It has been a long time since I have blogged, but since we are beginning some new journies, I thought I would start again.  This week we are starting a new schedule and new type of schooling and also the first stage of a new diet.  I know, lots of changes at one time, but they are smaller changes that are taken place to make bigger changes.  lol

I have found that being on a schedule really helps to keep our house clean.  I also want to be more intentional about building relationships, so we took the Managers of their Home book and we have created our own schedule.  Each girlie girl will be a helper with me for each of the meals and for clean up.  (Eventually, they will also be helping with the menu planning for those meals)  I have also set up "Daddy" time for each of the girls and time with each other and Mommy time.  We also set up family time after dinner clean up is done.  The song "Motions" by Matthew West is really making a big impact in these decision.  Every once in awhile I will have a horrible dream about something happening to someone in the family and I am reminded that we are not promised tomorrow, so we need to make today count.  This is my attempt to make each day count and also to get to know the other people in my family better than I do.  I find myself just going through the motions so many times and I hate it.

We also are switching from our K12 (COVA) curriculum to something less restrictive.  On our school days we spend so much time doing busy work and not so much time making school fun.  That is one thing I promised the girls when we started homeschooling was that school would be fun.  So a friend is letting me borrow her Homeschooling and Loving It book and the kids and I are going to go through it.  I have to say that setting my goals and starting to achieve goals of mine is very exciting!  It seems like I have put my life on hold for the last 12 years and this brings a little of joy back into my life.  :)  So I think we are going to be doing the Unit Study approach to schooling more than the structured "GET YOUR WORK DONE!" approach.

One of the first unit studies we will be doing is on nutrtion.  I read too much!  LOL  I am seeing the deficit in our lives of nutrients and I want to teach the girls how to eat healthy before they get to where I am, overweight.  I want them to be healthy and strong so they can be all they can be.  God wants to use them to do great and mighty things and I want them as well as hubby and I, to be the best we can be to do the best we can do.  So we are going to be learning about nutrtion and changing our diets a little at a time.  The first thing that I would like to see go is, gluten.  I am following the Total Health book written by Dr. Mercola.  That is one of the first things that he suggests to eliminate from our diet.  So now onto finding other ways to have a quick fix.  I know that veggies and fruits are optimal, but at the moment, my children don't have much taste for them.  But I will be having more around the house and be working towards that.  I think that we are going to go onto worldshealthiestfoods.com and start looking at a different fruit and vegetable each week to see what the nutrients are in that particular fruit/veggie and discovering how that fruit or veggie will help our bodies.  Then of course trying it.  Maybe making it a science experiment or something.  Keeping ajournal.  I am also going to try and find a nutritionist or dietician that will sit down with the girls and talk to them about eating healthy.  You know a source other than Mom.  lol  O

Oh, yes, we are also starting an exercise program this week.  I need to go up and print off what we are doing today, so I better get going.  LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!  WOOT WOOT!!

PS...Please be praying for us!!

About 2 months ago, for the first time, I wanted out of my marriage.  I was feeling hopeless and I want happiness, not what we have now.  We live in the same house.  That is the extent of our relationship.  I want something more.  It took me a long time to let go of those negative feelings that sit on my heart and my mind.   I still struggle with them.  I am praying that God will change my heart and that He will transform my marriage.  But then this is the same thing I have been praying for for 12 years.  Why would it change now?

After Bryan and I had this fight I started reading a book called Brokenness by Nancy Leigh DeMoss.  During this, God really revealed to me a new level of my sinfullness.  My sinfullness towards Bryan.  My attitude is some of what is holding us back from growing.   I think of everyone else as a sinner, but for some reason I can't get it in my head that Bryan is a sinner too.  I expect him to be perfect and it frustrates me when he is not.  LOL  I am really working on this attitude I have towards him and the way that I react towards him when he does something stupid or says something stupid.  My attitude towards him can be so bad and then I dwell on it and my attitude is stinking all day long. 

