time backpacking and traveling around sightseeing?!!! THAT was stretching to my faith?!!! HA!
Now, as I navigate myself and my four (soon to be five!) children through the daily battles of laundry, homeschooling (a totally different ballgame when you are teaching YOUR OWN children!!), discipling (Mommy AND the children!), being faithful in prayer and devotion, training and disciplining these small individuals, keeping up with the household budget and maintenance, gestating every other year or so, trying to be the World's Best Wife for my great man, and the in-general Proverbs 31 woman in the flesh, I snicker and snort as I consider how naiive and innocent I was back then as I considered the "challenges" to my faith as a single person!!
I've been thinking a lot about grace, though, in the last few years, even without realizing it consciously. I want to be a gracious person! I want to remembered as a "Triple=G" lady---a genteel, gracious and Godly southern woman! As I grew up in Virginia (definitely a state full of gracious southern charm!), we had some very dear family friends, a bit older than my parents, who really took my recently-saved family under their wing, so to speak. They were/are the epitome of graciousness, and she is still the first thing that the very word 'gracious' brings to my mind. Now that I am an adult, a wife, and a mother, I want to be like her 'when I grow up' (at what age exactly can I consider myself 'grown up'?? Someone please answer THAT! ha).
I want to be like her, because she is definitely like HIM! I see Jesus all over this woman, from her countenance, to her gentle voice (I have never in 30 years of knowing them heard her raise her voice, even when her sons were young!), to the way she lives her life and exhibits her faith in God. That is what I want to be said about me---"she sure acts like Jesus!".
But I am realizing more every day that *I* do not extend much grace to my family! I am seeing and recognizing the horrible spirit of perfectionism that has infiltrated my family line, sneaking its way heinously down through the generations of women who have gone before me. It's ugly! It's horrible! It is NOT the legacy I want to hand off to my children!
I have to stop expecting them to change, to be perfect children, to respond 'the way they are supposed to' the first time, every time. Don't misunderstand; they need to obey, they need to have the right attitude, they need to be respectful---but SO DO I!!!! I expect a lot more from them than I offer to my Heavenly Father when He speaks to me. I need to SHOW them by my example the grace that my Father the Lord extends to me DAILY as He overlooks MY disrespect to Him as I live my life as if I don't need His help---wow, if I ever got what i deserved just for ONE DAY, I would be in BIG trouble, yikes!!!!.....and my poor hubby, HOW has he survived under the weight of the expectations I place on him?? No wonder I haven't "noticed" the ugliness of my own lack of grace to them all----I can't get near the mirror because there's this BIG LOG in my eye!
Soooo, I have decided that beginning today, I want to be gracious. Lord, PLEASE make me gentle, and gracious! Give me GRACE so that mercy will triumph over judgment in my life, in my home, in my family.....I want my voice to communicate love, forgiveness, gentleness, and sweetness to those I love. I want to enjoy living with these amazing people God has planted in my life, and see the changes that are gonna happen in all of us! I have a lot of ground to regain.
Comments
• Aug. 17, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous
Amen sister. That is all I can say. At a loss for words as I am trying to take this huge log out of my eye...boy this is gonna hurt...
Jamie
• Aug. 17, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by Japangela
You're preachin' to the choir, my dear! Only you have a better handle on it than I do. Have you read Malachi lately? That one REALLY got me in the "respect God" dept.
• Aug. 20, 2006
Untitled Comment
Posted by teena6
Tanya, thanks for visiting my blog. It is nice to see a friend "face" and be encouraged. I love your story.... about going to Germany. Our Mandi wants to go to Africa sometime this coming year (her senior yr) and I am nervous but see how God is making a way. :)
blessings,
Teena