I catch myself not being forgiving all the time.  I will make these little comments about the mistakes he has made.  I feel as though I am trying to get my point across to him, when all I am doing is making him feel as if he can do nothing right.  I heard him talking to a friend the other day, and he said just that, that he feels as if he can do nothing right.  I have become that nagging wife that I was trying so hard not to become and I did not even realize it. 

I am not the woman that God desires me to me.  I am not the wife that God desires me to be.  God is not done with me yet.  As long as my heart is broken and I surrender to Him and desire to become holy because He is holy, there is hope for me and our marriage. 

I am also reading a book called "The Practice of Godliness."  I have read this book about 4 times and this time my heart opened to a new level of understanding.  I can't change on my own, I just can't.  It is my relationship with God that will expedite change in my life.  My fear of the Lord, my desire for God, and understanding of Gods love for ME, will help to bring about change.  Spending time with Him, worshipping Him, communicating with Him, being in His Word, these are all things that bring about change.  My obedience on a second by second basis and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, that brings about change.  God will guide and direct me as I pursue Him and choose to do what is right and true. 

I am reading the Power of a Praying Wife on a daily basis as well as doing the Love Dare and I have started a new quiet time routine.  I have been trying to get a deeper grasp of who God is and His love for me.  Reading Gods Word and meditating on it.  It is filling my cup!  I am sensing the Spirit guiding my life once again.  I am finding that place of brokenness and surrender.  A fresh annointing of my life.  It is a breath of fresh air.

1. Proud people focus on the failures of others and can readily point out those faults.

• Broken people are more conscious of their own spiritual need than of anyone else's.

2. Proud people have a critical, fault finding spirit. They look at everyone else's faults with a microscope but view their own with a telescope.

• Broken people are compassionate-they have the kind of love that overlooks a multitude of sins; they can forgive much because they know how much they have been forgiven.

3. Proud people are self-righteous; they think highly of themselves and look down on others.

• Broken people think the best of others; they esteem others as better than themselves.

4. Proud people have an independent, self-sufficient spirit.

• Broken people have a dependent spirit; they recognize their need for God and for others.

5. Proud people are self-protective of their time, their rights and their reputation.

• Broken people are self-denying and self-sacrificing.

6. Proud people desire to be serves-they want life to revolve around them and their own needs.

• Broken people are motivated to serve others and to be sure others needs are met before their own.

7. Proud people desire to be known as a success.

• Broken people are motivated to be faithful and to make others successful.

8. Proud people crave self-advancement.

• Broken people desire to promote others.

9. Proud people have a drive to be recognized and appreciated for their efforts.

• Broken people have a sense of their own unworthiness; they are thrilled that God would use them at all.

10. Proud people are elated by praise and deflated by criticism.

• Broken people know that any praise of their accomplishments belongs to the Lord and that criticism can help them grow into spiritual maturity.

11. Proud people are self-conscious; they worry about what others think of them.

• Broken people are not preoccupied with what others think of them.

12. Proud people tr to control the people and circumstances around them-they are prone to manipulate.

• Broken people trust in God-the rest in Him and are able to wait for Him to act on their behalf.

13. Proud people become bitter and resentful when they are wronged; they have emotional temper tantrums; they hold others hostage and are easily offended; they carry grudges and keep a record of others' wrongs.

• Broken people give thanks in all things; they are quick to forgive those who wrong them.

14. Proud people want to be sure that no one finds out when they have sinned; their instinct is to cover up.

• Broken people aren't overly concerned with who knows or who finds out about their sin-they are willing to be exposed because they have nothing to lose.

15. Proud people are concerned about the consequence of their sin. They are disturbed over the problems caused by their sin-for example, the financial bondage created by their overspending, or the problems in their marriage that have resulted from selfishness and immoral choices.

• Broken people are grieved over the cause, the root of their sin. They are more concerned about how their sin has grieved and dishonored God than about the problems it has created in their lives.

16. Proud people compare themselves with others and feel worthy of respect.

• Broken people compare themselves with the holiness of God and feel a desperate need for His mercy.

17. Proud people don't think they need revival, but they are sure everyone else does. (In fact, right about now, they are making a mental list of the people they think need to read this book)

• Broken people continually sense their need for a fresh encounter with God and for a fresh filling of His Holy Spirit.

I don't think I ever thought about it this way.  Am I devoted to what I feel GOd is leading me to do, or am I devoted to Jesus Christ?  Doing things to please Him or because of who He is?  I hate to say it, but I think that my mind is more devoted to the cause than to Jesus Christ.  Not that I am not devoted to Jesus Christ, but if I was devoted to Jesus Christ would I be more devoted to that which I am called to do?

The vision Paul had on the road to Damascus was not a passing emotional experience, but a vision that had very clear and emphatic directions for him. And Paul stated, "I was not disobedient to the heavenly vision" (Acts 26:19). Our Lord said to Paul, in effect, "Your whole life is to be overpowered or subdued by Me; you are to have no end, no aim, and no purpose but Mine." And the Lord also says to us, "You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go . . ." (John 15:16).

When we are born again, if we are spiritual at all, we have visions of what Jesus wants us to be. It is important that I learn not to be "disobedient to the heavenly vision"Ðnot to doubt that it can be attained. It is not enough to give mental assent to the fact that God has redeemed the world, nor even to know that the Holy Spirit can make all that Jesus did a reality in my life. I must have the foundation of a personal relationship with Him. Paul was not given a message or a doctrine to proclaim. He was brought into a vivid, personal, overpowering relationship with Jesus Christ.Acts 26:16 is tremendously compelling ". . . to make you a minister and a witness . . . ." There would be nothing there without a personal relationship. Paul was devoted to a Person, not to a cause. He was absolutely Jesus Christ’s. He saw nothing else and he lived for nothing else. "For I determined not to know anything among you except Jesus Christ and Him crucified" (1 Corinthians 2:2).

http://www.laptoplunches.com/retail.html#

http://www.wormdigest.org/

http://www.composters.com/

Moms Guide to Meal Makeovers by Janice Newell Bissex

The book above actually breaks beginning to eat healthy into steps.  I really like that.  I am beginning Week 1 this week:)  I just might have to buy this one.

Deceptively Deliscious by Jessica Seinfeld

Lunch Lessons: Changing the Way We Feed Our Children by Ann Cooper

Well, I have completed reading the Bible in a year:)  WOOHOO! 

Oswald Chambers today talks about letting the things that are even considered good get in the way of what is best. 

Wow!  It is slow easy to forget what I had learned about Spiritual battle.  Now that I think back I remember going through this same holding pattern not to long ago, and I forgot how I was able to move forwards out of it.  The battle is the Lords, why am I trying to fight it.  I am so blessed to have a friend that guides me in the right direction, WHEN I choose to seek her out.  I guess I have to try and fight the battle on my own first.  In todays Utmost for His Highest, Oswald Chambers reminded me that, "Nothing has any power over someone who has fought the battle before God and won there."  This all is a Spiritual battle and I must arm myself with the Armor of God and fight the battle in prayer.

Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. 12 For we^[c] are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places.

 13 Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. 14 Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. 15 For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared.^[d] 16 In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.^[e] 17 Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

 18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion.  Ephesians 6. 10-18

9 But you are not controlled by your sinful nature. You are controlled by the Spirit if you have the Spirit of God living in you.

sin, your spirit is alive* because you have been made right with God. 11 The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as he raised Christ from the dead, he will give life to your mortal body by this same Spirit living within you.

My Utmost for His Highest

I know that God calls us to this, but it scares me to do it.  But I want people to do it for me.  I know that I should not worry about what others think, and I don't as much as I use to, I guess God is growing me:)  But I want to be able to point others in the right direction and not give satan that foothold that he so longs to have and when we don't try and point our sisters in the right direction we are allowing satan to possibly get that foot hold.  (that is if the Holy Spirit is prompting you to say something)

Remember that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize. You also must run in such a way that you will win. 25 All athletes practice strict self-control. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. 26 So I run straight to the goal with purpose in every step. I am not like a boxer who misses his punches.* 27 I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.  1 Corinthians 9.24-27

God has blessed me with a wonderful husband and three beautiful girls, as well as a home and a body.  Am I being a good steward of all of these?  Am I disciplining my body like an athlete to only do what will honor God and bring Him glory?

Be strong and stand up against those things that are not of God.  Don't allow my flesh to win out no matter how I feel.  NO MATTER HOW I FEEL!

To identify with the death of Jesus Christ

means that we must die to everything

that was never a part of Him.

God purchased you at a high price.

Don't be enslaved by the world.

1 Corinthians 7.23

Well, God has done it!  LOL  He has asked me not to view TV anymore.  All the little things that can slip into the mind while watching TV are too much of a risk.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.

Philippians 4.8

I feel as though He wants my whole mind and for me to be wholly His.  DUH!  LOL  But He has asked me to give them up.  It has been awhile and I keep trying to justify why I should not, that is Bryans and mines date night, dinner and a movie, our cuddle time, but God has assured me that there are better ways to spend that time, like talking.  WOW, imagine that!  LOL  Another reason I have been fighting it is because that and my computer are my down time.  He also assured me that there is a better down time.  LOL  There are so many good movies out there that I can see.  I found a TON in my Family Christian catalog and put them in my Que so I can watch them.  But since I know that He wants me to give up the TV, if I don't, I am sinning, ruining my relationship with God.  I don't want to do that!  So today I get to talk to Bryan about taking my Que off from Netflix and tell him my convictions.  I have felt this conviction before, but never to the degree that I am feeling it now.  So here goes!:)

It appears that I have already posted about this LOL: 

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/ButterflyPrincess03/612558/

The other day at the coop I sifted through some book sitting on the table that people were trying to get rid of and I came across a book by R.C. Sproul Jr. called, "When You Rise UP: A Convenantal Approach to Homeschooling.  I had seen R.C. Sproul Jr. at CHEC a couple of years ago and really liked what he had to say about Gods place in homeschooling and since I have been really questioning how I have been homeschooling I picked up the book.  I started reading it today and so far, after reading the first chapter, I love it.  I know what my goals are for parenting, to raise fully devoted follower of Christ, but trying to figure out how all of that fits together with homeschooling has left me wanting.  I am searching and I think this book might have the answers I am looking for.  I tend to get caught up in trying to keep up with the Joneses with homeschool and I get frustrated easily when the day is not going MY WAY.  Sproul kind of addresses this when he talks about building godly character, raising a person who will glorify God.  What is the purpose of my day, to keep up with the Joneses or raise a child that will glorify God?  I need to focus on the heart of the matter, not push an push because we are "behind."  Changing this mentality will be hard, but I will press on!

Psalm 78.1-8

3 John 4

Deuteronomy 6

Eccl. 12.13

Love, trust and obey God...and teach your children the same.

My life is not about me and what I want to do, how I feel, it is about raising these precious gifts from God.  May He, the Great Steward, make me a faithful steward of childen, the most precious gifts, of which is the kingdom of God.

Invisible Mother.....

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.  Inside I'm thinking,

'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

 I'm invisible.

The invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more! Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What  number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

I was certain that  these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now, they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!? 

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about  the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it t o me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man,

'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof, No  one will ever see it. And the workman replied,

 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into  place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to  me,  

"'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make  every day, even when no one around you does. 

 No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've  sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become. At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.
I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of  the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.  When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving,

'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for 3 hours and presses all the linens for the table.'

That  would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And

then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add,

 'You're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very  possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know... I just did. 

The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you. This is beautiful and makes a ton of sense. To all the wonderful mothers out there. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know I am in much debt to my invisible Mother..